I am beyond devastated...

[DepressedWaiting]

Thanks for the responses. It's comforting talking to those who understand these situations.

 

I am dreading tomorrow. Yes, my heart keeps pounding... I haven't eaten a single thing all day. I'm just feeling dizzy and light headed for hours now ever since this happened. I'm exhausted... I hope exhausted enough to be able to fall sleep.

 

What makes this TEN times worse is... I dont know if he would have really filed for divorce or not if it wasn't for this last outburst and me pushing him over the edge. It feels like it's my fault.

 

But I guess now after seeing what happened and how he screwed me over and DENIED everything and made it look like I'm some psycho stalking him... and how he sided with his wife and lied through his teeth to cover his on rear. I guess he really wasn't that unhappy being with his wife because he would divorce her regardless of whether I exist or not. I guess now that he "thinks" he's not compatible with me because I'm unstable that his wife is good enough for him. What garbage.

 

I think he really only wanted out of his marriage because of me... now that in his mind... I'm not "stable" and he can't deal with that... that his marriage is good enough for him and he will never leave his wife.

 

He told me to my face several times in private (when his wife left for 20 minute) that it is my fault this happened... because of this last outburst I pushed him over the edge and that it just escalated way too far. That he can't be with someone like that. But I'm not really even like that! I'm in so much pain... I go into panic mode... then do stupid things. It's NOT who I really am... but he thinks it is who I really am.

 

I feel like this is my fault. Could it be that I was pushing him and pushing him until he went over the edge? Because just a month ago I told his wife everything on the phone and screwed him over... and just a month later now this disaster at the warehouse happened today. It escalated to a point I NEVER in a million years thought it would. MM says it's my fault because I can't stay calm and deal with the situation... thus menaing I'm "unstable". And that he cannot believe I was stupid enough to show up at the warehouse... I thought he would be alone but his wife showed up.

 

Could it be this is my fault? I'm so confused.

[whichwayisup]

Could it be this is my fault? I'm so confused.

 

It takes two to tango. Remember that.

 

haven't eaten a single thing all day. I'm just feeling dizzy and light headed for hours now ever since this happened. I'm exhausted... I hope exhausted enough to be able to fall sleep.

 

Okay, (nag nag nag here...lol) drink water or some juice. Just to keep you hydrated. That is another reason why you're feeling dizzy. Low blood sugar levels. Have something light to eat, yoghurt or an orange. Soup and toast. That will atleast perk you up abit.

[DepressedWaiting]

Sorry you guys were posting at the same time I was. But what if he really doesn't understand the level of pain I'm in and that the way I react towards him isn't really who I am?

 

It's NOT who I really am... but what if he really doesn't understand this and thinks I really am someone whose unstable and "can't control their emotions"? I know this is what he thinks... if he really thinks that I can see... with his bad anxiety and health problems why he'd be afraid to be with someone like that?

 

And why he'd feel necessary to end it with me... because in his mind... this is who I am and I'm hopeless. He told me several times when we were arguing a few days ago that he should ahve known better... that I'm hopeless and he gives up. That I should see a therpist because I can't "control my emotions". This is why he wanted me to go to a therpaist right now... he REALLY thnks this.

 

It hurst me so bad because it's not who I really am. And he finally told me what I needed to hear... that he would 110% file fr divorce in two months... then the other day he had a evry stressful day... before he came over I promsed him that I wold not interrogate him. I started asking questions anyway not thinking it would be such a big deal... and it escalated in to a huge fight. he said he can't trust me... that I promised him I wouldn't give him H8ll and I did anyway.

 

So I feel like it's my fault. If I promised him I wouldn't interrogate him... but then I go ahead and do it anyway... it was stupid of me. He got so mad... he was extremely upset and hurt by me. He started wrippeding his hair out and hyperventaliating that he can't deal with this and why am I intergooteting him when I promised him I wouldn't that day. Can you guys see how it would be my fault?

[whichwayisup]

I think everybody involved needs to settle down...Maybe in a while he'll see things abit more clearly too. ALL of you had a rough situation and each of you fed from reactions. Nothing right now should be set in stone in the sense of placing blame. Part of it was your fault, part of it was his fault. His wife reacted, panicked too, and I am not defending anybody here, but to her, she freaked and called the police...She doesn't know you and I guess he fed from her reaction and so on... Hope that makes abit of sense to you.

 

You seem abit calmer now, so try to eat abit of something before bed tonight.

[tekqueen12722]

I know that this is probably ludicrous to you right now but what has just happened to you was probably the best thing that could have happen.

 

He denied you, wasn't there to support you, will never understand your position and you had the opportunity to see his true colors. If this didn't happen, he would have kept up with his camouflage, which is obvious now, based on your story. Now that it did happen, the wife can have him.

 

In my opinion, from what I have seen in the past, they very rarely leave their wives, except I was unlucky and mine did which, I hope you read my nightmare. Even if they do, most of them go back home and from what I hear, that is the ultimate pain. So consider yourself lucky.

 

I will tell you this, I hope I talk to you down the road, because I cannot wait until you look back at this and realize how fortunate you really are right now.

 

You won't see it now but you wait, you will!

[DepressedWaiting]

What else hurts his that his wife thinks I'm crazy. I mean I do see her point. If I saw someone leaving 25 distrought voicemails in a row on my husband's cell phone and saw how many times I called him that day... I might think this person is crazy and stalking my husband. His wife told me she doesn't believe a word I say because she's known her husband a lot longer than me and she doesn't know me. She told me to go find another married man to stalk. It hurst so bad that he managed to twist things around and his wife doesn't believe me.

 

Not only that but when I told her everything on the phone a month ago I told her I have conversation phone tapes of me and MM as proof. I had SIX tapes. But remember she didn't want the tapes back then when I insisted on giving it to her as proof. Today she told me if I'm telling her the truth to go ahead and send her those tapes as proof... BUT I let my MM destroy those tapes a couple of weeks ago and I told his wife that today... so she flipped saying 'I knew you were lying, now suddenly you conveniently don't have the tapes?!". See how that looks really bad? I really got screwed over. I should have kept those tapes, I'm a fool.

 

His wife does NOT think he ever slept with me, thinks I mis-read his signals.. and that I became obssessed with him and began stalking him which couldn't be father from the truth. Nothing I can do about that, I have no proof to show otherwise.

 

His wife is going to get a restraining order on me, that's how crazy she thinks I am. All thanks to MM who was lucky enough to be able to twist things around and screw me over to save his own rear.

 

I'm still worried sick knowing MM thinks this is who I really am and that I'm hopeless, unstable and thus why he doesn't have any other choice but to lose me. It's not who I really am though. This is so screwed up.

 

I'm exhausted and going to go to bed right now... my mind is spinning. I'm not handling this very well. Even after the shock wears off... I'll still be worried I pushed him to do this and lose me and find no other choice especially when he see's his health is in jeopardy from all the stress of it. I never really cut him any slack, just gave him h*ll. I wonder what would have been if I had eased up on him and waited the two months. He was serious... I mean he even hired a divorce attorney for the very first time and was also working with an attorney up north and told his mother he was divorcing and as soon as this issue with his estate attorney up north was finished, there would be NOTHING left to stop him from filing. His divorce attorney advised him he must take care of that issue BEFORE filing. he was so serious... I feel like this is my fault and I screwed everything up. I just do

[DepressedWaiting]

tekqueen12722, I hope you're right... but something deep inside tells me he would have filed for divorce soon. He even told his mother which was a huge step. He was working with an attorney through his mother to take care of some property... and also hired a divorce attorney a couple of weeks ago. He was doing everything he was told to do step by step before filing.

 

I feel like if only I had gotten a grip... not pushed him over the limit and let things get this far esacaleted... meaning I was STUPID enough toshow up at the warehouse... that everything would have been ok.

 

He was majorly freaked out that I showed up at the warehouse... I was dumb enough to think he would be alone the whole time. I'm a idiot and wasn't thinking rationally when I did that. Now look what happened because of it. He told me to not go the the warehouse ever again months before... and I did it anyway. I was desperate to talk to him and smooth things over from our fight we had a few days ago.

 

He was already very angry when I went to the warehouse because his wife had already gotten a hold of his cell phine while he was in the hosiptal and heard my voicemails on it. I think when his wife heard those voicemails the day before... he was already done with me... so when I showed upat the warehouse... he was already fuming mad at me and in his mind... done with me once and for all.

[DepressedWaiting]

This situation the past two entire years has just really messed me up. One person can only take so much for so long before losing it and that's what has happened to me. It's only been this bad for the past 8 months or so.. I mean I've noticed the longer this situation went on... the worse I became... it just got worse and worse and worse until it escalated to this warehouse distaster today.

 

And just a few days ago he was holdng me in his arms for hours! He came over to my house twice last week.

 

I'm in shock. I'm going to bed right now, I'm dreading climbing into my empty bed.

[tekqueen12722]

My sister is in the same situation as you. Yes, he is definitely not happy at home and even after this big ordeal, these men are very weak. They do all the preparing and the research and I bet he even talked about what your future together was going to be like, but they do not leave. At least it is extremely rare.

 

My sister keeps getting dates on when he is leaving. The dates were extended several times but she keeps making excuses for him. Most men in this situation are too scared to make a move. When it comes down to the wire, they just cannot do it. I have seen this so many times with my friends and family.

 

My sister even went away with him and his parents. He is a divorce attorney. What does she need? A brick to hit her in the head? Pleaseeeeeeee!

 

Your behavior was not what made him stay with his wife, it was an excuse to not leave and get this big "move" off his mind.

 

You will find love again. I don't even know you but I do know that. Remember my words when you are happy again.

[newbby]

Well, I'm sure some of you here know my story from my past posts. Something very devastating just happened to me and I will NEVER be the same. I know some of you here already know my story so I won't repeat it. I am in a state of complete SHOCK, I almost feel like I need to go to the hospital.

 

My MM was very serious about filing for divorce in two monhs. Even when I flipped out and told his wife everything and scewed him over he did NOT dump me, he stuck by me even when the stuff hit the fan. He promised me he will file for divorce in two months. Everything was fine up until a few days ago.. we got into a huge fight.

 

Lately I have been such an emotional wreck I have literally been losing it. I have been destroying the relationship I had with my MM with my awful behavior towards him. Because I'm such an emotional wreck and in constant pain.. I would flip out constantly. This made my MM think I could not control my emotions or that I'm an un-stable person. Non of this is true.. I maen in regards to this situation.. yes... but otheriwse no. MM doesn't realize this. He kept telling me over and over and over again that I must change my behavior towards him because he cannot handle what I do to him. He told me he is worried that this is who I really am and that I'm an un-stable person who can't control their emotions. It's not true though... this situation has just really messed me up.

 

I would constantly interrogate him about the situation, yell at him. I mean I was literally destroying the relationship with each outburst I had. I know this was wrong, but this situation had just gone on way too long and the pain was just really messing me up. This last outburst was the final straw.... I got into a huge fight with MM a few days ago. I left about 25 angry voicemails on his cell phone in a row. Turns out he was in the hosiptal and his wife had his cell phone and she heard my messages. The messages were pretty nasty... his wife now thinks I'm completely psycho. I mean she thinks I'm CRAZY.

 

Since I had gotten into a fight with MM 4 days ago, I drove to his warehouse to speak to him and try to smooth things over. I had made the decision that I was going to take the risk and trust him... and change my ways towards him because I was destroying the relationship. I mean the turmoil was brutal and I was ruining everything. MM did tell me 4 days ago to not worry, he held me and promised me that he will file for divorce 110%... but that same day we got into a fight over the situation. This fight was the last straw for me. I saw clearly what I was doing and I was really detroying the relationship. So I drove to his warehouse to apologize... because I was no longer going to give him h*ll and I was going to give him two months to file for divorce and prove me wrong.

 

When I got there... MM was still VERY angry and upset with me... because of our last fight he ended up in the hospital for two days. He almost had a nervous breakdown. He has bad anxiety and cannot handle stress.

 

Turns out when I was at the warehouse his WIFE showed up. She started screaming at me and called the police on me... she even attacked me and wripped my shirt. I fell to the floor crying begging my MM to stand up for me and admit the truth. My MM screwed me over... he didn't even try to stop his wife. MM even denied ever having sex with me! He denied EVERYTHING and sided with his wife. He twisted things around and made it look like I'm crazy and stalking him. I wasn't and he knows this! He completely screwed me over! He let his wife call the police and he DENIED everything to his wife!

 

Just FOUR days ago he was holding me in his arms, promising me he would file for divorce and to please trust him and to please stop destroying our relationship with my unaccapetable behavior. He held me for hours.

 

I'm such an idiot... I should have never showed up at his warehouse... I didn't think his wife ever went there. I;m such a fool, why did I drive to his warehouse. I can't believe I'm such a fool. I was desperate to talk to him and smotth things over from our last fight.

 

I'm in complete shock. It really is 100% over. MM told me he doesn't want to ever seen me again and that it is over. He told me that I did this to myself, that I ruined everything with my behavior and that I have no one to blame but myself. He is 100% done with me. He screwed me over and sided with his wife and left me out on the cold. He is scum.

 

I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel so sick... I've never felt this horrible in my entire life. I don't know how I'm going to make it through.

 

I feel completely numb... I can't even cry right now. I'm just in a state of shock. This doesn't feel real.

 

I can't believe this just happened. I should have never driven to his warehouse. His wife left the warehouse... when I was there.... so I was able to talk to MM privately. In private MM told me it is OVER, he doens't want anything to do with me and that he will envere eave his wife. Not after our last fight... that it was the last straw.. and me driving to his warehouse was the last straw. But it turns out... while I was inside talking to MM his wife called the police on me.

 

I'm all alone and I have nobody to talk to about this. What am I going to do. MM totally sided with his wife and told his wife to not listen to me.. that I am crazy and everything I say is a lie.

 

MM LIED about everything, he lied. sh*t, what have I done.

 

I know if I hadn't of done this... MM would have more than likely filed for divorce. I'm so confused. I screwed up the relationship I had with MM with my idiotic outbursts.

 

I'm getting very lightheaded, need to sign off.

 

i havent read any of the responses, so forgive me if i repeat any advice.

 

this was on the cards.

 

it would not have made one jot of difference WHAT you did.

 

he was NEVER going to leave his wife anyway.

[Just_A_Thought]

Could it be that he never had any intentions of divorcing but since he knew that you had the tapes (proof that his wife needed to get him to the cleaners), he decided to go along and have you thinking he was divorcing until he could get his hands on those tapes...?

 

If that it the case, I really think this man is a conieving, lying and deceiving poor excuse of a human being!!!

 

Please learn from this experience and get some self respect before getting in another relationship...and this time, please choose a SINGLE man!

 

Good luck to you! :-)

[DepressedWaiting]

I barely made it through the night. I fell asleep really fast but woke up at 4 a.m and I just layed there in bed with my mind racing going over the whole situation for hours.

 

Sorry for repeating this so many times, I still think it was my doing that pushed him to this point. I mean... looking back on everything, my behavior towards him really has been irrational. He has told me several times and in fact insisted that I go to a therapist because he thinks I'm unstable.

 

I am unstable but it's because of the situation, otherwise I'm NOT whatsoever. I mean, I would constanrly yell at him about the situation, interrogate him until I was literally giving him panic attacks and making him hyperventilate. He constanlty told me that this behaior towards him is only pushing him away... that he cannot be with someone whose unstable like that. I even flipped out and told his wife everything a month ago. He even told me to never go to the warehouse again... yet I did anyway yesterday. He says I'm crazy to have showed up at the warehouse and if I was stable I would have never done anything that stupid and idiotic because he told me that his wife would call the police if she ever came across me. But I was just so incredibly distrought I was DESPERATE and I was irrational when I did that. I was so desperate to talk to him and smooth things over, it was so urgent I couldn't bare it any longer. Now look at what that caused... I caused a HUGE disaster at the warehouse.. police were called and everything.

 

My MM really thinks I'm crazy now. I just couldn't get a hold of myself and casued a bigger and bigger mess with each fight. I completely ruined my relationship with MM. The last fight I had with him when he came over to my house... that was the beginning of the end. It caused him to go to the hospital for two days.

 

He told me at the warehouse yesterday that he was going to file for divorce and that I DID cause this because of my unstability... I caused him to have a nervouse breakdown and he was in the hospital because of me. I really screwed up. Looking back at everything.. putting msyelf in his shoes... I can see his view of things. I really can.

 

I'm just still very confused and in shock right now. I'm devastated. I'll aways wonder what would have been if only I hadn't reacted so irrationally towards him and remained calm and didn't do such incredibly idiotic stupid things like going to his warehouse. That was a very stupid risk to take going there... yet I did it anyway. I can see how he would think I'm unstable after behaving the way I had been with him these past several months. I was a lose cannon.

 

This situation just had me in so much pain, I was acting irrational and wasn't stable. He saw this... saw it getting worse and worse... got scared... came to the conclusion that this is who I really am and had no choice but to lose me. What have I done.

 

He already payed the attorney thousands of dollars a couple of weeks ago... he WAS serious about divorce. Now I flipped out and this was the last straw for him. I'm unstable and crazy to him now. But it's not who I really am, it was this situation!

 

In his opinion the fact that I could not handle this situation and bare with him... that I'm immature and unstable and flipped out repeatedly. If I weren't I would never regardless of any circumstance react towards him the way I did. This is what he told me. I feel like he's right. I'm so confused.

[DepressedWaiting]

Newby, even though he already payed the attorney tons of money? I mean, I do know that even in some very traumatic affairs that last for years some do end with the MM finally leaving his wife. Even if it's only 3% that is a LOT of men.

 

He was so serious about divorce, he already told his mother, he was taking the steps his attorney was telling him do. He got the update from his attorney and he told me two months he would without a doubt file for divorce. That he was doing this because he's never wanted anything more in his entire life and that he is ready to make the "biggest move of his entire life" (in his own words) and that I'm going to be very happy. He told me this isn't who he really is and that he realizes this is ridiculous and that it has gone on way too long and that he IS making a change without a doubt but for me to please bare with him.

 

I didn't bare with him... I flipped out and went psycho on him. He told me I'm hopeless asking me what's wrong with me and why can't I see that the way I'm reacting towards him constantly is NOT accomplishing anything and that I'm only making him think I'm nuts and unstable and I'm destroying the relationshop and causing permanent damage.

 

Now after this last epsiode... I guess he feels he has his prove.

[Adunaphel]

I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you, I'm sending you a big hug.

 

I agree with the other posters that he would have *never* left his wife.

I don't think it is your fault. even if it had been your behaviour to make him completely change his mind (which i do not believe for a moment), still, he treated you in a way that a decent human being would never dream of.

 

He has never been your friend, a friend would not discard you like that, not even to save his own ass.

 

I guess he dropped all of a sudden the mask he has been wearing over his face for all this time, and you have seen what kind of person he really is.

 

I hope you'll soon realize that a person such as this one is better OUT of your life (and of anyone's life).

Nobody should meet scum like this more than once in his/her life.

 

Please take care of yourself. get all the support you can.

if you don't have many friends, go anywhere you can meet new people.

 

I really hope you'll heal soon.

[DepressedWaiting]

I'm sure I'm in denial right now still and not seeing things clearly.

 

I don't know... he even showed me the bill... he payed his attroney tons of money about 3 weeks ago actually. He was actively prepring to file for divorce. I mean he was DEAD serious.

 

But if he was so serious just a few dasy ago... and now all of a sudden this last blow up caused hiom to end it with me. I mean... picture this... it was so bad it casued him to be hospitalized. At the warehouse he was yelling at me that I have no compassion for him and don't I see what I've been doing to him and that I'm destroying everyting inlcuding making him ill (healthwise). That this was a big wakeup call to him that finally made him realize I really am hopeless and unstable and thinks this is who I really am. Even though it's not who I am though... he doens't realize this.

 

So he made the decision to lose me. Then when the confrontation with his wife happened at the warehouse yesterday... he denied everything... twisted things around and let his wife believe I'm crazy ... that I mis-read his signals and became obssessed with him... that he NEVER had sex with me and that I'm now stalking him and ruining his life and he let her call the police on me! He sided with his wife and left me out in the cold. I might as well been dead to him. It's sickening what he did to me yeterday, just sickening.

 

If he really truly ever cared for me he could have NEVER done what he did to me yesterday.

 

Even if he really does think I'm unstable and crazy...the least he could have done was admit the truth to his wife and then dump me. NOT screw me over and do what he did. At least admit the truth.

 

I fell to the floor crying and shaking BEGGING him to PLEASE admit the truth and to not screw me over like this. Yet did proceeded to anyway. Like I was some kind of disease or left over garbage he wanted to dispose of. He even verbally told me that he doesn't care about me anymore, that he will NEVER be in contact with me again. And just 5 days ago he was holding me in his arms for hours at my house.

 

It hurts so bad he could do this to me, I just can't believe it. Is this who he really is.

 

At the warehouse he kept bending over holding his stomach... he was hyperventilating and having major panic attacks telling me to get lost he's done with me that I screwed up for the very last time and have proven to him that I'm unstable.

[newbby]

Newby, even though he already payed the attorney tons of money? I mean, I do know that even in some very traumatic affairs that last for years some do end with the MM finally leaving his wife. Even if it's only 3% that is a LOT of men.

 

He was so serious about divorce, he already told his mother, he was taking the steps his attorney was telling him do. He got the update from his attorney and he told me two months he would without a doubt file for divorce. That he was doing this because he's never wanted anything more in his entire life and that he is ready to make the "biggest move of his entire life" (in his own words) and that I'm going to be very happy. He told me this isn't who he really is and that he realizes this is ridiculous and that it has gone on way too long and that he IS making a change without a doubt but for me to please bare with him.

 

I didn't bare with him... I flipped out and went psycho on him. He told me I'm hopeless asking me what's wrong with me and why can't I see that the way I'm reacting towards him constantly is NOT accomplishing anything and that I'm only making him think I'm nuts and unstable and I'm destroying the relationshop and causing permanent damage.

 

Now after this last epsiode... I guess he feels he has his prove.

 

DW i am not saying that your behaviour was alright or anything. indeed in any normal situation, no decent guy should put up with constant screaming and abuse. BUT this was not a normal situation. although you may not realise it now, you were likely fighting against your gut to keep believing him. this causes alot of stress, you were going crazy because warning bells were going off from the first time that you caught him in a lie.

you certainly had a reason not to believe or trust him, so i wouldnt say that your behaviour was entirely irrational, maybe a little out of control.

you are still refusing to see the real truth, HE WAS NEVER GOING TO LEAVE HIS WIFE, IT WAS ALL LIES. the sooner that you realise this the better.

dw i thought this already on your last thread, when you said he was definetly divorcing etc, but i didnt want to say as much, because, i could have been wrong and i didnt think you would listen to me. you didnt ruin anything, it wasnt ever anything much (to him) in the first place.

you need to stop blaming yourself and to calm down. you are worth better than this weak and selfish man. honestly. you really are. find yourself a nice gorgeous young man to hang out with. you are only 21, have fun. what are your dreams?

[BUTAFLY]

Your Only 21!!!!?????

[DepressedWaiting]

Newby, I'm actually 25... almost 26. MM was 44. I've always been attracted to older men. I've known him for 13 years. Don't worry, nothing creepy going on with that... he never had sex with me and NEVER got involved with me until I was 22. I lost my virginity to him when I was 22... he's the first man I've ever been involved with. He ALWAYS been in my life. He was like family to me.

 

What I'm having great difficulty with right now is... how can you guys be so sure he wouldn't have divorced? Because MANY MM do eventually divorce even in long drawn out affairs. I've seen it happen before. Even if it's only 3% that's a lot of men.

 

Yes, my behavior towards him was out of control. I was constantly fighting inside... one second I thought I could trust him... the next second I would switch into panic mode and wham... I'd spiral down into destructive mode and dig myself deeper and deeper into a hole of destruction. Hence what happened at the warehouse... I was destructive... careless... irrational and went to the warehouse when I knew it was incredibly stupid yet I did it anyway. He warned me this could happen if I ever showed up, yet I took the foolish risk anyway. He really thinks I'm crazy for showing up at the warehouse and that this was the last straw. I know he will NEVER call me ever again after what transpired yesterday. It was brutal.

 

He told me these past 3 days he had a huge wakeup call, I'm hopeless and unstable... that he cannot be with somebody like that and had no choice but to lose me.

 

Wow, and just 5 days ago he was promising me to file for divorce... and now this. He really is scum. He definitely showed his true colors yesterday. It's so pathetic that I'm still trying to believe otherwise and that it WAS my fault and doing. If only I hadn't gotten so out of control.

 

He payed the attorney TONS of money already 3 weeks ago, if he wasn't serious about divorce why would he have done that? He was actively preparing for divorce and the issue that needed to be taken care of was almost completed and he'd be ready to file. He is VERY cheap and certinaly would NEVER do that unless he was serious.

 

I gave him a nervous breakdown... I mean can you imagine that because of me he had to be hospitalized? It was that bad. He has bad anxiety, he can't handle stress as well as any other person can.

[DepressedWaiting]

Yesterday at the warehouse he even called me a b*tch for the first time ever. That how could I have treated him like this, how can I be so incredibly inconsiderate of him... that why can't I see that I sent him to the hospital.

 

It's always about him, he obviosuly just did not understand the level of pain he was putting me through. I told him several times, showed him articles on being the OW... but he just did NOT get it. How could he, he has NO idea what it's like to be the OW. He has NEVER experienced that type of pain before... how could he put himself inside my shoes. He wasn't being strung along on the side... he was the player.. not the one being played. He is scum.

[cygny]

DW--you are obsessing about what is past and driving yourself crazy. Eventually you will have to face up to reality that this is over and there's nothing you can do except move on. The sooner you start this process the better. The first step is to realize it is not all your fault, that this guy was not a strong guy. He was most likely needing you to give him the emotional security to leave his wife. I'm not saying he had no feelings for you, but the reality is that he is a weak man and was driving you crazy. Please chill out and stop obsessing about what you did wrong. Seriously, you may need to see a doctor and get some tranquilizers. Also, find a counsellor who can help you overcome this emotional addiction of yours.

[DepressedWaiting]

He didn't continue seeing me just to get rid of those tapes. He saw me for many weeks after the tapes were gone. That's way off... that's not why he kept seeing me.

 

I think I need to see a therapist. I've never been to one though, it's kind of embarrassing. I also can't afford it... I don't know how expensive it is.

 

I keep replaying this in my head over and over again... that when his wife was standiong before us... I kept begging him to please admit he has been having sex me me for years. He kept telling me I'm delousional and crazy and that he NEVER had sex with me not once. Then he even LET his wife call the police on me. He didn't stop her!

 

The more I think about it the sicker I become. I mean, ok fine.. yes my behavior towards him was out of control... and he did feel like I'm unstable and made the decision that I'm hopeless these past two days... but STILL... if he had ANY decency he would have NEVER turned on me like that. He could have at least admitted the truth... not LIE through his teeth and screw me over in front of his wife to save his own a**. What scum! It's just unbelievable, it really is. I;m shocked at who he really is. It's like I never knew him at all. It's like he's a stranger to me.

 

He really is a disgusting a**hole. Honestly, now I'm starting to feel sickend by it. He is disgusting. He really is. He took his mask off yesterday and showed his true self. He is DISGUSTING.

 

Not only that, he's allowing his wife to get a restraining order on me I;m sure... I don't want that on my record. I don't even deserve a restraining order! I've been royally screwed over by him. I can't believe it... 13 years I knew him and he does this to me! I thought after all those years of being my best friend that I knew him! 13 years!

[Owl]

DW-

 

Please realize that what I'm going to say is not meant to make you feel worse, or to in any way minimize how bad you feel right now.

 

I agree with the others. I truly don't believe he ever had a plan to really leave his wife. You mentioned that he's been seeing a lawyer, and has spent tons of money on this. Have you, PERSONALLY, yourself...seen him with the lawyer? Seen the actual receipts for the money he's spent? Seen any of the actual documentation that he got from the lawyer...filled out with the lawyer's signature on it?

 

He lied to his wife about you. Not only during this confrontation, but obviously all through the entire time that this has been going on. Even after you'd gone to her, it's obvious that he's been lying to her about everything related to you. And then when he was forced to choose one or the other...he did what nearly every MM does and chose his wife. At YOUR expense. Honestly, he'd made this choice LONG ago...but because he wanted to have BOTH of you in his life, he continued to lie to both of you for as long as he possibly could so that he could have BOTH women in his life at the same time.

 

I can only imagine how difficult this is for you right now. He was the first real love of your life. And sadly, it was doomed from the beginning because he was married and truly didn't want to lose that part of his life too.

 

Please...realize this part now. He didn't just start lying when his wife confronted him at the warehouse. He's been lying all along. He's been denying it, playing it down, you name it. He's undoubtedly BEEN talking bad about you...so that he could keep his M with his wife. And realize that he's surely been lying to you too. About how things were in his marriage. About what he was telling the wife about you, and you and him. And honestly, unless you've got some kind of concrete physical PROOF that he was getting a divorce...I truly believe he was lying to you about that too.

 

LISTEN TO THIS:

 

YOU didn't ruin anything. This was a bad situation from the beginning. THERE WAS NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY TO CHANGE THE OUT COME OF ALL OF THIS. The only person who COULD have was him...and he chose not to. A long time ago. When he married her. When he lied to her about what was going between you and him so that he could keep BOTH of you in his life.

 

This was all unavoidable from the moment the two of you crossed the line.

 

Now...it's time for you to find a way to move on. Easy? HECK NO! But you need to do so. You need to 'get your eggs out of one basket'. Start doing things other than what you had with MM. You let your life revolve around him...and that's why you are so devestated now that he's gone. You need to get other support systems in place. Friends, relatives, etc...

 

I would seriously suggest that you see if you can get to an individual counselor who can help you deal with all of this.

 

Again, I'm sorry for what you've gone through. Give my advice and what I had to say some serious, hard thought. Hope it helps.

[Astarte]

I'd say, you were very, very strong all the time.

Many MM sadly don't see the pain and frustration and the struggles their mistress goes through, what a power there has to be to go on with him, how deeply she must feel for him accepting being the second fiddle all the time.

YOU did nothing wrong.

You just lost it and that is more than understandable and how can he be a friend if he don't understand ?

I do, and I know, you need even more power at the mo not going on with him in your mind, but for yourself.

Fall in love with yourself instead now, that is difficult, I know, but give yourself respect and by the way, it's not embarrassing at all to have and see a therapist, imho a therapy is luxury for oneself, being able talking and working on oneself with someone who is there for you.

I dunno about the costs as dunno where you are, over here it's all payed by the health-insurance.

I wish you that you're not blinded for yourself, that you get rest and I wish you, most of ALL I wish you - strength.

[GiveAndTake]

You have crossed the line from emotional to physical.

 

Even if he proposes on your doorstep right now, this pain you feel will NOT go away.

 

Your situation did cause this problem but resolution will not take it away now.

 

You've crossed the line into a PANIC ATTACK

 

 

Only medication can help you and you can and WILL feel better within minutes of taking it.

 

A regular Doctor can prescribe panic (anxiety) medication for you but only a weeks worth because it is a controlled substance. But it will be enough to get you out of this state you are in.

 

 

Everything will be CLEAR and OK if you do this.

[DepressedWaiting]

He did show me proof of his attorney... I saw the bill. He wasn't lying about that... he did pay the attorney. This is what has me so stumped.

 

He wasn't lying about that, he WAS serious about divorce. He really thinks I screwed and and I have nobody to blame but msyelf. He just doesn't get it... this situation was awful for me... when the turmoil got to be too much and he felt like I was hopeless and unstable... he made his decision that he has no choice but to end it with me because he came to the realization that 'm "hopeless" that this is who I really am. If that's how he really feels he made a huge mistake because it's not who I really am. Not at all.

 

So he sided with his wife... and left me out in the cold. He made his decisoin, I'm yesterday's trash to him. He couldn't even care less if the police hauled me off. I'm in shock still.

 

6 days ago he was holding me in his arms! Then that visit turned into a huge fight... then it went downhill from there when his wife accidentally got my voicemails I left on his cell phone the next day. I guess he saw his opportunity to lose me and screw me over and he took it.