I am beyond devastated...

[D-Dan]

I haven't read the whole thread through - but I recognised the situation from my own past. I was seeing a MW, and the whole scenario in the original post brought back some pretty awful memories.

 

But if it helps you, I'll tell you how I finished up (after the breakdown).

 

I won - she left her husband and came to me. And guess what, I'm single right now.

 

Sometimes the dream and reality don't match up. Despite her loving me there was always that resentment that I had destroyed so much for her.

 

And you know, when we eventually parted for good (about two years later) I didn't shed a tear.

 

The passion of wanting the unattainable often outweighs the benefits of getting it.

 

I won't offer you cliches. I know the pain you feel. I understand the loss. I only ask that you trust me when I tell you - it heals eventually. (5 years on and my heart is breaking because of someone else instead - but that's another story).

[BUTAFLY]

I haven't read the whole thread through - but I recognised the situation from my own past. I was seeing a MW, and the whole scenario in the original post brought back some pretty awful memories.

 

But if it helps you, I'll tell you how I finished up (after the breakdown).

 

I won - she left her husband and came to me. And guess what, I'm single right now.

 

Sometimes the dream and reality don't match up. Despite her loving me there was always that resentment that I had destroyed so much for her.

 

And you know, when we eventually parted for good (about two years later) I didn't shed a tear.

 

The passion of wanting the unattainable often outweighs the benefits of getting it.

 

I won't offer you cliches. I know the pain you feel. I understand the loss. I only ask that you trust me when I tell you - it heals eventually. (5 years on and my heart is breaking because of someone else instead - but that's another story).

 

I'm always interested in hearing a mans story...I like to hear a men perspective and where they are coming from. So please indulge me.

[Sami_D]

DW... so good to see you still posting, and beginning to get on with your life. Well done. Yes, you probably are stronger than you thought you were... I think many of us are when we have to be.

 

You're going to look back on this and know what a lucky escape you had with this man. Every time you write about how he spoke to you I feel annoyed. IF HE WAS planning on getting divorced, he should have been doing it because it was the best thing for HIM. NOT blaming you for messing it up. What a childish person. Amazing.

 

In a mostly positive post from you I didn't like to read that you are still concerned about what HE thinks about you. In time, you won't care. I was VERY hung up on getting my abusive ex-partner to admit to his part in what happened between us. For a long time. Imagine that!

 

In time you'll get over needing any kind of approval from that waste of space, and will just laugh at how he meant anything at all to you.

[DepressedWaiting]

Sami D, yes I'm now seeing what a messed up person he really is. I mean he's really screwed up. In his mind he was doing NO wrong and was putting ALL blame on me and not looking at himself or his actions.

 

Do you know what he would say to me CONSTANTLY? Whenever I would interrgoate him and try to get answers and it would escalate into me crying and into an argument he would say to me "See, this is why we have problems!". He was refrrring to us fighting.

 

I would then say back to him that "NO"... "The reason we are having problems is because you are MARRIED and having me on the side!".

 

Proof that he just did NOT get it. He is a VERY weak and selfish man who was stringing me along at my expense.

 

I'm still hurting so badly inside that he doesn't understand any of this and thinks I'm just crazy or unstable. I will NEVER get over that. This situation LITERALLY drove me to insanity and was making me constantly flip out. I wish to god that I could somehow have him go to a therapist with me and get him to understand but I know that would be impossible. He will NEVER understand what my position was like as an "other women".

 

It did seem like he REALLY was getting prepared for divorce but then I pushed him over the edge... I guess I'll never know

 

He's just a screwed up person, weak selfish man who was driving me crazy because of it. The fact that he would blame me for our problems... was just too much for me to handle. We had problems because he was MARRIED and stringing me along!

 

EDIT: I now also see that he is NOT unhappy in his marriage. He is comfortable in his marriage and the only reason he wanted a divorce was because of me. Now after the last fight we had and him ending up in the hospital with a nervous breakdown and him thinking that I'm just a crazy unstable person and that I'm hopeless and that this is who I really am and not someone he could ever be with... I pushed him over the edge... in his mind since it would never work out with me because of this... he decided to dump me like yesterdays trash and stay in his comfortable marriage. It's EXACTLY what happened.

[whichwayisup]

I'm glad you're seeing things in a different and healthier way. And honestly, it doesn't matter what he thinks/feels of the situation or you. Know why? Because YOU know the truth and believe it. He's full of s*** and only thinks of himself.

 

You will get over all this eventually, each week/month that passes, he'll be on your mind less and less. Which means you'll care less and it won't hurt as much either.

 

He pushed himself over the edge and did nothing to stop it. You can't be fully responsible for that, so please, try to let go of the ownership of that part of it.

[BUTAFLY]

"He is a VERY weak and selfish man who was stringing me along at my expense."

 

Now your seeing the light!! GOOD FOR YOU!!

[DepressedWaiting]

I am starting to feel much better and am surprising myself that I'm stronger than I ever imagined or thought I was. I've been going over the whole situation analyzing it. I am making progress BUT deep down I'm STILL feeling I did push him over the edge and SCARED him away.

 

I mean, yes the situation was HORRIBLE and yes it was driving me crazy and I couldn't take it anymore and I was reacting in a horrible manner... but I still wish I hadn't flipped out. I mean I called him nonstop that entire day literally 100+ times in a row. I started calling at 11 a.m and didn't stop until around 6 p.m. (basically I called him once every 5 minutes or so NONSTOP the entire day, you do the math). He kept answering the phone for a split second, yelling at me... and then slamming the phone down immediately. I can see how that would freak anyone out, especially him. I HARRASSED the heck out of him that day and pushed him over the edge. I think left about 20 or 30 hytseric voicemails on his cell. I mean, that is PSYCHO behavior. I just spiraled out of control, the angrier he got and the more he slammed the phone down the more my pain escalated and the more urgently I NEEDED reassurance from him... I was hyper ventilating and I almost blacked out three times. I was so lightheaded... I was so desperate to hear him say that everything is ok... but he did the opposite and it threw me over the edge.

 

It was stupid of me to react that way. I wish I had given him 3 months to see if he wold have filed for divorce or not. Now I'll never know and it's driving me crazy!

 

I'm still very confused and I'm not sure what the truth is at this point. I mean, yes he was a very weak and selfish man... but I DID go psycho on him and I did scare him away for good. He told me after I behaved that way and after I HARRASSED him that he could never be with somebody that immature and somebody who is that UNSTABLE to react like that.

 

I'm making progress... but you guys see I did go psycho on him. I'm STILL wondering if he would have filed for divorce in less than 3 months if I had given him the chance. He DID have an attorney he was working with... but at the same time he was doing a p*ss poopr job of convincing me that he would 100% file in less than 3 months because he said he "wasn't sure how long it would take with that attorney so it MIGHT take longer than 3 months". So you see... the BS revealed itself right there!

[Sami_D]

I'm still very confused and I'm not sure what the truth is at this point. I mean, yes he was a very weak and selfish man... but I DID go psycho on him and I did scare him away for good. He told me after I behaved that way and after I HARRASSED him that he could never be with somebody that immature and somebody who is that UNSTABLE to react like that.

 

Turn this round... Yes, you did 'go psycho' on him and (hopefully) scared him away for good. But he IS a weak and selfish man, who blamed his lack of action on YOU for 'harrassing him' and called you immature and unstable rather than take any of the blame himself.

[RainyDayWoman]

MM ALWAYS told me several times that I'm scaring him... I'm scaring him into thinking he could never be with me because of the way I was acting it was REALLY concerning him and I was pushing him away detroying our relationship and how he feels about me.

 

He REALLY just didn't get it! He thinks I'm unstable and crazy now... that he had NO choice because I'm crazy and immature and an unstable person who he could have never been with. He 100% just doesn't realize it was the situation doing it to me! THIS hurts me more than ANYTHING. It hurts to have someone you cared about think something of me which is NOT true. When I was crying at him at the warehouse in private devastated as to how he could screw me over like this... he looked at me and said are you kidding! You screwed yourself over, look at how your behaving! How could you possibly think that I screwed you over! And that he WAS going to divorce but how could I possibly think he could ever be with me when I'm unstable and have some problem whereas I can't control my emotions and that it is OVER for good. The he let his wife call the police on me and he saved his own rear. Disgusting.

 

 

signs either point to his allegations being completely true...or you just made it convenient for him to find this excuse to keep you away.

 

at this point, it really sounds like he is over the "i care how she feels" part of the break-up process and honestly wants it to end.

[DepressedWaiting]

I know 100% that his allegations are not true. This is why it hurts so bad. It was the situation that was causing my reactions... but looking back I now see I shouldn't have handled the situation the way that I did. I should have just stayed calm and handled it VERY differently... given him 3 months to prove me wrong and then walk away. Instead I constantly flipped out and destroyed the relationship. He does without a doubt think I'm crazy now... he does not understand that it's the situation that lead me to this.

 

Everything has been ruined. I will NEVER know the truth. Yes, he most certainly is done with me. There is no doubt about that.

 

I wish I had handled things differently. It's something I will regret for the rest of my life.

[Sami_D]

I know 100% that his allegations are not true. This is why it hurts so bad. It was the situation that was causing my reactions... but looking back I now see I shouldn't have handled the situation the way that I did. I should have just stayed calm and handled it VERY differently... given him 3 months to prove me wrong and then walk away. Instead I constantly flipped out and destroyed the relationship. He does without a doubt think I'm crazy now... he does not understand that it's the situation that lead me to this.

 

Everything has been ruined. I will NEVER know the truth. Yes, he most certainly is done with me. There is no doubt about that.

 

I wish I had handled things differently. It's something I will regret for the rest of my life.

 

Maybe you will regret it always... I don't think so. I can see there is enough in what you write to show you understand how this man wasn't good enough for you, and let you down. I think you're starting to let go, and regretting things is perhaps part of that..?

 

You need to keep returning to this: YOU did NOT destroy the relationship. What you did was bring it to a sudden end. Don't listen to his accusations. He's just using you as an all-too-convenient scapegoat for HIS shortcomings.

[RainyDayWoman]

I know 100% that his allegations are not true. This is why it hurts so bad. It was the situation that was causing my reactions... but looking back I now see I shouldn't have handled the situation the way that I did. I should have just stayed calm and handled it VERY differently... given him 3 months to prove me wrong and then walk away. Instead I constantly flipped out and destroyed the relationship. He does without a doubt think I'm crazy now... he does not understand that it's the situation that lead me to this.

 

Everything has been ruined. I will NEVER know the truth. Yes, he most certainly is done with me. There is no doubt about that.

 

I wish I had handled things differently. It's something I will regret for the rest of my life.

 

you can't know they are untrue because it is his opinion. he thinks you looked like/were acting crazy. and to him, that's what it was, regardless of why it occurred or how justified you think it is. to him, it's true. he doesn't care why, he just wants out. and he can use this as a way to make it clear to you, even though it probably isn't the real reason he doesn't want to be with you.

 

if a duck stood in front of you and tried to convince you, crying and screaming, that it wasn't a duck...you wouldn't be convinced either.

 

bottom line, stop embarrassing yourself and get some control back in your life. because honestly, you're out of control right now, and nothing you do is going to change his mind.

 

your behaviour only confirms to him that he is making the right decision.

 

i wish you luck.

[DepressedWaiting]

Oh well, what's done is done. Live and learn I guess

 

But I do know if he had handled things properly on his end then I would have been able to cope with the situation and it would have never escalated to this point. If he could have simply sat down and looked me in the eyes and said "Yes, I will 100% file for divorce in less than 3 months no matter what. NO excuses, I will file in less than 3 months I don't care if my house burns down, if I get diagnosed with a tragic disease... I WILL file for divorce. I won't fail you".

 

IF he had done this... it would have made a WORLD of difference like you wouldn't believe. THEN I would have been able to cope and ease up on him completely for the 3 months to see if he fails me.

 

BUT instead he did a p*ss poor job of convincing me he would file within 3 months as one second he would say that he would divorce within 3 months because that's a SAFE timeframe... but then the next second he would say he's 99% sure but it MIGHT take longer. THAT to me is unacceptable and that to me indicates he was stringing me along. If he's really serious he should know 100% WHEN. He then claims it's out of his hands, it's up to the attorney... however I know whatever he was taking care of does not take more than 3 months!

 

By this time however I didn't have the ability to walk away and end it with him because I so desperately wanted him to prove me wrong... so I was forcing myself to stay "comfortable" in this situation making myself ill all at the same time SCARED to death that 3 months from now he still wouldn't have filed for divorce.

 

And now I'm just repeating msyelf. Yes I was forcing myself to believe somethingwhich deep down in my gut I didn't believe because HE was NOT reassuing me the way I needed to be.

[stitchie21]

Sorry about what happened doll, but he was never gonna file for divorce. Think about this - he wasn't honest with his wife because he was with you, so how could you ever trust that what he said to you was real?

 

You will be fine in time. Do some things for yourself, and try to be as happy as you can. I promise after a while you will feel better, and be better off without him.

[DepressedWaiting]

I'm starting to surpirse myself and I see I'm srtonger than I EVER thought I was. I also now know why and fiqured out why I haven't been able to cry at all... it's because I still feel like I screwed myself over... I do KNOW that I DID push him over the dge. I mean I always gave him h*ll like you wouldn't believe. That's why I haven't been crying... I only cried once... because it doesn't feel like HE screwed up... it feels like I screwed up. I don't know, it's strange.

 

I'm getting over this... or at least I THINK I'm getting over this way faster than I ever thought possible. I'm starting to think he can go SCREW HIMSELF and rott in h*ll. Stupid weak pathetic man.

 

I think it's because I put my life on hold for TWO years because of him... some pathetic man. I've always wanted my own line of women's clothing (shorts and loungewear) and I had been putting it on hold for the past TWO YEARS. Now I'm finally starting it again and getting my life together seeing that he's no longer distracting me and taking away all of my focus and energy. If it hadn't been for him I'd already have my clothing manufactured and selling it in retail shops! I wasted two years of my life!

 

I still have this urge to contact him in 2-3 months though once he's cooled down, I hope by then I'll feel different thoguh and will forget about him and what happened.

[whichwayisup]

I still have this urge to contact him in 2-3 months though once he's cooled down, I hope by then I'll feel different thoguh and will forget about him and what happened.

 

You say that now, but in 2-3 months time I'm sure you will feel SO much different. I bet you won't be wanting to at all, nor will you care what he thinks/feels period. You move on, get your life together! You want to do the clothing line, DO IT. Don't let him or any other man stop you from that dream of yours. This might be a wonderful time to dive in and get going on it now. Atleast start planning, and find out exactly what you need to start it up!

That's excellent and I hope it flies!!

[Sami_D]

I still have this urge to contact him in 2-3 months though once he's cooled down, I hope by then I'll feel different thoguh and will forget about him and what happened.

 

What do you think you'd like to say to him 2-3 months from now..?

[DepressedWaiting]

Good question Sami D... I'm not sure.

 

He would always tell me to go to a therapist because I'm constantly interrogating him and flipping out on him (hence friday when I called him 100 times in a row and left 30 hysteric voicemails!)... that I need to go to a therapist because I'm unstable and can't control my emotions and I need to learn how to be more "mature" and how to cope and handle the situation until he files for divorce. That I have a "problem" because I can't seem to handle the situation without flyingoff the deep end and regardless of the situation my behavior is "unacceptable" and he won't tolerate anymore "abuse". What happened on friday was that I went into panic mode and became frantic... I literally had a breakdown and lost it. The situation just went on for so long, I just broke down completely and lost it.

 

I have this idiotic (fantasy) that 3 months from now I can contact him when he's cooled down and tell him that I've been to a therapist and worked out "my issues" and that it's not who I really am... that is was the situation driving me insane because he was stringing me along and if I could make him go to a therapist with me. It STILL bothers me because it's NOT who I really am... it was the situation and how he was handling me in the situation.

 

Before I get bashed, I know it's completely ridiculous and it'd not going to happen. I just have this urge to see what his reaction would be. I feel silly even writing that.

 

I guess I haven't gotten to the point yet of "Who gives a hoot what this slime thinks"

 

EDIT: Yes, another valuable lesson I learned was I will never let another man put me in a position whereas I put my life on hold ever again. I really wasted the past two years because of him. I was constantly in so much pain (every single day because of it) that I simply lost all my motivation and could not pursue my dream (my clothing business) in the state of mind I was in.

[Walking away]

I am currently walking away from a situation where I found myself involved with a MM. He didn't tell me he was married until I was "hooked". Anyway, I am in the process of walking away from this relationship because I have seen that this isn't who I want to be and that my pride, self esteem and dignity are more important than being a "side dish". Does it hurt? You betcha, but I am convinced that this is the right thing to do. There is something much better out there, and being alone is better than being hurt, wouldn't you say? I know it is hard to walk away, but I have been hurt before in the past and at those times, I didn't feel that I could survive without that other person, but guess what? I did and I will this time too. Tell yourself that you are a wonderful person and believe it. You DO NOT want someone that doesn't want you....

[whichwayisup]

Walking away, that is great! I'm glad that you saw ahead and can see the full picture of how awful things could get by falling for and allowing yourself to be with a MM.

 

I'm sure it does hurt, but the hurt now is alot less and easier to deal with than it would be a year from now.

[gevoraksix]

Well, I'm sure some of you here know my story from my past posts. Something very devastating just happened to me and I will NEVER be the same. I know some of you here already know my story so I won't repeat it. I am in a state of complete SHOCK, I almost feel like I need to go to the hospital.

 

My MM was very serious about filing for divorce in two monhs. Even when I flipped out and told his wife everything and scewed him over he did NOT dump me, he stuck by me even when the stuff hit the fan. He promised me he will file for divorce in two months. Everything was fine up until a few days ago.. we got into a huge fight.

 

Lately I have been such an emotional wreck I have literally been losing it. I have been destroying the relationship I had with my MM with my awful behavior towards him. Because I'm such an emotional wreck and in constant pain.. I would flip out constantly. This made my MM think I could not control my emotions or that I'm an un-stable person. Non of this is true.. I maen in regards to this situation.. yes... but otheriwse no. MM doesn't realize this. He kept telling me over and over and over again that I must change my behavior towards him because he cannot handle what I do to him. He told me he is worried that this is who I really am and that I'm an un-stable person who can't control their emotions. It's not true though... this situation has just really messed me up.

 

I would constantly interrogate him about the situation, yell at him. I mean I was literally destroying the relationship with each outburst I had. I know this was wrong, but this situation had just gone on way too long and the pain was just really messing me up. This last outburst was the final straw.... I got into a huge fight with MM a few days ago. I left about 25 angry voicemails on his cell phone in a row. Turns out he was in the hosiptal and his wife had his cell phone and she heard my messages. The messages were pretty nasty... his wife now thinks I'm completely psycho. I mean she thinks I'm CRAZY.

 

Since I had gotten into a fight with MM 4 days ago, I drove to his warehouse to speak to him and try to smooth things over. I had made the decision that I was going to take the risk and trust him... and change my ways towards him because I was destroying the relationship. I mean the turmoil was brutal and I was ruining everything. MM did tell me 4 days ago to not worry, he held me and promised me that he will file for divorce 110%... but that same day we got into a fight over the situation. This fight was the last straw for me. I saw clearly what I was doing and I was really detroying the relationship. So I drove to his warehouse to apologize... because I was no longer going to give him h*ll and I was going to give him two months to file for divorce and prove me wrong.

 

When I got there... MM was still VERY angry and upset with me... because of our last fight he ended up in the hospital for two days. He almost had a nervous breakdown. He has bad anxiety and cannot handle stress.

 

Turns out when I was at the warehouse his WIFE showed up. She started screaming at me and called the police on me... she even attacked me and wripped my shirt. I fell to the floor crying begging my MM to stand up for me and admit the truth. My MM screwed me over... he didn't even try to stop his wife. MM even denied ever having sex with me! He denied EVERYTHING and sided with his wife. He twisted things around and made it look like I'm crazy and stalking him. I wasn't and he knows this! He completely screwed me over! He let his wife call the police and he DENIED everything to his wife!

 

Just FOUR days ago he was holding me in his arms, promising me he would file for divorce and to please trust him and to please stop destroying our relationship with my unaccapetable behavior. He held me for hours.

 

I'm such an idiot... I should have never showed up at his warehouse... I didn't think his wife ever went there. I;m such a fool, why did I drive to his warehouse. I can't believe I'm such a fool. I was desperate to talk to him and smotth things over from our last fight.

 

I'm in complete shock. It really is 100% over. MM told me he doesn't want to ever seen me again and that it is over. He told me that I did this to myself, that I ruined everything with my behavior and that I have no one to blame but myself. He is 100% done with me. He screwed me over and sided with his wife and left me out on the cold. He is scum.

 

I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel so sick... I've never felt this horrible in my entire life. I don't know how I'm going to make it through.

 

I feel completely numb... I can't even cry right now. I'm just in a state of shock. This doesn't feel real.

 

I can't believe this just happened. I should have never driven to his warehouse. His wife left the warehouse... when I was there.... so I was able to talk to MM privately. In private MM told me it is OVER, he doens't want anything to do with me and that he will envere eave his wife. Not after our last fight... that it was the last straw.. and me driving to his warehouse was the last straw. But it turns out... while I was inside talking to MM his wife called the police on me.

 

I'm all alone and I have nobody to talk to about this. What am I going to do. MM totally sided with his wife and told his wife to not listen to me.. that I am crazy and everything I say is a lie.

 

MM LIED about everything, he lied. sh*t, what have I done.

 

I know if I hadn't of done this... MM would have more than likely filed for divorce. I'm so confused. I screwed up the relationship I had with MM with my idiotic outbursts.

 

I'm getting very lightheaded, need to sign off.

just read this dont have alot of time:o

He did this !

He put U through hell with all his lies !!

Made U that insecure person !

STOP STOP

BLAMING U

leave it alone take steps to move on !

take care of U

[walking away]

Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate the vote of confidence because all of us OW need to realize that we are beautiful, wonderful women that deserve someone FULL TIME, not to be hidden in the darkness and secrecy. We need to know that we have ALOT to offer available men. Everyone involved with a MM needs to know that eventually the pain will outweigh the pleasure and that the path of self preservation should always overrule the sporatic pleasure that the MM can provide. Make a pact with yourselves to not settle for anything less than the best that life has to offer, and hurting in a relationship is NOT the best that life has to offer us.

[kkat]

DW-

I've been there, I understand, and I've worked with other friends and clients who have been there. Here's a strategy.

 

Stop reading, writing, discussing this crisis right now. Shut down the computer, phone lines, discussions with friends and family members. Go into a temporary crisis-communication free-zone.

 

Within the minute that you end the phone calls, and LS typing, etc., do something specific to bring extreme order to your phsycial self and environment. This might mean pull out all your cleaning supplies and clean your home top to bottom, or at a minium put all dirty laundry away, change sheets, make your bed, and make your bedroom an inviting space with clean inviting bed. Light a candle, or better, several around your home.

 

If you are hungry, have a light bite or two of food, eating slowly.

 

Make sure the ringers are off on all of your telephones.

 

Start to be aware of the pace of your movements - move slowly from activity to activity. This is a technique to lower your anxiety levels and bring you to a state of calm.

 

Take a slow and long shower or bath, ideally.

 

Put on your best body creme or lotions, get in your bed, close your eyes, go to bed. If you have anything to help you sleep such as Tylenol PM or anything prescribed for such purpose - might be fine to break it out.

 

In your bed, do deep relaxing breathing. With each breath, state softly to yourself - in this moment I am feeling more calm and in this moment I am ok.

Repeat over and over to recognize that right now, you have become calm. Continue. Sleep will come.

 

Repeat as often as you can over the next few days. Keep your physcial environment and yourself in good form - shower, make yourself feel phsycially attractive, feel sunshine, smile at children and older people and little animals. Smile at strangers and comment on a person's beautiful yards, dress, anything to give good energy to the universe and leave a good place to receive it back.

 

These ideas can help you move from crisis mode to calm collected mode - a mode where you can think things though, make some decisions, sort out what you did that was wise and the things you did that were unwise. Next, you'll start to forgive yourself for any mistakes you made (Not that I necessarily think you made any). And soon, you'll be missing him terribly all at the same time that you are so happy he is not your MM. Being that he's a liar, a spineless freak and a cheat and all.

 

Oh and bye the way - remember - don't worry about your behavior appearing "crazy" - he's the one that ended up in the hospital for his mental breakdown. Hello. And his wife there be side him, dialing you from her private number, clearly aware the relationship existed, but choosing to pretend it didn't. Now who's crazy.

 

You behaved in a compulsive addicted fashion to reach him. It's a typical part of this type of shattering thing. But you aren't crazy. Just a gal who made a bad choice in a man and then made a bad choice of how to deal with it in the end.

 

Do you believe in subconscious actions of a very strong and higher orientation? I do. You were scared this dirtbad might really leave the wife and you'd end up with him. So you stirred the pot - created a sabotage. Good for you - at least you've brought it down and after this pain, you'll finally move on.

 

 

XOXO

Kkat

[DepressedWaiting]

kkat,

 

Interesting post. Yes, what you wrote is completely correct and exactly how it was. I actually do think his wife is completely in denial and has her own issues. Her first husband had an affair and then left her for the OW. She hired a PI on her first husband... that's how she found out about his affair. He divorced her and left her for the OW. She told me she was in so much pain she could hardly breath.

 

And now here's her second husband who ALSO had an affair. She's scared to death that what happened with her first husband would happen again with her current husband! So she's in denial, REFUSING to see the truth. I made it EASY for her to side with her husband and not believe a SINGLE word I say because of my BEHAVIOR.

 

She didn't believe me when I said he has been having an afafir with me for YEARS and that he has selpt with me hundreds of times and that he was promising to divorce. She said she doens't beliebe it at all. Me and MM know it's the TRUTH!!!! He got lucky, because of my behavior I made it easy for his wife to believe him over me. His wife thinks that he maybe slept with me once, I became obssessed and started stalking him. How idiotic!

 

What's funny is that he thinks I have mental issues... I KNOW I don't. I think HE has mental issues without a doubt. I let some weak screwed up man drive ME CRAZY.

 

What really upsets me is that he got away with having an affair with me for several years. Pretty much throughout his entire four year marriage! The very last two years was when the turmoil started and things started really heating up and I started to crumble. Only the past 8 months did he tell me he was 100% going to divorce because he couldn't be without me and this has gone on way too long. But then 4 months later I was sitting here saying... wait a second... WHEN is this going to happen! He's stringing me along!

 

Wow, if his wife only knew the truth.

 

I STILL have this *fantasy* of one day getting my revenge but this time I'd make sure to keep the tapes. It's very frustrating that his wife does NOT believe me! He got away with it! It's just a fantasy that's helping me.

 

[movinon05]

I'm new to this post. I read the first page or two and skipped to the last because I could almost predict what everyone said in between. It happened to me. My story is too long to tell. It would take a book. But it is basically this. I am 45 yrs old. I left my husband for a MM. (I don't regret leaving my husband tho - another book to write about that). In any event, for 7 years, I waited for him, putting our families through hell, he left a few times and kept moving back for all different reasons. I thought I would die without him. He insisted I believe in him and I would never find anyone who loved me as much as he did. He put me through hell. Kept me caged like a bird. I could go on and on about everything that happened, but the gist of it is this. When I gave him my final ultimatum last December 2004, he told me he was leaving on the day after new years day. I never heard from him again. In the process of all of it, he lied to me and his wife constantly, but it was only after a long time that I caught him in the lies he told me. But I still loved him and he made me feel bad for doubting him and swore he'd never lie again. Okay, I could go on and on, but you need to know where i am now.

 

I am finally happy. There is a silver lining - you have to believe that. I never did, but I am living proof. Am I still hurt? Yes. Angry for being so stupid? Yes. But I have allowed myself to learn so much about myself and move on. Thus my user name - movinon05. I allowed myself to date and joined a dating online site and am now seeing someone who treats me far better than he ever did. And I am HAPPY! And I actually know I am happier than he is. Because he and his wife are in a loveless marriage. She taunted me and attacked me. In the end, she continues to be with a husband who "loves her so much" that he pursued another woman for 7 years. And from what I hear, I wasn't the first. She can have that kind of love. I don't want any part of it.

 

I have come out the other side. I know it hurts. Believe me. I KNOW! But in a healthy loving relationship, love is NOT SUPPOSED TO HURT! At least not like this. You do need counseling. I did and thank god I did because it really helped me. Do it for yourself. And sweetie, you CAN get through this! I am living proof.

 

BTW. Every once in awhile I get a restricted phone call on the cell phone and silence. I know its him. But I never acknowledge him. Someday I really would like to tell him some things. But mainly - what I want to say to him is "My Give A Damn's Busted". A song by Jodie Messina.