Should I have mentioned her height wasn't an issue during the date?

[max3732]

Just got reference I'm 5'10 and she's 5'11. Both have our heights on our profile.

When I was trying to find her she said "I'm the tall woman wearing ..."

Then a few times during the date she mentioned how this or that is though because she's so tall and also she works out her long legs and they were sore.

My gut feeling in general is to not make a big deal about her height, but when she mentioned it again I was tempted to tell her I'm very particular about the height of the women I date... They have to be taller than 4' and less than 8 or somehow diffuse height as an issue.

This was the first woman I've gone out with taller than me and I honestly don't care if she's taller or shorter. Do you think she was fishing for me to say something about her height without coming out and asking me?

I didn't want to make a big deal about it, but now don't know if I did the right thing

It's not like she's 2 feet taller than me or anything. When we were walking together she had heels and was a bit taller, but I didn't care at all and I still kissed her at the end like with anyone else.

I sent her a message a few hours later and haven't heard back

[FredEire]

Probably wouldn't have hurt to give her a light-hearted compliment. But just the absence of doing so is probably not the reason she ghosted if she never replied to you.

May have been something completely different, or maybe she just didn't enjoy the date as much as you did.

[ShyViolet]

I think the fact that you both had your heights in your profile, so you both knew going into this date that she is taller than you, implies that it is not an issue for you.  And if you express interest in a second date, it is also implied that the height isn't an issue for you, or you wouldn't be interested in a second date.  I don't think it's necessary for you to explicitly say that her height doesn't bother you.  I think it would have been weird, actually.

[max3732]

2 hours ago, FredEire said:

Probably wouldn't have hurt to give her a light-hearted compliment. But just the absence of doing so is probably not the reason she ghosted if she never replied to you.

May have been something completely different, or maybe she just didn't enjoy the date as much as you did.

During the date when she laughed at one of my jokes I complimented her smile, which was genuinely really pretty. Do you think I should have given a small compliment on her size? Like your height is great?

2 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

I think the fact that you both had your heights in your profile, so you both knew going into this date that she is taller than you, implies that it is not an issue for you.  And if you express interest in a second date, it is also implied that the height isn't an issue for you, or you wouldn't be interested in a second date.  I don't think it's necessary for you to explicitly say that her height doesn't bother you.  I think it would have been weird, actually.

It was just a bit weird when she would say "... because I'm so tall" and just leave it there. I almost wanted to reassure her or say something, but I didn't know what to say

[basil67]

Your date was being really weird and awkward with all the comments she made about her height.   You may want to reassure her, but no amount of telling her that you don't care about her height is going to overcome her insecurities. And it's not your job anyway

Asking her on a second date is the best reassurance you could have given.  

[ExpatInItaly]

All of this over a 1-inch difference in height?

I think you are both making a weirdly big deal out of a nothing-burger. 

[FredEire]

9 hours ago, max3732 said:

During the date when she laughed at one of my jokes I complimented her smile, which was genuinely really pretty. Do you think I should have given a small compliment on her size? Like your height is great?

It was just a bit weird when she would say "... because I'm so tall" and just leave it there. I almost wanted to reassure her or say something, but I didn't know what to say

I think you're worried about minute details, it's more about the overall feel of the date.

[max3732]

11 hours ago, FredEire said:

I think you're worried about minute details, it's more about the overall feel of the date.

It's tough to tell. There were some awkward moments like that, but overall it seemed like the conversation flowed well.

A few other things were a bit odd about her though so I'm not sure, but figured it was worth another date to find out. Guess she didn't feel the same way if she didn't reply by now

[FredEire]

9 minutes ago, max3732 said:

It's tough to tell. There were some awkward moments like that, but overall it seemed like the conversation flowed well.

A few other things were a bit odd about her though so I'm not sure, but figured it was worth another date to find out. Guess she didn't feel the same way if she didn't reply by now

Yeah, if she didn't enjoy it as much as you it's unlikely to be down to one comment or the fact you didn't compliment something, but more the overall feel of the date.

[smackie9]

All depends....does she wear heels or flats? If she wears flats she's insecure about her height may feel she gets rejected because of her height. If she wears heels she's confident and feels good about herself.....that's the kind of long legged lovely you would want to date. You can throw in there and say to her that tall women are sexy...then smile. You want situations like these to go smooth yourself, so you need to be smooth and say the right thing with confidence....gotta think on yer feet to hit a homerun. 

Edited March 31 by smackie9

[basil67]

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

If she wears flats she's insecure about her height

As an aside, I'm tall and wear flats because heels don't generally take orthotics.   Also flats are more comfortable than heels....hence everyone wearing white sneakers these days

Edited March 31 by basil67

[max3732]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

All depends....does she wear heels or flats? If she wears flats she's insecure about her height may feel she gets rejected because of her height. If she wears heels she's confident and feels good about herself.....that's the kind of long legged lovely you would want to date. You can throw in there and say to her that tall women are sexy...then smile. You want situations like these to go smooth yourself, so you need to be smooth and say the right thing with confidence....gotta think on yer feet to hit a homerun. 

She wore an absolutely stunning dress even though the place was rather casual. I honestly don't remember what kind of shoes. Maybe heels because she seemed a bit taller than I was expecting. It probably would have been better if I said tall women are sexy or something like that instead of trying to play it so safe. It would be a shame if she got rejected because of her height. She did look pretty sexy in that dress with those long legs. 

Usually men get rejected on these apps or in general for being too short. I never thought much about women getting rejected for being too tall.

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

As an aside, I'm tall and wear flats because heels don't generally take orthotics.   Also flats are more comfortable than heels....hence everyone wearing white sneakers these days

I've heard heels can be tough on your feet. From all the workouts I do I have to wear custom orthotics in my shoes so I can certainly understand that.

As a tall woman would you want to hear a guy a bit shorter than you say that tall women are sexy or get some kind of compliment in that situation?

[basil67]

38 minutes ago, max3732 said:

As a tall woman would you want to hear a guy a bit shorter than you say that tall women are sexy or get some kind of compliment in that situation?

I would much rather a compliment that I've been really good company.   

Kindly Max, the fact there's a thread about dating a woman who was an inch taller than you tells me that you're really overthinking

 

Edited April 1 by basil67

[Els]

15 hours ago, basil67 said:

As an aside, I'm tall and wear flats because heels don't generally take orthotics.   Also flats are more comfortable than heels....hence everyone wearing white sneakers these days

I'm (very) short and I wear flats for the same reason, lol. An additional 3 inches of height would be nice, but it's not worth wrecking my back, knees, and feet...

OP I think you're overthinking it.

[basil67]

Max, have you considered that IF she's insecure about her height, there's nothing you could do or say to fix it.   Just present your best self and let the chips fall where they may

[max3732]

On 4/1/2025 at 6:52 PM, basil67 said:

Max, have you considered that IF she's insecure about her height, there's nothing you could do or say to fix it.   Just present your best self and let the chips fall where they may

Well the chips fell so that she didn't want to see me again. I checked the app and she unmatched me. I'm not surprised, but still a bit disappointed. 

Aside from her making those comments about height there were a few other issues with her and things I wasn't crazy about. Like I've mentioned before unless there is an obvious red flag or deal breaker I'm usually willing to give someone another chance. 

There are some others I'm talking to on these apps, but I'm going to try more live events. This is getting ridiculous how much time/effort I'm putting into this and am still single.

[basil67]

53 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Aside from her making those comments about height there were a few other issues with her and things I wasn't crazy about. Like I've mentioned before unless there is an obvious red flag or deal breaker I'm usually willing to give someone another chance. 

vs

53 minutes ago, max3732 said:

This is getting ridiculous how much time/effort I'm putting into this and am still single.

Do you see the connection between giving chances when things don't align well and then feeling like you're putting too much effort in?

What were the things you weren't crazy about?   

[max3732]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

vs

Do you see the connection between giving chances when things don't align well and then feeling like you're putting too much effort in?

What were the things you weren't crazy about?   

By "this" I meant dating in general and not with her specifically. I'm glad I didn't drive 1.5 hours or more to see her since things didn't work out.

Things I wasn't crazy about... nothing major, but a few little things. 

She said she found driving in traffic so aggravating she'd rather use a ride share almost everywhere even if it's a lot more expensive. I told her part of the reason I picked the place I did was because of ample parking, but she didn't seem to believe me and took a ride share anyway.

When I asked about hobbies she mentioned she likes these exercise classes and said he was really looking forward to the one that day, but didn't go just to go see me and didn't want to cancel even though it was her favorite. Made me feel like I should have been honored she chose to meet me vs. her weekly exercise class.

Didn't seem to be on the same page as far as travel. She said he lived a few different places in the US, but didn't view visiting anywhere in the country as "real travel". I've been to every state including many national parks and enjoy weekend trips as well as going to other states just as exciting as visiting a foreign country.

My profiles says I don't drink, but she mentioned alcohol a few times and asked if I ordered it there before. Not that I expect her to memorize my profile, but just a minor annoyance.

Her diet was a bit more strict than mine in that she only eats out once or twice a week and follows a particular diet. 

When I told jokes or tried to be a bit playful she didn't really laugh very often. Just seemed to be a bit uptight and serious. I know I can be that way myself so I'm willing to give it more time to see if it's first date nerves.

Those are the basic negatives. There were a bunch of things I liked too.

In general I've spent a lot of time/money/effort on dating an am just getting older with nothing to show for it. I'm going to try some more in person events. I see a couple of them in my area and am also going to try some more activities where there may be more women. All the things I do seem to be only guys.

I'm open to any other suggestions

[basil67]

Ehhhh, you've got some serious nit picking going on here.   If you're seeing a lot of these as negatives, then I can't help but wonder if you're looking for a clone of yourself.   I wouldn't normally go breaking them down, but as you've been single for so long and are so tired, it could be worth looking at your own contributions to singledom

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

She said she found driving in traffic so aggravating she'd rather use a ride share almost everywhere even if it's a lot more expensive. I told her part of the reason I picked the place I did was because of ample parking, but she didn't seem to believe me and took a ride share anyway.

First of all, her issue was with the traffic, not the parking.

But why is this a negative?  Are you pissed that she didn't take advantage of you choosing somewhere with easy parking?   This is a woman who simply knew she'd be uncomfortable in heavy traffic and took the initiative to sort her own transport out.  

 

Quote

When I asked about hobbies she mentioned she likes these exercise classes and said he was really looking forward to the one that day, but didn't go just to go see me and didn't want to cancel even though it was her favorite. Made me feel like I should have been honored she chose to meet me vs. her weekly exercise class.

Again, why is this a negative?  I would have thought that her being so keen to meet you would be positive

Quote

Didn't seem to be on the same page as far as travel. She said he lived a few different places in the US, but didn't view visiting anywhere in the country as "real travel". I've been to every state including many national parks and enjoy weekend trips as well as going to other states just as exciting as visiting a foreign country.

This is semantics, but when a profile says "I like to travel", the implication is of international travel.  I'd probably say "I love exploring America".  But if she openly criticised you, that was rude.

Quote

My profiles says I don't drink, but she mentioned alcohol a few times and asked if I ordered it there before. Not that I expect her to memorize my profile, but just a minor annoyance.

The first time she mentioned alcohol, did you tell her that you don't drink?   

Quote

Her diet was a bit more strict than mine in that she only eats out once or twice a week and follows a particular diet. 

"ONLY" eats out once or twice a week?   If I ate out more than once a week, I'd end up broke and overweight!   If someone can't afford it, limits itbecause of health or they actually like cooking, this should not be a negative.  

Quote

When I told jokes or tried to be a bit playful she didn't really laugh very often. Just seemed to be a bit uptight and serious. 

Not necessary uptight and serious...more likely different sense of humour

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

In general I've spent a lot of time/money/effort on dating an am just getting older with nothing to show for it. I'm going to try some more in person events. I see a couple of them in my area and am also going to try some more activities where there may be more women. All the things I do seem to be only guys.

I'm open to any other suggestions

There is no mystery here. None of the things you listed as her “negative” is really negative.

It look like you have a very high list of demands that nobody can meet. It almost feels like you are looking for some kind of a pre-programmed robot tailored to suit every single habit and opinion that you have.

It doesn’t work like this in real life. There are things that need to match, and match well. But there are cardinal, fundamental aspects of relationships: ethical, sexual, and intellectual compatibilities. Otherwise, it’s better to be open-minded. People are different.

I’m currently in the best relationship I’ve ever had in my life. Here is a partial list of differences between me and my partner:

1) I’m a control freak and a rigid planner. I like setting dates a year ahead. She hates terms and deadlines and doesn’t know what she’ll do the next day.

2) I’m very punctual and orderly with appointments. She has no sense of time.

3) I like eating in the same places often, sometimes days in a row. She likes change every day.

4) I never smoked a cigarette in my life. She is a regular smoker.

5) I do drink red wine regularly. She never drinks alcohol.

6) I work late and sometimes go to bed very late. She goes to bed much earlier and wakes up early.

7) I enjoy writing books, playing video games and watching NBA basketball. She likes going to gym and boxing and other stuff that I’d never do.

 

 

[max3732]

36 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Ehhhh, you've got some serious nit picking going on here.   If you're seeing a lot of these as negatives, then I can't help but wonder if you're looking for a clone of yourself.   I wouldn't normally go breaking them down, but as you've been single for so long and are so tired, it could be worth looking at your own contributions to singledom

First of all, her issue was with the traffic, not the parking.

But why is this a negative?  Are you pissed that she didn't take advantage of you choosing somewhere with easy parking?   This is a woman who simply knew she'd be uncomfortable in heavy traffic and took the initiative to sort her own transport out.  

 

Again, why is this a negative?  I would have thought that her being so keen to meet you would be positive

This is semantics, but when a profile says "I like to travel", the implication is of international travel.  I'd probably say "I love exploring America".  But if she openly criticised you, that was rude.

The first time she mentioned alcohol, did you tell her that you don't drink?   

"ONLY" eats out once or twice a week?   If I ate out more than once a week, I'd end up broke and overweight!   If someone can't afford it, limits itbecause of health or they actually like cooking, this should not be a negative.  

Not necessary uptight and serious...more likely different sense of humour

Like I mentioned before these are extremely minor and not dealbreakers at all. I did ask her out again.

With traffic she said just in case there's traffic she doesn't want to drive and also mentioned parking. Like I've mentioned in previous posts traffic/parking is a serious issue where I live, but on a weekend and going where we met there really wasn't much. Maybe it's just kind of how she said it.

I was happy she wanted to see me, but again it was kind of how she said it. It wasn't "I was so excited to see you I gave up my favorite class" it was "I go to this or that class other days and this day I normally go to my favorite class, but thought it would have been rude to cancel on you so decided to come"

With travel I told her I've traveled a lot internationally and mentioned a recent trip as well as some countries, but also told her I love traveling domestically and mentioned some other really interesting places. I actually enjoyed my trip in the US more than my 2 international trips. She told me she's lived in x, y and z cities, but doesn't really have any interest in visiting any other states and doesn't view travel anywhere in the US as counting as a real trip.

When she mentioned alcohol I did tell her I didn't drink and noticed she didn't order any herself. 

Guess the eating out thing isn't really a negative. Just something different from me

Could be a different sense of humor. 

I'm just trying to see what I can learn from the experience.

2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

There is no mystery here. None of the things you listed as her “negative” is really negative.

It look like you have a very high list of demands that nobody can meet. It almost feels like you are looking for some kind of a pre-programmed robot tailored to suit every single habit and opinion that you have.

It doesn’t work like this in real life. There are things that need to match, and match well. But there are cardinal, fundamental aspects of relationships: ethical, sexual, and intellectual compatibilities. Otherwise, it’s better to be open-minded. People are different.

I’m currently in the best relationship I’ve ever had in my life. Here is a partial list of differences between me and my partner:

1) I’m a control freak and a rigid planner. I like setting dates a year ahead. She hates terms and deadlines and doesn’t know what she’ll do the next day.

2) I’m very punctual and orderly with appointments. She has no sense of time.

3) I like eating in the same places often, sometimes days in a row. She likes change every day.

4) I never smoked a cigarette in my life. She is a regular smoker.

5) I do drink red wine regularly. She never drinks alcohol.

6) I work late and sometimes go to bed very late. She goes to bed much earlier and wakes up early.

7) I enjoy writing books, playing video games and watching NBA basketball. She likes going to gym and boxing and other stuff that I’d never do.

 

 

That's great you're able to make things work with those differences. I'm fine with having someone who has different opinions and hobbies. With those differences you listed probably the ones I wouldn't be able to handle would be to be with a smoker, someone who drinks in excess, or someone who has a completely different sleep schedule. I actually think it would be interesting to be with someone who exposes me to new hobbies or activities. Like maybe she'll be really into art or something. I don't know. I'd say I'm pretty open minded.

At my over 40 age now I'm a bit afraid if I mention video games she'll run for the hills. I do like to play on the weekends or to unwind for 30 minutes to an hour on a particularly stressful day during the week. I also workout hard 5+ days a week.

In writing down the negatives I think a lot of it was kind of her tone and way of saying it that didn't feel that great

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

At my over 40 age now I'm a bit afraid if I mention video games she'll run for the hills.

You should never be afraid of showing who you are and what you like. If a woman runs for the hills because you play video games, let her run. I’m almost 50 and I like video games and dumb comedies and junk food, so what? And anyway sooner or later all your secrets will surface in a relationship.

 

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

In writing down the negatives I think a lot of it was kind of her tone and way of saying it that didn't feel that great

I still feel that you demand too much, though perhaps not in aspects where you really need to be demanding.

I think it would be better if you stopped analyzing things so much and first develop romantic connection based only on initial sympathy, some spiritual chemistry, and physical desire. Once you’ve accumulated some experience in such basic, possibly short-lived relationships, you’ll be able to tell much more clearly what really matters and what doesn’t.