I tried my best but dont understand her words and actions

[fred123]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

What made this dinner romantic? Did you spend tons of money again to impress a woman you barely know?

No it was nice dinner with drinks. Wasn't too expensive this time

[fred123]

On 4/24/2025 at 5:23 AM, basil67 said:

It's not strange.  As you say, kissing can tell you about chemistry....and apparently after the second date she felt not chemistry and didn't want to kiss you.    I think that her not wanting you to walk her to the door was another sign that she was no longer into you.  

Women don't come here complaining about it.  Rather, they are confused and not if he's really into them...just like you are now.  

 

Is it also my fault that walking to the door as she did mention before our date that she wants to be seduced after a romantic dinner? Does that change anything as that was her intentions ..

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, fred123 said:

Is it also my fault that walking to the door as she did mention before our date that she wants to be seduced after a romantic dinner? Does that change anything as that was her intentions ..

Fred, we were not there and we can not read her mind. 

Based on what you have told us, her feelings cooled on the second date. Why - we can not answer that. 

As to her comment that she wanted to be “seduced” after a romantic dinner date - I would say that you don’t want to date a woman who plays games. Date a woman who says what she means and means what she says - in other words, a woman who communicates clearly and demonstrates that your interest is reciprocated. 

As I said above, you need to be careful about increasing the physical contact unless you have consent. When in doubt - ask. “I would really love to kiss you right now, would that be ok?” Or “can I walk you to your door to say goodnight?” 

And if I may, dinner and a drinks for a second date is still an expensive date - to me. Do what you want to do, but as a woman I wouldn’t expect a man to take me to dinner and buy me drinks on the second date. 

Edited April 25 by BaileyB

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, fred123 said:

she did mention before our date that she wants to be seduced after a romantic dinner

Ouch. That kind of talk would really turn me off, to be honest.

Sounds like she’s into playing some sort of immature mind games with men.

This is yet another reason for you to move on.

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, fred123 said:

Is it also my fault that walking to the door as she did mention before our date that she wants to be seduced after a romantic dinner? Does that change anything as that was her intentions ..

What a weird comment to make. She doesn’t let you walk her to the door but wants you to seduce her? Which tells me that maybe there’s a disconnect between her words and actions—or she’s sending mixed signals. Like, wanting romance but needing space? Ambiguity is part of dating, sure, but it’s confusing AF. 

[basil67]

Asking to be seduced: cringe

[fred123]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

Asking to be seduced: cringe

I asked my girl mate what does it mean when a girl says she wants to be seduced.  She said it doesn't necessarily means having sex or being intimate. 

What do you guys think it means when a girl says this?

So the context of this conversation was on the phone before our first date. We were talking  generally about dates and dating and topic about valentines came up.

I mentioned that I took someone to a nice lunch over looking the city. She then replied "oh lunch? A guy took me to dinner and hotel. Dinner is way more seductive"  I tried to defend myself by saying I also took her to dinner that evening too but the lunch was what made it as it was a beautiful restaurant overlooking the city with great views. I said lunch can be romantic and seductive too.

She then replied in a condescending tone " hmm no dinner is better and more seductive. I then said " you want to be seduced?"  

She said "ofc I want to be seduced. Enough talk about lunch"

Hence why I made dinner plans for the 2nd date not the first. 

I think she was flirting or wanting me to be sexual with her or she wanted me to seduce her ? Previous phone calls I think she was wanting that too and giving off that kind of vibe/open to flirty sexual convo...?  I'm bad at interpreting what women are vibing or saying tbh. 

 

Maybe she was into me until we met?

[fred123]

15 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Fred, we were not there and we can not read her mind. 

Based on what you have told us, her feelings cooled on the second date. Why - we can not answer that. 

As to her comment that she wanted to be “seduced” after a romantic dinner date - I would say that you don’t want to date a woman who plays games. Date a woman who says what she means and means what she says - in other words, a woman who communicates clearly and demonstrates that your interest is reciprocated. 

As I said above, you need to be careful about increasing the physical contact unless you have consent. When in doubt - ask. “I would really love to kiss you right now, would that be ok?” Or “can I walk you to your door to say goodnight?” 

And if I may, dinner and a drinks for a second date is still an expensive date - to me. Do what you want to do, but as a woman I wouldn’t expect a man to take me to dinner and buy me drinks on the second date. 

What are your ideal 2nd date? I was disappointed she didn't buy or offer a drink after dinner. Although she did send a thank you text for a cute and fun date so I can't complain right?

Question for the ladies - after 2 dates where a guy has organised and paid for the dates and take the girl out and dropped her home twice and then I drive home (I live an hour away from hers) we meet both times in middle, then I offer to driver her home as I get to spend more time with her haha:).  Should the women like organise the next date/pay or do something to show effort/appreciation like maybe cook dinner or? Thoughts?

[BaileyB]

4 minutes ago, fred123 said:

What are your ideal 2nd date?

I think that will differ for everyone. I’m a big fan of doing something in together - go to a movie, or play pool and have a drink, but it could be anything. Dinner is fine - but I personally would offer to pay for my own dinner. I wouldn’t expect a man that I barely knew to buy me dinner. The other thing about dinner - you have to make conversation which is hard when you don’t know each other well. That’s why dates that are shorter or when you have something to do are better in the early stages of dating.
 

8 minutes ago, fred123 said:

Should the women like organise the next date/pay or do something to show effort/appreciation like maybe cook dinner

She may, if she is comfortable having you over to her house. She wasn’t comfortable having you walk her to her door on the last date though - so, unlikely that she is going to invite you over for dinner. 

If you want to assess her intentions - plan a fun date that doesn’t cost any money. Meet for ice cream and a walk in the park. Or, go to a free outdoor concert. Or, meet for a beer and a game of pool. Whatever you think may interest her and also yourself - if she is interested in dating you, she will love it. If she wants you to seduce her with money, you will hear about it and her intentions will reveal themselves…

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, fred123 said:

What do you guys think it means when a girl says this?

It means she is just playing with you.

Why would you want to date a girl who says this to you:

1 hour ago, fred123 said:

A guy took me to dinner and hotel. Dinner is way more seductive

I mean, seriously, how are you not turned off by this kind of talk? Why are you giving second chances to girls who talk like that?

 

 

[fred123]

18 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I think that will differ for everyone. I’m a big fan of doing something in together - go to a movie, or play pool and have a drink, but it could be anything. Dinner is fine - but I personally would offer to pay for my own dinner. I wouldn’t expect a man that I barely knew to buy me dinner. The other thing about dinner - you have to make conversation which is hard when you don’t know each other well. That’s why dates that are shorter or when you have something to do are better in the early stages of dating.
 

She may, if she is comfortable having you over to her house. She wasn’t comfortable having you walk her to her door on the last date though - so, unlikely that she is going to invite you over for dinner. 

If you want to assess her intentions - plan a fun date that doesn’t cost any money. Meet for ice cream and a walk in the park. Or, go to a free outdoor concert. Or, meet for a beer and a game of pool. Whatever you think may interest her and also yourself - if she is interested in dating you, she will love it. If she wants you to seduce her with money, you will hear about it and her intentions will reveal themselves…

Yh I get u. Makes sense. Well we talked a lot on the phone and text leading up to the dates so I felt I knew her well ish. We vibed on the phone. I mean why would a girl always call back or pick up and spend a a cumulative amount of hours on the phone with you right?

[fred123]

20 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I think that will differ for everyone. I’m a big fan of doing something in together - go to a movie, or play pool and have a drink, but it could be anything. Dinner is fine - but I personally would offer to pay for my own dinner. I wouldn’t expect a man that I barely knew to buy me dinner. The other thing about dinner - you have to make conversation which is hard when you don’t know each other well. That’s why dates that are shorter or when you have something to do are better in the early stages of dating.
 

She may, if she is comfortable having you over to her house. She wasn’t comfortable having you walk her to her door on the last date though - so, unlikely that she is going to invite you over for dinner. 

If you want to assess her intentions - plan a fun date that doesn’t cost any money. Meet for ice cream and a walk in the park. Or, go to a free outdoor concert. Or, meet for a beer and a game of pool. Whatever you think may interest her and also yourself - if she is interested in dating you, she will love it. If she wants you to seduce her with money, you will hear about it and her intentions will reveal themselves…

Sounds crazy but I love to cook and I would prefer a stay in date like cooking a stir fry together and wine and watching a movie/documentary or playing a fun board game and just chilling/cuddling. I like that my kinda thing. I love watching nature and science documentaries haha. 

Thing is I love with mum and she knows that

[BaileyB]

32 minutes ago, fred123 said:

Sounds crazy but I love to cook and I would prefer a stay in date like cooking a stir fry together and wine and watching a movie/documentary or playing a fun board game and just chilling/cuddling. I like that my kinda thing. I love watching nature and science documentaries haha. 

Me too - but I would not be comfortable doing that with a man that I am just starting to date. 

When we are in a relationship - sure. But, as one of our first dates… you need to understand, as a woman it’s not safe to go to the home of a man that you barely know. Do some women do it - yes. But, the vast majority will want to get to know you better before they take that step… to invite you to their home and to have sex. 
 

36 minutes ago, fred123 said:

Well we talked a lot on the phone and text leading up to the dates so I felt I knew her well ish.

The only way that you can truly assess a person as a possible relationship partner is by spending time together in person. 

[fred123]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

It means she is just playing with you.

Why would you want to date a girl who says this to you:

I mean, seriously, how are you not turned off by this kind of talk? Why are you giving second chances to girls who talk like that?

 

 

I should be right? Sometimes I csnt tell if a girl is flirting and into me or actually not attracted to me and disrespectful?

[fred123]

45 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Me too - but I would not be comfortable doing that with a man that I am just starting to date. 

When we are in a relationship - sure. But, as one of our first dates… you need to understand, as a woman it’s not safe to go to the home of a man that you barely know. Do some women do it - yes. But, the vast majority will want to get to know you better before they take that step… to invite you to their home and to have sex. 
 

The only way that you can truly assess a person as a possible relationship partner is by spending time together in person. 

Yes it's hard for me to invite anyon3 as I live with mom so cant do any indoor dates. And also indoor dates are less expensive which is great too at times. 

I totally understand about women feeling comfortable before being intimate or inviting me to theirs. But what if the same women is telling me that she has slept with guys she really has vibed and liked with on a first date? And I barely get a proper kiss on a 2nd? The inference is the women doesn't have the sexual attraction or desire as much as she did with previous? And that makes me feel jealous and hurt. Yes my ego would be bruised too esp if I like the girl

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, fred123 said:

I should be right? Sometimes I csnt tell if a girl is flirting and into me or actually not attracted to me and disrespectful?

It’s not about flirting or attraction, it’s about the general vibe of a woman who unfavorably compares you to an ex right off the bat and who appears to view dating as an opportunity to get free meals and drinks.

 

 

[fred123]

19 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s not about flirting or attraction, it’s about the general vibe of a woman who unfavorably compares you to an ex right off the bat and who appears to view dating as an opportunity to get free meals and drinks.

 

 

Also just to add on the first date we were having drinks. She decided to want to play truth or dare. I guess to spice things up. Her first question was "what's your favourite sex position" 

So I don't know what that means- was she asking or do women ask this because they are thinking about sex with u?

I responded with an answer. But now in hindsight I'm thinking I should have been flirty/sexual back and say "ul find out later😉".  I was trying to be respectful and not make her think it's all about sex I wanted.

[BaileyB]

4 minutes ago, fred123 said:

So I don't know what that means- was she asking or do women ask this because they are thinking about sex with u?

Not is not a question that I would ever ask a man while having a drink on our second date. 

Geez Louise. Where do you find these women. 

[Gebidozo]

23 minutes ago, fred123 said:

So I don't know what that means- was she asking or do women ask this because they are thinking about sex with u?

If a woman asked me that as a prelude to having sex with me, it would turn me off and I would probably end up politely declining. People don’t talk about sex when they are about to engage in it, it ruins the mood.

As I’ve said several times before, sex and other forms of romantic contact should occur naturally or not at all. Your overthinking and speculations and guesses are themselves proof that this situation isn’t developing the right way.

[Gebidozo]

23 hours ago, fred123 said:

But what if the same women is telling me that she has slept with guys she really has vibed and liked with on a first date? And I barely get a proper kiss on a 2nd?

What do you mean “barely get a kiss”? You aren’t entitled to get anything from her, she doesn’t owe you kisses or anything else. 
 

23 hours ago, fred123 said:

The inference is the women doesn't have the sexual attraction or desire as much as she did with previous?

Yes, most probably. So what?

 

23 hours ago, fred123 said:

And that makes me feel jealous and hurt.

What? Why? She isn’t your girlfriend, why on Earth would you be jealous? And there is nothing hurtful in the fact that she liked some other guys more than you.

 

23 hours ago, fred123 said:

Yes my ego would be bruised too esp if I like the girl

Your ego gets bruised by some random girl who gave you a drunken kiss and then didn’t give you any kiss on the second date?

Goodness, your ego must be very fragile. I don’t know what would happen to my ego if it got bruised every time something didn’t work out in my dating life.

 

[fred123]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Not is not a question that I would ever ask a man while having a drink on our second date. 

Geez Louise. Where do you find these women. 

Was she asking cos she was bored or just making convo or genuinely asking cos she was thinking or hoping about me sexually? Never had that on a first date especially cos we never had any sex type convos previously on the phone. Other women I have had some sexual convos on phone before we met but this on we didn't.

[fred123]

2 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

If a woman asked me that as a prelude to having sex with me, it would turn me off and I would probably end up politely declining. People don’t talk about sex when they are about to engage in it, it ruins the mood.

As I’ve said several times before, sex and other forms of romantic contact should occur naturally or not at all. Your overthinking and speculations and guesses are themselves proof that this situation isn’t developing the right way.

Yes. Don't know if she was asking as a prelude to sex or just making fun convo I dunno

[fred123]

2 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

What do you mean “barely get a kiss”? You aren’t entitled to get anything from her, she doesn’t owe you kisses or anything else. 
 

Yes, most probably. So what?

 

What? Why? She isn’t your girlfriend, why on Earth would you be jealous? And there is nothing hurtful in the fact that she liked some other guys more than you.

 

Your ego gets bruised by some random girl who gave you a drunken kiss and then didn’t give you any kiss on the second date?

Goodness, your ego must be very fragile. I don’t know what would happen to my ego if it got bruised every time something didn’t work out in my dating life.

 

Is it a fair expectation to want to date and have a kiss or romantic chemistry by the 2nd date? I was more disappointed that I didn't get a kiss cos I liked her and I know she is intimate with men she vibes with on first dates. Also question- aren't there some expectations I have heard like if you have had sex the date before that generally the next dates you will also have sex with that person? Like if u kiss on first date /2nd date ud expect to kiss on 3rd date too?

I think it's her comment and why she was telling me that she liked other guys or did things with other guys and isn't doing that with them. Yes I was hurt I'm allowed to feel how I feel.

 

Yes need to work on my ego you are 💯  right

[BaileyB]

20 minutes ago, fred123 said:

Was she asking cos she was bored or just making convo or genuinely asking cos she was thinking or hoping about me sexually?

Fred, that’s a socially inappropriate thing to say to a man on a first date - that’s what I’m saying.

I have no idea why she would say that because it’s not something I would ask a man on a date.

Edited April 27 by BaileyB

[Gebidozo]

25 minutes ago, fred123 said:

Is it a fair expectation to want to date and have a kiss or romantic chemistry by the 2nd date?

No.

If there is no romantic chemistry, then there is no romantic chemistry. You can’t expect a woman to feel it just because you want her to feel it. You move on and find someone who does have romantic chemistry with you.

 

28 minutes ago, fred123 said:

Also question- aren't there some expectations I have heard like if you have had sex the date before that generally the next dates you will also have sex with that person? Like if u kiss on first date /2nd date ud expect to kiss on 3rd date too?

Absolutely not.

Sometimes women had sex with me and then on the next date said they didn’t want to do it again. Sometimes I said that. There are many reasons why this can happen. It is a common occurrence.

Expecting something to happen again just because it has happened once, in itself, is madness. Expectations of something like that can appear only if it is clear that the two people are attracted to each other, have chemistry, want the same thing, want to try out some sort of a relationship. Is this your case? No, it probably isn’t.

You’re putting the carriage in front of the horse. You should strive to develop a mutual romantic connection, and then women will have sex with you. Instead, you expect women to have sex with you only because you want a romantic connection.

 

35 minutes ago, fred123 said:

I think it's her comment and why she was telling me that she liked other guys or did things with other guys and isn't doing that with them. Yes I was hurt I'm allowed to feel how I feel.

You are allowed to feel how you feel, but you’ll feel better if you don’t let such an unimportant thing hurt you.

When a woman keeps comparing you unfavorably with other men and tries to use you to get free dinner and drinks, you don’t get hurt, you just walk away. Why would you be hurt by that? Just don’t date her.