Why does this guy do this?

[NJooo]

Hi so I have a class with this guy and I try to remain polite and friendly with everyone and I try to make small talk with people just to keep things friendly. I don't hang out with any of them outside of class or anything like that. I just mainly keep the interaction between us at school. There is a guy who comes into class and he speaks to me and says "hey how are you" I always respond back and says I'm doing good and then I began to just have some random small talk about stuff related to class or other relateable topics that is related to the career field we all are either working in or hoping to work in. When I start talking about something briefly I notice that the guy just sits there and stares at me and doesn't respond. I feel as though at that point I am just carrying on and talking to myself it seems like. Why do guys just stare at a female and not respond when she's trying to have just a friendly conversation or small talk with them?

[ExpatInItaly]

11 minutes ago, NJooo said:

Why do guys just stare at a female and not respond when she's trying to have just a friendly conversation or small talk with them?

This isn't something "guys" do.  It's something this guy is doing. 

He sounds socially awkward, or possibly just rude. It's strange to not respond and just stare when someone is speaking. I would keep my distance. 

[NJooo]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This isn't something "guys" do.  It's something this guy is doing. 

He sounds socially awkward, or possibly just rude. It's strange to not respond and just stare when someone is speaking. I would keep my distance. 

yeah something is off. today we had to pick a monologue and when he asked how i was doing i said that i was doing good and then told him i was working on my monologue and kind of told him what inspired me to work on it just making some small talk. i mentioned a friend of mine in the conversation and all this guy did was just sit there and stare and didn't even respond or anything. yeah it was weird. 

[ExpatInItaly]

I would not bother trying to make conversation with him anymore. 

He sounds bored and totally uninterested. 

[NJooo]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I would not bother trying to make conversation with him anymore. 

He sounds bored and totally uninterested. 

Yeah seems that way alot. This is also someone who wanted to be friends with me on social media. At first I accepted his request and was friends with him there but I later I decided to remove him because I don't really know him that well like that and I did remove him and explained that I only was friends with people that I actually connected with, was friends with and network with in real life, you know people that I hang out with. He then went on this lonnnnng rant about how he is just only trying to make friendships and nothing else. Mind you I never said that I wanted anything else from this guy, especially nothing romantically. I then clarified to him that I never said that I wanted anything from him and that I do not find anyone at the school attractive and that I am not interested in anything romantic with anyone. The whole thing weirded me out so bad that I just blocked him. I think he knows that I did. I was fine with him not saying anything the first two days. He didn't say anything. He knew that I blocked him on social media. Well after two days he started speaking so I spoke back just being polite. I had told him that I wasn't there to make friends also. I just was there to learn and go home. Maybe that's why he just stares at me blankly. There's the backstory.

[NJooo]

40 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I would not bother trying to make conversation with him anymore. 

He sounds bored and totally uninterested. 

But yeah he was the one who approached me about following me on social media. Then when I decided to only keep just a close circle of people that I actually interact with in real life on my friends list he then tries to flip it on me and say that he is only just making school friendships and nothing else. Mind you I never said that I was looking for a friendship from this guy or any kind of romantic pursuit either. 

[ExpatInItaly]

This is a lot of drama. 

I would just be polite when you cross paths but stop trying to have conversations with him. There is no point. I am guessing you are all quite young?

 

[NJooo]

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is a lot of drama. 

I would just be polite when you cross paths but stop trying to have conversations with him. There is no point. I am guessing you are all quite young?

 

you're right i will not have any form of conversation with this guy again. i had stopped engaging alot way before that. during our break periods i used to sit out in the waiting area and we would all sit around and talk but i don't do that anymore. when we do have breaks i just sit in the classroom and quietly just study to myself or go eat something really quickly. The ONLY time that I did briefly engage conversation with him was a few minutes before class started and that's about it. Also this hasn't always been the case, just a few days ago he had mention to the class that he had met someone famous or something and I asked him how did he meet the person. He did answer the question and we all just engaged in a quick conversation it was him, me and another classmate. Today in class he asked me did I want to go first because he was feeling nervous and didn't want to perform his monologue yet...so there are small situations like this where some engagement of conversation happens you know....Am I fine with just going on about my business absolutely. 

[NJooo]

22 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is a lot of drama. 

I would just be polite when you cross paths but stop trying to have conversations with him. There is no point. I am guessing you are all quite young?

 

I just thought it was strange how he would just sit there and stare with no response on some occasions when I would talk about school related topics and then even after the conversation is done he was still just staring at one point in class. I didn't say anything I just left it alone. 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, NJooo said:

I just thought it was strange how he would just sit there and stare with no response on some occasions when I would talk about school related topics and then even after the conversation is done he was still just staring at one point in class.

Yes, it is strange, as I have already said. 

I wouldn't let it get to you, but given that you posted this in the "dating" forum, are you hoping all the staring means he likes you? That is the sense I am getting. 

[ShyViolet]

9 hours ago, NJooo said:

I just thought it was strange how he would just sit there and stare with no response on some occasions when I would talk about schoo I didn't say anything I just left it alone. 

Why would you go on talking to someone who isn't engaging or reciprocating in the conversation?  Why wouldn't you take that as a cue that he isn't interested in what you have to say and doesn't want to have a conversation?  When he says "How are you" just say "I'm good" and that's it, don't proceed to go into a long monologue.  He obviously isn't interested.

[smackie9]

That's your cue to not continue the conversation.

[MsJayne]

Sounds like he trying to disarm you, it's a psychological tactic that police, mental health professionals, journalists, and other investigative/interrogative roles use to extract information from people, if you don't respond to someone it tends to make them jabber on to fill the silence, (depending on their personality type). A person who uses it in a social setting probably/possibly has some issue such as social anxiety.  The best response might be to ask him if he's OK, it flips it back on him by making him aware that you see he's uncomfortable. Or just keep it to a polite "I'm good" and then just ignore him. 

[Acacia98]

On 4/26/2025 at 8:49 AM, NJooo said:

At first I accepted his request and was friends with him there but I later I decided to remove him because I don't really know him that well like that and I did remove him and explained that I only was friends with people that I actually connected with, was friends with and network with in real life, you know people that I hang out with. He then went on this lonnnnng rant about how he is just only trying to make friendships and nothing else. Mind you I never said that I wanted anything else from this guy, especially nothing romantically. I then clarified to him that I never said that I wanted anything from him and that I do not find anyone at the school attractive and that I am not interested in anything romantic with anyone. The whole thing weirded me out so bad that I just blocked him. 

His rant about friendship was a bit much but I think I understand why he did it. He felt rejected when you unfriended him. Your subsequent explanation probably made him think you assumed he wanted to make a move on you. So the point of his long rant was to clarify that his intention had simply been friendship. He was pretty much on the defensive at that point. I think it's possible that he liked you. But I'm not really sure.

Yes, his behavior comes across as socially awkward. But, at the same time, adding someone as a friend on social media them removing them shortly afterwards has a way of making things awkward between the two of you, especially if you have to interact in real life.

Seeing as you're not actual friends, just keep it simple and polite. Say hi to him if you must, but don't try to fill the awkward silence with conversation.

[basil67]

6 hours ago, MsJayne said:

Sounds like he trying to disarm you, it's a psychological tactic that police, mental health professionals, journalists, and other investigative/interrogative roles use to extract information from people, if you don't respond to someone it tends to make them jabber on to fill the silence, (depending on their personality type). A person who uses it in a social setting probably/possibly has some issue such as social anxiety.  The best response might be to ask him if he's OK, it flips it back on him by making him aware that you see he's uncomfortable. Or just keep it to a polite "I'm good" and then just ignore him. 

I had a boss do this to me at an exit interview once.   And yes, I filled the silence.  It was the most uncomfortable conversation ever, and now I know what was going on, I'd ask if they have any response to what I just said.

 

[basil67]

@NJooo when you were chatting, did you ask questions which he ignored, or were you talking at him?   I'm assuming it's the former, but just checking because you didn't mention anything about him not responding to actual questions

[NJooo]

On 4/27/2025 at 12:09 AM, Acacia98 said:

His rant about friendship was a bit much but I think I understand why he did it. He felt rejected when you unfriended him. Your subsequent explanation probably made him think you assumed he wanted to make a move on you. So the point of his long rant was to clarify that his intention had simply been friendship. He was pretty much on the defensive at that point. I think it's possible that he liked you. But I'm not really sure.

Yes, his behavior comes across as socially awkward. But, at the same time, adding someone as a friend on social media them removing them shortly afterwards has a way of making things awkward between the two of you, especially if you have to interact in real life.

Seeing as you're not actual friends, just keep it simple and polite. Say hi to him if you must, but don't try to fill the awkward silence with conversation.

the best comment on here and that makes total sense.

[NJooo]

On 4/27/2025 at 12:29 AM, basil67 said:

@NJooo when you were chatting, did you ask questions which he ignored, or were you talking at him?   I'm assuming it's the former, but just checking because you didn't mention anything about him not responding to actual questions

I wasn't asking him a question. I was telling him about a class assignment that we were assigned and what inspired me to pick the assignment that I did. He just sat there and looked at me with no response like I was crazy. Then a few days later he tried saying something to me concerning the temperature in the room, saying that it's hot today isn't it. I just ignored him at that point because I think the dude is a liar. This is the same guy that told me that he was just creating school friendships and nothing else, I took that as he only wanted to make friends at school and not hang out with them and spend time with them outside of school. To my surprise he is hanging out with tons of people from the shool, girls and guys but told me that he was only creating school friendships. He knows that I know this, I walked in on him and somebody making plans to hang out after school. I didn't say anything. Now all he does is hang his head when he sees me or sit there with is head hung to the floor. He still speaks and says hi but I'm at the point where I don't even want to say hi anymore. I know that's bad but I want nothing to do with this guy. 

[NJooo]

Hello so there is a guy who I met in my class. He seemed nice and very friendly to everyone and he still is friendly to everyone but something happened that made me wonder what should I do. So the conversation of friendships and hanging out with people came up and he specifically told me that he is only just creating school friendships and nothing else, so I basically took that as he has no interest in hanging out with me as a friend so I left it alone. So now we just be polite, speak to each other, just a simple hi and bye. Well I was in class and there was a girl sitting right next to him and I heard her talking to him about the plans that they were making to go hang out and do things and he seem to have no problem agreeing to hang out with her, in fact he also had no problem with hanging out with any of the guys as well as he said that he had made plans to hang out with them. So I sat there and was thinking to myself why was I told something completely different than what he is actually doing. I accidentally walked in at that moment and heard them making plans. Well she seemed to be the one that was pushing the plans and he was agreeing to them. I even heard her tell him to not bail on the plans which I thought that was wild. Shortly after I sat down I see him glancing over at me and then the girl starts glancing in my direction too because she saw that he kept looking over there. Well I guess my question is since I now know this do you think it would be rude if I just ignore this guy and just move on and what I mean by ignoring... I mean do you think I should just stop saying hi or if he says hi should I just ignore this guy? I also noticed that when I used to hold just conversation with him in class he would talk and laugh but as soon as another female or someone else came around that appealed to him more then I was left looking like the outcast and just ignored while they carry on talking as though I don't exist much. Should I just ignore him if he says hi?

Also I wanted to clarify that I never said that I was interested in this guy romantically and he knows that I am not interested in him romantically. I told him that I wasn't interested in dating anyone at the school or forming any kind of romantic interaction. He also agreed and told me that he wasn't either. When we are in class and if he is sitting next to the girl that he is hanging out with, If she talks to me or asks me a question about a class topic or if I talk to her he will drop his head to the floor as though something is bothering him or as though something is wrong. I have no problem with that girl as she has never done anything to me. 

[NJooo]

On 4/27/2025 at 12:29 AM, basil67 said:

@NJooo when you were chatting, did you ask questions which he ignored, or were you talking at him?   I'm assuming it's the former, but just checking because you didn't mention anything about him not responding to actual questions

and the poor girl that is hanging out with him i heard her trying to make plans with him in class. it was almost like she was trying to make him go to a concert with her. he finally shared the link with her so that she could go with him and her response to him was "now you have no choice but to go" oh my goodness i felt so bad for her cause she seems like a nice girl. Then she told him don't bail on the plans. That was wild to me. 

[ShyViolet]

Ok so this guy has showed you that he's not interested in being friends with you, for whatever reason.  That's fine, just move on.  I don't see that as a reason to ignore him and not respond if he says hi to you.  If he says hi to you, the normal thing to do is give a quick "hi" back.  That doesn't mean you need to talk to him any further than that.

[Sanch62]

What would you hope to accomplish by refusing to say "Hi" to the guy?

If this were your job, would you refuse to greet a colleague who didn't want to be your friend outside of work?

Rise above. You will thank yourself for learning professionalism later.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, NJooo said:

he finally shared the link with her so that she could go with him and her response to him was "now you have no choice but to go" oh my goodness i felt so bad for her cause she seems like a nice girl. Then she told him don't bail on the plans. That was wild to me

I don't see why you feel bad for her. She sounds assertive and like she can handle herself. Are you perhaps a little envious of her? That she managed to make plans with him and he doesn't seem to want to be friends with you anymore? I am not sure why you feel "so bad" for her, nothing terrible is going on there. 

2 hours ago, NJooo said:

This is the same guy that told me that he was just creating school friendships and nothing else, I took that as he only wanted to make friends at school and not hang out with them and spend time with them outside of school.

That's just it - you took it that way. It doesn't mean you were right. In fact, it seems you were off the mark. Why did you assume that is what he meant? I wouldn't necessarily think he meant he didn't want anything to do with classmates outside of school. It seems that he meant he wasn't trying to date anybody, but just make friends with kids at school. So, that is what he is doing - making friends and hanging out with classmates. I don't see where he ever told you he didn't want to actually see anyone outside school hours. This doesn't make him a liar. It means that you made an incorrect assumption about what he said. 

You seem to still like him, despite your strong statements to the contrary. What I get from your posts is that you jumped the gun a bit by blocking him, and now that you have backtracked, you are seeing that actually he doesn't really care to be friendly with you anymore. And it's bothering you because you are seeing that he is hanging out with others, but freezes you out. 

I am going to guess you are all in highschool. Is that right? I promise in a couple years none of this will really matter anymore. 

Edited May 4 by ExpatInItaly

[Sanch62]

2 hours ago, NJooo said:

This is the same guy that told me that he was just creating school friendships and nothing else, I took that as he only wanted to make friends at school and not hang out with them and spend time with them outside of school. To my surprise he is hanging out with tons of people from the shool, girls and guys but told me that he was only creating school friendships.

Probably because you'd just told him that you unfriended him. This made him feel lousy and defensive, as though you thought of him as a threat to you, or you disliked him.

I mean, how is someone supposed to respond to, "I just unfriended you?" That, to me, is bizarre and unnecessary. I took what he said to mean, "I'm just trying to make friends at school, I'm not trying to date anybody..." And he's made plenty of friends, as you've found out.

You're the one who insulted him, yet you're turning his response into an insult to you.

You're high drama.

[Sanch62]

2 hours ago, NJooo said:

So the conversation of friendships and hanging out with people came up and he specifically told me that he is only just creating school friendships and nothing else, so I basically took that as he has no interest in hanging out with me as a friend so I left it alone.

I just saw your other thread. You forgot to mention here that this came up because you told him that you unfriended him on SM. You misunderstood what he meant by his defensive statement about just trying to make friends and "nothing else". When you found out that he's doing exactly what he said--making friends with his classmates, and nothing else--as in, not trying to date them, you decided that he lied to you, and now you want to freeze him out of a simple hello.

I think you have a crush on the guy, and you tried to get his attention in a negative way by telling him you unfriended him. That blew up in your face. Now you're mad at him for no good reason, and you think refusing to say hello to him will help you repair this?

I'd skip that idea. All this negative attention-seeking will only cause him to think you are nuts. I'd quit that, be kind, and allow this awkwardness to pass. Time heals, so allow it to do its job.