He thinks I'm the one that got away?

[love2love]

So I have been broken up with my ex for almost a year and a half. In that time we have kept contact and Im each other a lot and we will be flirty sometimes other times we will just kind of chat about nothing. He has a girlfriend now that he says he's not sure about long term but he does love her. He says that he misses me because I knew how to handle him and could be the strong person he needed because she is too much of a pushover. I told him I had a dream that he died in a accident and I was worried for him. He joked around and said the dream respresented me losing hte love of my life and to that I was like Um not it was a dream about you getting into an accident and to that he said I think about that sometime. I asked him what and he said that he let the one slip out of his life...He then told me he can only remember the good times now and that I was the closest he had ever gotten to wanting to settle down and get married.....I don't know what to do with this information. I love him but he has a girlfriend and I keep on playing hard to get by telling him about my many dating adventures. He says he still gets jeolous after all this time and he didn't think it would last for so long. He told me that we were good together and our passion was amazing. He seemed pretty encouraged about things but yet he still has a girlfriend. At a party I threw he showed up without her and at one point when I went to hug him he tried to kiss me on the lips playfully and he also felt my breast in a playful way. This is while he's dating the other girl. I know it sounds sleazy but maybe we are the two people meant to be with each other. I don't know if he still loves me and what to make of any of this. To play aloof and hard to get or do I act lovingly? Someone please advise and thanks!

[skeptik224]

Hey, Love...I truly, truly believe that there is always going to be 1 person that we let go that we shouldn't have. It's happened to a couple of people I know. I, honestly, without sounding conceded, think that my ex that recently dumped me will come to realize that I was the one that she will regret letting go. I'm not the only person who feels that way, either. I let someone out of my life that I shouldn't have - I didn't even give her a real chance. I messed with her head and heart unknowingly and let her go. We are working on being friends, and it's been a year. What I will say is definitely do not get involved with someone who is in a relationship. I've been there, too. I say keep things pretty flirty and on a "have-fun" basis. That's the best thing right now. I don't think that you should "act" in any specific way. You just need to go with the flow. I'm sure if things keep going the way that they are, somewhere down the line something will happen. Why did you guys break up in the first place? Who broke up with who? I need the full story to be able to give you a better perspective.

[love2love]

Thanks for response Skeptic.....Well I broke up with him a couple of times (5 times? but always asked fro him back 2 days aterwards or so) because I was afraid of his partying ways. He's a huge flirt and at one point I was afraid he was a sex addict and therefore not to be trusted. He took me home to france to meet his family 3 months after we started dating and for some reason I thought it was a red flag that he was trying to entrap me so I acted out like a brat whenever I was displeased. the last time I broke up with him I asked for him back and he said no and we fought more and more so I just have let it go but we still IM everyday almost. I don't know if it's the case where he wants what he can't have and if he's just stringing me along for the attention. He is definately one of those guys who needs constant validation Please help. I feel l ike a fool still pining after him and I want him back so bad but don't know how to play my cards right.The girl that you should not have let get away... Can you really say you love her because if you did wouldn't you do everything to be with her again? Sometimes I think it's because we had amazing sex and that's why he wants to keep me around. Is that ever the case with men? thanks

[skeptik224]

Not all men are about the sex... As dumb as this sounds, sometimes love just isn't enough. Some people need to go out there to see if there love is real. I'm not sure why, but they do. I'm not one of those people. I don't think you've been pining over him for the past year. I think that the recent moves he's made and the flirty style has brought back those feelings. And that's "ok." Have you guys ever gone without contact?

[love2love]

the most we have gone without any contact is like 2 weeks but eventually one will IM the other. I have dated many men but he's still my top 1. There are certain time I think he's lame but I just really miss him. He's made no effot to hang out with me really and the only time he ever want to hang out with me is when he makes sexual remarks about how he misses our sex life. I actually think that's his way of communicating with me. I am not sure. He says I played him well ..I'm not sure what that means. I take it as he met his equal in me or something. I am so confused. Sometimes I think I should cut him off completely that way he will know he can't have me and he will make efforts because don't men do so when they are threatened with losing someone and the aloofness will make me mysterious? Thanks

[skeptik224]

In some ways being aloof does make them wonder. I can agree with that. Only you would know if his sexual comments are his way of communicating or not but be careful not to fall into the FWB catagory. You deserve way more than that. 2 weeks is the longest my ex and I have gone without talking, however, I think it'll be longer this time. i have no intentions of contacting her - she gave me the cold shoulder and was ****ty to me during the last communication we had. I don't know...I kind of feel sad for her in a way. Then again, it's been 3+ months since we broke up (even though we've been going back/forth emotionally for 3 months) I often wonder if I really know her anymore. I don't even think she knows herself...I guess that's why she's in therapy. Anyway, didn't mean to digress. If you're ok with talking to him the way you have been then I see no need to cut him off...especially if you've been dating others in the interum. It's funny, I was reading "US magazine." (yes, I can admit I read that magazine) They were talking about Michael Bolton and Nicolette Sheridan. He said that she's the one he let get away. I thought of you nad your situation. Stories like that give me hope. Hope that even when people love each other and break up, if it really is meant to be...it'll be. (Man, I hate when people say that but I guess there is proof)

[Jey Dey DEy]

he wants to know if he can still get to you, if he can get you to sleep with him again, it'll stroke his ego.

 

But at the same time it could be that he's wondering if getting back with you would work.

 

I would cut contact for a while not long. And while talking to him tell him you met someone really great and you thought a relationship could work......but than you found out he had a girlfriend. Mention something like, no way I'm getting into it with someone who's already attached. It will tell him what he needed to know without you coming out and saying it directly to him. Now he knows you don't stand for that.