My girlfriend is a whore?

[BlahBlahQueen]

OK so aside from the semantic wrestling that has ensued ("She's a slut!" "No, she's a free spirit!" "No, she's a slut!"), I've gleaned this from the thread:

 

She had a hearty sex run a few months ago. That's a good thing.

 

She did it for the wrong reasons. That's a bad thing.

 

Rather than label her slutty, he needs to ask himself whether the underlying problem still exists and if so, whether he's willing to deal with it. That requires deeper feeling than what he obviously feels for his girlfriend, so the whole discussion is moot.

[thegoodhubbie]

OK so aside from the semantic wrestling that has ensued ("She's a slut!" "No, she's a free spirit!" "No, she's a slut!"), I've gleaned this from the thread:

 

She had a hearty sex run a few months ago. That's a good thing..

 

That is certainly up for debate, which is all that has been going on here. I have noticed that everything usually becomes an argument after a while on this board. Everyone's moral compass is very different and a person's reasons for choosing to do what they do vary.

 

That said, in my opinion, ANYONE who has indiscriminate sex with whomever they please on a frequent basis lacks any kind of self-control, self-respect, or good judgement and is extremely dysfunctional. This is not something I would either do, or tolerate, in a potential SO.

[BlahBlahQueen]

ANYONE who has indiscriminate sex with whomever they please on a frequent basis lacks any kind of self-control, self-respect, or good judgement and is extremely dysfunctional.

 

Indiscriminate meaning for no particular reason and without any standards?

 

Because I have sex with people I find very attractive, when I am horny, to gain sexual pleasure. I do not have sex with people I find unattractive, when I don't really want to have sex, to gain nothing...

 

These are obviously standards and there is a rhyme and reason to my sex acts. Are they incorrect reasons to you? Do I lack self-control, self-respect and good judgement if I choose my sex partners? What exactly is my dysfunction?

[clandestinidad]

IMO, yes its dysfunctional if youre doing it to fill/fix your emotional, mental, depression issues. Dysfunctional b/c those problems should be fixed in other, deeper ways....to actually FIX them. Not to cover them up for the time being.

 

Also dysfunctional b/c it only causes more depression afterwards

 

I still wouldnt call someone who was doing that a slut or whore....they're just very desperate to feel SOMETHING good, even if its just for a brief time.

[cygny]

i think horniness is a dysfunction...lol

[clandestinidad]

i think horniness is a dysfunction...lol

 

lol....especially when there's no one to satisfy it

[Milo]

lol....especially when there's no one to satisfy it

 

So when will they start marketing the Orgasmatron?

[BlahBlahQueen]

IMO, yes its dysfunctional if youre doing it to fill/fix your emotional, mental, depression issues. Dysfunctional b/c those problems should be fixed in other, deeper ways....to actually FIX them. Not to cover them up for the time being.

 

Also dysfunctional b/c it only causes more depression afterwards

 

I still wouldnt call someone who was doing that a slut or whore....they're just very desperate to feel SOMETHING good, even if its just for a brief time.

 

Which just goes back to my second-to-last post!

 

She had a hearty sex run a few months ago. That's a good thing.

 

She did it for the wrong reasons. That's a bad thing.

 

Rather than label her slutty, he needs to ask himself whether the underlying problem still exists and if so, whether he's willing to deal with it. That requires deeper feeling than what he obviously feels for his girlfriend, so the whole discussion is moot.

 

And also proves that I am not dysfunctional. OK, well I am, but not in that way.

 

A sexscapade, in and of itself, is not "wrong". It's the motives behind it that could point to a problem.

[thegoodhubbie]

Indiscriminate meaning for no particular reason and without any standards?

 

Because I have sex with people I find very attractive, when I am horny, to gain sexual pleasure. I do not have sex with people I find unattractive, when I don't really want to have sex, to gain nothing...

 

These are obviously standards and there is a rhyme and reason to my sex acts. Are they incorrect reasons to you? Do I lack self-control, self-respect and good judgement if I choose my sex partners? What exactly is my dysfunction?

 

I was not directing my "dysfunctional" comment at you but at the OPs "problem girl"

 

And by dysfunctional I mean with whomever whenever, just because you are lonely, (again, not meaning "you" specifically) or because you are confusing sex with love. In the context of the OPs remarks, it seemed dysfunctional to me.

 

Certainly, if you are a rational clear thinking adult and you've made an adult decision to sleep with someone, there is obviously nothing wrong with that, however, if you routinely go to bars, get drunk and go home with anyone just because you "need it" that seems a bit dysfunctional.

 

Again, to me 9 or more people in 8 months shows a lack of restraint and poor judgement for anyone, man or woman. Maybe I'm wrong. It's just my opinion.

[Cecelius]

Again, to me 9 or more people in 8 months shows a lack of restraint and poor judgement for anyone, man or woman. Maybe I'm wrong. It's just my opinion.

 

and that's the opinion of a lot of people.

[blind_otter]

Well what if you were stupid and reckless when you were young? This is why I refuse to answer that stupid numbers question. Here's my clean bill of health, ask me no more questions. That's my normal response.

 

Maybe some of us had good judgement throughout their life. The rest of us made stupid mistakes and are only human and are trying to live the rest of our lives in as morally responsible a way as possible.

 

But some people are just judgemental and weird. I'm as guilty of it as the next person, but at least I admit it.

[ehead]

A lot of people on this thread are making two mistakes, in my humble opinion.

 

1) They think their views on sexuality are the "correct" ones.

2) They try and deny the OP's emotions, which as we all know often contradict what the logical mind is thinking.

 

As for whether it's "okay" to have sex with 8 guys in 9 months, that is completely subjective, right ? Sex is different things to different people. For some it is a very special/sacred thing and they have decided to only share it with those they love. Others are more non-chalant about who they have sex with.

 

Neither view is "correct", they are simply different. There is no rule book on this as far as I know, unless you are religious of course (I am not). So the two sides should stop all the silly name calling (slut, whore, prude, etc ...)

 

Everyone defines for themselves what sex means to them and what they get out of it.

 

Secondly, no one should try and negate the OP's feelings on this ... in fact, they are EXTREMELY common. Retroactive jealousy is in fact one of the most common problems people experience in a new relationship. Dr. Drew advises to never share details about previous sexual partners (it is only likely to cause problems). The OP's feelings are entirely understandable and quite normal.

 

It's somewhat unfortunate that the OP used the word "whore" in the title, because I don't believe this is an issue of female liberation ... he doesn't seem to be backward or narrow minded in his views on women. "Whores" can be men or women ... I think what he meant by the word is simply that she is challenging his own personal ethos on sexuality and promiscuity. Both women and men often feel this way when their SO has a large "number".

 

It's just an issue of wanting to feel like you are special, which is something we all want, right ? I want to feel special ! I'm sure you do too.

 

 

I would advice you to just try your best to forget about it. It sounds like your personal attitudes on sex are in fact not that much different ... maybe she is just a little more liberal than you. If this is the case, don't think of her as a "whore", just recognize that she has a different attitude about sex than you.

[CaterpillarGirl]

I think this guy has some sort of inferiority complex or he wants to start problems with his relationship - it's like he's sabatoging the whole thing. Check out his previous post:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t69875/

[slubberdegullion]

The rest of us made stupid mistakes and are only human and are trying to live the rest of our lives in as morally responsible a way as possible.

*raises his hand*

 

Guilty as charged.

[cygny]

I think this guy has some sort of inferiority complex or he wants to start problems with his relationship - it's like he's sabatoging the whole thing. Check out his previous post:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t69875/

 

 

yeah his ego is all tied up in this. he needs to deal with that without putting her down and making her out to be bad and a whore.

 

"tube steak" lol

[Spectre]

I think Spectre and the OP should hush about what this girl has done. This girl said she's been depressed!!! They have absolutely NO CLUE how it feels to be depressed and unloved....and then when youre with someone who is giving you affection, it FEELS like love for the time being.

 

Why dont you share your secrets of telepathy with the world? Because you've obviously gone into my mind, and found out I've never been depressed or felt unloved.

 

Back to reality, of course I've felt that way, nice way to try and play it off tho

 

I was in the same boat as this girl.....wanting to feel loved soooo badly that you let it go further, so that for 20 min. you feel good. It doesnt make you a slut. Esp. since she, like me, probably felt bad about it afterwards....which makes the depression worse btw.

 

Wait, so youre saying you cant be a slut if you feel bad about it afterwards? Damn, tell that to my ex.

 

Someone is a slut when they dont give a $h!t about what they've done and continue the behavior.....If you want to call her ANYTHING maybe you should try "Depressed", or "Low Self-Esteemed", or "Desperate for love".....

 

I define a slut as someone engaging in sex with multiple partners in a short amount of time. Either a slut or a porn star, take your pick. Again, 99% of the chicks I know, who have only been sexually active for 3-4 years, can count the number of partners they have had on one hand. So, If I meet a chick who trumps their number in 9 months? Gross

 

what kind of jerk hears her say she's been depressed and then calls her a slut for it?!?!?!

 

Probably the same kind of jerk that doesnt read posts or takes things out of context?

 

It was never said she told him she was depressed, and he responded with "slut" She simply told him she'd banged a buncha guys in a short time period. This made him feel uneasy, then he posted this topic

[Spectre]

my point was---you are blowing this thing way out of proportion. you are the one so concerned about numbers.

 

No im not concerned with numbers, im concerned with people just not paying attention to what is said, which seems to be still going on. People keep complaining about the fact that he is upset even tho his number is the same. Again I will point out the flaws in that with simple facts Ive taken from the topic:

 

1-They have an almost equal number

2- She is 19, and he is 4 years older, putting him at atleast 23-24

3- Generally, I would say the dude has been sexually active since age 17-18

4- Now 24 minus 18 equals 6.

5- Its possible this girl slept with more/the same amount of people in nine months than he has in 6 years.

 

Again, looking at it from that POV, I can see why he was upset.

 

 

what if it had been the same guy, but once a month for nine months. and for the same reason of depression? and there was no more love and caring for that guy and vice versa than in the 9 guys who did it with her? would that change anything for you? I suspect it would, because some how the mere fact that it was 9 different guys instead of just one would probably make her seem less neurotic and more moral to alot of men. but how, exactly?

 

It isnt that black and white tho. If it was the same guy over 9 months, then was he her bf? a mutual friend? Did she just pick out one guy from her college and decide to screw him for the next 9 months cuz she was sad?would they have any contact with each other, or would they just have sex? Because if shes meeting with the same random person once a month just to screw? thats even more messed up and it suggests a whole different layer of problems.

 

 

The reality is that if a woman is going to just have sex without a relationship, it is far better to have a ONS where she has no emotional attachments and can walk away, than to have an ongoing thing with one guy where he doesn't really care and she will get emotionally attached. Why? Because women bond through sex. It is therefore more dangerous, on an emotional level, to have sex more than once with the same guy unless he really is interested in her. It is far more likely that she will bond and get hurt.

 

 

If women bond through sex, then ONS's are retarded as hell and its probably what turns women into sluts then.

 

Since they bond through sex, a ONS would be like teasing them. Theyre gonna crave that type of a bond again, and since it was from a ONS, theyre gonna have to find a new guy to fulfill that desire. Then the process keeps repeating until shes known as the neighborhood doorknob.

[Spectre]

I still wouldnt call someone who was doing that a slut or whore....they're just very desperate to feel SOMETHING good, even if its just for a brief time.

 

 

So let me see. Take this same scenario, but instead of sex, lets replace it with drugs.

 

So, this girl was depressed, so she used drugs to take that away.

 

 

Is she a crackhead? or just someone desperate to feel something good, even for a brief time? Or, is she both?

 

Hopefully you see where im going with this

[cygny]

No im not concerned with numbers, im concerned with people just not paying attention to what is said, which seems to be still going on. People keep complaining about the fact that he is upset even tho his number is the same. Again I will point out the flaws in that with simple facts Ive taken from the topic:

 

1-They have an almost equal number

2- She is 19, and he is 4 years older, putting him at atleast 23-24

3- Generally, I would say the dude has been sexually active since age 17-18

4- Now 24 minus 18 equals 6.

5- Its possible this girl slept with more/the same amount of people in nine months than he has in 6 years.

 

Again, looking at it from that POV, I can see why he was upset.

 

 

 

 

It isnt that black and white tho. If it was the same guy over 9 months, then was he her bf? a mutual friend? Did she just pick out one guy from her college and decide to screw him for the next 9 months cuz she was sad?would they have any contact with each other, or would they just have sex? Because if shes meeting with the same random person once a month just to screw? thats even more messed up and it suggests a whole different layer of problems.

 

 

 

 

 

If women bond through sex, then ONS's are retarded as hell and its probably what turns women into sluts then.

 

Since they bond through sex, a ONS would be like teasing them. Theyre gonna crave that type of a bond again, and since it was from a ONS, theyre gonna have to find a new guy to fulfill that desire. Then the process keeps repeating until shes known as the neighborhood doorknob.

 

1-dude, obviously this hits a nerve with you. You are more upset than he was. ask yourself why this bothers you so much.

 

2-ever hear of FWB?

 

3-and you are not a woman, don't pretend to know how ONS's work for them.

[lindya]

I define a slut as someone engaging in sex with multiple partners in a short amount of time. Either a slut or a porn star, take your pick. Again, 99% of the chicks I know, who have only been sexually active for 3-4 years, can count the number of partners they have had on one hand. So, If I meet a chick who trumps their number in 9 months? Gross

 

What's the logic there? Why would a girl who has had significantly more experience, in 9 months, than other girls you know merit criticism and derogatory comments? Here are some reasons she might have had more experience

 

1. She might have a more voracious sexual appetite than the other girls have

2. She might receive more approaches from eligible, f***able men than the other girls do

3. She might be less needy of emotional involvement during sex than other women you've met are - conversely she may be searching for emotional intimacy

4. Other girls might be more inclined to present themselves as "a challenge".

5. She may have gone through a phase where she was seeking intimacy and validation

6. She may not be particularly fussy about who she sleeps with

 

People go through spells of promiscuous behaviour for all sorts of reasons, and I'd say that it's difficult to judge who a person is purely with reference to their sexual appetite and behaviour. It's generally easier to make accurate assessments of those who are fastest to sit in judgement of them.

 

My assessment of you, for instance, is that you've a tendency towards tight-lipped narrow mindedness. That you're someone who, rather than exploring and challenging your own belief system, prefers to rely on prescribed outdated and simplistic thinking whereby you view women as being little more than the sum of their sexual behaviour.

[Spectre]

1-dude, obviously this hits a nerve with you. You are more upset than he was. ask yourself why this bothers you so much.

 

I am not upset, it just annoys me when people dont pay attention to details and make comments based on that ignorance.

 

2-ever hear of FWB?

 

Im sure I have, but for now I cant remember what FWB even means

 

 

3-and you are not a woman, don't pretend to know how ONS's work for them.

 

I was going off information taken from your post. Women sure as hell arent the only people who can form bonds during sex, so please dont act like I made a comment about how I understand the pains of childbirth or something

[cygny]

I am not upset, it just annoys me when people dont pay attention to details and make comments based on that ignorance.

 

 

 

Im sure I have, but for now I cant remember what FWB even means

 

 

 

 

I was going off information taken from your post. Women sure as hell arent the only people who can form bonds during sex, so please dont act like I made a comment about how I understand the pains of childbirth or something

 

details, schmeetails. bottom line is he's more experienced than she is because all other things considered he's still had alot more sex than she has-- and he's STILL insecure.

 

and she could just as easily say that because of his history, she couldn't trust him.

[Spectre]

What's the logic there? Why would a girl who has had significantly more experience, in 9 months, than other girls you know merit criticism and derogatory comments? Here are some reasons she might have had more experience

 

The logic in what? I wasnt basing anything off what girls around me do, I was using that as an example.

 

1. She might have a more voracious sexual appetite than the other girls have

 

Which, would be cause for concern for said girls bf.

 

2. She might receive more approaches from eligible, f***able men than the other girls do

 

Which, would be cause for concern for said girls bf. If I was her bf, this would tell me that if a good looking guy approaches her, she'll bang him

 

3. She might be less needy of emotional involvement during sex than other women you've met are - conversely she may be searching for emotional intimacy

 

Again, a girl who searches for emotionally intimacy through ONS's? Would be cause for concern for said girls bf.

 

4. Other girls might be more inclined to present themselves as "a challenge".

 

I dont understand this, youre saying other girls make men work to screw them, so then they goto this girl cuz shes easy? or what? if so, see above answers

 

5. She may have gone through a phase where she was seeking intimacy and validation

 

No, she flat out told him why, because she was depressed and homesick.

 

6. She may not be particularly fussy about who she sleeps with

 

which AGAIN is cause for concern

 

People go through spells of promiscuous behaviour for all sorts of reasons, and I'd say that it's difficult to judge who a person is purely with reference to their sexual appetite and behaviour. It's generally easier to make accurate assessments of those who are fastest to sit in judgement of them.

 

Youre making the mistake of saying I'm judging who she is as a person, I'm not. She could be nice, she could be mean, she could be funny, or not. Im judging her sexual behavior, and only because I was asked to do so.

 

My assessment of you, for instance, is that you've a tendency towards tight-lipped narrow mindedness. That you're someone who, rather than exploring and challenging your own belief system, prefers to rely on prescribed outdated and simplistic thinking whereby you view women as being little more than the sum of their sexual behaviour.

 

 

Nice little analysis, the only problem is youre making your assessment from an ignorant point of view. In regards to this topic, we were given specifics about the situation, and asked to judge. Or what did you think "is my girlfriend a whore" meant? You know nothing about me, nor my beliefs. All you know is that I think a girl who sleeps with 9 guys in 9 months is slutty. And guess what? I guarantee Im not the only one who feels that way, and I just dont mean on this forum. So, you tried to use the words "outdated and simplistic thinking" as if I just gave a speech about how women should cook, clean, take care of the houseold, and greet their husband in an upbeat manner once he comes home, straight out of some 1950's how-to video. If you think sluttiness is outdated, sorry my friend, you are the one who is out of date

[Spectre]

details, schmeetails.

 

nice dodge

 

bottom line is he's more experienced than she is because all other things considered he's still had alot more sex than she has-- and he's STILL insecure.

 

So, again Ill ask if you if you read the OP? Because, he said their numbers were close, so, no..he has not had a lot more sex than she has. and given it probably took him years to get up to the same number it took her months to get to? As of late, shes been the one having a lot more sex

[tinktronik]

Which, would be cause for concern for said girls bf.

 

 

Why would a voracious sexual appitite be a worry for her b/f ?

 

 

 

Which, would be cause for concern for said girls bf. If I was her bf, this would tell me that if a good looking guy approaches her, she'll bang him

 

Whatt!!!!Just b/c she had sex with some good looking guy when she was single ?What in the world does that have to do with her behavior while in a relationship?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, she flat out told him why, because she was depressed and homesick.

 

What does this girls behavior before she met said b/f have to do with the present?