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Posted (edited)

So I've been hanging out with a friend of mine for 5 months at least once a week. We have texted everyday since meeting each other 5 months ago. After a few months of hanging out she admitted to me she had feelings for me. I took her out on 4 dates and things looked great. She has been emotionally disconnected from me I feel latley. We have had sex. 

 

Over the past couple of weeks I feel she has been a bit more distant. So I asked her does she have romantic feelings for me. She said she doesn't know. She said she doesn't want a relationship now but her goal in the next year is to have a boyfriend. I told her I have romantic feelings for her and I love hanging out with her. It always seems like we hangout on her terms and sleep together on her terms. I hanged out with her yesterday and went for a walk and I feel there's still something there

 

Ive decided I'm gonna to be a bit distant now as things aren't really progressing and she isn't texting me as much as before. I asked her around to hangout a couple of times last week and she  made excuses that she's tired and grumpy. 

 

I'm not sure if I should tell her how I feel or just leave it be as I have kinda told her. I haven't told her I would like a relationship with her but I have said I have romantic feelings for her. I feel that she has either lost the feelings or there friend feelings if that makes sense. 

 

Any advice would be appreciated 🙂 

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Posted
19 hours ago, mayo88 said:

So I asked her does she have romantic feelings for me. She said she doesn't know.

 

this is your answer,  you asked if she has feelings for you and she's saying "no" - any answer other than "yes" is a no.

  • Like 1
Posted

It sounds to me like she has lost some interest in you. I am not sure that confessing your feelings now will move the dial very much at this point, as it sounds like that ship might have sailed. She might also be talking to someone else. Hard to say. 

On 3/18/2025 at 12:16 AM, mayo88 said:

I took her out on 4 dates and things looked great.

How long ago was rhe last date? 

  • Author
Posted

The last date was 1.5 months ago. She went overseas a week ago and bought me a fridge magnet 

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

I think I'll become less available and slow down on texting her. I don't want to cut her off as I see her as a fun friend 

  • Author
Posted

So I have been seeing this girl for 4 months now. We started hanging out as friends and we both developed feelings. Long story short, we would msg each other every day and wakeup to each other's messages. Now days we hardly talk over text and she doesn't really come over much. 

 

Although last week she initiated a walk together and 2 weeks ago bought me a gift from overseas. 

 

We have never spoken if we're a thing, and she says she doesn't know what she wants, and doesn't know if she has romantic feelings for me. I took her on 3 dates 2 months ago. Nothing since. 

 

So she has become quite distant but she still does reach out everyday. We have had sex. 

 

My question is do I ask her if we're still a thing or just drift away like she's doing to me?

  • Author
Posted

The last couple of weeks she said she has been really tired and hasn't slept much, so we haven't caught up much. She hasn't worked in the last 2 weeks either 

Posted

She doesn't sound very interested to begin with, honestly. This is how you know:

34 minutes ago, mayo88 said:

she says she doesn't know what she wants, and doesn't know if she has romantic feelings for me

 

34 minutes ago, mayo88 said:

I took her on 3 dates 2 months ago. Nothing since. 

Why not? Does she make excuse to avoid dates? 

It reads to me that she enjoys your company when it's convenient for her but doesn't feel strongly enough to take it further. I would suggest you let her go so you don't keep wasting your time. 

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Posted
10 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

She doesn't sound very interested to begin with, honestly. This is how you know:

 

Why not? Does she make excuse to avoid dates? 

It reads to me that she enjoys your company when it's convenient for her but doesn't feel strongly enough to take it further. I would suggest you let her go so you don't keep wasting your time. 

She has cancelled a few of our catch-ups but I've paid for all of our dates and she never once offered to pay which annoyed me a bit

Posted

I think the writing is already on the wall here. 

I wouldn't even bother asking if you are still a thing, because it doesn't much sound like you ever really were. You tired but she's very, very lukewarm. This isn't someone I would invest in. 

  • Author
Posted

Thank you so much!!!

Posted

I wouldn’t continue chatting with her or responding to her daily texts. Or respond a day later or whenever you get around to it. It sounds like a pseudo relationship, a gap or loneliness she needs filled when it’s convenient to her but she’s not interested in being with you.

Boundaries. Take care of yourself and give room to breathe and let someone new into your life. 

Posted

Oh there is others you can hit on, get with, etc...never invest in maybe or I'm not sure.

Posted

If she has told you she doesn't know if she likes you romantically, has become more distant lately, why would you even ask her if you are a "thing?"  You pretty much already have all the info you need to know she isn't interested.

Posted
On 3/18/2025 at 11:20 PM, mayo88 said:

The last date was 1.5 months ago. She went overseas a week ago and bought me a fridge magnet 

Dude...stop clinging onto something that ain't gonna happen. She lost interest...it happens. I have been in her shoes, she gave it a shot, no feelings grew from it.

Posted
On 3/18/2025 at 11:21 PM, mayo88 said:

I think I'll become less available and slow down on texting her. I don't want to cut her off as I see her as a fun friend 

Probably best. Sounds like she lost interest in that 1.5 months since the last date. Keeping in touch might keep you hung up on her and prevent you from meeting other people 

  • Author
Posted

Thank you. She told me she's going to start seeing other guys now. So it's pretty much done. She wants to be friends and still hangout with me. 

Posted
1 hour ago, mayo88 said:

Thank you. She told me she's going to start seeing other guys now. So it's pretty much done. She wants to be friends and still hangout with me. 

Hopefully you're not going to do so. 

It will hurt you too much to be her buddy while she dates other guys. 

Posted
6 hours ago, mayo88 said:

So it's pretty much done. She wants to be friends and still hangout with me. 

Well I hope you know that wouldn't be a good idea, and just because she wants to still hang out doesn't mean you need to follow along with that.

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Posted

So I found out that she was seeing someone else while seeing me. Then that's when she started to go quiet. It's quite hurtful actually knowing what she did to me. 

  • Author
Posted

So I was seeing a girl at work for 4 months and things were great. I have always seen her as a narcissistic traits when I was seeing her, and there were a few red flags, like she would say in her past she would see 4 guys at once. 

 

Recently she distanced her self and made excuses saying she has been tired and can't be bothered hanging out. She said she hasn't been sleeping properly and I asked her if everything was okay. 

Today I found out she got given a phone number and she's been seeing this guy for a month. This explains the quietness and distance she's given me. 

I was really upset knowing she felt nothing for me and has never communicated this to me, even tho we agreed to tell each other everything. We spoke about how our relationship has changed and we agreed to be friends and she said she wanted to be besties with me and hangout still. 

Am I over reacting, as I was so upset by this and I had a brief chat to her about honesty and trust in a friendship and I said I can't communicate with you as a friend outside of work. 

 

Thank you for reading

Posted
On 3/21/2025 at 4:50 AM, mayo88 said:

So I have been seeing this girl for 4 months now. We started hanging out as friends and we both developed feelings. Long story short, we would msg each other every day and wakeup to each other's messages. Now days we hardly talk over text and she doesn't really come over much. 

 

Although last week she initiated a walk together and 2 weeks ago bought me a gift from overseas. 

 

We have never spoken if we're a thing, and she says she doesn't know what she wants, and doesn't know if she has romantic feelings for me. I took her on 3 dates 2 months ago. Nothing since. 

 

So she has become quite distant but she still does reach out everyday. We have had sex. 

 

My question is do I ask her if we're still a thing or just drift away like she's doing to me?

Sounds like she's put you in a situationship.

If you have feelings for her and she doesn't I would do a third option, call her or up text her and say something like "hey I've really enjoyed our time together but I've realised we want different things and we're not a good match".

It's not worth the heartache if you prolong it, she's not going to suddenly develop a whole load of feelings for you.

  • Author
Posted

Was I too harsh cutting her off as a friend outside of work?

Posted
18 hours ago, mayo88 said:

Was I too harsh cutting her off as a friend outside of work?

you didn't want a friendship, you wanted to date her or have an exclusive relationship from the sounds of it, and she was not interested in matching what you wanted.

 

  • Author
Posted

Just an update: we are not talking anymore. I worked with her and she was so awkward and couldn't look me in the eye. Have cutt her off and am looking to move forward with life. I feel sorry for any male getting involved with her moving forward. 

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