so stressed and at whit's end

[keljo05]

I've been married all of 3 months. I'm not sure how much longer I can take this. We lived together a year before we got married (364 days to be exact, lol)

 

My husband was injured at work last april. He was able to work light duty until end of July. He has been out of work since. If he doesn't go back by this April, he will lose his job and his benefits. We started to feel the lack of money in July. I started doing a job from home at the end of July. I hate this job as I'm on the phone at night and I don't like being on the phone anyway. To make any money at this I have to log on about 30+hours a week. (phone surveys) This is on top of my full time job of 40+hours per week. In September I had the opportunity to begin working for a friend 1 day a week for about 9 hours a day.

 

My husband was raised in a mind set of 'a pill will cure everything'. (I am the opposite.) He went to physical therapy for his back, but won't do the exercises at home. Even ball exercises for which I am a certified trainer. He goes to chiropractic (where I work full time) but only 1 time every other week. He won't go on a regular schedule that he needs to (2-3times per week). He originally thought back surgery was the answer. He has herniated discs and some degeneration.. (oddly enough I have the same in my neck and back and I am fully aware that minor changes will help him tremendously.) Now he is under pain management and rcving injections. The first set didn't work, he's due for a second set tomorrow. In addition he is also a type 1.5 diabetic in denial still after 10 years. He won't monitor his blood sugar more than 1 time per day (supposed to be 4) and he never alters the insulin dose based on the readings. He takes the same amount each time. He is supposed to take one insulin when he eats.. he takes it one time a day, not every time he eats. the night time insulin he always takes. his blood sugar levels are always above 200 - 300. Often so high it doesn't register. He JUST had a retinal exam done. small hemorrages that can be healed if he takes care of himself, but he won't.

 

All he does all day is lie on the couch or the bed and watch TV. Sometimes runs errands or dries clothes at the laundromat (I typically wash them). I go home and have to clean while working my second job. I have tried to tell him that i am overwhelmed and drowing under all the pressure to keep the bills paid. He immediately gets defensive and asks me (not nicely) what I want him to do about it. He's convinced that people think he's lying about his back injury. No one is doubting it. He complains that he can't do anything because his back hurts. Now he's pursuing disability thru the state. He went today. He told me that he should have benefits within 2-3 months. I told him that I thought he'd be back to work in 2-3more months. I am so tired of all of this. He's waiting for someone to make things better for him... he won't take action on himself. This is a man who used to have an extremely high work ethic.. when he was laid off one job..he had another within weeks. A few nights ago we had company. He made a comment:

 

"If I get approved for the disability and get a few jobs off the books, I'll be set"

 

I almost lost it. That says to me that he doesn't want to go back to work, he wants to be taken care of and coddled.

 

I can't talk to him about any of this as he starts yelling at me immediately. When I try to tell him that I am depressed, stressed, coming unglued ..he then says:

 

"how do you think I feel"

 

every time he tries to turn things around so they focus on him. I can't take it anymore. I have never had my feelings validated from him, it's always about him. No matter what I try to say ...he's always worse off.

 

We've been fighting more and more. I've barely spoken to him over the last 2 days for various reasons. Typically for his temper. When he gets mad at something or someone he calls me at work (or just talks to me at home) and starts yelling at me about whatever was said. I tell him all the time not to yell. He may think its' normal, i don't! Even if he did it sometimes I'd be easier with it..this is everytime. From a misunderstood phone call.. to directions that he doesn't understand.. to a hangnail bothering him. He cannot handle stress at all. He has 2 modes.. calm and happy and temper tantrum. One thing I do want to make clear is that he has NEVER hit me, nor would he. However he doesn't understand that to me, his constant yelling is emotional abuse. I am never happy at home anymore. I dread leaving work. I hate walking in the door to see what else has upset him. Or god forbid I'm upset at having to clean again and then he blows up at me.

 

I already kicked him out of the house once. he came home about 1 in the morning.

 

I am under so much pressure it's not even funny. I can no longer take this. I am the one that brings in the money (aside from his pittance of workers comp reimbursement), pays the bills, cleans the house, handles his crisis (i'm putting my foot down more on this) handles 99% of our lives. he won't even pursue the work retraining that his workers compensation has approved. He has to be reminded. he was supposed to talk to the work retraining for the last 4 weeks (can only go on wednesday)

 

i don't know how much longer I can handle this marriage.

[Outcast]

Go back to his doctor with him and tell the doctor you think your husband is depressed. Take a copy of your post.

[Mistaken Identity]

I know how you feel. My husband always had some sort of problem and could never hold a job. Now he's applying for disability--SSI. This last time he quit a job after less than three weeks and checked into a motel so he could hide out from me. Then, when he decided to come home for Christmas, he had to stop at the corner gas station because he thought he was having a heart attack. He ended up in the hospital (no heart attack after all), then checked himself back into the motel. To make a long story short, I am fed up, too. Plus, I don't want to be financially responsible for his hospital bills! In fact, when I'm done responding to your post, I'm going to fill out divorce papers. I guess you could follow Outcast's advice and see if your husband has clinical depression. If this keeps up, you might ask your doctor if you have clinical depression. If he's just lazy, I'd kick his a** out.