MimiP Posted March 17 Posted March 17 I met this guy on dating app a year ago. After talking for 3 weeks we met the first time. The date went so well we had great connection and attraction. We went on dating for 3 months and he had to return to his country for some family business. While dating he told me he was seeing me only. He texted me every single day. When he returned to his country we talked from time to time while he was away (6 months). He visited me twice. One day through a pocket call he accidentally called me without noticing it I found out he went back in town and I heard him flirting with a girl but he denied all that after. I told him if he’s seeing someone else just tell me but he said he’s not. But I doubted it cuz I knew what I heard. We still talked after that. Now I discovered that he went back in town long time ago but had been lying to me all this time that he’s still in his country (I have proof). I really want to call him out but then he would deny everything again. I honestly don’t understand why he has to do that. If he’s dating around he can tell me openly. Instead he keeps texting me on a regular basis even sexting. The worst part is he’s back in town for a while and no intention of meeting me.
Gaeta Posted March 17 Posted March 17 I'm sorry you went through this. He lied from the beginning, you caught him in his lies, you block him and delete him. Confronting him will accomplish nothing, he'll roll his eyes and hang up. You got played, now is time to lick your wounds and work on moving on. Why he did this? Because he could, because he is a liar, player, a man without homor and integrity. It takes time to see someone's true colors. 1
Author MimiP Posted March 17 Author Posted March 17 22 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I'm sorry you went through this. He lied from the beginning, you caught him in his lies, you block him and delete him. Confronting him will accomplish nothing, he'll roll his eyes and hang up. You got played, now is time to lick your wounds and work on moving on. Why he did this? Because he could, because he is a liar, player, a man without homor and integrity. It takes time to see someone's true colors. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. It hurts so bad because with all the bond we had I thought we could build something further. Until now he still texts me. Why he still contacts me while he’s dating someone else? He wants me as a back up option?
ExpatInItaly Posted March 17 Posted March 17 (edited) 1 hour ago, MimiP said: Why he still contacts me while he’s dating someone else? He wants me as a back up option? Exactly. The better question: why have you stuck around and allowed him to continue contacting you? Why didn't you make your exit when you first realized he was lying to you? Edited March 17 by ExpatInItaly 1
MsJayne Posted March 17 Posted March 17 Sadly, there's plenty of people who have an ego which is much bigger than their intelligence, and your guy is one of them. Don't waste time questioning why he's an a*****e, just acknowledge that he is one and distance yourself. If there was one piece of advice I would give to young women it's this - the moment some guy is disrespectful towards you just stop giving him air-time right then and there. 2
Author MimiP Posted March 18 Author Posted March 18 8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Exactly. The better question: why have you stuck around and allowed him to continue contacting you? Why didn't you make your exit when you first realized he was lying to you? Thanks for sharing. When I first realized he was lying to me it was already 9 months we were in contact. He didn’t admit anything when I confronted and gaslighted me made me believe in his story so I just let that slide. It was a pocket call so I didn’t have solid proof. Sadly to know that he has plotted everything and he already went back in town without telling me so he could just see any girls without me knowing
Author MimiP Posted March 18 Author Posted March 18 8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Exactly. The better question: why have you stuck around and allowed him to continue contacting you? Why didn't you make your exit when you first realized he was lying to you? When I first realized that he was lying I wrote him a closure but he didn’t accept it. That’s why I’m so confused with his actions and intentions. He still acted like he wanted me but on the other hand he told me lies over and over and not pretended he was still in his country.
basil67 Posted March 18 Posted March 18 You will never know why he lied to you. And you'll never know why he didn't accept your breakup. Thing is though, you do not need his permission or agreement to end it. As it stands, you've sent a goodbye letter, and he wouldn't accept it. So take control and block him. Your goal at this point is to not care what he thinks or feels. 1
smackie9 Posted March 19 Posted March 19 He does this because telling the truth gets in the way and limits his access. That's why he does that. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted March 20 Posted March 20 On 3/18/2025 at 4:02 AM, MimiP said: When I first realized that he was lying I wrote him a closure but he didn’t accept it. So? You are in control of your life decisions. Why let him call the shots there? 1
Acacia98 Posted March 20 Posted March 20 On 3/17/2025 at 6:51 PM, MimiP said: I honestly don’t understand why he has to do that. If he’s dating around he can tell me openly. Instead he keeps texting me on a regular basis even sexting. The worst part is he’s back in town for a while and no intention of meeting me. I think it means he gets a kick out of sneaking around and lying. And that just shows you how twisted he is and how much nonsense you'll have to put up with if you choose to remain with him. You see, in this day and age, it is possible for people to be straightforward about not wanting to be monogamous and to find partners who share those sentiments. Someone conscientious would have opted for that and been honest with you about what he was looking for from the very beginning. That would have given you the opportunity to choose not to continue with him way before you'd developed deep feelings and been intimate. If I had to guess, I'd say he doesn't want the people he's seeing to have that option. He wants them to be available when he wants them and to disappear when he can't be bothered to deal with them. He doesn't care about your feelings. Don't expect him to think like you would and to feel like you would. He's an entirely different human being. Just be more assertive about living your life according to your own preferences and values. You've said your piece already, and he's chosen to ignore that. That's not your problem. Now you're free to get on with your own life. Block him everywhere so that you can start to move on emotionally and ignore him/walk away if he tries inserting himself in your life again. 1
Author MimiP Posted March 20 Author Posted March 20 2 hours ago, Acacia98 said: I think it means he gets a kick out of sneaking around and lying. And that just shows you how twisted he is and how much nonsense you'll have to put up with if you choose to remain with him. You see, in this day and age, it is possible for people to be straightforward about not wanting to be monogamous and to find partners who share those sentiments. Someone conscientious would have opted for that and been honest with you about what he was looking for from the very beginning. That would have given you the opportunity to choose not to continue with him way before you'd developed deep feelings and been intimate. If I had to guess, I'd say he doesn't want the people he's seeing to have that option. He wants them to be available when he wants them and to disappear when he can't be bothered to deal with them. He doesn't care about your feelings. Don't expect him to think like you would and to feel like you would. He's an entirely different human being. Just be more assertive about living your life according to your own preferences and values. You've said your piece already, and he's chosen to ignore that. That's not your problem. Now you're free to get on with your own life. Block him everywhere so that you can start to move on emotionally and ignore him/walk away if he tries inserting himself in your life again. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I totally understand that we can keep options open when dating and I told him that if he could be straightforward about it. But he never admitted instead he chose to sneak around and lied about not being in town. That shocked me the most. Many times I really wanted to confront and ask if he's still interested but I dropped it. Being honesty is the policy but I guess not anyone can do or think as we expect. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21 Posted March 21 19 hours ago, MimiP said: Being honesty is the policy but I guess not anyone can do or think as we expect. Exactly. And when people show us who they are, we need to believe them - even if they don't come right out and admit it. It's time for you to let this guy go. 1
glows Posted March 21 Posted March 21 Would you have sincerely kept seeing him or felt the same way if he told you about another woman in his life? Second, the part about not having any plans to see you or meet with you when he’s back in town. He only texts you because it’s low investment. It’s easy to send texts, get some instant gratification via sexting but not make plans to see you in person. I’d really adjust and shift the focus from lying and cheating to this glaring issue. The main point being that he’s not invested at all. He’s not invested in you or as interested in the same way. It’s possible he did not ever see a future with you. Once you see this you may realize it makes sense he’s seeing other women. He just wasn’t considerate enough to be honest about it with you. And also once you see this it’s difficult to unsee. A person’s character is revealed. I’m so sorry this is happening. 1
Author MimiP Posted March 21 Author Posted March 21 2 hours ago, glows said: Would you have sincerely kept seeing him or felt the same way if he told you about another woman in his life? Second, the part about not having any plans to see you or meet with you when he’s back in town. He only texts you because it’s low investment. It’s easy to send texts, get some instant gratification via sexting but not make plans to see you in person. I’d really adjust and shift the focus from lying and cheating to this glaring issue. The main point being that he’s not invested at all. He’s not invested in you or as interested in the same way. It’s possible he did not ever see a future with you. Once you see this you may realize it makes sense he’s seeing other women. He just wasn’t considerate enough to be honest about it with you. And also once you see this it’s difficult to unsee. A person’s character is revealed. I’m so sorry this is happening. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Your message opened my eyes. He’s not invested in you or as interested in the same way. It’s possible he did not ever see a future with you. Once you see this you may realize it makes sense he’s seeing other women. He just wasn’t considerate enough to be honest about it with you. He probably found his better match but just not honest enough to tell me. Instead he chose to lie and maybe silent treatment one day.
glows Posted March 21 Posted March 21 2 hours ago, MimiP said: Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Your message opened my eyes. He’s not invested in you or as interested in the same way. It’s possible he did not ever see a future with you. Once you see this you may realize it makes sense he’s seeing other women. He just wasn’t considerate enough to be honest about it with you. He probably found his better match but just not honest enough to tell me. Instead he chose to lie and maybe silent treatment one day. It’s usually unclear whether people like this have found a better match. I don’t there was any reason to treat you this way when you explicitly asked for exclusivity. He’s still on the app apparently and it makes you uncomfortable but so are you. He hasn’t made further plans with you and he’s in town. I think that’s the biggest giveaway that you’re an option, not a priority. The thing to do here is simply move forward, not give this any further thought. Now you know to listen to your instincts as they’re pretty sharp. You just needed a quick sounding board from the forum to confirm. 1
Author MimiP Posted March 21 Author Posted March 21 (edited) 21 minutes ago, glows said: It’s usually unclear whether people like this have found a better match. I don’t there was any reason to treat you this way when you explicitly asked for exclusivity. He’s still on the app apparently and it makes you uncomfortable but so are you. He hasn’t made further plans with you and he’s in town. I think that’s the biggest giveaway that you’re an option, not a priority. The thing to do here is simply move forward, not give this any further thought. Now you know to listen to your instincts as they’re pretty sharp. You just needed a quick sounding board from the forum to confirm. The fact he’s in town for a long time but hasn’t made any plans to see me has proven to me that he has no intentions to move further. Eventually I’m only an option. Since I have developed deeper feelings I’m feeling hurt how he treated me. He didn’t take it serious as I did. I just need to remove him from now on. Edited March 21 by MimiP
glows Posted March 21 Posted March 21 1 hour ago, MimiP said: The fact he’s in town for a long time but hasn’t made any plans to see me has proven to me that he has no intentions to move further. Eventually I’m only an option. Since I have developed deeper feelings I’m feeling hurt how he treated me. He didn’t take it serious as I did. I just need to remove him from now on. He also lied about still being in his home country while back in town per your first post… spend time with friends and family who value you or enjoy all the peace and quiet to yourself now. I’d block all contact and prioritize you. You can always prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing. 1
Author MimiP Posted March 21 Author Posted March 21 3 minutes ago, glows said: He also lied about still being in his home country while back in town per your first post… spend time with friends and family who value you or enjoy all the peace and quiet to yourself now. I’d block all contact and prioritize you. You can always prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing. Exactly! That’s the worst part when he has been lying about still being in his home country. He’s back since Nov 2024 and until now he’s still lying about it. That’s horrible when I found out.
glows Posted March 21 Posted March 21 46 minutes ago, MimiP said: Exactly! That’s the worst part when he has been lying about still being in his home country. He’s back since Nov 2024 and until now he’s still lying about it. That’s horrible when I found out. Yeah. It’s time to move on. What I like to do is soak in all that wonderful free time. Imagine a world not having anything to do with such a person. 1
Author MimiP Posted March 21 Author Posted March 21 1 minute ago, glows said: Yeah. It’s time to move on. What I like to do is soak in all that wonderful free time. Imagine a world not having anything to do with such a person. Yeah time to cut off a rotten piece and move on. He has shown his true colors and it’s damaged. I probably have to digest this pain lick my wounds for a while and come back stronger.
glows Posted March 21 Posted March 21 9 minutes ago, MimiP said: Yeah time to cut off a rotten piece and move on. He has shown his true colors and it’s damaged. I probably have to digest this pain lick my wounds for a while and come back stronger. You will. 1
Author MimiP Posted March 21 Author Posted March 21 12 minutes ago, glows said: You will. Thank you so much for sharing this tough time with me. Really appreciate your messages! 1
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