Coping with a chronic illness in dating life

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and am currently experiencing a bad flare up. It's brutal. I hate not being able to function as well as other young women my age. And the worst part is that it will only get worse as I age. Medications help, but they are nasty and have bad side effects.

 

Plus, to make things worse, my doc asked me the other day if I plan on having kids, because the meds they want to give me would not be good for someone who wants to get pregnant.

 

I'm in a relationship with my guy for eight months. We love each other, and he says he's marriage-minded, but I he doesn't put a timeline on it and is vague when I ask. So I stopped asking, because I don't want him to feel pressured.

 

But I feel like my time is running out. I want to get married and have one child. How do I tactfully bring this up to him without scaring him off. Because if he's not going to be ready to get married and start a family soon, I might have to reconsider if I want to stay with him. God, this is so tough.

[Art_Critic]

JenJEn.. I have a question.. Is this the guy that 2 weeks ago you posted about

 

The way we left things is that I told him that he really needs to look long and hard at what price he is paying for this job that is controlling his life. He needs to make sure he sees the shrink his doctor referred him to and remember to take his medication. I said that he also needs to think long and hard about how cruel he treated me...whether intentional or not, and he needs to decide if he's ready to have a relationship with me and treat me the way i deserve to be treated. And that we would talk again after the new year.

 

If it is I would suggest re-evaluating the relationship.. Not whether or not your time has run out..

 

If you really want to have children with this guy then I would be straight up about it with him.. See how he reacts..

If he bolts he wasn't ever going to be a fit for you..

 

There is nothing wrong with talking about your future when you have factors like medical issues that affect things.

 

 

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Yeah it is. He had a depressive episode. Things are much better....almost back to what they were. Perhaps you're right. I wonder if he's emotionally ready for any of this.

[Art_Critic]

Yeah it is. He had a depressive episode. Things are much better....almost back to what they were. Perhaps you're right. I wonder if he's emotionally ready for any of this.

 

Bring it up to him.. Don't make excuses for yourself..Nothing wrong with talking about the future.. you have been with him 8 months not 8 days

[whichwayisup]

JJ, I have a friend who has RA and she had a baby. Actually during her pregnancy it got better!

 

Just tell him, he loves you and I'm sure he isn't going to up and leave because of that. I think he'll be quite understanding because of what he's been through.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Conversation didn't go well. He said I was looking for definitive answers to everything. And he said he can't tell me what to do with my life, and can't tell me if I should go on the meds or not. He thinks I'm pressuring him. He took everything the wrong way. This really sucks.

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry! That is awful and I'm sure you were NOT expectating that reaction from him. Ouch...

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

It's like he couldn't understand why this medical decision would make me think about our relationship, or how that would affect it.

[JS17]

sorry to hear that jen jen. go pet a kitty and you'll feel better.

[Art_Critic]

It's like he couldn't understand why this medical decision would make me think about our relationship, or how that would affect it.

 

 

Is he still pressured at work ?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Is he still pressured at work ?

 

Yeah. But I think he likes it. He says he gets pumped up by the chaos at work.