Did I over react?

[Donrudiger]

I went on a date, it was going rather well, our conversation was flowing naturally and wasn't forced. I was enjoying my time with her. But as our date grew to an end she began mimicking my accent and speech word for word. Which I took as a way of mockery so I just got up and walked away from the date without an explanation. Albeit I am British and she is American so that might have been a factor. But I am still not sure if I over reacted and should reach out to her and apologise?

[Gina2005]

So.... you just didn't ask for an explanation?

[Donrudiger]

22 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

So.... you just didn't ask for an explanation?

I just assumed she was mocking me. Although she did compliment my accent earlier on and prior to our date said she had a dark sense of humour.

 

You are probably right I should ask for an explanation

 

[Gebidozo]

You overreacted in a big way. Walking away from a date without an explanation is a rude and a very strange thing to do when all she did was mock your accent. If that really turns you off so much, you could’ve just politely asked her to stop doing that.

It’s hard to understand why mocking your accent would offend you so much, though. My partner grew up in the UK and I mock her accent all the time because I find British accent cute and sexy. She mocks not only my accent, but the tone of my voice, my expressions, my characteristic gestures all the time. I find it quite endearing.

[Donrudiger]

17 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

You overreacted in a big way. Walking away from a date without an explanation is a rude and a very strange thing to do when all she did was mock your accent. If that really turns you off so much, you could’ve just politely asked her to stop doing that.

It’s hard to understand why mocking your accent would offend you so much, though. My partner grew up in the UK and I mock her accent all the time because I find British accent cute and sexy. She mocks not only my accent, but the tone of my voice, my expressions, my characteristic gestures all the time. I find it quite endearing.

You are right, she did compliment my accent at the start. And even said that she has a weird and dark sense of humour prior to our date. So I should have taken that into consideration. I have just never experienced this type of mockery before. Especially on a date. It will grow on me. I'll call and apologise to her.

[Gebidozo]

17 minutes ago, Donrudiger said:

And even said that she has a weird and dark sense of humour prior to our date.

Well, mocking someone’s accent isn’t dark humor. Dark humor is making jokes about genocide or pedophilia or stuff like that. Make sure you are fine with that if you want to date this girl, dark humor isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

[Alpacalia]

Teasing is playful banter, which might not be meant as mockery. …and it’s totally fair to feel thrown off by that. Accents are personal, and having yours mimicked—even playfully—can feel like a jab at something that’s part of your identity. But here’s the thing: intent matters. Is she racist? Some people flirt by mirroring quirks (clumsily, sure), or she might’ve thought it was harmless banter across the “British vs. American” trope. Doesn’t make it okay, but it could be a misunderstanding.

[Donrudiger]

32 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Teasing is playful banter, which might not be meant as mockery. …and it’s totally fair to feel thrown off by that. Accents are personal, and having yours mimicked—even playfully—can feel like a jab at something that’s part of your identity. But here’s the thing: intent matters. Is she racist? Some people flirt by mirroring quirks (clumsily, sure), or she might’ve thought it was harmless banter across the “British vs. American” trope. Doesn’t make it okay, but it could be a misunderstanding.

No fortunately she isn't racist. She was bantering throughout the date, which I didn't mind. but the mimicking irked me as my instant feeling at that moment was she took me for a joke. 

But as you said teasing and bantering is ingrained in a lot of peoples personality. And I should have taken a dig at her American accent instead of storming out.

I should have handled the situation differently. As her personality was out of my comfort zone and my response was rather immature. Americans are more socially open than us Brits. 

 

Edited April 26 by Donrudiger

[Donrudiger]

48 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Well, mocking someone’s accent isn’t dark humor. Dark humor is making jokes about genocide or pedophilia or stuff like that. Make sure you are fine with that if you want to date this girl, dark humor isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

Its definitely something I will take into consideration. Cheers.

Edited April 26 by Donrudiger

[ShyViolet]

2 hours ago, Donrudiger said:

As her personality was out of my comfort zone and my response was rather immature. Americans are more socially open than us Brits. 

If this was your feeling about her behavior on a first date, (I assume it was only a first date) then why bother reaching out to her again?  I would just leave this in the past and not contact her again.  It sounds like her personality is not a match for you.

[smackie9]

I am going against the grain here....she was being absolutely rude. Walking away wasn't the best choice, but ending the date was justified.

[Alpacalia]

20 hours ago, Donrudiger said:

No fortunately she isn't racist. She was bantering throughout the date, which I didn't mind. but the mimicking irked me as my instant feeling at that moment was she took me for a joke. 

But as you said teasing and bantering is ingrained in a lot of peoples personality. And I should have taken a dig at her American accent instead of storming out.

I should have handled the situation differently. As her personality was out of my comfort zone and my response was rather immature. Americans are more socially open than us Brits. 

 

Walking out may have been an impulsive reaction, but it came from a valid place of discomfort. If someone was mocking me on the first date, I would find them weird but that maybe they're just trying to be playful. I don't think I'd walk out on the date but I most likely wouldn't go on a second date.

Put it this way --- if the mimicking irked you on a first date, imagine how you'd feel in you were in a relationship with her. Your flirting styles don't match. If her banter made you uncomfortable now, it likely wouldn’t improve long-term. Some people thrive on constant teasing; others find it grating. 

[FredEire]

Americans often love British/Irish accents, I'm Irish and have had American girls try to imitate me many times. I usually just make fun of them for their leprechaun voice and it's a good time. I'd imagine that was what was going on here, if you'd had a few drinks it makes even more sense.

I personally think you did overreact if the date was going well. You're entitled to find it annoying but you could have just asked her to cut it out or playfully made fun of her. I'd apologise and see if she's understanding and wants another date. I think many people would want to just leave it if someone walked off on them though.

[Acacia98]

My ex-boyfriend used to mock my accent once he got comfortable with me (so not during our first date). And it used to irritate the heck out of me. Mind you, he was a good guy... He wasn't a bully or a racist or anything like that. I never made a big deal about it because I thought it would be an overreaction. But it really, really irritated me.

So I can understand why you felt offended, and I don't have a problem with what you did. In fact, I have respect for folks who can do what you did: stand up and walk away as soon as they feel violated. As you can guess, I struggle to do that. I still have some people-pleasing tendencies that make it challenging to look out for my best interests at times.

So, frankly, as long as you don't generally have anger problems and are not the sort of person who gets offended easily, I think you're okay. I don't think she's the right person for you. This thing she calls "dark humor" may turn out to be unkindness. People are often very lousy at describing themselves accurately. They tend to put a positive spin on their negative traits or to attribute harmless intentions to themselves when they actually have suppressed resentment or something. 

Edited April 27 by Acacia98

[Donrudiger]

59 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

My ex-boyfriend used to mock my accent once he got comfortable with me (so not during our first date). And it used to irritate the heck out of me. Mind you, he was a good guy... He wasn't a bully or a racist or anything like that. I never made a big deal about it because I thought it would be an overreaction. But it really, really irritated me.

So I can understand why you felt offended, and I don't have a problem with what you did. In fact, I have respect for folks who can do what you did: stand up and walk away as soon as they feel violated. As you can guess, I struggle to do that. I still have some people-pleasing tendencies that make it challenging to look out for my best interests at times.

So, frankly, as long as you don't generally have anger problems and are not the sort of person who gets offended easily, I think you're okay. I don't think she's the right person for you. This thing she calls "dark humor" may turn out to be unkindness. People are often very lousy at describing themselves accurately. They tend to put a positive spin on their negative traits or to attribute harmless intentions to themselves when they actually have suppressed resentment or something. 

I agree with you and a few others, she isn't the right person for me. I did offer her a sincere apology today, but I won't pursue anything further with her. You are also correct that her saying she has a dark sense of humour is just a way to sugar coat her callous jokes, as she mentioned during our conversation she was a victim of heavy bullying at school. I tried my best to comfort her, but I could tell from her tone it had a big impact on her. Which is where her dark of sense of humour manifested from. But I could be wrong.

Edited April 27 by Donrudiger

[Acacia98]

5 hours ago, Donrudiger said:

I agree with you and a few others, she isn't the right person for me. I did offer her a sincere apology today, but I won't pursue anything further with her. You are also correct that her saying she has a dark sense of humour is just a way to sugar coat her callous jokes, as she mentioned during our conversation she was a victim of heavy bullying at school. I tried my best to comfort her, but I could tell from her tone it had a big impact on her. Which is where her dark of sense of humour manifested from. But I could be wrong.

You did the right thing. Taking the time to apologize was commendable. I hope the experience gives her food for thought. And I also hope she sees someone to help her deal with the aftermath of the bullying.

[Carlston]

13 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

My ex-boyfriend used to mock my accent once he got comfortable with me (so not during our first date). And it used to irritate the heck out of me.

Not understanding why, if a person, especially your signfiicant other, does something hurtful or annoying, that you won't say anything about it?

I also don't understand why I felt the need to include so many commas in that sentence but whatever.

 

[Acacia98]

7 hours ago, Carlston said:

Not understanding why, if a person, especially your signfiicant other, does something hurtful or annoying, that you won't say anything about it?

I also don't understand why I felt the need to include so many commas in that sentence but whatever.

 

I explain that in the next paragraph: people-pleasing tendencies. It's a product of my upbringing.

Lol. The commas are fine. The sentence looks grammatically correct to me.