I am beyond devastated...

[DepressedWaiting]

movinon05,

 

I'm just curious. What was the reason he was using to not divorce? Was it financial reasons? Mine used financial reasons, I know he was scared to death that he would lose half of everything and have to start over. But he finally started to say this has gone on long enough and he's ready to make the sacrifice (the big move regardless) because I'm worth it to him.

 

Did yours use finanaical reasons as an excuse as well? What was his reason? I'm just curious.

 

But I'm surprising myself. Never in a MILLION years did I ever think I could be getting over this as fast as I am. NEVER! I'm not the type of person who has the ability to be despressed and feeling miserable over somebody who does not want me. That ruins it for me. If he doesn't want me then fine... he can go "F" himself.

 

I don't even want a man in my life right now... all I've ever wanted was my clothing business (women's shorts and loungewear because I never find decent shorts so I want to make my own and solve that problem). It's always been my dream and all I ever wanted. I wanted to get that started... get my life in order... my business in order... become financially well off from my business... and THEN seek a man. If I have a man in my life now... it just distracts me an ruins my focus... I can't do both. I guess it's just the way that I am. I think this also is what is helping me get over this much faster than I would have otherwise.

 

Basically I'm not where I need to be in life (I'm a HUGE mess), I want my business to become successful... get myselfin order... and THEN seek a man. Not now.

[whichwayisup]

DW you can have a man in your life that won't distract you from your passion of making clothes and opening a business. The right man will support you through that, not distract you. The right man who comes into your life will work with you, not ahead or behind you...But, right now don't worry about that stuff. Take one day at a time, be happy that you have your life back!

 

You've come a LONG way since this all happened, I'm proud of the way you've bounced back and you're in such a better frame of mind too!

[DepressedWaiting]

Yes that's true... the reason HE distracted me was because he was married and screwing around with me on the side. I was in so much pain constantly that it sucked me dry of all my motivation. I just couldn't function in that frame of mind. It was HORRIBLE. I was waiting around thinking I would start getting my life and business in order once he's at least filed for divorce since he was supposedly going to file within 3 months (he was 99% sure, not 100% sure though so I wasn't going to fly with that and risk being strung along and waste my time because he said it MIGHT take longer but he didn't think it would). I NEEDED a 100% answer from him. I was going to wait for him to file for divorce and then I would cease all contact with him until the divorce was finalized and all assests had been split and he was no longer living with his wife. THEN I would resume contact with him. I would NOT have stayed in contact once he filed for divorce. He didn't know this... but that was my plan.

I was just waiting for him to file for divorce... then split and start my business.

 

He told me he would 100% without a doubt fie for divorce and go through with it... BUT he wasn't sure WHEN. What a loser.

 

Now I see he's scum and a coward and a slime and he'll never file for divorce. So I have nothing holding me back anymore. He thinks regardless of the situation I should never behave the way I did and that if the situation were really so terrible for me that I should have been women enough to walk away and end it. He doens't get it... that I didn't have the ability to walk away and end it because I so desperately hoped he would prove me wrong. I guess that's why the call it the "other women trap". I was scared if I walked away he would accept losing me and wouldn't do anything about it... I guess deep down I already knew that and was too afraid to find out 100% for certain so I couldn't leave him.

[BUTAFLY]

So she's in denial, REFUSING to see the truth. I made it EASY for her to side with her husband and not believe a SINGLE word I say because of my BEHAVIOR.

 

She didn't believe me when I said he has been having an afafir with me for YEARS and that he has selpt with me hundreds of times and that he was promising to divorce. She said she doens't beliebe it at all.

 

If you got his wife to believe you....then what? What will that do to make you feel better about the situation? Are you hoping she will believe you so then she can leave him and he will have nowhere else to go but to you? or do you want her to believe you because you really care about her and don't want her to get hurt anymore that she already has been? Think hard about that question.

 

I was exactly in the same mind frame as your in right now. Its surreal to read your posts and see the same thought progression. I went out with friends one evening(to get my mind off of him) and had too many drinks, slipped out of the bar and went to his wifes house (he had moved in w/ her at this point) to tell her because I wasn't getting a response from the letter explaining everything I mailed and I just wanted to make sure she knew of me. I was banging on her door at 1:30 am, with frustration and anger,when all of the sudden it was like I got this out of body experience and saw myself... How low I have become. I was embarassed to have been behaving that way. I ran back to my car and drove off.

 

No matter how many times I told myself I just want her to know the truth, to understand my side, I think subconsciously I was really hoping that she would be pissed enough to break up and I can have my chance to have him to myself. I justified it so I wouldn't be the bad guy... .because 'I was only telling the truth'. I was willing to roll the dice and hope against all odds that she would leave him and if she didn't I could hold anger against them both.

 

I know this is part of the healing process your going through and I not going to deney you that, but just be real with yourself, it helps getting though it faster.

[DepressedWaiting]

Butafly... I wanted his wife to know the truth because if she REALLY knew what her husband has been doing throughout her ENTIRE marriage the whole time behind her back he'd be dead meat. Now it's like he's gotten away with it. It makes me sick that he's gotten away with it. By some odd twist of fate... because of my behavior... I helped him get away with it and he managed to really twist things around very easily.

 

It's more of a revenge issue towards him. His wife will never know the truth, this is for sure. It was just a thought... it just makes me sick that he got away with it and I was a part of it for so long

 

He just makes me sick. He really is a coward, couldn't even be man enough to at least tell his wife the truth. Lied trhoguh his teeth to save his own rear... and make me look even crazier than I already did to his wife!

 

But yes, I always used to think that.. if I told his wife I could get her to divorce him... but not anymore. I see she's not one of those women. She doesn't believe in divorce, she would never divorce him.

[whichwayisup]

The thing is, the truth is right infront of her face, deep down she knows this DW. She's just choosing NOT to see it or accept it. She's not ready yet. Who knows? Maybe she has her own game plan in the future. Maybe she's planning on dumping him and taking everything he owns! Never say never. Either way, it shouldn't be on your mind much anymore. All I know is, if he is unhappy in the marriage he will find someone else to have an affair with and she'll recognize the signs and then maybe she'll deal with her selfish husband.

 

You're doing good right now, so please try not to think about their life together.

[BUTAFLY]

"I STILL have this *fantasy* of one day getting my revenge but this time I'd make sure to keep the tapes. It's very frustrating that his wife does NOT believe me! He got away with it! It's just a fantasy that's helping me."

 

After I went thorugh to poor me/victim stage, I got mad as hell and plotted revenge. I knew they didn't live together, but she had been coming over frequently in preparation for the wedding. We were still in contact and he called me one day to again complain and tell me he was having second thoughts on marrying her. He invited me to his house, he thought I suspect he would try to seduce me into sleeping with him, but I had other plans.

 

I brought an old pair of earrings with me, a tee shirt and put them in my purse. I went over and we started talking about her/ us/ the affair ect... I knew he would want to have sex so we started making out, I excused myself to use the restroom... I brought my purse in with me and removed hair from a brush and placed it around the sink. ripped openned a condom and put part of the wrapper on the floor next to the toilet and the other part of the wrapper in the trash can so it could be seen. When I came out of the restroom I went back into the living room where we left off and placed my t-shirt under a pillow. He had already made is way to the bedroom (just as suppected he would). We started kissing somemore and i took off my earrings and placed one under the pillow and the other on the nightstand, smeared my lipstick into his sheets. Told him I felt guilty and I got up to leave(i planned that). needless to say he didnt like that. He yelled "then you did you come here?" (I previously told him we could only be friends and i would never step foot in his house again.) I ignored him, walked into the living room and started to put on my shoes. he ripped the shoes out of my hand and through them, picked me up and brought me back into the bedroom and tossed me on his bed. At first I thought it was cute and playful, but when I tried to get up I could tell he wasn't playing, he was very rough/pushed me back down very forcfully and had this distant look in his eye, I could tell he was not listening to my pleas to stop or anything I was saying, and thats when I started to get scared. I asked him countless times to let me go as I struggled, but he didn't and he proceeded to raped and ejaculate in me. after he was done he told me he did what he did to keep me in his life by impregnating me. (talk about F***king with my head)

 

So I know a thing or two about the feeling of him getting away with it all, the Affair/rape. It took all my power to not say anything. I wanted nothing more than to destroy him, because thats exactly what he did to me and he did it with a smerk.

[movinon05]

His main reason was money, but I will try to remember as many of his excuses (mostly lies) for not leaving or not meeting me, in no particular order:

 

He didn't want to lose his cabin in the mountains.

He didn't want to lose his children.

He hurt his back putting in a washer and dry and had to go to therapy.

He was in jail because his wife was throwing stuff at him and the neighbors called the cops.

His son held a shotgun to his head while they were hunting and they had to get him through therapy.

He had an appendectomy (the first lie I caught him in because I called the hospital).

His daughter refused to go to college if he left, to stay home and be with their mother.

They found out his daughter had diabetes.

The big one was money.

 

Looking at that list - was I stupid? Yes. Look like a fool? Yes. I was too in love to see it at the time.

 

He decided the only way for the two of us to be together was if he moved in with me and my children. My children hated him. There were times when I agreed to this and thought I could make my children see how much we loved each other, but when I did agree, he still came up with other excuses. Fortunately, I never allowed it to happen because I got my head on straight and realized I could never do that to my children. His children would not have to go through that and see me and I felt my children had been through enough.

 

I would like to address the last posts regarding revenge and add that there were many times his wife confronted me all these years and I protected him. She called me slut, whore, bitch, when we would see each other at a store, right in front of her children. I knew I would never stoop to involving the children and I never responded because even if she were going to involve her children, I was not. I never told her what was really going on because I thought he would be coming to me in the end. As much as I would love for her to know the truth, I know its not worth it and not going to get me to a better place. I heard through the grapevine that her son asked her why she keeps taking him back. And she said, "because I don't want to be alone." Rather sad. Since she knew about me all these years, she still kept taking him back, because she doesn't like to "lose". If I told her the real truths, it wouldn't make any difference. So my best revenge is moving on. I do believe that once his son graduates this year, and the two of them are alone in their house, that I will hear from him again. And I hope I do. Because then I will tell him to go F himself and tell him how I've moved on, have a boyfriend etc. I wish him no ill will. I hope he lives a long, healthy, miserable life with her (and he'll probably cheat again). But I want no part of it. And I have to think about myself, my children, and my life. So focus on your stuff. You'll feel much better about it. And you'll be happier and look back and say, "Why did I wait so long?" Time does heal. And he will not matter anymore.

[movinon05]

It doesn't hurt that I am now having the most mind blowing sex of my life!! I'd love to tell him that!! His jealousy was beyond anything I've ever seen! I guess that would be my biggest revenge!

[BUTAFLY]

havent heard from you in a few days

 

I do think the best revenge is moving on. My MM saw me and another male coworker chatting and laughing at work today and he started snooping, asking others if we are dating, If people notice us talking alot. i work in a very large building and news travels at light speed,when I learned of this it made my day because I know it makes him crazy to think that i'm not under his spell any longer & could move on to another relationship. He doesnt want me but wants me to want him and only him. Selfish bastard! I told the person who informed me of his inquires that he is just mad because he married his whore (I hope that gets back to him).

[DepressedWaiting]

Hi Butafly,

 

I'm feeling better. I've been purposely keeping busy with my clothing business. I'm paying a programmer to complete my retail and wholesale database for my clothing business, it's taking up lots of my time. I'm getting everything organized. I'm concentrating on getting my business started again and getting all these tasks completed and out of the way... all the things I didn't/couldn't do earlier because of MM. I was in so much pain I just couldn't do anything... just sat in misery and procrastinated every single day.

 

I'm still very confused as to what the truth is though... I KNOW I pushed him him over the edge and scared him into thinking he could never be with somebody like me "somebody unstable" and that therefore he had no choice but to lose me. What an idiot he is... I guess he didn't have the mental compacity or intelligence to be able to understand what it's like to be trapped as the OW and what the situation was doing to me. He was stringing me along!

 

I'm at the stage of anger now... and still confusion... and I miss him like CRAZY all at the same time

 

Just a month ago he was holding me saying he hired an attroney and that he is doing it for "us"... that I'm going to be very hapyy with what he's arranging and to please stay calm and cut him some slack because he can't handle constant turmoil and I need to see a therapist to cope with this situation until it resolves. It would have been resolved and I could have coped if only he had been able to say he would 100% file for divorce in less than 3 months... but instead it was 99% because it MIGHT take longer. The prick was stringing me along! And he didn't have brain enough to see WHY I couldn't handle the situation anymore. He wasn't telling me what I NEEDED and deserved to hear. He said he would 100% file and go throgh with it... just not 100% WHEN. So my BS radar was constantly going off because of THAT.

 

It all ended so abruptly... it feels sureal. I might be in denial still. 13 YEARS I knew him... and now suddenly... poof! He's gone forever.

 

But I'm surpising myself that I'm much stronger than I ever thought I would ever be. I always imagined this scenerio and thought I would DIE if it happened. Now the worst case scenerio DID happen and I guess I'm a more resilient creature than I thought

 

Hopefully this isn't temporary and I won't fall into a major depression... if I'm in denial that is... once it wears off...

 

I just keep telling msyelf he's not worth it. If he didn't want me then fine... I'll eventually find somebody who does (I hope). I'll look back at this 5 years from now and KICK myself for ever wasting two years of my life on some coward slime.

 

I REALLY did waste two years... do you know what I did the past two years? I was consumed with constant pain... I haven't done a darned thing. I put my business on hold... I put EVERYTHING on hold. I can't remember a day that I've been happy the past two years and it's because of HIM.

 

If it weren't for him I probably could have been a millionaire by now. Well maybe not... but sure heck of a lot close than I am now!

[DepressedWaiting]

On second thought... I think I AM in denial. I'm in denial that he's really done with me and that he really did turn out to be scum.

 

It just happened two weeks ago so I hope any urges I have to contact him (like I do now when things cool down in a couple of months) will go away

 

It makes me SICK to think he's at home with his wife and making love to his wife when he SWORE he never would again. What a bloody creep. How disgusting, He can rott in h*ll.

[movinon05]

Anger is good. Its better than staying depressed. You'll go through all the emotions. Keep reminding your self that you WERE unhappy! My MM said the "attorney" thing too to string me along.

 

There was a time when I could not stop crying. I would hear all our songs on the radio and think of all the loving things he said to me. I'm sure you're going through crying fits too. And if so, my therapist told me to allow it to happen, but to not let it consume you. If you do need to cry, let yourself cry - for about 5 minutes. Then make yourself do something else and stop it. She suggested only allowing yourself to cry once a week. I know that might sound like a stretch, but you have your business to occupy yourself with. It may take time, but you'll see the crying will subside.

 

Denial is part of the process too. When I was there, I just made myself think of the bad times. And there were many. It helps to remember them to get you thinking along the right path. To your happiness.

[helena abadi]

DW, i read your post several weeks ago when this drama started for you, and i have to say you actually sound pretty upbeat, objective and functioning in your daily work.

 

i read one post by someone who recommended you take time out to look after yourself, smile at people etc., and making finite time for grieving,so you can continue your life and improve on it.

 

LS is a big help, but give it finite priority and focus on positives in your real world.

 

i think that was very good advice. at some stage you need to stop ruminating and going over old ground, and move on.

 

love makes many of us do crazy things. we do survive.

[bigdummy]

Hey: I went through that pain of a relationship ending suddenly because of my irrational behavior and outbursts of rage. This was with a married man but one whose wife had left him. I barely thought of myself as the other woman. We were together for 2.5 years and lived together for part of it. And I truly thought I would die it hurt so much when he ended it one day after a fight. But now, ten years later, when I look back I just smile. I feel nothing. It's bizarre and but you will get there. And you learned a lesson. Don't neglect your friends. You will likely need them someday. PS) I think you might need anti depressants. With Wellbutrin XL you even drop a few pounds when you first begin.

Well, best of luck to you.

[zoey15]

DepressedWaiting, I want to thank you for your story. I'm sure you are going through so much right now & we all know how break ups feel.

 

I started seeing a MM about nine months ago and he just recently had a brand new baby boy. This is his second child.

 

I knew the situation I was getting into, but refused to believe I'd really fall in love w/ him.

 

Well I did and things got tough. We talked about him leaving, yet he basically told me he wouldn't cause of his kids....you know the same lies that all OW hear.

 

Anyway, the reason I want to thank you is because it was your story that made me cut MM off. Well your story and the UK article.

 

I realized if you had that much time and effort invested with this man and he denied you and sided w/ his wife...that majority of MM would do the same to the rest of us!

 

I didn't ever want to experience something like this, so I ended it.

 

I feel good, yet sad! I know you have a lot more time invested in your situation but I want to let you know you are not alone.

 

I appreciate all your posts!

 

Do not contact him! You are so much better then that. You will find happiness one day if you focus on yourself.

 

The best thing about cutting him off is I feel so powerful. I'm in control of my life now. No more waiting around for his calls, when he's available to see me.

 

You will get there, I promise! Just keep yourself involved w/ your company. You sound like a smart woman. Become a smarter woman by not ever turning back and find a single man (after healing of course), that will treat you with the upmost respect.

 

Take care and keep posting!

[RainyDayWoman]

It makes me SICK to think he's at home with his wife and making love to his wife when he SWORE he never would again. What a bloody creep. How disgusting, He can rott in h*ll.

 

if he is so quick to defile his own wedding vows, i don't think his "swearing" to you could be held in very high regard.

 

hope you continue to get better, dw. you're so much better off and you know it.

[Ladylay]

My heart goes out to you.

I feel so sad you have wasted four years on this man.

Still it is a life experience which i really hope with time

makes you stronger.

Good luck.

[violet_21]

Oh man.. that sucks bad.

 

I am sorry. Don't even blame yourself for one second. Think about what you wrote.. you were beating yourself up for what.. going to his warehouse?

 

You as a important and special person of this world deserve a man whom you can visit at his warehouse if you choose. You did NOTHING wrong.

 

this man obviously took advantage of you and treated you like ****. Him siding with his wife is terrible and shows what an a**h*** he is.

 

This doens't mean you are not worthy of being loved or did anything wrong. The high emotion you experienced during your relationship is normal.

 

This makes me so mad. I hope you feel better.

I am with a MM too and I know your pain. It is unbearable. If you need a friend please email me at [email protected]

[lolax]

i eel for you i really do,but you have behaved badly!!

mm dont like grief and you gaves yours plenty!!

ringing his mobile phone , starting on him , turning up at his work you have acted like a proper "bunny boiler"

if he did love you , you destroyed it!!! learn from this and leave him alone,if he misses you he will be back you must do nothing!!!!

believe me i know waht im talking about!! there is nothin more unattractive than A DESPERATE WOMAN!!!

sorry to be so harsh......good luck

[helena abadi]

anyone who writes ``eel'' is not to be taken too seriously. MM don't like grief? well, tough luck. you reap what you sow.

 

yes, she acted like a desperate, dependent woman and i hope she will find better ways of coping in the future.

 

she didn't destroy it on her own.

 

there is only one thing less attractive than a desperate, clinging woman, and that's a lying, cheating, shallow, stupid MM.

[DepressedWaiting]

Sure some of you remember me. Recently last month or so I posted about the traumatic experience that happened between my MM and me at his warehouse when his wife called the police e.t.c. I just about had a nervous breakdown... infact I think I did have a nervous breakdown.

 

Well, if you remember for the two weeks following that epsiode I was in a state of complete shock. I "seemed" to be doing pretty well and was trying to keep myself busy with my new business but the truth is that I was in complete denial and shock or something. By the third week I started to get worse and went downhill fast. I was in so much pain I couldn't bare a second longer of it. I broke down and contacted him by calling him. We have been in constant contact ever since. There are so many details I don't know where to start or how to write it down without this turning into a REALLY long post.

 

Basically you guys remember that day at the warehouse when I told you his wife called the police on me and how he denied me in front of his wife? Well a couple hours before ALL that happened I was in such a state of going balistic that I told his wife how he hired an attorney up north through his mother and was hiding assets before filing for divorce. I don't know why I told his wife this, I just went balistic. He was FURIOUS with me for doing this, I mean FURIOUS. I had never seen him so angry before in my life. He could not believe that I had told his wife this and that it costed him throusands of dollars in wasted attorney fees because now it is ruined because now his wife knows! So that day when I showed up at the warehouse he was already so incredibly furious with me because I told his wife this a couple hours before... so in his mind he decided to screw me over in return the same way I screwed him over and that he went out of his mind.

 

Basically where it's at right now is that he says even after all this constant H*ll, pain and misery... and I do mean constant... that he just cannot be without me. I KNOW that any other man would have run like heck considering just how horrible my behavior is towards him. I don't think anybody here REALLY knows just how awful I am towards him. He's not having his cake and eating it too with me, it would me MUCH easier to cut me lose.

 

I had him read a bunch of articles on extramarital affairs and how married men never divorce and how horrrble it is for the OW e.t.c. and most are just strung along. After reading these specific acrticles he says it's really sinking in and he apologized to me. We will also be going to see a therapist soon. He also says that he realizes that this has reached a point of beyond ridiculous and that he needs to really step it up a notch and needs to made a decision and strict timeframe of filing for divorce. So in two weeks on St. Patrick's day he will tell me what his decision is in regards to filing for divorce and WHEN he will file for 100% sure.

 

I just cannot BELIEVE that we are still talking to each other. It is just... WOW. I just can't believe it. I don't know. I just can't walk away and end it YET. I HAVE to to it my way. I have to reach that point. The point that I MUST arrive to is... him telling me is definite deadline of filing for divorce... see if he screws me over and surpasses that deadline... OR if he really does file by the dealine.

 

I have NEVER NEVER NEVER gotten to his point yet. This is what I NEED. I NEED to reach that point. If he fails me I will finally be free. I know nobody here believes me when I say that... BUT if he does surpass his deadline of filing for divorce... I will END IT and cease ALL contact and I will be FREE. I REFUSE to end up like most OW where I'm reading how their MM set a deadline for divorce and it keeps getting delayed over and over again. I REFUSE to end up like that...NOWAY!!!!!!

 

So I am giving him two weeks to make his deadline decision. Then I will await the deadline and see if he fails me. BUT I am stopping my horrific behavior towards him because it accomplishes nothing and just pushes him over the edge and is destroying the relationship. Once he files... IF he files... I will be ending contact with him then until the divorce is completely final which can take months. But I just don't have the strength to walk away yet like this. I have to do it my way. I know I should cease all contact NOW but that is not realistic for me.

 

I know what I need and I need do it my way. So I will update in two weeks what his decision is and what his deadline date is e.t.c.

 

In the meantime though... unlike before... I am no longer putting my life on hold. I am actively pursuing my new business full force. Getting my business name tradmarked... hired a programmer to complete my business management program to manage my new business and inventory e.t.c... so at least I am no longer puting my life on hold for this garbage!

 

Sorry for the long post, there are so many details it's tough to write it all out so others can understand everything. Let's see what his decision is in two weeks and I will go from there. Oh brother, why me

[newbby]

Hello DW,

i hope it all works out for you. i know what you mean about doing it your way. how it ended before wasnt a nice way to go out. on the other hand i dont know that there is one. if it ends nicely, the willpower must be all up to you, if it ends badly, you have alot of stuff to deal with at once.

still, i think there was much confusion in you after the warehouse incident, and i believe that you need to give him another chance so that you can see, if he is for real, rather than wondering whether what he did was just a reaction to you.

this time it is very important that you remain calm. not only is it a more positive way to be and healthier for your relationships, but also you then know where your responsibility ends, and his begins.

i wish you luck, i really hope it works out, if not, you know where to come, and you have already dealt with some of the resulting emotions, you know it wont kill you.

[DepressedWaiting]

newbby, yes you hit the nail on the head. I am much stronger than I ever thought I was. I cannot put into words the trauma that happended that day at the warehouse but I was 100% sure he really was scum and it as over after that. The very worst case scenerio happened that day and I survived. If he turns out to be true slime and surpasses his deadline I will be gone fast as lightening and I will live. I have my new business which is going to take up ALL my energy and focus. I refuse to allow some pathetic man have so much power over me that I put my life on hold for him. I WAS doing this before, but not anymore. You only live once, no man is worth all this. Life is so short and you're gonna be dead for a really long time. Be happy and live while you can, not worth it.

 

Yes, I was definitely acting on raw emotions and so was he that day. He was so incredibly furious withme for telling his wife about him hiding the assets and where he was hiding them... I think he just lost his mind. When he gets angry it takes him at least a couple days to cool down. When I showed up at the warehouse it was just shortly after... he was already fruious with me and kept saying that I screwed him over and that I screwed myself over and how could I have done this to him e.t.c. Then it escalated to an insane level and all heck broke lose.

 

I have NEVER been decent towards him and I mean never. I always tell him how disgusting I think he is and that he is a liar who is screwing his wife over and that he is scum and I interrgoate him for hours with questions after questions after questions nonstop for HOURS... for HOURS. This happens everytime we talk or see each other. I also many times do this purposely because I don't want to make it easy for him. He is certainly not having his cake and eating it too... his cake is getting smashed in his face!

 

A lot has happened between us. Saying that is an understatement! But in summary, I am giving him ONE chance to prove me wrong. I have to do it this way... my way. I need to have him set a definite deadline for filing for divorce and then see if he fails me or not. BUT I am no longer going to give him h*ll because it accomplishes nothing and just pushes him away and destroys the relationshp and is making him fear that this is who I really am e.t.c.

 

I really don't think anybody here knows how horrible I am to him. I know any other man wold have run for the hills by now. I am actually amazed myself that he is even still talking to me after all that has happened.

 

But I REFUSE to be involved in this BS and end up like all these other women. I REFUSE. I will do this my way... I know what I need and how I need to handle this situation. Regardless of the outcome I will be fine because no man is worth me ruining my life!

 

At least I am not putting my business or my life on hold as before. That was making my pain and anxiety sky rocket.

 

Edit: another reason it is foolish of me to treat him the way I was before is that it just gives him the opportunity to twist things around and place all blame on me and use that to his advantage. He will NOT have this advantage anymore. So now I will see the real truth. I will NOT be able to blame myself for things not working out... it will be all HIM to blame. This will be of HUGE help to me.

 

I REALLY did ruin his plans he had with that attorney. I flipped out and told his wife and he lost thousands of dollars in wasted attorney fees. Boy was he furious. Now he is afraid to tell me anything, he thinks I will flip out again and ruin things again.

[Owl]

DW-

 

I'll bet you quite a bit what's going to happen next in your situation. Please keep this thread open til then...I will be totally amazed if this doesn't go the way I expect it to.

 

First off, he's going to postpone it again, probably a day or two before the deadline. He's going to say that he couldn't get everything done, give it to the end of the month. If you REALLY push him on it, he'll lie to you and say that he's done 'such and such', but can't move forward until "something else" is done. Reality will have been he's not done anything, but will lie to you to cover his butt.

 

Come the following deadline, he'll either act like he forgot about it, or he needs EVEN more time...maybe another month.

 

Trust me...if you look through all the threads on this site, you'll see this pattern over and over and over...look at Marie's thread...she's been doing this dance for 3 years now.

 

If you're willing to live with the lies and the reality that his relationship with his wife is all going to continue right alongside whatever he has with you, then that's up to you. But if not, then don't sit there and keep putting off the inevitable.

 

My thoughts at least.