Should I hire a sex worker to take my virginity at 26?

[ShadowPheonix]

I don’t want to do it, or I would’ve done it long ago.

But from my experience I’ve been rejected constantly for being a virgin and I have been for two years now.  I’d assume this stigma gets worse as I get older.  And I’d really not rather date a single mother out of fear of getting attached to the woman and the kid, only to lose both one day.  Too much risk with not much in return.

I’m not a bad looking guy, and I do stay in shape, but I lack experience.  This one single reason is why I’ve faced dozens of rejections.  Hundreds of rejections if you count online.  Even if I really connect with a woman it goes to s*** once they learn I’m a virgin.

So to restate, I wouldn’t hire an escort because I want to.  But only because I feel it’s my final option.

[Gebidozo]

For you, the number one reason not to do it is that it will make your frustration from being rejected even worse. Paying for sex because you think you can’t have it for free will only lower your confidence further and might induce you into depression.

Also, while I do not view sex with prostitutes as an absolute, unequivocal evil in all cases, it is a slippery moral slope. You can get addicted very easily, and there will be all sorts of unpleasant consequences.

It is true that virginity at the age of 26 can be an obstacle for both genders if you’re looking for a long-term relationship. People want to be seriously involved with mature people, and many are understandably unwilling to risk it with someone who has zero experience in such a fundamentally important relationship aspect.

But since you are only looking for sex at this point, I don’t quite see where the problem is. There are plenty of women looking for casual sex. You could hit the local bars or register on a casual hookup online app. Older women are more likely to be open to such an endeavor. Just don’t try it with women looking for a relationship if all you want is to lose your virginity. 

 

Edited yesterday at 12:36 AM by Gebidozo

[ShadowPheonix]

5 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

For you, the number one reason not to do it is that it will make your frustration from being rejected even worse. Paying for sex because you think you can’t have it for free will only lower your confidence further and might induce you into depression.

Also, while I do not view sex with prostitutes as an absolute, unequivocal evil in all cases, it is a slippery moral slope. You can get addicted very easily, and there will be all sorts of unpleasant consequences.

It is true that virginity at the age of 26 can be an obstacle for both genders if you’re looking for a long-term relationship. People want to be seriously involved with mature people, and many are understandably unwilling to risk it with someone who has zero experience in such a fundamentally important relationship aspect.

But since you are only looking for sex at this point, I don’t quite see where the problem is. There are plenty of women looking for casual sex. You could hit the local bars or register on a casual hookup online app. Older women are more likely to be open to such an endeavor. Just don’t try it with women looking for a relationship if all you want is to lose your virginity. 

 

Thanks for responding.

 

i eventually DO want a real relationship.  But this one issue has killed every chance I’ve had.  Even with someone I knew for 8 years.

[Gebidozo]

32 minutes ago, ShadowPheonix said:

Thanks for responding.

 

i eventually DO want a real relationship.  But this one issue has killed every chance I’ve had.  Even with someone I knew for 8 years.

Yes, I understand that you eventually want a relationship. But since the problem, according to you, is your lack of purely sexual experience, then start accumulating this experience through casual consensual sex. It’s much more fulfilling and ethically less murky than sleeping with sex workers.

Also, a casual sexual connection might grow into a real relationship. Sex with an escort won’t.

[ShadowPheonix]

1 minute ago, Gebidozo said:

Yes, I understand that you eventually want a relationship. But since the problem, according to you, is your lack of purely sexual experience, then start accumulating this experience through casual consensual sex. It’s much more fulfilling and ethically less murky than sleeping with sex workers.

Also, a casual sexual connection might grow into a real relationship. Sex with an escort won’t.

I have a feeling most women won’t want to take a man’s virginity in a casual hookup situation though.  At least not women under 40.

[BaileyB]

46 minutes ago, ShadowPheonix said:

But this one issue has killed every chance I’ve had.  Even with someone I knew for 8 years.

Not to dismiss your experiences, but I find that hard to believe. 

The common experience is that we are all inexperienced until we find that first real relationship (even if it is a casual hook-up). With the right person, it will not matter. if that friend decided that she didn’t want a relationship with you after 8 years of friendship, she was clearly not your person. 

As a woman, there is absolutely no way that I’m going to pass on the opportunity for a relationship with a really great guy because he is 26 years old and has never had sex. 

But, you better believe that there are many women for whom a past history with a prostitute would be an absolute deal-breaker. 

Do what you think is best, just be aware that there are consequences either way…

[BaileyB]

18 minutes ago, ShadowPheonix said:

I have a feeling most women won’t want to take a man’s virginity in a casual hookup situation though.  

Who says that they have to know?

What if you find a twenty something year old girl to go on a few dates with - and she has limited experience herself…

I think you are overthinking this just a little. It feels like a big thing to you now, but lots of people in their twenties are having their first relationships and having sex for the first time. Isn’t that the news now - the younger generation is less interested in dating and having less sex than any other period in modern history. 

[Gebidozo]

34 minutes ago, ShadowPheonix said:

I have a feeling most women won’t want to take a man’s virginity in a casual hookup situation though.  At least not women under 40.

First of all, why do you need to tell them? It’s a casual hookup, not a partnership for life where there should be no secrets.

Second, I’m sure that in such a scenario most women wouldn’t care either way, and some might even find your virginity an interesting variation.

Third, what’s wrong with 40 year old women? You’ll probably find the loss of your virginity more pleasant when it’s done with someone more likely to be experienced in these matters.

I lost my virginity at the age of 15 with a 15 year old virgin. It was an awkward, nervous affair, we both knew nothing and it took a painful amount of tries.

I still remember dreaming of some mature woman seducing me and teaching me what to do when I was a teenager. Couldn’t get that scene from “Tom Jones, A Foundling” out of my mind🙄

 

[FredEire]

I don't think so. Tbh your first time isn't special for most people, it's usually just a bit sweaty and awkward. But it's a nice memory if it's at least someone you connect with in some way, even if it's a one night stand.

Maybe a lot of people here won't agree with me but I don't know if you necessarily have to disclose that it's your first time. If you're aiming for a relationship with someone you're getting to know, sure, but if you're looking to hook up with someone and get it over with I'm not sure it's that relevant. If you're worried about your performance I know there's tons of girls who have terrible hookups with guys who are probably far from virgins lol. If you're nervous she'll probably guide you through it.

Edited yesterday at 08:57 AM by FredEire

[Els]

The only thing that hiring an escort is going to give you is sex. That's literally it. It's not going to help you "get" women (honestly, it'll probably make your odds worse), it's not going to make you any better at sex, it's not going to magically fix some problem in your life.

8 hours ago, ShadowPheonix said:

But this one issue has killed every chance I’ve had.  Even with someone I knew for 8 years.

If a woman doesn't want to be with you because you're a virgin, do you think she's going to want to be with you when your only sexual experience was with a sex worker?

[basil67]

9 hours ago, ShadowPheonix said:

This one single reason is why I’ve faced dozens of rejections.  Hundreds of rejections if you count online.  Even if I really connect with a woman it goes to s*** once they learn I’m a virgin.

So you've matched/connected with hundreds of women online, who you subsequently told that you were a virgin?   I'm not buying it.  

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, Els said:

If a woman doesn't want to be with you because you're a virgin, do you think she's going to want to be with you when your only sexual experience was with a sex worker?

Right??!!!!!

[ShadowPheonix]

14 hours ago, basil67 said:

So you've matched/connected with hundreds of women online, who you subsequently told that you were a virgin?   I'm not buying it.  

No, hundreds of left swipes.

[basil67]

34 minutes ago, ShadowPheonix said:

No, hundreds of left swipes.

Assuming you don't list your virginity on your profile, then your virginity is not the single reason why you're not getting interest online.  I think being a virgin is the RESULT of whatever you're doing wrong with the way you present or socialise.   

I'll tell you straight up that you not realising that your virginity is a symptom of not being able to get a date rather than the cause suggests you don't understand dating or perhaps you struggle with social skills.

What's going on with your dating profile?  You say you're not bad looking and stay in shape.  But what else do you have to offer?   What makes you an interesting person and does this translate through to your profile?    Do you have friends?  If so, what do they say?

Edited 21 hours ago by basil67

[ShadowPheonix]

Just now, basil67 said:

Assuming you don't list your virginity on your profile, then your virginity is not the single reason why you're not getting interest online.  I think being a virgin is the RESULT of whatever you're doing wrong with the way you present or socialise. 

What's going on with your dating profile?  You say you're not bad looking and stay in shape.  But what else do you have to offer?   What makes you an interesting person and does this translate through to your profile?    Do you have friends?  If so, what do they say?

I will not lie, I don’t have a lot of hobbies and I do not make much money.  Not yet.  I’m gonna look for new jobs because mine is literally soulsucking.  Not an exaggeration, people have joked and said I work for a vampire because of what my workplace does to the soul.  For little money

I also do not have friends near me, and I’m finding it impossible to make new ones.  I almost want to move back to my hometown so I can be near my old friends I’ve known since 2016.

Also, why is Reddit such a bad place?

[Els]

16 hours ago, ShadowPheonix said:

I will not lie, I don’t have a lot of hobbies and I do not make much money.  Not yet.  I’m gonna look for new jobs because mine is literally soulsucking.  Not an exaggeration, people have joked and said I work for a vampire because of what my workplace does to the soul.  For little money

I also do not have friends near me, and I’m finding it impossible to make new ones.  I almost want to move back to my hometown so I can be near my old friends I’ve known since 2016.

Also, why is Reddit such a bad place?

So, you have no friends, can't make friends, you hate your job, and you have no hobbies... but you think the reason why people are rejecting you is your virginity???

[smackie9]

If they ever find out you hired a hooker, that would be even a worst problem. May I suggest clubbing where cougars hang out. Those ladies will do you right...wear a nice shirt and hit the dance floor. 

[ShadowPheonix]

3 hours ago, Els said:

So, you have no friends, can't make friends, you hate your job, and you have no hobbies... but you think the reason why people are rejecting you is your virginity???

I mean I go to church to try to meet friends.  And I’m going to school to get a degree to leave this shitty job.  So I’m not just sulking, I’m trying to break out of this.

[ShadowPheonix]

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

If they ever find out you hired a hooker, that would be even a worst problem. May I suggest clubbing where cougars hang out. Those ladies will do you right...wear a nice shirt and hit the dance floor. 

How old are we talking?

[basil67]

49 minutes ago, ShadowPheonix said:

I mean I go to church to try to meet friends.  And I’m going to school to get a degree to leave this shitty job.  So I’m not just sulking, I’m trying to break out of this.

Why not find a different job while studying your degree?