Please Read-Help-too hard

[Bluegirl]

I need some feedback some understanding,,,,my boyfriend has a thing for Asian girls-mainly Japanese porn. I don't care about the porn it is the Asian thing that concerns me. About a year ago he and I split because he wanted to be with this Asian girl he met at work. ( I am blonde and blue eyed CA type) I was hurt but we got back together after a couple months. She was not what he wanted. It has been over a year since that incident. Today he drops this BOMB that he has been corrosponding with an Japanese girl for about 6 months and she is coming to the US to meet/be with him. He said she emailed him and told him she was coming this Thurs. My heart is shattered. He doesn't even know this girl. They have exchanged photos but that's all. She is staying with him for 4 weeks. He didn't want to break up with me but he wants to explore (basically have sex) and maybe a possible relationship with her. If he likes her. I told him if she stayed with him I was gone. And he chose her- a stranger- over me. Our relationship has been really good up to this point. He said we were getting too close and he was afraid of commitment. I don't understand. Why did he write to this girl, why bring her here. why Japanese . I am so upset. He cried about breaking it off with me and said he was'nt ready to end it with me but he wouldn't back down with this girl. What am I supposed to do- back off so he can replace me and if I doesn't work come back ? Bulls***. I asked if she could stay with one of her friends. Why would he screw up a good thing for an unknown. He never had any Japanese girlfriends before and he seems obsessed with it. I can't compete. I will never be Asian. This is my biggest fear come true. Why !!!! I need some wisdom because I feel like I am shattered.

[Tony T]

Your EX apparently has some sort of fetish for Asian women.

 

Get away from him NOW and NEVER look back. Your major mistake was getting back with him after he had the fling with the Asian girl at work.

 

He has gone behind your back to search out and correspond with the Japanese girl and make arrangements for her to come to stay with him. You would by absolutely INSANE to stick around for this.

 

Get him out of your life FOREVER. Never, ever see him again from now until 10,000 years after the end of the world. Make it very clear to him TODAY that it is over. You cannot trust this dude because he will continue this fetish. Looking at pictures of Asian women is one thing, bringing them over to stay for weeks at a time is another.

 

Don't even ask why. He's not worth that kind of analysis. I hereby prounounce you a free woman.

 

There are billions of men around the world who don't have this sort of fetish so I know you will find one who will genuinely care about you and your feelings.

 

I can't think of a worse way a guy could hurt you, insult you and disrespect you. Now, if you don't give this guy the boot TODAY, you have no respect for yourself. And let him know he will NEVER, EVER see you again and stick to that. Don't let him give you any lines. This guy is a piece of trash!

[Marzipan]

Hi Bluegirl,

 

I'm incredibly sorry to hear about what's happening to you. I myself was recently dumped by my bf for someone he's seeing at his work so I can totally understand your feelings. The thing is, this has happened to you once before, although the circumstances are slightly different this time, it is still the same situation. If he wants to do this then, let him. Break up with him because you know his history by now and this time I think it's you that should do the talking. Tell him to take a walk (right into oncoming traffic!). You need to give him his walking papers and tell him that that is fine he can go and "explore" a new relationship with this girl but not to think he can come running back to you when it's all said and done.

 

He's done this to you before and you let him back into your life once, now it's time to finish it. End it with him. You don't need him and you must realize your self worth. You are too good for him and he sounds like some sponge that soaks up the good part of a relationship and then can give anything back! Don't put yourself through all the anguish again, dump him instead.

 

I can't tell you this enough. Don't put up with it because if you do he's only going to think he can keep doing this and always come back to you when he's done. Don't let him.I have to admit I think he's got some nerve to tell you all this after he's been corresponding w/her behind your back for six months! If you think he's not trying to hurt you intentionally then you are wrong. He could have told you about all this sooner and he waits til now?

 

You need to get some distance from this fiend. And it may be hard to hear that right now but he is a fiend. He's selfish, and he's trying to cheat on you with your permission. Don't let him get away with that. Give him a big giant kick in the ass and try to move on with your life.

 

You sound like a very sweet and understanding person, so why don't you do yourself a favor and use that understanding on yourself. Be good to yourself and get rid of this guy. You did it once before and he came crawling back to you, don't you think that says something! You have seen how he is and yet you are still considering dealing with his crap? Don't stand for it. Does this guy live with you? Because if he does then that is the ultimate, kick him and her ass out of there because the audacity of him to have her come visit in your home (if that is the case) is even bigger than his head!

 

He's got a swelled head and crotch and you don't need his crap! You sound sensible enough so kick him to the curb and don't talk to him again. Fear of commitment is a possible problem for this guy but so is monagamy! If he can't even be monagamous with you then a committment is not even on his list! Honey, do yourself a favor, tell him exactly what you think of him, don't hold back. Tell him everything you feel and how much of an ass he is and then leave him. You deserve better and he deserves anything he's got coming to him!

 

Think about this, what hold does he have over you? Really think about it, what do you want? Don't you want a relationship with a guy you can trust and who can respect you? Then leave this one for the dogs because that's all that he is. He is a user and he's relying your feelings for him to let him go have his cake and eat it, kick his butt out of your life you don't need his s***e!

 

Think about your relationship now and in the past, were you getting what you needed? Are you now? Are you really happy? YOu said you can't compete, then don't! You are too good for him and he knows that. Don't stand for any more of his crap. Girls should never compete for a guy. It's exactly what he wants to feed his already enlarged ego and you don't want that. He's got a big head and he must have some balls to think he can do this to you and just go on his merry way. Send him on it! I can't tell you how angry the thought of this makes me, I don't even know you but already I am angry for you.

 

I went through this with my ex. He cheated on me and then he said that he wanted to be with her but still wanted me as a friend and wanted me in his life. No WAY! I was confused but I am not that confused! You don't need him, you deserve better and you know you do. I think you know what you have to do but you just need some support from other ends, well now you have it!

 

Send that Dog to the Pound! He's not going to change, you know that by now, leave him he's dog crap!

 

I hope this has helped you because man it makes me so angry to see someone who sounds so nice and bright and attractive underestimating themselves. You will find someone, someone better than him. Yes you will be hurt and yes maybe even devastated but you've got to get out of this situation, or else you never will. You've known him long enough so you must see that there is a pattern here. He has established a pattern of selfishly doing whatever he feels like and then thinking he can come back to you because you will always be there for him. If the relationship doesn't mean enough to him that he's been doing this for the last six months then why do you want to be with him?

 

Leave him. Be on your own for the right reasons and you will find someone better. Trust me, you will.

 

Marz

I need some feedback some understanding,,,,my boyfriend has a thing for Asian girls-mainly Japanese porn. I don't care about the porn it is the Asian thing that concerns me. About a year ago he and I split because he wanted to be with this Asian girl he met at work. ( I am blonde and blue eyed CA type) I was hurt but we got back together after a couple months. She was not what he wanted. It has been over a year since that incident. Today he drops this BOMB that he has been corrosponding with an Japanese girl for about 6 months and she is coming to the US to meet/be with him. He said she emailed him and told him she was coming this Thurs. My heart is shattered. He doesn't even know this girl. They have exchanged photos but that's all. She is staying with him for 4 weeks. He didn't want to break up with me but he wants to explore (basically have sex) and maybe a possible relationship with her. If he likes her. I told him if she stayed with him I was gone. And he chose her- a stranger- over me. Our relationship has been really good up to this point. He said we were getting too close and he was afraid of commitment. I don't understand. Why did he write to this girl, why bring her here. why Japanese . I am so upset. He cried about breaking it off with me and said he was'nt ready to end it with me but he wouldn't back down with this girl. What am I supposed to do- back off so he can replace me and if I doesn't work come back ? Bulls***. I asked if she could stay with one of her friends. Why would he screw up a good thing for an unknown. He never had any Japanese girlfriends before and he seems obsessed with it. I can't compete. I will never be Asian. This is my biggest fear come true. Why !!!! I need some wisdom because I feel like I am shattered.

[Bluegirl]

Thanks so much for responding. I feel like my head is spinning. You are so right, and in my head what you wrote makes sense. But in my heart I am freaking out. He was my favorite person. The one I did goofy things with the one who made me really smile. I loved spending time with him and he had a great funny personality. This is the hard part to let go. I love the way he smells, the way he walks, what am I going to do. How am I going to keep going ??? I shouldn't want him back but I do. I miss him. I hate him . WHY !!!! I feel like I am being punished. He had a hidden agenda. How am I supposed to push thru this ??? I don't think he is going to come back to me. I want to run and bang on his door. I want to see what this chick looks like- I know it sound psycho but it is true. I have to get a handle on this.