I am beyond devastated...

[DepressedWaiting]

Well, I'm sure some of you here know my story from my past posts. Something very devastating just happened to me and I will NEVER be the same. I know some of you here already know my story so I won't repeat it. I am in a state of complete SHOCK, I almost feel like I need to go to the hospital.

 

My MM was very serious about filing for divorce in two monhs. Even when I flipped out and told his wife everything and scewed him over he did NOT dump me, he stuck by me even when the stuff hit the fan. He promised me he will file for divorce in two months. Everything was fine up until a few days ago.. we got into a huge fight.

 

Lately I have been such an emotional wreck I have literally been losing it. I have been destroying the relationship I had with my MM with my awful behavior towards him. Because I'm such an emotional wreck and in constant pain.. I would flip out constantly. This made my MM think I could not control my emotions or that I'm an un-stable person. Non of this is true.. I maen in regards to this situation.. yes... but otheriwse no. MM doesn't realize this. He kept telling me over and over and over again that I must change my behavior towards him because he cannot handle what I do to him. He told me he is worried that this is who I really am and that I'm an un-stable person who can't control their emotions. It's not true though... this situation has just really messed me up.

 

I would constantly interrogate him about the situation, yell at him. I mean I was literally destroying the relationship with each outburst I had. I know this was wrong, but this situation had just gone on way too long and the pain was just really messing me up. This last outburst was the final straw.... I got into a huge fight with MM a few days ago. I left about 25 angry voicemails on his cell phone in a row. Turns out he was in the hosiptal and his wife had his cell phone and she heard my messages. The messages were pretty nasty... his wife now thinks I'm completely psycho. I mean she thinks I'm CRAZY.

 

Since I had gotten into a fight with MM 4 days ago, I drove to his warehouse to speak to him and try to smooth things over. I had made the decision that I was going to take the risk and trust him... and change my ways towards him because I was destroying the relationship. I mean the turmoil was brutal and I was ruining everything. MM did tell me 4 days ago to not worry, he held me and promised me that he will file for divorce 110%... but that same day we got into a fight over the situation. This fight was the last straw for me. I saw clearly what I was doing and I was really detroying the relationship. So I drove to his warehouse to apologize... because I was no longer going to give him h*ll and I was going to give him two months to file for divorce and prove me wrong.

 

When I got there... MM was still VERY angry and upset with me... because of our last fight he ended up in the hospital for two days. He almost had a nervous breakdown. He has bad anxiety and cannot handle stress.

 

Turns out when I was at the warehouse his WIFE showed up. She started screaming at me and called the police on me... she even attacked me and wripped my shirt. I fell to the floor crying begging my MM to stand up for me and admit the truth. My MM screwed me over... he didn't even try to stop his wife. MM even denied ever having sex with me! He denied EVERYTHING and sided with his wife. He twisted things around and made it look like I'm crazy and stalking him. I wasn't and he knows this! He completely screwed me over! He let his wife call the police and he DENIED everything to his wife!

 

Just FOUR days ago he was holding me in his arms, promising me he would file for divorce and to please trust him and to please stop destroying our relationship with my unaccapetable behavior. He held me for hours.

 

I'm such an idiot... I should have never showed up at his warehouse... I didn't think his wife ever went there. I;m such a fool, why did I drive to his warehouse. I can't believe I'm such a fool. I was desperate to talk to him and smotth things over from our last fight.

 

I'm in complete shock. It really is 100% over. MM told me he doesn't want to ever seen me again and that it is over. He told me that I did this to myself, that I ruined everything with my behavior and that I have no one to blame but myself. He is 100% done with me. He screwed me over and sided with his wife and left me out on the cold. He is scum.

 

I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel so sick... I've never felt this horrible in my entire life. I don't know how I'm going to make it through.

 

I feel completely numb... I can't even cry right now. I'm just in a state of shock. This doesn't feel real.

 

I can't believe this just happened. I should have never driven to his warehouse. His wife left the warehouse... when I was there.... so I was able to talk to MM privately. In private MM told me it is OVER, he doens't want anything to do with me and that he will envere eave his wife. Not after our last fight... that it was the last straw.. and me driving to his warehouse was the last straw. But it turns out... while I was inside talking to MM his wife called the police on me.

 

I'm all alone and I have nobody to talk to about this. What am I going to do. MM totally sided with his wife and told his wife to not listen to me.. that I am crazy and everything I say is a lie.

 

MM LIED about everything, he lied. sh*t, what have I done.

 

I know if I hadn't of done this... MM would have more than likely filed for divorce. I'm so confused. I screwed up the relationship I had with MM with my idiotic outbursts.

 

I'm getting very lightheaded, need to sign off.

[Brianschick]

I'm so sorry to hear what happened. I don't know your whole history with MM.

Listen, you need some support right now. Go get a therapist. It's your best bet right now. What your going through is going to take quite a bit of healing and you CAN NOT do it on your own.

I know you don't believe it now but...the pain your feeling will go away eventually...it will. But, you MUST get some help.

 

Good luck

[slubberdegullion]

Call a 24-hour crisis line. You may have trouble getting a therapist after hours (depends, obviously, on where you are).

[DepressedWaiting]

I don't understand. Is it really my fault that I ruined things? I mean, my behavior towards MM was getting wrose and worse. The pain was just so keep I couldn't contain myself. I was SO close to doing it though ( I mean, chnaging my ways towards him, I REALLY 100% was). MM finally told me what I needed to hear.. that he willfile for divorce in two months and that he is 110% serious and that he would never screwed me over.

 

Ever since I told my MM's wife everything he is afraid of me. This happened about a month and a half ago. He sided with me and did not leave me out in the cold.

 

But I don't trust him... when he tells me he will file for divorce in two months... I just can't bring myself to believe it. So everytime I would see him... I would question him about it nonstop and drive him up the wall. I finally realized I needed to stop causing so much chaos because I am destroying the relationship. I would put my MM through so much stress... he ended up in the hopsital. He is afraid that I'm an unstable person who can't control their emotions. This is NOT true, this situation has screwed me up. I was VERY close and have FINALLY made the decision to not be in limbo mentally anymore and that I was going to trust him and take the risk. BUT I came to this relatixation AFTER our huge fight that landed him in the hosiptal.

 

When I drove to his warehouse to smotth things over and apologize and have a talk with him... everything BLEW UP.

 

I don't have friends, he was my best friend. I have NOBODY to talk to. I don't know what I'm going to do. I will never be able to talk to him because his wife will have me arrested... and he has screwed me over and wants nothing to do with me anymore. he told he he WAS 100% goig to file for divorce to be with me... but NEVER after this. NEVER and that I have nobody toblame but myself.

 

I feel so sick. I'm so confused. I think I really screwed up dirovng to his warehouse. Why was I so stupid to do that.

 

But even so... if he really had wanted to... he could have sided with me instead of screwong me over. he left his wife call the police on me!

 

Just 4 days ago he was holdiong me in his arms for hours promosing me everything was going to be ok.

 

I don't know how I'm going to get through this... I feel so lightheaded... my entire body also feels tingly. I think I'm going to have a complete breakdown.

 

I can't believe he did this to me. I just cannot believe it. I mean I REALLY do not believe it. How could he. How?

 

He was all I had, now he's gone and is staying with his wife.

 

I feel beyond sick.

[Brittanyjean06]

I know how you feel when you are like" i can't believe this is happening" and you feel numb...I know exactly how you feel! but you have to think of it this way- you got involved with A MM- right now your feeling betrayed and shocked that he didn't stick up for you- Hes playing you guys both- but he doesn't want you to ruin their marrige- its so hard not be blind i nkow, and you still can't believe the truth- but you have to

 

 

Never mess with a mm- if he hasn't divorced her yet, he won't...its okay take a breather- and realize you are in a state of shock- you are not unstable- i have DONE CRAZy things i meen crazy things---and than you regret how you acted- but i feel bad for this woman- i honestly do that is so sad- its okay and im really sorry

[DepressedWaiting]

After his wife got my voicemails by accident 4 days ago he changed his cell phone and cell number. I cannot even call him anymore... or ever again for that matter because his wife will have me arrested.

 

I know for sure he will NEVER call me again. He really is 110% done with me. He told me this in private when his wife left the warehouse... I thought she went away... but no... she called the police. When the police got there... MM sided with his wife. He did NOTHING to side with me... NOTHING. He twisted EVERYHTING around and made his wife think I'm some crazy person stalking him. This is NOT true.

 

He was just voer at my house 4 days ago holding me and making promises... he denied that too! He said he NEVER had sex with me. He had sex with me hundreds of times.

 

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't understand how he could do this to me. Is he right? Did I screw myself over? He told me he was going to file for divorce but NEVER after this. He said I'm unstable and that he will never leave his wife.

 

How could he do this to me.

 

I feel like I need to go to the hopsital. I'm all alone, I don't know how I'm going to even make it through the whole day tomorrow. This is excruciating.

 

Did I screw myself over? Is MM scum? I'm so confused.

[DepressedWaiting]

I really wish I hadn't put all my eggs in one basket. MM was my best friend, all I had.

 

Now I'm all alone, I so desperately wish I had someone who could just hold me right now. I'm so devastated I'm shaking. I've been so blind sided. Just completely blind sided. I'm not dealing with this very well at all. This really hit me very hard. I'm sick. Just sick and in shock. Major shock.

 

Did I screw myself over? Because MM REALLY did think I'm "unstable" or I should say that I can't control my emotions and that I need to get a ahold of msyefl He told me this many tims, that he can't deal with that and refuses to be with somebody like that. Is he right?

 

I KNOW I'm not unstable and that I can control my emotions. This affair has just goe on way too long and I was having problems believing in him. THAT'S the problem. I was in constant limbo, I couldn't ake a decision. One second I was thinking I was going to trust him... the next second I was thinking he's going to screw me over. This turmoil inside me constantly. BUT aftre our last huge fight 4 days ago I amde the decisiosn I was going to knock it off and trust him. Then I drove to his warehouse and all h*ll broke lose. In fact.. the h*ll already broke lose when his wife got him 25 voicemails by accident whil he was in the hospital the past two days.

 

Did I screw up? Is MM scum? He really is scum for allowing his wife to call the police and when th police got there he lef me out in the cold. How could he!

 

I wish somebody could hold me. I wish MM could tell me all this wasn';t really happening. This doens't feel like relaity.

[Brianschick]

You have to stop replaying what happened over and over in your head. You have to go talk to a therapist..it might sound like crap right now but a therapist can help you get through the numbness and the pain.

You don't have to go through this alone...Please get some help. If you have to go to the nearest hospital then do so...but take care of you right now because no one else can ...

[DepressedWaiting]

What amkes this HUNDRED times worse is that he told me he was serious about divorce in two months and that I have nobody to blame but msyelf. It really is voer now.

 

His wife called the police... if I ever show up at the warehouse agai or call him again she will have me arrested. She thinks I'm stalking her husband, he twisted everything around. Of course if I was hise wife I would feel the same way... I did leave 25 angry voicemails on his cell phone which she got by accident. That most certainly does not loko good. I was calling him constanty over and over again on his cell. I didn't realize he was in the hospital and that's why he wasn't answering. So his wife thinks I' stalking her husband and that I'm crazy. NONE of it is true.

 

MM knows this. How could he twist everything around and eave me out in the cold. MM is VERY upset with me after this last fight and me leaving all those voicemails on this cell which his wife got. So I think this was the last straw for MM.... and that when I got to the warehouse to try to smooth things over... MM already ahd it in his mind that hes done with me.

 

THEN he left me out in the cold... DENIED everytying... and put all the blame on me.

[DepressedWaiting]

Has this happened to anyone here? Were you able to get through it? I've gone NC before with MM for 3 or 4 months... my pain was WORSE as more time went by. So I'm very worried I don't see how to get over this.

 

If it wasn't for my behavior towards him... he would have filed for divorce. He told me this. This is making it so much more difficult for me. I feel like he's right... that I have nobody to blame but myself.

 

He really thinks I'm unstable and can't control my emotions and this last outburst I had to him 4 days ago was the last straw. He told me I'm hopeless and that he gives up and that it's over. Now his wife called the police, made a police report... if I ever call him ever again she will have me arressted and MM let her do this! His wife wants to get a retstraining order on me. He really convinced her I'm stalking him.

 

Just 4 days ago he was holding me in his arms making love to me. Was I stalking him then? No! He denied he was with me 4 days ago completely and that he has never had sex with me. He completely screwed me over.

[My_Other_I]

What a scum bag! Start healing and accepting. He is not your best friend; best friends or even just friends don't do that **** to eachother.

I'm sorry, girl, that's a toughie. You need some help now. Can you call your parents? Go to someone elses house? Don't be alone now and make an appointment with a therapist first thing tomorrow morning. You sound reallly disturbed and that concerns me a lot.

Don't worry about what happened there, at least now you know what kind of a person he is. It's all over now, you are at the safety of your home.

Don't call him, show him that you are better then him and a strong woman. He doesn't have to know what you are going through.

If he contacts you, hang up and get a restraining order.

[Citizen Erased]

*hugs* my heart goes out to you sweetie, it really does.

 

It sounds as if you are just making excuses for him honey. You keep repeating that he said that he would have divorced her for you in two months but your bad behaviour made him change his mind... hmn and conveniently in front of his wife.

 

You and his wife are being screwed over by this man, because he has been playing you both darling. Whoever's side he would have taken, either way this whole thing is his fault. I am really sorry to say this but by the sounds of what you have told us, he was never going to break up with her. He has SAID he would, then again he said in 2 months and now its all over and 'oh, well if you had of behaved like a doormat then I would have been with you forever'???? It doesn't work like that! You were acting how anyone naturally would have to the circumstances. It is not your fault so dont put blame on yourself!!

 

He most probably did love you like he said he did, he probably loves you both, but the fact of the matter is he has ended it with you and treated you horribly in the process. Don't contact him because he is not worthy of you. You deserve so much better. I bet when you were toether HIS needs were being met weren't they? Did you want anything more from the relationship but he couldnt cos he had to go home, or his wife was calling him or whatever? You do not deserve that.

 

What you need is to find someone who will fulfill all of your needs. Two sided love is better than one and a half. Give yourself time. Yes, I agree with the others that counselling is good, someone who will sit there listening to you rant and rave without judging. However, do you like sport? Try something like swimming or running, do an extra study course, go on a holiday! Do something you can meet new people at. You will have friends in no time!

 

I wish you all the best because you deserve more than this heartache. You may not know it now, but in a years time you will be fine, laughing and having fun with everyone and you will not even bother to look back on that loser MM. In the end, you have actually won and not lost!

[BUTAFLY]

NEWS FLASH!!

 

HE WAS NEVER GOING TO FILE FOR DIVORCE. I feel for you because we all believed the lies these men tell us and we live that lie. He had you so fooled you couldnt see the truth. Non of this is your fault....you will see that later down the road.

WAIT!

I thought you already talked to his wife and told her everything? How is he able to deny you when I thought he talked to his wife about you and she knew everything.

[whichwayisup]

DW, breathe abit and calm down, relax. You are going to be okay.

 

I am not going to give you any advice tonight about your situation and what I think. I'll save it for when you're thinking about more clearly. Right now you are in no state to receive what you should/shouldn't have done.

 

Call a friend, a family member so you won't be alone tonight. If you can't get hold of someone, then please call a crisis line or go to the hospital. They can help you there, if you need to be on some medications to calm you down.

 

Everybody, Please don't GO at DW tonight, she's reeling and in no shape to defend herself right now. Give her afew days to digest this situation.

 

Hugs DW. Try to rest abit, k.

[BUTAFLY]

What he says to you is the fantacy he wants you to believe....You saw the true MM at the warehouse. THAT WAS REALITY.

Listen, we all understand how devisated you are..I was there. MY MM held me and told me he loved me, picked out wedding rings and said he couldnt wait to start his life with me. And then got married one week later(had a completly secrete life). I was physically ill and depressed from that. I didn't get help but should of.... i recommend that you do. I say that because this is enough to drive anyone crazy. Not saying that your crazy or anything but the therapy will help you understand you feelings ...understand his actions and explain what your bound to go through in the next months, knowing what your about to go through before it happens makes it a bit easier to deal with, you will be expecting it.

 

I'm not going to tell you to get over it because that's no help...your gonna go over this countless times in your head. Just refrain yourself from calling/seeing/driving pass his house. The best thing is not to see him...and slowly thoughts of him will be less and less..you will realize your not thinking of him as much. Again this is going to be a long tough road but realize you will get there. I never thought i would but I am almost there and its been 10months, but I see him everyday too. I now realize I spent 2005 in depression and obsessed over how this man ****ed with my head and heart.

Come here as often as you like We are hear to listen.

[Citizen Erased]

Yeah BUTAFLY is right, we are hear for you. Just get some rest, try to calm down. Get a massage! That'll calm you down. Big hugs and much love!!

[tekqueen12722]

I went with a MM and he left his wife in 3 months. Oh, I was so happy! Let me tell you. After about 3 weeks of joy and happiness, I had a nervous break down because I broke up a marriage. I felt responsible! The guilt was much stronger than the love. It owned me! He became so clingy and I did not know whom he was or what to do. What a nightmare!

 

I finally realized, that I was dating a man for 3 months but when he left her, he wanted the commitment from me. Sure, I was ready to date but not ready for a permanent relationship. When he was married, I was ready for a permanent relationship, but not when he left.

 

So you see, the wife clouded my thinking! FYI, he was a different man when he was single. No, let me rephrase that, I saw him differently when he was single because the wife was no longer in the picture. I was able to see clearly now.

 

I remember telling him that I would not see him anymore until he left her. I really thought that I was ready to be with him forever. But the fact is, I was ready to date, that's all!!!

 

If you ever ask a man to leave his wife, that is the same as asking him to marry you. I did not know that until it actually happened. Even if you were with him for years, it does not mean that you are ready for this commitment. All it may mean is, you were probably in love with the challenge. Again, cloudy thinking. Now I found myself with a single man that was definitely different and I was committed to him because I promised. How nauseating is that?

 

In my opinion, the only time you could ever consider a commitment with anyone, is if you are dating a single person. Even that is questionable! The problem with a MP, is when you start this new wonderful relationship, you have butterflies, excitement and bla bla bla!! Well, during this time, he is going home to another woman and your logical thinking is clouded once again because you are so distracted by him going home to his wife. All you think about is that. He may not even be what you want, but it does not matter at the time because all you see is him with her and you are in rage.

 

Yeah, you like him. That's how you got together in the first place. If he was single, he may have just been another passing relationship. She wouldn't have been in the picture and you would be thinking clearly. Jealousy causes you to be someone you are not! Jealousy is very painful and is the trigger of major decisions and wrong decisions.

 

Then I put the ultimate pressure on myself. I said that I have to make this commitment because if I didn't, then he would be alone and that would also be all my fault. So I went on medication and lived in Church for about a year. So I am here to tell you honey; dating a married man is a losing battle no matter what. It is not only wrong for his family but more importantly, it is wrong for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Now, you need to pull yourself together and move on. This is not who you are. I know that is easy said then done but if anyone knows your pain, it is I, and you will get through it. My life was black when I woke up in the morning and blacker when I went to bed at night. Everyday when I woke, I would look around the room and say, "I cannot believe that I have to live another day"!

 

I went to therapy, church and took an anti-anxiety pill and everyday was better than the day before. Sure, I had bad days but they became further apart until they were gone. My life is great today and if someone told me then what I am telling you today, I never would have believed it. You have a lot to look forward to, trust me!

[THX2000]

Am I reading this wrong here? You did after all get involved with someone that was MARRIED right? It never ceases to amaze me that people are surprised at getting screwed over by someone that they knew had no morals going in........

 

Sorry you are in such pain. This guy is obviously a jerk but you have to accept that you are at least in part to blame for all this. It will take a long time to heal but you need to get away from this guy and move on with your life. You WILL look like a stalker if you continue to pursue any contact with him and might get in legal trouble so cut your losses and move on.

[whichwayisup]

Excellent post tekqueen12722, and good advice...Sorry you had to go through all that, but what you learned is life altering and is what OW hopefully see and understand through your experience. Maybe it will help prevent an awful mistake waiting to be made...

[DepressedWaiting]

I got really light headed and almost fainted. Everything started to get dark. I couldn't bare being alone so I called this girl I know who knows my situation with MM (I told her once). I hadn't talked to her in two months. I don't have any friends as I always had MM as my best friend so I'm lucky she came over. She came over and comforted me and talked to me about it and just left. I felt ok while she was here but now I'm completely devastated again.

 

It hurts so bad what he did to me. I know I keep repeating this but I just can't believe he did this to me. And my mind keeps racing over what happened over and over again.

 

I REALLY believe that if I hadn't had this last "outburst" with him which sent him to the hospital that he would have filed for divorce. He has bad anxiety and couldn't handle it anymore. He TRULY believes and says that I screwed myself over and that it has to end, it's just escalated to an unhealthy level and that he does not want to be and cannot be with someone like me who is "unstable" and can't control their emotions.

 

He truly believes this. I guess he couldn't understand my pain because he was fine with the situation. He's not being had on the side and strung along, he has his wife at home and me on the side. His only struggle/pain was from me causing "turmoil"... not putting up with the situation and not making it easy for him. That was his only pain!

 

Tonight... in front of his wife... he denied ever having sex with me... made his wife think I'm crazy and stalking him and that I am some maniac. This made his wife freak out and call the POLICE on me. Especially after she heard my 25 distrought voicemails I left in a row on his cell phone by accident. I would have thought the same thing she does. He completely twisted things around an left me out in the cold like you wouldn't believe and his wife even attcked me. She wripped my shirt and the buttons popped off. I just collapsed on the floor begging MM to please stop this and tell his wife the truth. He didn't... instead he left me crumbled on the floor in complete shock as I was sitting on the ground crying and shaking. Then his wife left.... 20 minutes later the police showed up... she called the police. When the police arrived... he did NOTHING to help me.

 

I was calling his name over and over again when the police showed up... he would not even look me in the eyes not once. He just ignored me completely... and that was the end. I think his wife is getting a retsrainigng order on me. How insane, I wasn't even stalking him! Never.

 

His wife dosn't believe he was at my house just a few days ago holding me in his arms promising me to file for divorce in two months. I know he had a divorce attorney for the first time and he was serious. He truly believes this is MY fault and that I screwed things up. This is making it much worse for me... I'm sitting here thinking this was my fault and I pushed him over the edge and to not want anything to do with me.

 

I mean, after our last fight a few days ago before he left my house... it was really bad. He wound up in the hospital with a breakdown for two days in the hospital. When I went to the warehouse today he still had his hospital band around his wrist.

 

So obviously my behavior towards hims WAS having a great negative affect on him. He told me many times to stop. But then at the same time he didn't re-assure me enough to be able to be ok and hang in there. He has bad anixtey and can't deal with pressure and interrogtaion... this last time he was at my house a few days ago I interrogated him for 3 hours straight nonstop when I promised him I wouldn't. So he says I broke his trust, I can't contain myself and I have nobody to blame but msyelf for this and that I've destroyed the relationship and psuhed him away.

 

Am I wrong? Is he right? I'm very confused.

 

It makes it so much worse because I'm sitting here thinking if ONLY I had cut him some slack and backed of a little that this would have never happened. He isn't BS'ing about this... he REALLY think I'm unstable and can't control myself. Which is NOT true... but this is what he thinks.

 

I am so exhausted and worn out, shocked devasted confused all at the same time right now. I can't believe how painful this is... it's just unbelievable... right now I can't imagine what I'm going to do without him. When he held me for hours and comforted me... I was diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis) a couple years ago which is devastating in itself and has chnaged me, it's made me needy... I desperately needed his comforting and him holding me. It made me feel so safe and like everything is goign to be ok. Now this happens.. it's too much.

[DepressedWaiting]

Sorry I keep repeating a lot of things in my above post again about what happened. I won't keep repeating it. I can't believe how much this hurts. I feel like he's right and it's my fault... I shouldnt have kept pushing him over the edge destroying our relationship and in the process making him think I really am unstable.

 

Which isn't the case at all. But with my behavior towards him... I can definitely see how he would think that.

 

I feel like it's my fault and that would would ave filed for divorce very soon if I hadn't pushed him over the edge. I mean, if he was really scum... wouldn't he have dumped me after I screwed him over and told his wife everything a month ago? I told his wife everything a month ago on the phone and fried him. Of course he denied everything back then a month ago too... but it's because I caught him off guard. If he was scum, wouldn't he have dumped me back then when the stuff hit the fan a month ago?

 

He warned me to please stay calm because I'm ruining the relationship and that I can't expect things to ever change when I treat him like this. So with this last outburst... I think it sent him over the edge... to the hospital. In his mind... this couldn't go on any longer... I'm "unstabe" in his mind. I have nobody to blame but myself and that he WAS going to file for divorce but NEVER after this last episode I caused. It's over he doesn't care about me anymore... it's over. And it's my fault because I "can't control my emotions" his words exactly.

[tekqueen12722]

DW, you sound like you are having a panic attack. You really need to calm down. Yes, you are repeating yourself because that is what panic attacks do. Are you sweating, nauseous, can't look at food, pounding heart, and cannot concentrate at all?

 

If so, you need to see a Dr. The kind of pain you are in, is causing this. It is the same severity of pain that people are in when they have to deal with a death. They are usually given something to relax them. Your pain may be different but it could be as severe.

 

Panic makes everything feel much worse than it really is...

[whichwayisup]

You need to keep venting, so continue typing and get it out...Who cares if you're repeating yourself, it's theraputic for you right now.

 

It isn't ALL your fault. You were emotional and reacted. People do things when pushed past their limit...And the situation played out as it did. Actions and reactions...

 

I'm glad your friend came over. It's too bad she couldn't sleep over, but atleast you got to talk to her.

 

Try to get abit of rest tonight. Maybe later, put on the TV and doze off infront of it.

 

Tomorrow maybe things will make abit more sense and you'll abit better.

[tekqueen12722]

Yes, Whichway is right. You will probably feel a lot better tomorrow. There is nothing like a night sleep and a good cry to cleans all those bad feelings.

 

One last thing, please stop blaming yourself. You are a human being and it is not right to abuse yourself like this. The position you were in, is what caused your reactions.

[whichwayisup]

As I said earlier DW, people do things and react out of the norm when pushed past their emotional limit. This has been building for a long time...I agree too, with tekqueen, stop putting all the blame on you! Don't internalize it and make yourself sick over it! He isn't worth being sick over.