My girlfriend is a whore?

[Forget About Her]

Okay, I met my girlfriend on her 19th birthday. From the time she started college, until the time she met me, there was an 8 month span. In that 8 months, she claims to have slept with 9 guys. To me, that's a lot of damn guys in a 8 month period. She claims to have been depressed because she was so far away from home, and she wanted to fit in, etc etc.

 

Anyway, I've been with more people than her overall, not by much, but still more people, but I'm 4 years older than her!!!! I'm kind of hung up on this span of averaging more than one guy per month her first year in college.

 

Also, she tells me that this one guy was amazing in bed, but claims that "I am better". We've all heard the "your the best" line, but I don't believe it. I hold my own, but I make no claims to being a super-stud in the sack.

 

These two aspects of not being the best, and her very slutty past really bother me. We've been together for 7+ months.

 

Any advice?

[MissD213]

yeah 9 guys in an 8 month span is kind of a lot but it's not something to call her a whore over.

 

my cousin is dating a guy whose slept with about 51 people he admits! and he is 23!

 

but dont judge her over that, my boyfriend now says hes been with 20 something people and i've always said eww you're gross and what not because he was always the type of guy who was in relationships, and i couldn't figure out in the span of time where he had the chance to sleep with all these girls. he said in between breakups he'd sleep with like 3 girls a month (probably more though i think haha)..but i dunno it think it's gross but what can ya do..

 

everyone (mostly) goes through their little "i can get whatever i want" stages..it just depends or not if they're over it..hopefully she is especially if you've been together for what over a half a year..

 

and if she says you're the best..i'd believe her. a while back my boyfriend asked me out of what guys i said was best even though he didn't know them. i gave him the name and he will always say so-and-so is better than me when i tell him that HE is the best. especially if you're feelings continue grow..nothing can beat that type of sex

[Nicholas]

Also, she tells me that this one guy was amazing in bed, but claims that "I am better". We've all heard the "your the best" line, but I don't believe it.

 

She shouldn't have told you that one guy was amazing in bed. If you don't believe that you're better than that one guy, though, you're probably right. But what's she supposed to say?

 

My advice is to leave her. She deserves someone without an inadequacy complex, and someone who won't judge her based on her past.

[lilmoma1973]

 

You have no right judging your gf when you are the one that has been with more !! How come if a girl has been with alot of guys they are whores but when a guy is a man whore it is ok? People that live in glass house shouldn't throw stones!!!!!

[whichwayisup]

These two aspects of not being the best, and her very slutty past really bother me. We've been together for 7+ months.

 

Any advice?

 

It is not your business for either of you to JUDGE either on how many people each of you have slept with. It doesn't matter how old you are compared to her. She gave you her reason and still, you've judged her.

 

This is why bringing up sexual past isn't the greatest subject. I feel, if you ask, BE PREPARED for an answer you don't want to hear. And then deal with it.

 

DO you like her? Does this affect the relationship now? If so, end it with her NOW and let her find a guy who won't care either way about her sexual past.

 

We all have sexual pasts...And honestly, unless she is full of STD's (which I doubt) then don't worry about it.

[witabix]

Hey man, what gives you the right to call a woman a whore?

 

Get your head screwed on right here, she was honest. Get over yourself.

 

What do you want her to do lie?

 

Would you happy if she lied?

 

Come on man, drop the double standards, even if she had slept with 500 guys she is still who she is.....

 

Sheesh, I get so p1ssed off by this kind of rubbish.

[morrigan]

It isn't about her sexual history or the comments she probably should have kept to herself.

 

If you can't accept who she is now, you shouldn't be dating her.

[dprelz]

Personally this number would bother me a lot.. But that's just me. It's definately not sexy to think my girlfriend has been pounded by THAT many guys in that time frame. And, that number is probablly higher, I'm sure that is a scaled down number.

[Brittanyjean06]

YOu know guys, masterbation gets the job done to:-/

[Art_Critic]

The first bit of advice I think you should get is " Stop calling your girlfriend a whore " what is wrong with you ? this is someone your have feelings for..

 

The other bit is your the pot calling the kettle black.. WTF ????

You number is higher.. so what the time frame is different.. if you guys go married today your number would still be higher..

Maybe your the slut..

 

Grow up some.. show some respect for your girl and forget about it.. it is nothing

[Milo]

YOu know guys, masterbation gets the job done to:-/

 

"Hey. Blanks get the job done, too."

 

"You repoguys are all out to lunch!"

[BlahBlahQueen]

What a f***tard!

 

How does the number of people she's slept with change who she is? Are you dating an individual or a number?

 

Do you like her as a person? Do you know she is free of diseases? Are you confident she won't cheat on you? Do you enjoy your time with her? If you answered yes to all of the above questions, then it means her so-called promiscuity obviously has not affected anything, and you're being a fool for letting something so meaningless as a NUMBER get in the way of your happiness. So she likes sex. That's a good thing. So she got plenty of it while she was single. She's with YOU now, for a fairly long time, and presumably has been faithful, so what the hell is the problem?

 

Some people attach importance to the most ridiculous things. I think you don't really know what you should be looking for in a woman.

 

And stop disrespecting women. You have absolutely no right.

[BlahBlahQueen]

And, that number is probably higher, I'm sure that is a scaled down number.

 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure too. Sounds like she was trying to keep it in the single digits, so she went with the highest single-digit number in order to be as close to the truth as possible. Keep a relatively clean conscience and whatnot.

 

But with a guy this judgmental, who can blame her? I'd have lied too! Wait, scratch that, I'd never have gotten involved with him in the first place. I'd want a real relationship, not one based on shallow crap like that.

 

His irrational hatred of his girlfriend for her sexual past eclipses anything he might like/love about her. Notice in his entire post he did not mention a single positive trait of hers, or acknowledge any emotion or care for her. He doesn't like her! Why is he with her at all? Sounds like just the kind of empty relationship that high-schoolers would engage in. What a waste of time.

 

I say leave her, quick. Don't waste your time and hers. Go find someone you actually love.

[Astarte]

This laddie seems very threatened by the thought of a woman knowing what she wants and getting it, and probably he's just frightened to be really a bad number in her bed - and the way he sounds, he is.

[Spectre]

Why is everyone getting on this guy? His biggest mistake was probably labeling this girl a whore, Cuz this is in no way the first topic,male or female. where someone is upset about their SO's number. I mean, I see people saying he hates her and is incredibly judgemental, you got all that from his post? Jeez

 

To answer the OP's question? 9 guys in 9 months? err, to answer your question? Yes. I think thats pretty skanky, no offense to any ladies out there. She was riding a different guy every month, thats a nasty ass thought and I wouldnt be too pleased to hear some girl I was with did it either. It also tells you a bit about her sexual behavior, she has a habit of going out and sleeping with guys, this mean if she's ever hanging out somewhere without you, the chances of her picking up some dude are increased, this is only a logical conclusion judging from her past. Also, the fact that she blames it on being depressed and wanting to fit in is a bad sign too. Umm, what if you guys have a fight and she gets upset? or shes feeling insecure one day, is she gonna go hump some guy? These are real issues, and they were created by her scandalous behavior. Also, why is everyone bringing up the fact that she was honest? Why do people get points now for just being decent to people? Being honest doesnt take away from the issue at hand.

 

And also, he said his number was higher, but not by much. Combine this with the fact that he's 4 years holder? and it isnt that big a deal. He said she was 19, so he must be mid 20's, at best he's been sexual since probably age 16-18, and she almost matches this 5-10 years of sexual partners in 9 months? Yeah, I'd be disturbed too

[witabix]

Why is everyone getting on this guy? His biggest mistake was probably labeling this girl a whore, Cuz this is in no way the first topic,male or female. where someone is upset about their SO's number. I mean, I see people saying he hates her and is incredibly judgemental, you got all that from his post? Jeez

 

To answer the OP's question? 9 guys in 9 months? err, to answer your question? Yes. I think thats pretty skanky, no offense to any ladies out there. She was riding a different guy every month, thats a nasty ass thought and I wouldnt be too pleased to hear some girl I was with did it either. It also tells you a bit about her sexual behavior, she has a habit of going out and sleeping with guys, this mean if she's ever hanging out somewhere without you, the chances of her picking up some dude are increased, this is only a logical conclusion judging from her past. Also, the fact that she blames it on being depressed and wanting to fit in is a bad sign too. Umm, what if you guys have a fight and she gets upset? or shes feeling insecure one day, is she gonna go hump some guy? These are real issues, and they were created by her scandalous behavior. Also, why is everyone bringing up the fact that she was honest? Why do people get points now for just being decent to people? Being honest doesnt take away from the issue at hand.

 

And also, he said his number was higher, but not by much. Combine this with the fact that he's 4 years holder? and it isnt that big a deal. He said she was 19, so he must be mid 20's, at best he's been sexual since probably age 16-18, and she almost matches this 5-10 years of sexual partners in 9 months? Yeah, I'd be disturbed too

 

I would like to chime back in here on this one Spectre.

 

First I will say I respect your views. No buts or howevers.

 

"Why is everyone getting on this guy? His biggest mistake was probably labeling this girl a whore,"

 

IMO that is a big error, an error in thought process, an error of judgement, and an erroneous 'world view' in itself.

 

The number of people she has slept with? She is 19ish, she has slept with a similar number of people to me, and I am more than twice her age. So am I a slow whore? We are now introducing time frame as an ameliorating factor into how much of a whore someone is?

 

I don't get it. I was negative in my post because of your first question, refering to women in the pejorative is not nice, necessary nor does it show maturity IMHO.

 

She is not a whore. In any sense of the word. Her sexual history is of interest to an SO on the grounds of STD's and on the grounds that our behaviours show our personalities.

 

Her SO may then decide what he thinks of her, based on his own set of morals and requirements, that is entirely fair.

 

It is fair to say that your SO must have slept with less people then you, or using some equation to calculate a "partners per year" and then comparing it to your own ppy ratio, if thats what you want to do.

 

But all these morals exist in his head, to then use the word whore to describe somoeone who's ppy ratio is greater than his predefined acceptable limits is not good. To say that he does not want a relationship based on his own morals is ok, if thats what he wants to do. Some people won't date black people, or guys with red hair, or Europeans, the list goes on ad infinitum.

 

But it is not good to use pejorative phraseology to describe people who do not fit in with a personally held 'world view'.

[Cecelius]

I agree that it was harsh to use that word on her, but it does express how the OP was feeling.

 

I also agree that that is way too big a number in such a short time frame and bespeaks significant mental issues for the future and is simply less attractive than a girl with a less-frequent-fluid exchange rate would be. I would not date anyone with those kinds of numbers unless they were buried deep in the past.

 

You are 7 mos in and not married. It is not your job to save her from being easy -- just enjoy what you are doing with her until it's time to break up.

[cygny]

all it shows is that she was experimenting with sex during a certain phase in her life. it does not mean she would be unfaithful when in a relationship or that she is easy. easy is when a girl is a pushover and gives in to a guy pressuring her. but if she is the one who wanted to experiment then she is in control.

 

i don't think the guy poster is better in any way for his number over a few more years time, unless he has some kind of higher standard, like he had to be in a solid relationship with a woman before he would have sex with her. if he was screwing girls that didn't mean anything to him then he is no better.

[Yamaha]

Numbers should never be an issue. How she treats you is all that should matter. If you can't treat her with respect because she has *whored* herself around then you need to let her loose.

 

Grow up!!!

[lilmoma1973]

The first bit of advice I think you should get is " Stop calling your girlfriend a whore " what is wrong with you ? this is someone your have feelings for..

 

The other bit is your the pot calling the kettle black.. WTF ????

You number is higher.. so what the time frame is different.. if you guys go married today your number would still be higher..

Maybe your the slut..

 

Grow up some.. show some respect for your girl and forget about it.. it is nothing

 

 

Thanks A_C couldn't have said it better !!! What an a@@ .. hope she wakes up and realizes he is a loser and move on!!!

[Cecelius]

I don't think it is nothing, it's a preference of his. It may be a double standard but there are tons of double standards.

 

The age point was to indicate that their numbers are on par, but since she's younger it's clear she's been fitting the dudes in left and right to make up the distance...

 

Plus he is probably applying quite wisely the rule of 3, and factoring in that if she's still in college chances are there are a bunch of dudes walking around the place who've been there before that she sees on a regular basis. That is unattractive.

 

I do agree that bad mouthing her is low class and that he should just conclude that she's not for him long term.

[AverageJoe]

I said it before, and im saying it again. Why in the hell ppl want to share their experiences about past bed partners in a current relationship miffs me. Nothing good can ever come of it. It's not about the past, it's about the future.

[lilmoma1973]

I said it before, and im saying it again. Why in the hell ppl want to share their experiences about past bed partners in a current relationship miffs me. Nothing good can ever come of it. It's not about the past, it's about the future.

 

Exactly ,you chose her not suppose to judge her past .. Is she judging your past mishaps and you seem to be more of a whore than her? If you love her it shouldn't matter if she is expierenced or not!!!

[cygny]

I don't think it is nothing, it's a preference of his. It may be a double standard but there are tons of double standards.

 

The age point was to indicate that their numbers are on par, but since she's younger it's clear she's been fitting the dudes in left and right to make up the distance...

 

Plus he is probably applying quite wisely the rule of 3, and factoring in that if she's still in college chances are there are a bunch of dudes walking around the place who've been there before that she sees on a regular basis. That is unattractive.

 

I do agree that bad mouthing her is low class and that he should just conclude that she's not for him long term.

 

i guess your logic here is that there is some kind of 'rate' at which you screw people as you grow older...and that it is important that the man's rate of 'screwage' be higher than the woman's.

[whichwayisup]

It's not about the past, it's about the future.

 

The past (in and out of bed) is what makes the person WHO they are in the present and into the future.

 

I do agree though, unless BOTH parties have no issues about discussing past sexual experiences, there is no need to go into details. Details are not important and they more than likely bring out insecurites and make the other person feel inadaquet (I can't spell that word today).