I feel like we are going to get back together. No idea how or when but I am sure of it.

[7seven7]

Hello all! Thanks in advance for commenting I'm going crazy and need opinions from strangers who won't judge me.

My ex (23F) and I (24NB) dated for almost a year and half (honestly 2 years in total if you count our talking stage). Our relationship was far from perfect but it was still the best relationship either of us have been in. There is so much love between us. We had been having some issues and she broke up with me around 2 weeks ago. I will add I do think we should not be in a relationship right now and I was also thinking about breaking up, she's just a lot braver than I am. We both need to figure out who the hell we are as people!

We met up this past Sunday to exchange items and have our last conversation before no contact. It went well, we took a walk, talked, and I got to say goodbye to her cat (my step kid). We're both on the same page about not wanting to lose each other and eventually working towards becoming friends but that we both need space. Neither of us talked about getting back together but I felt it in the air.

I feel very strongly that we will get back together in the future. I don't know how or why but I feel it in my gut that our story isn't over. I have never felt this way before about another person (platonic or romantic). I also feel very strongly we need space and a break from each other and need to move on from each other. I do think this break up is the best thing that has happened to me recently and I am actually enjoying the breathing room it has given me.

I wrote her a short letter that I gave her on Sunday that I told her to wait until she was ready to read it and that I do not expect a response or anything from her if/when she does read it. She read it as soon as I left her apartment. The end of the letter ended with: "I know this chapter of us has closed but I don't believe our story has ended. So, come get me when we are both ready." She texted me after I left, "thank you for the note" I asked if she read it and she told me yes. I then said, 

"i meant what i said 

come get me when we're both ready, my heart will always be open to you"

She loved my message and responded with, "I mean it too". Which I then loved her message and we haven't spoken since.

Anyways what I need advice on is this: Does my text and letter come across that I would like to try again in the future? Does her response make it seem like she is open to it as well? Has anyone else felt so strongly about getting back together in the future? Did it happen?

Thank you I need to calm down soooo bad.

[basil67]

Yes, your letter makes it sound like you're open to trying again in the future.   However I read their response as being warmly polite but with no hopes or plans for the future.  You need to remember that they ended the relationship because they want out.   

When there's a breakup, all kinds of things get said and there's all kind of feelings, but because emotions are high it's foolish to put much stock in any of it.   Wait till the dust settles and then see how you feel.   All in all, it's quite possible that one or both of you may have moved on by then anyway

[7seven7]

17 hours ago, basil67 said:

Yes, your letter makes it sound like you're open to trying again in the future.   However I read their response as being warmly polite but with no hopes or plans for the future.  You need to remember that they ended the relationship because they want out.   

When there's a breakup, all kinds of things get said and there's all kind of feelings, but because emotions are high it's foolish to put much stock in any of it.   Wait till the dust settles and then see how you feel.   All in all, it's quite possible that one or both of you may have moved on by then anyway

Hi Basil, I like that term "warmly polite" never heard it used before.

I agree about moving on and I'm slowly making my way towards that. Logically, I know what that means for both of us and I am open to it. I don't plan on waiting for her forever or anything and I don't expect that from her either. I am just hopeful and open and don't feel like that door is necessarily closed all the way just yet.

It will all work out the way it needs to we shall seeeeeeee

[ExpatInItaly]

It coudn't be more obvious that you want to get back together. She knows. She doesn't seem too keen on the idea at this time, nor does she want to talk about it, really. But she knows. 

To better assess what may happen in the future, can you elaborate on why exactly you broke up? 

On 3/4/2025 at 8:39 PM, wohcak7 said:

We had been having some issues

What were these issues? 

 

[7seven7]

48 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It coudn't be more obvious that you want to get back together. She knows. She doesn't seem too keen on the idea at this time, nor does she want to talk about it, really. But she knows. 

To better assess what may happen in the future, can you elaborate on why exactly you broke up? 

What were these issues? 

 

Haha I'm realizing now I made it very clear, which is it what I wanted. I feel as though I am coming across as if I want to talk to her so badly/right now about this, but I don't. No contact is hard but it has been something I have wanted since we broke up for my healing and moving on. I put the ball in her court mainly because she really hurt me when it came to our breakup and how she handled post break up stuff that if she does want to get back together she needs to prove to me that she won't run away when things get hard. Also, in most cases I feel as though the dumper has to reach out first🤷‍♂️

In terms of issues, it was mainly communication issues. We are both very different people and grew up very differently. It was never a bad thing, but looking back it definitely affected the way we approached things and I don't think either of us recognized that. We did on a surface level but not deeper than that. I don't blame either of us, we just didn't know. We both have a lot going on in our own lives that also just made things hard. We have both experienced a lot of change since we first met and we are at a place in our lives where things are just going to be uncertain for a minute. We both really need to heal and figure our own s*** out and who we are outside of a relationship.

That's part of the reason why I am open to getting back together because we didn't really have any foundational or fundamental differences or disagreed on things outside of our opinions on what music to listen to in the car. In comparison to my past relationships where I had a partners trying to force me into being poly or where I could never see us living together because we treated our spaces very differently.

 

Edited March 6 by wohcak7
spacing

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, wohcak7 said:

We are both very different people and grew up very differently. It was never a bad thing, but looking back it definitely affected the way we approached things

This is quite vague. Do you mean that you two argued, or? I still don't really understand what the problems were, exactly. Because what you wrote above doesn't really line up with what you are saying here: 

11 hours ago, wohcak7 said:

we didn't really have any foundational or fundamental differences

 

11 hours ago, wohcak7 said:

she really hurt me when it came to our breakup and how she handled post break up stuff that if she does want to get back together she needs to prove to me that she won't run away when things get hard.

What were these hard things you feel she ran away from? 

[7seven7]

35 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is quite vague. Do you mean that you two argued, or? I still don't really understand what the problems were, exactly. Because what you wrote above doesn't really line up with what you are saying here: 

 

What were these hard things you feel she ran away from? 

In terms of what I meant for foundational and fundamental differences is that we were on the same page about how we wanted our relationship to progress. We had conversations about how we wanted our futures to look like as individuals and in relationships. For example, we both eventually wanted marriage and kids and we both wanted to eventually settle down in the same places. We even had similar views on how we wanted to propose/be proposed to. These were things we already knew about ourselves before we got together and we realized they lined up when we had these conversations. We did grow up differently but we still wanted similar futures and had a strong connection and desires surrounding family and similar morals.

We argued yeah but I wouldn't say it was anything crazy. We argued like any couple does. As it reached the end, it got harder because she was checking out and I was still holding on. 

Our differences weren't the issue but it was the first time either of us interacted very closely with the types of people that have come from the places we did. All of the people in her life come from similar backgrounds as her and all of the people in my life came from similar backgrounds as me. It was a culture shock for both of us. Because of this, it led to a disconnect that we didn't know we needed to or how to address it. Like a basic example is I am an older sibling with a younger sibling and she is a younger sibling with an older sibling. Despite us being the same age, it changed the way we approached life. I had a harder time saying no while she didn't and she didn't understand why that was hard for me to do because of how I was raised. On the other hand, it was hard for me to understand why it was hard for her to do things she didn't want to do. We were forced to confront a lot about ourselves and our childhoods in our relationship that neither of us expected us to have to do.

She just ran away when it got hard at the end. I thought we could get through it and we just needed to rebuild trust and a new foundation but she couldn't/wouldn't do that for her own sake. After we ended, I wanted to get my stuff back and give her her stuff back and she refused to communicate with me about it. She made me wait 2 weeks to just plan a day to do it. It was frustrating and there was this expectation for me to give her space and time and no acknowledgement that I am also involved in this process with my own feelings and healing process. I want to add that I never begged her to stay together during and post-break up and all my conversations with her during that time were respectful and patient. I just wanted to give her stuff back and get mine so I could start no contact.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, wohcak7 said:

She just ran away when it got hard at the end

I think you mean "she ended a relationship which isn't working for her".   Honestly, with no 'foundation and no trust' left, the whole thing must have been quite toxic.....and you should not belittle her by saying she 'ran away'.   

Also, as an older sibling, I have no idea why you reference sibling order when it comes to your inability to say "No".   And with the exception of housework (which nobody wants to do) why did you expect her to do things she didn't want to do?  

Given the way this all ended, I very much doubt she will ask for another chance

 

[7seven7]

22 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I think you mean "she ended a relationship which isn't working for her".   Honestly, with no 'foundation and no trust' left, the whole thing must have been quite toxic.....and you should not belittle her by saying she 'ran away'.   

Also, as an older sibling, I have no idea why you reference sibling order when it comes to your inability to say "No".   And with the exception of housework (which nobody wants to do) why did you expect her to do things she didn't want to do?  

Given the way this all ended, I very much doubt she will ask for another chance

 

I'm not belittling her, I have great respect for her and the choice she made. Also, I never said there was "no foundation and no trust left". I just said it needed to be rebuilt because we had changed so much as people and we never refocused. Rebuilt definitely wasn't the right choice of words but it is what is. Our relationship wasn't toxic, it just wasn't working anymore. No one cheated, no one was abusive, and no one did anything unforgivable to the other. 

I referenced birth order because we had multiple conversations about it and how it has affected us as individuals and how we approach things. As for "expecting her to do things she didn't want to do", there was absolutely no expectation just something I hadn't considered as an option because of our differences in perspective. I never saw it as something negative or bad about her just different from me. Honestly, it is something negative I view about myself not the other way around (and was working on during the relationship and I am continuing to do so). And the things I am talking about is doing laundry and going grocery shopping lol. I never forced her to do anything and I never expected her to do anything for or to me that she didn't want to do.

I know I am lacking some context in my responses but I am not pulling this stuff out of nowhere I am referencing real conversations and experiences we had during our relationship and post breakup. I am trying to be as respectful as possible and not air our private information about each other online.

[basil67]

One doesn't have to rebuild something which is still intact.   And even if it's not technically toxic, ending a relationship which isn't working anymore is the correct choice.

9 minutes ago, wohcak7 said:

And the things I am talking about is doing laundry and going grocery shopping lol. I never forced her to do anything and I never expected her to do anything for or to me that she didn't want to do.

I did put the caveat of housework being the exception of having to do things don't we want to do.   If she doesn't want to do chores or groceries, she needs to be told to get up off her lazy arse and pull her weight.

[7seven7]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

One doesn't have to rebuild something which is still intact.   And even if it's not technically toxic, ending a relationship which isn't working anymore is the correct choice.

I did put the caveat of housework being the exception of having to do things don't we want to do.   If she doesn't want to do chores or groceries, she needs to be told to get up off her lazy arse and pull her weight.

I know that and I don't think rebuilt was the right choice of words for what I was trying to convey. I also know that just because a relationship isn't toxic does not mean it should continue on. I also agree with you about ending things that aren't working. I truly believe this was necessary and inevitable. It has been one of the best things that has happened to me in months and I hope the same for her too. It needed to happen and it did.

I don't think she made a "wrong" choice or a mistake or anything. I don't want to be in a relationship that isn't working and I am glad I am not in that relationship anymore. I also don't believe getting back together with someone is the same relationship or people as before and I honestly hope we aren't the same people anymore regardless if getting back together is on the table or not.

Lol I would say she isn't lazy and definitely did get off her arse

 

[ExpatInItaly]

Given what you have written, I don't think she is goimg to come back. 

It sounds like she lost interest in the relationship and wants to move on. 

[ShyViolet]

You need to manage your expectations.  Just because you want to get back together someday, doesn't mean it's something she will want.