Problem getting worse.. Please help

[So Confused]

Okay this is my problem.. 10 months ago my b/f of 4 years broke up with me.. it was over a stupid fight.. although we had been fighting a lot lately.. it seemed as if we were drifting apart.. we talked and decided that we both needed time apart.. only i thought it would not be this long.. as the time went on he began to be very weird toward me.. at times he would say that he does not love me anymore, and then he would say that we may get back together just not now.. he basically said he needed space.. since we were together 24/7 and we went to the same school and bowl for the same college.. it seemed as thought i was nothing to him..then after about six apart i decided to go on a date with another guy.. i thought this would bring him around.. only it made him angry at me even more.. i have come to really like this new guy but he lives so far away.. we do visit each other.. but i'm still in love with my ex.. anyway my ex thought he would get even with me and he messed around with another girl.. he kept putting it in my face.. i tried talking to him but he said there was nothing to talk about.. to go on.. i was in a car accident and my b-day and he didn't even call or anything on both accounts.. i was so hurt.. basically i know that i should just give up on him.. but it's so hard.. i don't even really know what i did to make him so angry at me.. i tried giving him the space that he wanted.. but he has not talked to me in 3 months.. i would really appreciate any help or suggestions anyone has for me.. i even tried the letter thing.. i don't know what else to do.. how do i get him to at least talk to me in a reasonable manner??? thanks for any help...

[betty]

well i have had an expeirence like this before...i dated a guy for a year and a half....well i know he loved me and i loved him dearly....but one day he just didn't want a commitment..well i counldn't let go of him and i knew he hadn't let go of me...you could tell by the way he looked at me...but we got back together within a year....and now we are apart again because he went to the beach with his friends and came back and doensn't want a commitment...well it hurt really bad and it still does and i haven't talked to him or seen him in three months.....i cry every night but i know he shouldn't have done the things he did to me but i still love him.....sometimes i just wish the feeling will go away and sometimes i wonder if it will ever go away....i always wondered though if i got in a car wreck what would he do....i figured he would come see me...but it sounds like this guy of your didn't even do that....that was low....and he will regret that one day...yeah, i have played those games too....where you try to make each other jealous....it just ends up causing you more pain in the end....and yes my ex use to get mad too when he saw me with another guy.....it use to make him crawl.....but the best things to do is leave him alone...that is what i have come to conclude....i have tried so hard to talk to my ex and he want listen...i bet i have emailed him five hundred times and he still want see....but you can't make them see things....they have to see for themself.....and that is why i am just leaving him alone and trying to get on with my life....it's hard......sometimes i just want him back but i know in my heart that it wounldn't work.....so i hope i have helped you....just leave him alone and see if he comes to his senses and if he doens't then it wasn't meant to be.......but that is the hardest things to face.....but you can face anything if you put your heart to it.........

 

Okay this is my problem.. 10 months ago my b/f of 4 years broke up with me.. it was over a stupid fight.. although we had been fighting a lot lately.. it seemed as if we were drifting apart.. we talked and decided that we both needed time apart.. only i thought it would not be this long.. as the time went on he began to be very weird toward me.. at times he would say that he does not love me anymore, and then he would say that we may get back together just not now.. he basically said he needed space.. since we were together 24/7 and we went to the same school and bowl for the same college.. it seemed as thought i was nothing to him..then after about six apart i decided to go on a date with another guy.. i thought this would bring him around.. only it made him angry at me even more.. i have come to really like this new guy but he lives so far away.. we do visit each other.. but i'm still in love with my ex.. anyway my ex thought he would get even with me and he messed around with another girl.. he kept putting it in my face.. i tried talking to him but he said there was nothing to talk about.. to go on.. i was in a car accident and my b-day and he didn't even call or anything on both accounts.. i was so hurt.. basically i know that i should just give up on him.. but it's so hard.. i don't even really know what i did to make him so angry at me.. i tried giving him the space that he wanted.. but he has not talked to me in 3 months.. i would really appreciate any help or suggestions anyone has for me.. i even tried the letter thing.. i don't know what else to do.. how do i get him to at least talk to me in a reasonable manner??? thanks for any help...

[belinda]

I've been there too. I was with a guy for 4 years, I was totally devoted and very much in love. Things were getting rocky, I suspected him of cheating (later found out I was right - he had cheated on me the whole time we were together) and didn't trust him. He became very distant and inconsiderate over a span of a couple of months at the end - maybe he had another girl on the side at the time... He wouldn't talk to me about things, he stood me up, didn't return calls, etc.

 

One day he just up and broke up with me. Said he didn't know what he wanted and that he needed to be on his own for a while, but that he didn't want to lose me. He said we would get back together after he got his head straightened out. I, being in love and being a SUCKER, gave him his way without question, saying that I wanted him to be happy and if it that was what it would take... At first I told myself I'd give him 2 weeks, then a month, then 2 months...

 

He called me all the time, said he loved me, missed me, but anytime I asked if we could try again he always said he wasn't ready but maybe soon. We still slept together here and there - me...SUCKER. After 3 months (to the day) of hanging on a line, getting reeled back in and then thrown back out, wanting him back and getting mixed signals, I finally asked him for the last time if there was a chance for us, he gave me the same vague answer. I told him that if he didn't know if he wanted me after 4 years together and then 3 months apart... then that was my answer and I was cutting the ties myself. I told him not to call me anymore, not to try and be my friend, just to leave me alone and go on with his life and I'd go on with mine. He said,"Oh, well fine, if that's the way you want it." Yes, it is.

 

Later I found out he had started seeing a girl who I THOUGHT was a friend of mine while he was still calling me and stringing me along. I also found out from a friend of his that he had cheated on me too many times to count over the 4 years we were together. I called him up and told him off for about an hour - it felt so good to expose him for the slime he is. We were all in the same wedding party a month after I found out - very rough. He tried to be nicey-nice and she tried to act like she felt badly. After the wedding he called me saying he was "worried about me" because I seemed to have trouble being around them at the wedding. GAG ME. Of course I had trouble - you (*^*%*)*. I told him not to ever call me again, not to ask about me, not to accidentally run into me, nothing.

 

After all this... I was single for about a year, then I met what I thought was a "nice guy" and married him in quick time. It didn't last - I think it was a rebound attempt to find a safe place. About 2 years later, while I was separating, the two slimes got married. They are made for eachother.

 

I have never regretted being the one to make the final decision with the ex. The confusion and heartache were too much to take, and the lack of control over the situation made it much worse. Once I took control and made it my decision I felt such a relief, even though I still loved him and maybe in a twisted way still do. No, I take that back. He was getting his way, I was sitting on a shelf as his back-up plan if things fell through on his end. Don't let your guy do this to you. I mean, does he love you if he isn't even concerned about your health/life/well being after being in a car accident? I feel so badly for you, I know how you feel and wouldn't wish it on anyone. It hurts to realize that someone doesn't care as much as you do. Maybe he just wants to keep you hanging in case he changes his mind... but do you want to be the back-up plan? He's being so selfish. Has he really given you any reason to think he's coming back or are you like me... hoping that's what he means? Actions speak so loudly, if you can block out the words... I know you probably want to have faith in him, that maybe he'll come back, but after 4 years together and 10 months apart... you have to start to think of yourself and mend your heart with self-love and self-respect. Even if he did come back... you may not want him for long. How could you forget about the hurtful things he's done? You don't need to give yourself up for someone who doesn't appreciate you and from his actions, doesn't care how he makes you feel. I have come to realize that some people (our exes) are only out for themselves and will take as much as they can until the control is taken away from them. Best of luck. Be your own woman and take care.