I am beyond devastated...

[DepressedWaiting]

I'll see in a few days how his eye is doing and if his vision keeps deteriorating. I still think he can make his decision regardless of his sight. So I think I'm taking my word back... he does need to give me his decsion regardless of his sight.

 

No matter how mean that sounds... I'm just not going to go for any delays.

 

Ah, I need a few days

 

I really hope his corneal scarring isn't serious (menaing he doesn't really have it)... his doctor certainly is not at ease. It's NOT normal ... what is happening to his vision is very alarming. The doctor says he more than likely has it... is waiting and providing steroid treatment before doing further tests.

[RecordProducer]

The pain and fear related to the surgery should bring him closer to the woman he loves; if that's you then he should rely on you and look for you when he feels down.

 

My ex-BF had a severe glaucoma and was blind on his left eye. It still didn't prevent him from divorcing his ex-wife, changing a job, building a house, breaking up with me and proposing to me a few times...

 

There are no excuses, honey. People make excuses just to be with the ones they love!

[DepressedWaiting]

I just got off the phone with him. He doesn't have corneal scarring (he might but it doesn't look like it right now yet). But the problem was that the doctor put him on steroid medication for his eye and he had a large pressure build up in his eye because of it. This is also why his vision kept blacking out and going dark when he would stand up.

 

It's been an entire month since he had it done and by now his vision should be at least 20/25... but it's 20/100... very bad.

 

Before he had the PRK his vision was about 20/60... now after it's 20/100. The problem also is that he can't wear a contact in that eye ever again so he's stuck with bad vision. We'll see what happens... but it's not looking good seeing how his vision is this bad when it has already had a month to heal.

 

But he told me he will NOT delay his decision on St.Patrick's day and he will NOT use any excuses. He WILL give me his decision and his deadline.

 

I'll update on his eye and his decision and then see what the future brings. It should be insteresting. Predictable... but interesting.

 

At least the jerk doesn't have corneal scarring as suspected... but his vision is still awful.

[Barby]

At least the jerk doesn't have corneal scarring as suspected... but his vision is still awful.

 

If you feel this way DW about him calling him a "jerk".......not saying he is or isn't and I've read a LOT of your post and am pretty familiar with your story..........

 

WHY oh WHY dear DW are you waiting for HIM to make the choice? Why not tell him it's over and find someone who isn't a "jerk"??

[newbby]

i think barby, that dw is slightly wary of coming off as a little blind herself. therefore she is throwing in a few words that make her appear less foolish. its perfectly understandable, and why it is better to give non judgemental support so that people can speak more freely about how they really feel.

[Barby]

i think barby, that dw is slightly wary of coming off as a little blind herself. therefore she is throwing in a few words that make her appear less foolish. its perfectly understandable, and why it is better to give non judgemental support so that people can speak more freely about how they really feel.

 

 

Okay.......I've been there myself.......no one can be blamed for their feelings.........I only wish her the best but like for most of us....it's hard to see someone go through the same thing as every other "OW" on here has.......hearing about the "deadline" and expecting different results.......

----------But-------------

 

I do understand one always holds out hope to be with the one they love but if she truly reconizes he's a jerk then why would she want to lower herself to be settling for a jerk?

 

But if she is wary of appearing blind then that is understandable but it appears she only fooling herself.......

[newbby]

it was just a guess anyway, but i wasnt actually accusing anyone of being judgemental. it just seemed a good example of why non judgemental space to let out feelings is so important.

[Barby]

it was just a guess anyway, but i wasnt actually accusing anyone of being judgemental. it just seemed a good example of why non judgemental space to let out feelings is so important.

 

I couldn't agree more... :o

 

But sometimes people are judging the "SITUATION" not the person but (not speaking specifics just in general)...posters feel judged instead of their situation being so.

[DepressedWaiting]

Some people just need to relax and stop over analazying every word that comes out of my mouth.

 

Yes he is a JERK. So what. Yes I think he's a jerk so what. Until he proves me wrong that's what he is. I call him a jerk all the time to his face and a lot worse than that. He hasn't proven otherwise. I won't put up with it much longer. Giving him ONE chance to screw up his deadline and I'm gone.

 

Yes, MOST married men never leave their wives... but then again MANY do. There is just too much negativity around here. I'm dealing with this MY way. The way I NEED to deal with it and end it MY way.

[newbby]

Some people just need to relax and stop over analazying every word that comes out of my mouth.

 

Yes he is a JERK. So what. Yes I think he's a jerk so what. Until he proves me wrong that's what he is. I call him a jerk all the time to his face and a lot worse than that. He hasn't proven otherwise. I won't put up with it much longer. Giving him ONE chance to screw up his deadline and I'm gone.

 

Yes, MOST married men never leave their wives... but then again MANY do. There is just too much negativity around here. I'm dealing with this MY way. The way I NEED to deal with it and end it MY way.

fine. people are only trying to help you.

[RecordProducer]

I call him a jerk all the time to his face and a lot worse than that... There is just too much negativity around here.

There's a saying: "You can tell what the day will be like by looking at its morning!" I would NOT be surprised if he doesn't leave his wife for you with all the nagativity you express. I am telling you this not to criticize you but for your own good.

[erika2610]

Some people just need to relax and stop over analazying every word that comes out of my mouth.

 

Yes he is a JERK. So what. Yes I think he's a jerk so what. Until he proves me wrong that's what he is. I call him a jerk all the time to his face and a lot worse than that. He hasn't proven otherwise. I won't put up with it much longer. Giving him ONE chance to screw up his deadline and I'm gone.

 

Yes, MOST married men never leave their wives... but then again MANY do. There is just too much negativity around here. I'm dealing with this MY way. The way I NEED to deal with it and end it MY way.

 

You came here posting for advice.. and what do you expect? You're the one sitting there calling him a jerk and a scumbag. Doesn't sound like ya care about him at all to me..

[No Stress Lady]

Some people just need to relax and stop over analazying every word that comes out of my mouth.

 

Yes he is a JERK. So what. Yes I think he's a jerk so what. Until he proves me wrong that's what he is. I call him a jerk all the time to his face and a lot worse than that. He hasn't proven otherwise. I won't put up with it much longer. Giving him ONE chance to screw up his deadline and I'm gone.

 

Yes, MOST married men never leave their wives... but then again MANY do. There is just too much negativity around here. I'm dealing with this MY way. The way I NEED to deal with it and end it MY way.

 

From the way you write it doesn't sound like you're ready to deal with any kind of deadline coming/passing and from the bitter and condescending way you describe this guy you'd make his life hell even if you did get together.

 

Sorry but that's just the way it comes across in your posts.

 

I think you seriously need to take a deep breath and try to work out whether you even want this guy - a huge amount of what you've said has been negative about him.

[DepressedWaiting]

Just for the record I call ALL men jerks. But especially this one. Like I said so what. Yes, I do care about him and yes I want to be with him MORE than anything in this world.

 

Yes, I have been EXTREMELY negative towards him. But I have toned it down. He also keeps telling me repeatedly how on earth could I expect ANY man to want to be with me let alone divorce when there's CONSTANTLY turmoil. He keeps saying that he is afraid of me and is afraid we aren't compatible because of the CONSTANT fighting and turmoil over the situation.

But I am no longer doing that and have toned it down to an acceptable level. I have made it very clear to him that if he wants to see the real me or how I'm really like then he will have to divorce first and THEN find this out. Either I am worth the risk or I'm not. Take it or leave it. When people REALLY want something they take RISKS. Same as when starting a business and you risk losing everything. I'm not going to sit here with a smile on my face while he has his cake and eats it too. I've toned it down, I'm no longer giving him h*ll as before. H*ll like you would not ever believe or imagine. Nor have I given him ANY sex whatsoever ever for the past 3 weeks though.

 

And he is actually telling me his decision tomorrow, days earlier then we initially agreed to. Because he got back into town early because of his bad vision in his eye from the PRK. He says regardless of the turmoil, I am worth the risk and he can't be without me.. guess we'll see about that.

 

I don't wish to disucss this any further now.

 

My dog of 13 years who appeared to be VERY healthy with NO signs of illness... all of a sudden... with absolutely no symtoms beforehand... no warning... just died this morning from sudden heart failure. She starting collapsing yesterday several times and fainting and rapidly deteriorated. Scared the heck out of me. I took her to the emergency clinic last night (costed over $800!) and she deteriortated overnight and by this monring they had to put her to sleep. I'm more preoccupied and worried about my dog dying... than the dog we are discussing in this thread.

 

I feel so sorry for my dog, she was so healthy and lively with NO signs of pain or illness until 48 hours ago. I can't believe she's gone. I didn't even get to say good bye to her

 

EDIT: Corblimey, why thank you for that useless post.

[No Stress Lady]

Sorry to hear about your dog - that's tough.....

 

You know Depressed Waiting, having read many of your posts, I really don't think the outcome of all this is going to be good no matter what his decision.

 

You say that he is scared of you, and that you have given him "hell like you would not believe" - there is no love in what you write just anger and bitterness. It sounds like you really need to see a counsellor and majorly rethink your situation - maybe some time away, a trip away somewhere might help give you some perspective and space for contemplation. All I can say is that I do not think you are in any way ready to live with this guy - it sounds like you have emotionally removed his balls and pushed him close to a nervous breakdown. Is he really going to want to come to you after all the rage and pain of the last few months???? I think you need serious time out.

[DepressedWaiting]

No Stress Lady,

 

Oh gosh.. I would never want to live with any man and especially never marry anyone. I need my own space. I MIGHT would consider living with him in the very far distant future... however not until way way way after his divorce was finalized. Im talking at least a solid year.

I also do not ever want to have kids. Definitely withtout a doubt not my thing. I might not know anything at all in this world... but this is something I know for CERTAIN.

 

I just need a man who respects me enough to have a faithful commited relationship with me. Not some pig whose cheating on his wife screwing me behind her back. I'm NOT going to lower myself to tolerate it anymore. I was a competely different person when I got involved with him. Very immature and nauive. Now I'm just screwed up .. but then again so is he. Match made in heaven.

 

I'm actually more or less curious about what his decision will be next week. I might not be home tomorrow on monday... so he might actually have to come over later this week afterall. But I will know his decision by St. Patrick's day as agreed.

[No Stress Lady]

No Stress Lady,

 

Oh gosh.. I would never want to live with any man and especially never marry anyone. I need my own space. I MIGHT would consider living with him in the very far distant future... however not until way way way after his divorce was finalized. Im talking at least a solid year.

I also do not ever want to have kids. Definitely withtout a doubt not my thing. I might not know anything at all in this world... but this is something I know for CERTAIN.

 

I just need a man who respects me enough to have a faithful commited relationship with me. Not some pig whose cheating on his wife screwing me behind her back. I'm NOT going to lower myself to tolerate it anymore. I was a competely different person when I got involved with him. Very immature and nauive. Now I'm just screwed up .. but then again so is he. Match made in heaven.

 

I'm actually more or less curious about what his decision will be next week. I might not be home tomorrow on monday... so he might actually have to come over later this week afterall. But I will know his decision by St. Patrick's day as agreed.

 

In which case I don't think this is the guy for you at all and I think you need to take some time out and start thinking about meeting some new people.

 

I think this "Decision Day" stuff is just more stalling and pontificating on both your parts and it seems to have taken on some kind of warped importance for you - whatever his "decision" it's not going to be good for either of you.

 

Why not just accept that he's not the guy for you, quit wasting precious energy on him and start living your life - you only get one for god's sake - properly instead of all this pointless drama and vengefulness.......sheesh, there are heaps of great guys out there.....I'd rather spend my energies having fun with my girlfriends than getting in such a state over some guy who's treated you like crap and sounds like a total waste of time - you don't even seem to like the guy!!!!! Weird.

[DepressedWaiting]

I DO like him. I like him a lot. Known him for 13 years. Know him better than I know myself.

 

I don't like the situation... but I do like him. But am still sick over what he is doing. I've said this a zillion times in this thread. I need to end this my way. I need to see him set a deadline for divorce... and surpass it and delay it at least ONCE. Until then it is not realistic for me to walk away.

 

I need to get to that point.

 

But asides from this. Yes I am weird... but so is he. We have always had this very strange relationship or connection. Nobody else can ever understand it. It's almost sick to other people... but normal for us.

I don't know... how does the saying go? "Birds of a feather flock together"...

[erika2610]

I DO like him. I like him a lot. Known him for 13 years. Know him better than I know myself.

 

I don't like the situation... but I do like him. But am still sick over what he is doing. I've said this a zillion times in this thread. I need to end this my way. I need to see him set a deadline for divorce... and surpass it and delay it at least ONCE. Until then it is not realistic for me to walk away.

 

I need to get to that point.

 

But asides from this. Yes I am weird... but so is he. We have always had this very strange relationship or connection. Nobody else can ever understand it. It's almost sick to other people... but normal for us.

I don't know... how does the saying go? "Birds of a feather flock together"...

 

I agree with NoStressLady.. he doesn't sound like the right guy for you. I've never referred to people I love as 'scum or jerks'. And why would he need to divorce BEFORE he sees the real you?

And I'm so sorry about your dog.. I've been there, and I know just how heartbreaking it is.. (hugs)

[DepressedWaiting]

erika2610,

 

He needs to divorce before he see's the real me because he will NEVER see the real me in this situation. I cannot let my guard down around him or... nevermind.. it's hard too hard to explain. I'm in too much pain in this situation, I am fed up with this situation. Obviously when someone is constantly feeling that way... it's going to alter them and throw their true personality and being out of whack. By now he knows whether he really wants me or not regardless of my behavior towards him. Heck... if I were him... and I thought that this is who I really am... I'd run for the hills! So I can see his point. But if he's so senseless he doesn't know why I'm so distrought constantly... then he's braindead. If by now... after all this time... he does not think that I am worth the risk... then fine good riddens.

 

But he says that I am worth the risk... ok so fine... I'll do things his way... cut him some slack and ease the tight grip I have on his balls... and give him that one chance to set a comfortable timeframe for divorce... and prove me wrong. I just need him to delay that timeframe just ONCE. That's all I need. Plain and simple.

 

P.S- Yes, this is so weird. My dog was alive and perfectly fine just 2 days ago and now she's suddenly dead. She was very healthy, had excellent eyesight, excellent hearing... she was a very young 13 year old dog. She was only a 25 pound dog so they age better. But wham... all of a sudden she started collapsing and fainting... her heart just failed. Poor little thing, I felt so sorry for her. I didn't even get to say good bye. She actually... was my true best friend and went everywhere with me.

[erika2610]

erika2610,

 

He needs to divorce before he see's the real me because he will NEVER see the real me in this situation. I cannot let my guard down around him or... nevermind.. it's hard too hard to explain. I'm in too much pain in this situation, I am fed up with this situation. Obviously when someone is constantly feeling that way... it's going to alter them and throw their true personality and being out of whack. By now he knows whether he really wants me or not regardless of my behavior towards him. Heck... if I were him... and I though that this is who I really am... I'd run for the hills! So I can see his point. But if he's so senseless he doesn't know why I'm so distrought constantly... then he's braindead. If by now... after all this time... he does not think that I am worth the risk... then fine good riddens.

 

But he says that I am worth the risk... ok so fine... I'll do things his way... cut him some slack and ease the tight grip I have on his balls... and give him that one chance to set a comfortable timeframe for divorce... and prove me wrong. I just need him to delay that timeframe just ONCE. That's all I need. Plain and simple.

 

But to me it just doesn't sound worth it at all. To be so constantly distruaght and upset. The drama just doesn't seem worth it. Why put yourself through it? Why not just go out, hot the town, and find a single man? You keep saying how much you like him, you like him, you like him. What I noticed is you didn't say you love him. To me, if somebody cares about you that much, they don't bring you constant pain.

 

And I know again how ya feel. I had a cat - 16 years old. had her from the time I was like 8. She was my baby. Went everywhere with me.. was always around me. One day I walked in the room, and she was dead.. heart attack. Sometimes though they may seem healthy, they may have had an undetected problem still.. I'm so sorry.

[DepressedWaiting]

Yeah that's how it was with my dog. She did have a condition with her heart probably going on for a very long time before this happened. But it had no symptoms. Two of her heart values were enrlarged... going undectected until the fainting happened two days ago.

 

 

But in regards to my MM... I'm not the lovey dovey type of person or one to write that I love him. Blah... but I do

[Ladylay]

He needs to divorce before he see's the real me because he will NEVER see the real me in this situation

 

If he has known you thirteen years, he has seen the real you.

 

He knew you before affair, sorry DW you cant act like a different person for to long.

The mask will always slip.

[DepressedWaiting]

No, that's not correct. He has NOT seen the real me in a relationship. I was younger back then... we were of course not involved in a relationship back then. What I'm saying of course is that this situation is making me distrought obviously.

 

I don't care to explain this, I know exactly what I'm saying. Just forget it.

[RecordProducer]

If he has been seeing you at your worst for a long time, there is no way on earth you can persuade him that there is a much better side of you that is permanent. Even if he has seen you at your best before the affair, once he got to know you better, he discovered your hidden traits and they've put a shadow on your good sides.

 

If you have enough respect for yourself, you will get out of a relationship that makes you so angry that it brings the worst in you and makes you yell and curse. If he makes you angry, he has the power over you. You depend on him emotionally. He will NOT leave for as long as you accept to be his mistress. Only if you dump him, you have a chance.