Some Advice

[skirting]

I would like some advice dealing with my bf. We have been together for a year. We are very happy, secure, and looking toward the future. At times I feel that I am in a long-distance relationship because he gets caught up in his family, work and house responsibilities. He has a very demanding older brother - which is the cause of our most recent "distance". I trust my bf and I know that there is no one else - we have had that discussion on several occassions. We both know how each other feels in this relationship. My problem is that he sometimes has difficulty totally opening up to me or telling me when something is "pressing" with his family/house/job situation - especially if it involves his brother. Mostly I know he doesn't want to burden me with anything unnecessary. I trust him and I believe him - however, controlling my worry and need to know more is getting more difficult for me. I like to know what is going on and what is in the background so that I can at least be prepared with knowledge. Even totally knowing about a situation won't necessarily prepare me for it - it is better than nothing. Up until this recent "distance" we were talking with each other at least twice a day - both parties calling equally. Joking, laughing, teasing, making plans, helping each other out, spending time together whenever possible, spending time with family and friends (I met his parents and he met mine), watching movies, and genuinely enjoying our time together. He bought me an amazing gift - it isn't expensive; it means the world to me because he bought it - and I quote "I saw it, I thought of you and I knew you would love it". He went out of his way to do things for me and make sure that I was okay. He was really worried about me because I was running pretty ragged with my after work schedule (I play a sport). Every night - either on the phone or when we were together - ended in goodnight and sweet dreams and I'll talk with you tomorrow. And that ALWAYS happened. He asked me to do some favors for him - small stuff - and I gladly obliged. We continued talking about plans - sporting events, movies, dinner, going out on the lake, or just hanging out (our favorite thing). He even said that "all of us" could do something when we spoke about his son. We had an argument, I guess you can call it that, about two weeks ago. We had a conversation on a night when my exhaustion from my sports caught up with me. He was explaining to me the next day how funny I sounded and how I was going in and out of the conversation. I didn't remember that, so I asked for explanation. He took it as me saying "no" (I did say no quite a few times) to him - meaning that his rendition of the conversation was wrong. I meant "no" in a way meaning that I recalled it differently and said "oh" as "is that so". He got really upset and said he would be able to recall better because he was wide awake since he had just gotten home (he had been home for at least 3 hours by then) and I was so out of it. I admitted to being out of it. I also was able to remember the conversation shifts and various parts of the conversation including the end - sweet dreams! It didn't make sense that I could remember various parts of the conversation and the end (I also go up after laying there awhile and double checked my sports bag for the next day)and didn't remember his parts. I didn't mean for it to be an argument - I never raised my voice nor questioned his rendition. I merely wanted to understand what happened. I admit - I do ask questions. I called him later in the day to apologize for taking concern and care all week and questioning it. He said no big deal. We spoke later that night and the next day and things seemed better. Not great, but better. Obviously face-to-face was necessary - which was supposed to happen Friday (slight possibility) or definitely Saturday. We spoke Friday night and that was a great conversation. He admitted he missed me and was looking forward to Saturday and hoped things would workout and he would be able to get out of work. I told him that I knew work was a necessary Saturday, and we will take it as it comes. Saturday left him no choice but to work late and cancel his plans with me (attending my friends wedding). We knew about his work over a week - actually close to two weeks - before the event. We were prepared for this possibility. So I was by no means upset. He felt awful about cancelling out and knew it was important to me. I know that he takes these things very strongly and backing out to him was like him letting me down or hurting me. I insisted it was okay and that we would share a "private dance" some time and make plans for a public dance in the near future. He laughed. He didn't call that night or the next morning. Not surprising the work schedule. I called him just to check in and see if he was okay. He had made plans to help a friend's parents. I asked why he didn't call and he explained that he wasn't sure when I would have gotten in. I know what he was getting at. "You said that you would call" I explained. He said that he didn't feel comfortable. He said that he felt that I was upset, even though I explained that I wasn't. He said in the past when he had to cancel on someone (in a relationship) it often resulted in an arguement. He explained that he knew I wasn't like that - and finally admitted he needed reassurance that it was okay. He said that he wasn't comfortable saying that and that I somehow "pushed" him to say it. Again, was I asking too many questions - seemingly pushy? I settled down and I expressed that maybe I needed reassurance that he did want to be there and that he was thinking of me and that we would get together again - that there would be future plans. We had that whole conversation again with reassurance and ended on a great note - sweet dreams and goodnight again. I stopped by his house the next day just to make sure - the face-to-face - that he understood that it was okay. He couldn't stop complimenting me on the way I looked nor apologizing for Saturday. I said let's put it behind us and move on. We both felt that time was time - it didn't matter what we were doing. That was two weeks ago. Since then he has not called me unless I call him. There have been no conversations at night like we ALWAYS did - with a few exceptions. I invited him twice to come out to some events that my sports teams/friends were having - and he hasn't been able to make it. One because of work - which I had no problem with. The other event was this weekend and he never even called to say a definite yes or no. This is where I got the explanation that he has "family stuff" (ie his brother) going on that needs to be taken care of. He admitted that it seemed like he was blowing me off and didn't like the distance between us either. He said that he had to take care of it and would explain it all when he could. I didn't need all of that detail. I simply want to know that he is okay and that he knows I am here - as a friend and as someone who loves him. It was a strainful conversation because I was giving him some real attitude early. I eased up when we looked eye to eye - I know he couldn't do that if he was fibbing - and he told me that we were okay, that we were still going to have our times togehter, and that he cares. His brother was coming down on him and that is all he was able to say. I called him again after the dinner event. It was such a gorgeous night and I was so restless, I drove around and walked at a park looking at the moon. I couldn't help but think of him and want to hear his voice. He was half-asleep. I wanted to talk - he didn't - he was too tired. He asked where I was at - I simply explained that I was driving around and was heading home. He asked if I was going home - yes! We chatted a little more - me expressing my desire to spend some time together and reiterating that I understood that he had stuff to take care of - I just missed the conversations and conversations we okay if that is the way it had to be for a little while. He was really tired and said that he will have to say goodnight because he didn't want to fall asleep on me. I said goodnight and love ya. When I got home there was a message on my machine from him. Call me when you get home, I'm worried about you driving around and I want to know you made it home okay. Sounds like such a mom thing to do. I was tempted to let it go and let him sweat with worry like I have been the past few days. I didn't. I called. He was glad I called - even after I expressed my worry about waking him up. He said that he was glad that I did. He said goodnight, take it easy and I'll call you in the morning. I asked for two favors yesterday (Monday)- look at my vehicle and time to talk. He agreed to both for Wednesday. I stopped by his work to surprise him today - he does that to me when he is in the area. I know it seems like I am pushing this a bit - I wanted to be sure that he understood that I am not being pushy - just concerned. Besides, he does it to me and it really was on my mind. I was in a better - almost giddy mood - and wanted to brighten his day. It made a difference, even though he was in a hurry. I want to keep the communication going and he so often stops by to "save" me from my crazy days at work. My problem is that I am having a more difficult time with these "distances". I know that everything is fine and he does this because he is so hard-working and wants to take of everything himself. I worry - like he did about me when I was doing my sports. I want him to know that I am not like the ones in the past - I'm not going anywhere. After a year he knows that and I know that there isn't anything I can do but give him time. Is there anything else I can do to keep my spirits up and keep focused on the positive while I wait. This is in essence a long-distance relationship. I know that he cares and that he loves me. He hasn't come out and said it - but he says it in other ways. Expression of enjoying me there, loving waking up next to me, missing me when I am not there, talking to his mom about me to the point that she is SOOO anxious to meet me. Making plans to go out - even dinner!!! Even with his son!! That speaks volumes above any fancy dinner or gifts or cars or movies or anything else! I don't want to go overboard (which I think I have a little) and I don't want to abandon him. I know that it makes a difference for him to know that I am here and I am still the strong person.

[Tony T]

I hereby nominate the above post as the longest post with no paragraphs ever put up at LoveShack.

[Miss Mojo]

I would like some advice dealing with my bf.

 

We have been together for a year. We are very happy, secure, and looking toward the future.

 

At times I feel that I am in a long-distance relationship because he gets caught up in his family, work and house responsibilities. He has a very demanding older brother - which is the cause of our most recent "distance".

 

I trust my bf and I know that there is no one else - we have had that discussion on several occassions. We both know how each other feels in this relationship.

 

My problem is that he sometimes has difficulty totally opening up to me or telling me when something is "pressing" with his family/house/job situation - especially if it involves his brother. Mostly I know he doesn't want to burden me with anything unnecessary. I trust him and I believe him - however, controlling my worry and need to know more is getting more difficult for me. I like to know what is going on and what is in the background so that I can at least be prepared with knowledge. Even totally knowing about a situation won't necessarily prepare me for it - it is better than nothing.

 

Up until this recent "distance" we were talking with each other at least twice a day - both parties calling equally. Joking, laughing, teasing, making plans, helping each other out, spending time together whenever possible, spending time with family and friends (I met his parents and he met mine), watching movies, and genuinely enjoying our time together. He bought me an amazing gift - it isn't expensive; it means the world to me because he bought it - and I quote "I saw it, I thought of you and I knew you would love it". He went out of his way to do things for me and make sure that I was okay. He was really worried about me because I was running pretty ragged with my after work schedule (I play a sport). Every night - either on the phone or when we were together - ended in goodnight and sweet dreams and I'll talk with you tomorrow. And that ALWAYS happened. He asked me to do some favors for him - small stuff - and I gladly obliged.

 

We continued talking about plans - sporting events, movies, dinner, going out on the lake, or just hanging out (our favorite thing). He even said that "all of us" could do something when we spoke about his son.

 

We had an argument, I guess you can call it that, about two weeks ago. We had a conversation on a night when my exhaustion from my sports caught up with me. He was explaining to me the next day how funny I sounded and how I was going in and out of the conversation. I didn't remember that, so I asked for explanation. He took it as me saying "no" (I did say no quite a few times) to him - meaning that his rendition of the conversation was wrong. I meant "no" in a way meaning that I recalled it differently and said "oh" as "is that so". He got really upset and said he would be able to recall better because he was wide awake since he had just gotten home (he had been home for at least 3 hours by then) and I was so out of it. I admitted to being out of it. I also was able to remember the conversation shifts and various parts of the conversation including the end - sweet dreams! It didn't make sense that I could remember various parts of the conversation and the end (I also go up after laying there awhile and double checked my sports bag for the next day)and didn't remember his parts. I didn't mean for it to be an argument - I never raised my voice nor questioned his rendition. I merely wanted to understand what happened. I admit - I do ask questions.

 

I called him later in the day to apologize for taking concern and care all week and questioning it. He said no big deal. We spoke later that night and the next day and things seemed better. Not great, but better. Obviously face-to-face was necessary - which was supposed to happen Friday (slight possibility) or definitely Saturday.

 

We spoke Friday night and that was a great conversation. He admitted he missed me and was looking forward to Saturday and hoped things would workout and he would be able to get out of work. I told him that I knew work was a necessary Saturday, and we will take it as it comes. Saturday left him no choice but to work late and cancel his plans with me (attending my friends wedding). We knew about his work over a week - actually close to two weeks - before the event. We were prepared for this possibility. So I was by no means upset.

 

He felt awful about cancelling out and knew it was important to me. I know that he takes these things very strongly and backing out to him was like him letting me down or hurting me. I insisted it was okay and that we would share a "private dance" some time and make plans for a public dance in the near future. He laughed.

 

He didn't call that night or the next morning. Not surprising the work schedule. I called him just to check in and see if he was okay. He had made plans to help a friend's parents. I asked why he didn't call and he explained that he wasn't sure when I would have gotten in. I know what he was getting at. "You said that you would call" I explained. He said that he didn't feel comfortable. He said that he felt that I was upset, even though I explained that I wasn't. He said in the past when he had to cancel on someone (in a relationship) it often resulted in an arguement. He explained that he knew I wasn't like that - and finally admitted he needed reassurance that it was okay. He said that he wasn't comfortable saying that and that I somehow "pushed" him to say it.

 

Again, was I asking too many questions - seemingly pushy? I settled down and I expressed that maybe I needed reassurance that he did want to be there and that he was thinking of me and that we would get together again - that there would be future plans. We had that whole conversation again with reassurance and ended on a great note - sweet dreams and goodnight again. I stopped by his house the next day just to make sure - the face-to-face - that he understood that it was okay. He couldn't stop complimenting me on the way I looked nor apologizing for Saturday. I said let's put it behind us and move on. We both felt that time was time - it didn't matter what we were doing.

 

That was two weeks ago. Since then he has not called me unless I call him. There have been no conversations at night like we ALWAYS did - with a few exceptions.

 

I invited him twice to come out to some events that my sports teams/friends were having - and he hasn't been able to make it. One because of work - which I had no problem with. The other event was this weekend and he never even called to say a definite yes or no. This is where I got the explanation that he has "family stuff" (ie his brother) going on that needs to be taken care of. He admitted that it seemed like he was blowing me off and didn't like the distance between us either. He said that he had to take care of it and would explain it all when he could. I didn't need all of that detail. I simply want to know that he is okay and that he knows I am here - as a friend and as someone who loves him.

 

It was a strainful conversation because I was giving him some real attitude early. I eased up when we looked eye to eye - I know he couldn't do that if he was fibbing - and he told me that we were okay, that we were still going to have our times togehter, and that he cares. His brother was coming down on him and that is all he was able to say.

 

I called him again after the dinner event. It was such a gorgeous night and I was so restless, I drove around and walked at a park looking at the moon. I couldn't help but think of him and want to hear his voice. He was half-asleep. I wanted to talk - he didn't - he was too tired. He asked where I was at - I simply explained that I was driving around and was heading home. He asked if I was going home - yes! We chatted a little more - me expressing my desire to spend some time together and reiterating that I understood that he had stuff to take care of - I just missed the conversations and conversations we okay if that is the way it had to be for a little while. He was really tired and said that he will have to say goodnight because he didn't want to fall asleep on me. I said goodnight and love ya.

 

When I got home there was a message on my machine from him. Call me when you get home, I'm worried about you driving around and I want to know you made it home okay. Sounds like such a mom thing to do.

 

I was tempted to let it go and let him sweat with worry like I have been the past few days. I didn't. I called. He was glad I called - even after I expressed my worry about waking him up. He said that he was glad that I did. He said goodnight, take it easy and I'll call you in the morning.

 

I asked for two favors yesterday (Monday)- look at my vehicle and time to talk. He agreed to both for Wednesday. I stopped by his work to surprise him today - he does that to me when he is in the area. I know it seems like I am pushing this a bit - I wanted to be sure that he understood that I am not being pushy - just concerned. Besides, he does it to me and it really was on my mind.

 

I was in a better - almost giddy mood - and wanted to brighten his day. It made a difference, even though he was in a hurry. I want to keep the communication going and he so often stops by to "save" me from my crazy days at work.

 

My problem is that I am having a more difficult time with these "distances". I know that everything is fine and he does this because he is so hard-working and wants to take of everything himself.

 

I worry - like he did about me when I was doing my sports. I want him to know that I am not like the ones in the past - I'm not going anywhere.

 

After a year he knows that and I know that there isn't anything I can do but give him time.

 

Is there anything else I can do to keep my spirits up and keep focused on the positive while I wait. This is in essence a long-distance relationship.

 

I know that he cares and that he loves me. He hasn't come out and said it - but he says it in other ways. Expression of enjoying me there, loving waking up next to me, missing me when I am not there, talking to his mom about me to the point that she is SOOO anxious to meet me. Making plans to go out - even dinner!!! Even with his son!! That speaks volumes above any fancy dinner or gifts or cars or movies or anything else! I don't want to go overboard (which I think I have a little) and I don't want to abandon him. I know that it makes a difference for him to know that I am here and I am still the strong person.

[Tony T]

For going above and beyond the call of duty to make the above post more readable by spreading the gray matter out with indentions and spaces called paragraphs in English grammar....

 

BY THE AUTHORITY VESTED IN ME by the Secretary General of the United Nations...

 

I HEREBY PROCLAIM Ms MOJO QUEEN OF KINDNESS

 

LET ALL YE KNOW BY YOUR PRESENCE AND WITNESS HEREOF that Miss Mojo is to be accorded all the courtesies of a person of high honor and stature and if you see her offer her a seat, a hot dog and Coke or a good book to read.

 

SEAL OF THE UNITED NATIONS, NEW YORK, NEW YORK

[Miss Mojo]

LET ALL YE KNOW BY YOUR PRESENCE AND WITNESS HEREOF that Miss Mojo is to be accorded all the courtesies of a person of high honor and stature and if you see her offer her a seat, a hot dog and Coke or a good book to read.

 

ahh heck...why not all of the above!!!!

[sparkle]

Oh my goodness!!!

[sparkle]

I really don't see any major problem on his side. To you, it seems worse that it really is.

 

Talking to each other twice a day and hanging out every day is not the best thing for your relationship, no matter how much you two love each other or enjoyed each other's company.

 

What is going on right now will do more good than harm. It's really not like the long-distance relationship you think it is. On average, many couples probably talk to each other once a day or once every other day, and see each other a couple evenings a week, and maybe once on the weekend. That's much healthier for your relationship than talking too much, too often. You'll end up burning out the flame too quickly.

 

Spend more time with your female friends. If you're not close to any of your other friends, why not? Have you pushed them out of your mind, and on the back burner? If so, that's a BIG sign that you were talking to and spending way too much time with your boyfriend. So get in touch with your close friends, and talk to them on the phone. Hang out with them AT LEAST once a week.

 

Give your boyfriend lots of breathing room. You'll be thankful that you did later on. And don't be the one doing all the calling or all the plan-making. Call him one day. But don't call him the day after. Let him be the one to make the next phone call. If he doesn't call the next day, don't worry. He'll call soon enough.

 

He seems like a wonderful guy and you seem like a great girl also, and I'm sure you can work this relationship out. Just don't be too demanding about the phone calls or talking on the phone every night...just take things slow, and I'm sure things will smooth out pretty soon.

[Lauren]

You shouldn't feel badly about the lengthy paragraph! I sometimes get rambling and caught up in words - I'm a writer at heart. Also, there can be computer glitches causing a problem. What kind of advice is focused upon your use of proper paragraphs breaks. Yes, it makes it easier to understand, however, it is not the purpose of this forum. So, getting to your dilemma. It does sound like a dilemma. You and your bf sound like you are experiencing what I like to refer to as the "little tests" of a relationship. Every relationship - work, home, school - goes through changes (tests). It sounds to me like you have been through this before with this same gentlemen. It sounds like he cares a ton for you. And, right now, you have to go off of what he is telling you and showing you. It seems like there is still concern - even from your more recent conversations. Although you may not particularly be happy with "what" you are getting or the "amount" you are getting at present - you are getting care, concern and time. Just because you want someone to act or react in a certain way, does not mean that they will. Think seriously about this relationship and what he and it means to you. It sounds like there are many bonds formed that aren't just going to go away. Give it a little time and the space that he needs to take care of whatever is going on. Headstrong males out to do it their way!!! Don't worry about your "argument" - it happens. You are very hard on yourself (I'm the same way, so I should talk!). You didn't do anything wrong - you were emotional (needing his company) and probably still exhausted. It takes awhile for the body to catch up. That, I am sure you know by now, is water under the bridge. Give him his time to do what he needs to do. Keep up communication. Your relationship sounds similar to mine. I experienced some really tough points that really don't need discussing. I focused on the positive aspects of the relationship and remembered what was holding me there and we continued communication and sharing. It wasn't, nor will it ever be, perfect. We both know that each other is there and it is indeed heartwarming. Don't do anything that you are not comfortable with or goes against what you are and what you believe. Stick to what is in your heart. Loveshacker's, friends, and family may want to offer advice (and grammatical correctness) - what really matters is what is in your heart. Friends, family and loveshackers don't know your COMPLETE situation. Only you and your bf do. Focus on what really matters to you and the plans that the two of you had made. It will get you through the rough spots. Focus on your faith - or whatever you may happen to "believe/depend" upon - and drive on! It will see you through and create harmony in your relationship. You will see!!! Keep your head up high! It sounds like you guys are on the right track. No one has this relationship thing completely figured out. Trust in it and most importantly yourself. You know how you feel and what is going on inside of you.

 

I would like some advice dealing with my bf. We have been together for a year. We are very happy, secure, and looking toward the future. At times I feel that I am in a long-distance relationship because he gets caught up in his family, work and house responsibilities. He has a very demanding older brother - which is the cause of our most recent "distance". I trust my bf and I know that there is no one else - we have had that discussion on several occassions. We both know how each other feels in this relationship. My problem is that he sometimes has difficulty totally opening up to me or telling me when something is "pressing" with his family/house/job situation - especially if it involves his brother. Mostly I know he doesn't want to burden me with anything unnecessary. I trust him and I believe him - however, controlling my worry and need to know more is getting more difficult for me. I like to know what is going on and what is in the background so that I can at least be prepared with knowledge. Even totally knowing about a situation won't necessarily prepare me for it - it is better than nothing. Up until this recent "distance" we were talking with each other at least twice a day - both parties calling equally. Joking, laughing, teasing, making plans, helping each other out, spending time together whenever possible, spending time with family and friends (I met his parents and he met mine), watching movies, and genuinely enjoying our time together. He bought me an amazing gift - it isn't expensive; it means the world to me because he bought it - and I quote "I saw it, I thought of you and I knew you would love it". He went out of his way to do things for me and make sure that I was okay. He was really worried about me because I was running pretty ragged with my after work schedule (I play a sport). Every night - either on the phone or when we were together - ended in goodnight and sweet dreams and I'll talk with you tomorrow. And that ALWAYS happened. He asked me to do some favors for him - small stuff - and I gladly obliged. We continued talking about plans - sporting events, movies, dinner, going out on the lake, or just hanging out (our favorite thing). He even said that "all of us" could do something when we spoke about his son. We had an argument, I guess you can call it that, about two weeks ago. We had a conversation on a night when my exhaustion from my sports caught up with me. He was explaining to me the next day how funny I sounded and how I was going in and out of the conversation. I didn't remember that, so I asked for explanation. He took it as me saying "no" (I did say no quite a few times) to him - meaning that his rendition of the conversation was wrong. I meant "no" in a way meaning that I recalled it differently and said "oh" as "is that so". He got really upset and said he would be able to recall better because he was wide awake since he had just gotten home (he had been home for at least 3 hours by then) and I was so out of it. I admitted to being out of it. I also was able to remember the conversation shifts and various parts of the conversation including the end - sweet dreams! It didn't make sense that I could remember various parts of the conversation and the end (I also go up after laying there awhile and double checked my sports bag for the next day)and didn't remember his parts. I didn't mean for it to be an argument - I never raised my voice nor questioned his rendition. I merely wanted to understand what happened. I admit - I do ask questions. I called him later in the day to apologize for taking concern and care all week and questioning it. He said no big deal. We spoke later that night and the next day and things seemed better. Not great, but better. Obviously face-to-face was necessary - which was supposed to happen Friday (slight possibility) or definitely Saturday. We spoke Friday night and that was a great conversation. He admitted he missed me and was looking forward to Saturday and hoped things would workout and he would be able to get out of work. I told him that I knew work was a necessary Saturday, and we will take it as it comes. Saturday left him no choice but to work late and cancel his plans with me (attending my friends wedding). We knew about his work over a week - actually close to two weeks - before the event. We were prepared for this possibility. So I was by no means upset. He felt awful about cancelling out and knew it was important to me. I know that he takes these things very strongly and backing out to him was like him letting me down or hurting me. I insisted it was okay and that we would share a "private dance" some time and make plans for a public dance in the near future. He laughed. He didn't call that night or the next morning. Not surprising the work schedule. I called him just to check in and see if he was okay. He had made plans to help a friend's parents. I asked why he didn't call and he explained that he wasn't sure when I would have gotten in. I know what he was getting at. "You said that you would call" I explained. He said that he didn't feel comfortable. He said that he felt that I was upset, even though I explained that I wasn't. He said in the past when he had to cancel on someone (in a relationship) it often resulted in an arguement. He explained that he knew I wasn't like that - and finally admitted he needed reassurance that it was okay. He said that he wasn't comfortable saying that and that I somehow "pushed" him to say it. Again, was I asking too many questions - seemingly pushy? I settled down and I expressed that maybe I needed reassurance that he did want to be there and that he was thinking of me and that we would get together again - that there would be future plans. We had that whole conversation again with reassurance and ended on a great note - sweet dreams and goodnight again. I stopped by his house the next day just to make sure - the face-to-face - that he understood that it was okay. He couldn't stop complimenting me on the way I looked nor apologizing for Saturday. I said let's put it behind us and move on. We both felt that time was time - it didn't matter what we were doing. That was two weeks ago. Since then he has not called me unless I call him. There have been no conversations at night like we ALWAYS did - with a few exceptions. I invited him twice to come out to some events that my sports teams/friends were having - and he hasn't been able to make it. One because of work - which I had no problem with. The other event was this weekend and he never even called to say a definite yes or no. This is where I got the explanation that he has "family stuff" (ie his brother) going on that needs to be taken care of. He admitted that it seemed like he was blowing me off and didn't like the distance between us either. He said that he had to take care of it and would explain it all when he could. I didn't need all of that detail. I simply want to know that he is okay and that he knows I am here - as a friend and as someone who loves him. It was a strainful conversation because I was giving him some real attitude early. I eased up when we looked eye to eye - I know he couldn't do that if he was fibbing - and he told me that we were okay, that we were still going to have our times togehter, and that he cares. His brother was coming down on him and that is all he was able to say. I called him again after the dinner event. It was such a gorgeous night and I was so restless, I drove around and walked at a park looking at the moon. I couldn't help but think of him and want to hear his voice. He was half-asleep. I wanted to talk - he didn't - he was too tired. He asked where I was at - I simply explained that I was driving around and was heading home. He asked if I was going home - yes! We chatted a little more - me expressing my desire to spend some time together and reiterating that I understood that he had stuff to take care of - I just missed the conversations and conversations we okay if that is the way it had to be for a little while. He was really tired and said that he will have to say goodnight because he didn't want to fall asleep on me. I said goodnight and love ya. When I got home there was a message on my machine from him. Call me when you get home, I'm worried about you driving around and I want to know you made it home okay. Sounds like such a mom thing to do. I was tempted to let it go and let him sweat with worry like I have been the past few days. I didn't. I called. He was glad I called - even after I expressed my worry about waking him up. He said that he was glad that I did. He said goodnight, take it easy and I'll call you in the morning. I asked for two favors yesterday (Monday)- look at my vehicle and time to talk. He agreed to both for Wednesday. I stopped by his work to surprise him today - he does that to me when he is in the area. I know it seems like I am pushing this a bit - I wanted to be sure that he understood that I am not being pushy - just concerned. Besides, he does it to me and it really was on my mind. I was in a better - almost giddy mood - and wanted to brighten his day. It made a difference, even though he was in a hurry. I want to keep the communication going and he so often stops by to "save" me from my crazy days at work. My problem is that I am having a more difficult time with these "distances". I know that everything is fine and he does this because he is so hard-working and wants to take of everything himself. I worry - like he did about me when I was doing my sports. I want him to know that I am not like the ones in the past - I'm not going anywhere. After a year he knows that and I know that there isn't anything I can do but give him time. Is there anything else I can do to keep my spirits up and keep focused on the positive while I wait. This is in essence a long-distance relationship. I know that he cares and that he loves me. He hasn't come out and said it - but he says it in other ways. Expression of enjoying me there, loving waking up next to me, missing me when I am not there, talking to his mom about me to the point that she is SOOO anxious to meet me. Making plans to go out - even dinner!!! Even with his son!! That speaks volumes above any fancy dinner or gifts or cars or movies or anything else! I don't want to go overboard (which I think I have a little) and I don't want to abandon him. I know that it makes a difference for him to know that I am here and I am still the strong person.