Author DepressedWaiting Posted March 4, 2006 Author Share Posted March 4, 2006 I am starting to resent and HATE him. The more I read all the responses here and the more I really think about the situation it's making me sick. I am just preparing myself for the worst and expect the worst case scenerio and outcome. I still really WANT him to prove me wrong and have this really TINY hope that he will. I can't walk away right now. I know I can't. I can't even imagine doing that right now. I really just need to do this my way. I know what I need and I need that deadline and for him to fail me on that deadline. He has been begging me for MONTHS to please change my ways towards him because no man in his right mind would end his marriage to be with somebody like me who treats him the way that I do and it's scaring him off. I'm just laying low... keeping my cool... give him NO reason to blame anything on me as before... not going to give him that advantage again. Earlier this week when he was over he just layed with me on the couch and held me in his arms for hours and fell asleep. Then he had to leave for a meeting and thanked me sincerely for not interrogatating him or escalating into chaos like every single visit always used to be like before. It would be so nice if he did prove me wrong. I could stay in his arms forever In the meantime, I am focusing my energy on my new business not putting my life on hold as before. Before I was and it was starting to give me anxiety attacks. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 I am starting to resent and HATE him. The more I read all the responses here and the more I really think about the situation it's making me sick. I am just preparing myself for the worst and expect the worst case scenerio and outcome. Then I have to say it again DW, when and IF the time comes he does end up with you, you're gonna have to sort out all that hate and resentment that has built up inside you. If you don't, that relationship won't last long. Patterns have been set and it's very unhealthy for both of you. Even if it means seeing a therapist on your own, not only with him...And I do believe each of you need counselling. Apart and together. Take care and focus on you now. Link to post Share on other sites
Seen_It_All Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 ...for reading my post the way it was intended - a frank and candid opinion of his repulsive behavior toward EVERYONE involved from an outsider. Are you guys in a community property state? There's not a whole lot she can do to him financially if that's the case. If you're in a fault state, however, and she can prove infidelity then yes, she can do damage. I'm not a lawyer, it's just what I've learned reading the boards over the years. It's a crying shame that he's only been married for 4 years and has already torn this woman's life APART the way he's done. The guy is like a bull in a china shop. Is he self destructive or something? Does he feel he has to ruin anything he might perceive good or right in his life? Was married to one of those and lasted for a couple of years before I ran off, screaming all the way out the door and into the night. You know Depressed, I don't blame you for hating this man - or at least, hating his behavior and his obvious disrespect for the women in his life. I guess it's a good thing he's sterile - at least he can't breed more emotionally stunted, ethically bankrupt people like himself into this world. So that's a positive. At this point, your relationship sounds like a p*ssing contest - neither one of you will throw in the towel until the other has failed to live up to their end of the deal. THEN the winner can emerge victorious and say, "I told you so!" If you feel that 2 weeks from now - when he's still stuck in that dysfunctional mess he's created and tells you he's not leaving - that THIS will finally get you to cut the ties that bind, then let that be your point of no return. I get the sense that you're looking at his answer 2 weeks from now as a symbolic sign to finally leave, once and for all. Seems you don't like him or respect him any more than any of us do. You just need that ONE push, don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DepressedWaiting Posted March 4, 2006 Author Share Posted March 4, 2006 Seen_It_All... yes I liked your post. Especially the "intolerable mutant" part made me laugh. I am going to copy/paste that out and show it to him. That is what I think of him and what he is doing and I've been stupid enough to go along with it in denial for so long too weak too leave. He's out of town under a stressful business meeting with one of his biggest clients. He's very stressed out right now. But when he gets back into town and tells me his decision on St. Patricks day I know he will be giving me a deadline. I just need to do it this way and see him surpass that deadline and delay it at least ocne and then I'll be all set to kick him to the curb. But I NEED to get to that point and end it my way. I'll start a new thread and update what his little decision is on St.Patrick's day. P.S- No we live in Florida. I have emailed and talked with MANY divorce attorneys in this state. Courts do not care about affairs and who had an affair on who. This is irrelevant. Also 4 years is considered a very short term marriage. Every attroney I contacted mentioned this to me. I contacted numerous attorneys way back because I wanted to get more educated on these matters. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 ...that day at the warehouse...I was 100% sure he really was scum...the very worst case scenerio happened that day... If he turns out to be true slime... Weeelllll...I don't like to refer to ANY human being - even the worst-behaving - as "true slime". And I would also like to say that it is very clear to me that this man is selfish, unethical, cruel, dishonest, and destructive to women with whom he gets involved. That's not my opinion, that's simply an analysis based on the facts as you have presented them. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletletter Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 I think you should do whatever your heart tells you to do. Only you can know what you are getting yourself back in to. Good luck to you. I wish you the best. I probably would have done the same thing. Love makes to do the most insane things. Hopefully, it will work out the way you want it to. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladylay Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 In the meantime though... unlike before... I am no longer putting my life on hold. I am actively pursuing my new business full force. Getting my business name tradmarked... hired a programmer to complete my business management program to manage my new business and inventory e.t.c... so at least I am no longer puting my life on hold for this garbage! Good for you,either way you deserve to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladylay Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 I've known this man for over 13+ years now. I know him better than I know myself almost A question ; Have you had any other relationships apart from him? Are you sure it's not just familiarty that makes you continue on this path? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DepressedWaiting Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Ladylay, not it's definitely not because of familiarity. Yes, he's the first man I've ever been involved with and also the first man I've ever slept with. But despite what anybody might think of that this really isn't a factor in this situation. It really isn't. He's also the only man I've ever slept with. Triple whammy here. I'm a bit sick of talking about him and this lousy situation for now. I'd rather update on what happens on decision day on St.Patrick's day when he gets back into town from business. On a happy note I just got my braces off. I was supposed to have them for only 12 months and had to wear them for almost 3 YEARS and just got them off today. So at least I have something to be happy about! I've been starting at my teeth all day in the mirror. I can't stop At least it's keeping me preoccupied... Link to post Share on other sites
Ladylay Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Ladylay, not it's definitely not because of familiarity. Yes, he's the first man I've ever been involved with and also the first man I've ever slept with. But despite what anybody might think of that this really isn't a factor in this situation. It really isn't. He's also the only man I've ever slept with. Triple whammy here. I'm a bit sick of talking about him and this lousy situation for now. I'd rather update on what happens on decision day on St.Patrick's day when he gets back into town from business. On a happy note I just got my braces off. I was supposed to have them for only 12 months and had to wear them for almost 3 YEARS and just got them off today. So at least I have something to be happy about! I've been starting at my teeth all day in the mirror. I can't stop At least it's keeping me preoccupied... Yay for straight teeth:) Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Depressedwaiting, despite of what you think, you didn't cause this break-up. The reason why you didn't trust him was because your intuition told you that he won't file for divorce, although you wanted really badly to believe him. He took advantage of the fight to make an excuse for not leaving his wife. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Even if you were totally sweet, he would've disappointed you. I caused a fight because of which my boyfriend got cold feet or so I thought. The situation was similar as in I felt that something was wrong; I found an email in which he only stated that he'd be back home soon without telling his friend that he is getting married. There were other signs that my intuition pointed out at, because of which I thought he was going to get cold feet. The fight was about me telling him that he was getting cold feet! Finally he got cold feet and I thought it was my fault, but deep inside I knew I just predicted the situation. So next time he talked about marriage again and got cold feet for the second time - this time I didn't do anything wrong. So I dumped him and two days later he proposed to me. We are married now. My point is - unless you do something for a very long time and NOT as a reaction to your partner's action - it's not YOU who affects the final outcome. It wasn't my fault that he got cold feet, but also at the end he didn't disappoint me - he married me. Plus between breaking up and proposing to me, he did nothing to hurt me. Your MM used you, betrayed you, made a fool of you, and hurt you. He lied to you and his wife. Don't worry, his wife knows that you were his mistress, don't think that he managed to persuade her that you're just a psycho that's madly in love with him, stalking him, etc. If she believed that for one moment, she wouldn't have attacked you or called the police on you. He is a scum indeed. You're hurting now, but that will pass. You think him being your first and only has nothing to do with anything, but trust me it does! I spent 7 years with my first BF (and he wasn't even my only cuz we were breaking up and I had sex with other people), who was a total low-class scum and I almost married him. When I met my next BF (who became my 1st husband), I realized how much I was missing in the previous relationship. And again, I made a mistake, because my ex-husband seemed so wonderful in comparison to the guy before him that I thought he was the right one. And he wasn't so we got divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Depressedwaiting, despite of what you think, you didn't cause this break-up. The reason why you didn't trust him was because your intuition told you that he won't file for divorce, although you wanted really badly to believe him. He took advantage of the fight to make an excuse for not leaving his wife. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Even if you were totally sweet, he would've disappointed you. I caused a fight because of which my boyfriend got cold feet or so I thought. The situation was similar as in I felt that something was wrong; I found an email in which he only stated that he'd be back home soon without telling his friend that he is getting married. There were other signs that my intuition pointed out at, because of which I thought he was going to get cold feet. The fight was about me telling him that he was getting cold feet! Finally he got cold feet and I thought it was my fault, but deep inside I knew I just predicted the situation. So next time he talked about marriage again and got cold feet for the second time - this time I didn't do anything wrong. So I dumped him and two days later he proposed to me. We are married now. My point is - unless you do something for a very long time and NOT as a reaction to your partner's action - it's not YOU who affects the final outcome. It wasn't my fault that he got cold feet, but also at the end he didn't disappoint me - he married me. Plus between breaking up and proposing to me, he did nothing to hurt me. Your MM used you, betrayed you, made a fool of you, and hurt you. He lied to you and his wife. Don't worry, his wife knows that you were his mistress, don't think that he managed to persuade her that you're just a psycho that's madly in love with him, stalking him, etc. If she believed that for one moment, she wouldn't have attacked you or called the police on you. He is a scum indeed. You're hurting now, but that will pass. You think him being your first and only has nothing to do with anything, but trust me it does! I spent 7 years with my first BF (and he wasn't even my only cuz we were breaking up and I had sex with other people), who was a total low-class scum and I almost married him. When I met my next BF (who became my 1st husband), I realized how much I was missing in the previous relationship. And again, I made a mistake, because my ex-husband seemed so wonderful in comparison to the guy before him that I thought he was the right one. And he wasn't so we got divorced. Get up to date here RP She's got a whole new thread.. she's back together with him. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Oh ... I see... Si what's the scoop? Is he filing for divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Oh ... I see... Si what's the scoop? Is he filing for divorce? Eh.. I think so. Her new thread is I think 'You guys won't be proud'.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladylay Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 They linked the two together;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author DepressedWaiting Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 RecordProducer, yes this is an old thread and I started a new one called "Update: You guys won't be proud..." a few days ago. They merged my new thread into this old thread. I wish they hadn't done that because it's confusing If you strart reading this thread from post #222 ... that's where the new thread begins that I started... But when I hear his deicsion on March 17th when he gets back into town on St.Patrick's... I'll start a new thread with an update on his decision. But I'd rtaher let this old thread die, and then I will start a new thread on his decision... this thread has become too long, it's getting to be confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Guestwer Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 PLEASE!!! That guy was never going to divorce his wife! Who are you kiddding? He had you wrapped around his little finger, until things got tough! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DepressedWaiting Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 He just got back into town early. He is having serious vision problems in one eye. He had RK surgery done in one eye several years ago but it never got corrected to 20/20 after the RK surgery... so a couple of weeks ago he had PRK over his RK'ed eye in hopes of getting 20/20 vision in that eye but is having serious complications. He can't see out of that eye and his vision in that eye has deteriorated and he has been put on steriods e.t.c... this is why he returned early from his business trip. He's losing vision in that eye. He is seeing 20/200 AFTER his sugery TWO weeks later. This is horrible... it should be at least 20/40 by now. His vision is getting worse... not better like it should be. The doctor does not know what's wrong and has him on steriod treatment and visits every 48 hours and is wearing a patch. I wonder what's going on with it. I wouldn't be surprised if he uses this as an excuse to delay his decision. He's really distrought and depressed over his eye especially because the doctor isn't telling him anything good and unsure what the complication is at this point. He saw better BEFORE the PRK surgery... now his vision is much worse. The eye doctor screwed this one up. And he'll never be able to have anymore sugeries on that eye because that eye was RK'ed years ago... (you know, where they cut the eye with several radical cuts re-shaep the cornea)... having even this surgery was very risky... he'll never be able to have that eye fixed. He's screwed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DepressedWaiting Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 IF he uses this as an excuse to delay his decision then I will be saying the h*ll with him. I don't care if he goes blind in one eye... he can STILL think mentally and make decisions. This should be interesting. I wonder what the heck the doctor did wrong with his eye, he's LOSING vision rather than gaining better vision and it's getting worse everyday and the doc doesn't know why. Geez, this is comforting. I'm having intralse done next year from a different doctor... now this makes me nervous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DepressedWaiting Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 Actually he had it done an entire month ago... not two weeks ago. Time flies by fast. He just left the eye doctor... they suspect he has developed corneal scarring while the cornea is healing from the PRK. He is definitely scewed. Corneal scarring causes permanent vision loss and does not heal and cannot be fixed. Corneal scarring can start even 3 months after PRK. This complication doesn't happen with lasik or intraslase... but unfortunately he was forced to have PRK because that is the only type of surgery you can do on top of an already RK'ed eye. I wonder if he'll use this as an excuse to delay things and his decision. I wouldn't be surprised... heck this relationship might be ending a whole lot sooner than I thought. I won't be sticking around. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 I'm not telling you to bail on him, that choice is yours...But if this delays his divorce proceedings, obviously it's not done on purpose. Imagine how devastating it is, to lose perminate sight out of one eye. That's alot to deal with. So, yes, you're probably right, this will be a setback...Whether or not he chooses to tell you he needs more time because of the eye thing, or if it brings him closer to his wife, is yet to be seen. You know your limits here - So if you want to end it, then end it. No regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DepressedWaiting Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 Whichwayisup, Thanks for the response. Yes, it is devastating. I just can't believe this. This complication is VERY rare but it looks like this is what has happened to him. He was not a candidate to have the safer procedures such as lasik or intralase because he had RK in that eye years ago. You can't cut flaps in an RK eye because it can fall apart where the RK eye was cut years ago. So this is why he had to have PRK and why he wasn't a candidate for the safer lasik and intraslase (these two procedures cut a flap... zap the eye... and then the flap is replaced). PRK just zaps the cornea on top... no flap is cut so it's safe for those who have had RK in the past. With PRK the cornea takes longer to heal and that's why there is a risk of corneal scarring and uneven healing of the cornea... because no flap was cut. I say he is screwed. It's been an entire month since he had it done... by now his vision should be improving... but it's getting worse. He is very distrought... you can tell. He is incredibly panicked right now... I know this wouldn't bring him closer to his wife... long story.. too long to explain. But this isn't an issue. I'll see how his eye is in a few days... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I honestly don't know what to tell you. I mean, you've waited THIS long, why not wait longer until he atleast knows what's going to happen with his eye. Maybe he'll need more surgery to remove the scar tissue, who knows? I just think you may regret slamming the door and walking away right now. Not that HE deserves you to wait longer for him...But I think your heart will hurt more if do end it without seeing what happens with his health. Or I could be wrong, maybe now IS a good time. Only you know the answer to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DepressedWaiting Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 whichwayisup, I actually really don't mind giving him a little longer... ONLY until we see what is going to happen to his vision. But now I feel like a fool or that people here are going to slam me and say... "SEE I TOLD YOU SO!"... here's your delay! But this is SERIOUS. The doctor says he might be suffering from corneal scarring... he has every symptom of it. They have him on steriod treatment right now. He's going back to the doctor again on friday. I'll see how it goes. He's very distrought right now over it... he can't see. You can't fix this, you can't remove scar tissue from your cornea. That would cause even more damage and scarring, There is nothing you can do about this. It's permanent damage and vision loss. Cornea scarring is the worst complication you can have from this PRK. It can occur even several months after you've had PRK... although VERY rare. This can happen in people with weaker immune systems... such as he has. He has crohn's disease. Give it a few days and see what happens or if theres imporvement or if it keps getting worse. I know I wouldn't be able to think or concentrate on anything else if I lost vision in one eye. I've actually had that happen when I had an MS attack and lost vision in my right eye... completely blind for an entire month. I have multiple sclerosis so I had optic neuritis in my right eye. I was completely blind in my right eye for a month (I'm talking pitch dark blindess!)... but for him it's worse because I knew my blindness was not permanent (optic neuritis is not permanent). I regained FULL normal sight a month later. I see perfectly out of both eyes now. Hopefully I won't have aother attack like that ever again. But for him the vision loss will be permanent if it's corneal scarring. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Ahh k, thanks. I don't know much about that! Good to know and hey, ya learn something daily on LS. Noone here is going to say told ya so. If they do, ignore 'em. As I've said all along, you know when enough is enough and when to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
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