Does she still love me? or has the spark gone?

[Johnny F]

Hello everyone,

During the whole COVID-19 situation back in 2020, I met this really sweet woman online and we had become best friends and in 2021, we realized that we had strong feelings for one and another so we decided to start dating and in 2022 (when travel restrictions were lifted in both our countries), we decided to meet and have our first date in person.

We have meet in person about 3 or 4 times and we video call every single day and we always fall asleep on the phone together every night.

Our relationship has been healthy and happy and like all couples, there have been times when we have argued and she has cheated on me once or twice (however I have chosen to forgive her for cheating as it’s not easy being in a long distance relationship) and she now she seems to be very distant with me.

Before, we used to almost everything together (we would watch movies on Netflix, play games on Xbox and have dinner in a video call etc) and now she just makes constant excuses not to do anything with me and sometimes she would randomly leave our calls without saying why (it would leave me confused because I would think I did something wrong).

Obviously I plan to move to Canada to be with her, it’s just hard because I have a minimum wage job and also I am still waiting for my citizenship to be approved so we have to make do with just occasional visits and the activities we do right now.

Do you think she has stopped loving me? Do you think the spark has gone?

I recently found out that her and one of her work friends were flirting together and that she has a subscription to some websites with… you know… "adult content" and some of this content shows a lot of fetishes and stuff that I would not be into.

By "not into" I mean it’s 100% legal, nothing bad, it’s just stuff that I normally would not be interested in.

I won’t go into details because some of it nasty and gross, but I will say that I was pretty shocked and I felt very hurt and betrayed when I learned about her flirting with her colleague.

Even though they didn’t have sleep together and she told me what had happened, they still touched each other’s body and kissed (which is just as bad) and a lot of these men (and women) in these videos she watches (as well as the other people she has cheated on me with) are all younger and would be considered more attractive than I am.

I ain’t going to lie, I am not exactly attractive.

Firstly, I have a slight receding hairline because of my age.

Secondly, I am also a little fat too, but I am also quite muscular because I try to work out whenever I can and I also eat healthy, don’t smoke nor do I drink or do drugs.

Then there is the fact we have a 6 year age gap.

She is currently 23 and I am 29, but when we met, she was 19 years old so us being friends and dating was 100% legal in both our countries.

All these men and women in these videos and at her work all have bodies of super models and look like they’re straight of college whereas I could pass as somebody’s 40+ year old dad or uncle.

Normally I don’t date anyone with an age difference because all of my exs are either the same age as me or even older, but I genuinely care about her and we have so much in common and there are times when she makes me laugh and smile more than anyone else has ever done and I just can’t imagine living my life without her.

She wants us to get married and move in together, but I just don’t want to go all the way to Canada only to have my heartbroken.

What do you all think?

[Gebidozo]

If your post isn’t trolling or some kind of an unfunny joke, then there are too many things wrong with what you’ve described, I don’t even know where to start.

Let’s disregard the obvious long-distance relationship problems and the excessive reliance on virtual communication instead of an actual flesh and blood relationship. The absolutely glaring issue is this:

 

3 hours ago, Johnny F said:

Our relationship has been healthy and happy and like all couples, there have been times when we have argued and she has cheated on me once or twice (however I have chosen to forgive her for cheating as it’s not easy being in a long distance relationship) and she now she seems to be very distant with me.

A relationship with a cheating partner can be called healthy or happy only by way of cruel sarcasm. No, this doesn’t happen to all couples and in all LDR’s, someone has deceived you by telling you that.

Your self-denigrating view of yourself is as off-putting as your meek acceptance of a cheating partner. 

For goodness’s sake, have some self respect! Break it off with her, cut off all contact, and start looking for a normal, decent partner among women in your area.

[Acacia98]

3 hours ago, Johnny F said:

Before, we used to almost everything together (we would watch movies on Netflix, play games on Xbox and have dinner in a video call etc) and now she just makes constant excuses not to do anything with me and sometimes she would randomly leave our calls without saying why (it would leave me confused because I would think I did something wrong).

(...)

She wants us to get married and move in together, but I just don’t want to go all the way to Canada only to have my heartbroken.

What do you all think?

She's gradually exiting from the relationship. That's what the distance you've observed is about. That means your relationship is coming to an end. Unfortunately, instead of being upfront with you about that, she's stringing you along and leading you to believe that she actually wants marriage. So, instead of mentally preparing yourself for the end of the relationship, you're focusing your energy and resources on her and on the idea of moving to her country.

Fortunately for you, you are observant and can see the signs that your relationship is ending. That empowers you to take control of your situation.

It's important for you to understand that, if you choose to move all the way to Canada, you will end up heartbroken. So it's time to disengage. Stop making an effort to do the things that used to keep you close. Stop asking her to do things online, and, instead, find activities to do and interests of your own that will occupy that time. Cultivate friendships with people where you are. Focus on your career and advancing yourself for your own sake. Consider taking up a volunteer activity if you don't have many opportunities to meet new friends.

Eventually, she'll notice you're disengaging. If she's a decent person, she will feel relieved and allow you to pull away. If she's not, she'll try to make you feel guilty about it. Whatever she says or does, remember that your relationship is not working. You've given it a good try for a reasonably long period, and now it's time to end it and move on.

Edited Thursday at 06:11 AM by Acacia98

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Johnny F said:

Do you think she has stopped loving me? Do you think the spark has gone?

Yes, and yes. 

She has cheated on you before and she's doing it again. She doesn't make time for you anymore, What does that tell you, man? 

Pleaae, stop all communication with this woman. There is no future here with her. 

[basil67]

Spending years in long distance relationships simply isn't sustainable, and there's not even an end point in sight yet.   How can each of you even begin to get your emotional and physical needs met when you're not spending enough quality time face to face?