Lishy Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I have read all over this board, and keep coming across, people who want or have fk buddies. Let me share with you my experience with this as it MAY save you some heartache in the future. This obviously is my experience and we all think and feel in different ways. When my 14 year relationship ended I was so relieved to be 'free' and I really in my heart thought I never wanted to be in another relationship ever again. I have never had a one night stand and at that point had only had sex with 2 guys in 34 years. As time went on I really missed sex, ....... Or so I thought! In hindsight what I was really missing was affection, cuddles and that safe feeling you have when you are laying in a man's arms. So I met a nice guy and we got it together, I told him from the off that I did not want a relationship, I just wanted something casual. I didnt have sex with him for the first few times he came home with me. The connection we had was amazing, and I hadnt had that feeling for so many years! I would kiss him and want to rip his clothes off. On our third meeting we had sex .... He cum in like 3 minutes and I was very dissappointed but put it down to it being the first time and all the build up! The more I saw him the better the sex became but he still cum very quick (my ex could go at it for ages and also could do it 4 times a night and again in the morning!) so I was not used to it. But because the connection was so good, and because he seemed so embarressed we worked at it. He would cuddle me all night and we would have foreplay for hours so it wasnt the end of the world. At the beginning he would text me every day at some point and we would chat on the phone. Every time we saw each other I would reiterate that I did not want a relationship (he didnt ask me for one but it just came up in conversation) In the end I realised that the tables had turned and and I was the one texting and calling all the time. So I stopped texting and 2 weeks went by with no call. I would go out and have a drink on a Saturday and drunk call him to come around when he finished work at 2.30am (the time I was getting home) He would come around and we would chat for hours and laugh like crazy. I really started to like him alot, to the point of thinking about him all the time. I did notice that when he backed off I became more interested. This is confusing because even now I do wonder if it was just a challenge for me or if my feeling are real! Anyway on the end (and with advise from the gang at LS) I mailed him and told him my feelings. It was light and not over the top. I didnt ask for a relationship as I am not in a position to get into anything too heavy. I just wanted things to be more 2 sided. He told me that he did not want a relationship as he wants to travel to Australia next year and he wants to buy properties and that if he got into a relationship he could look back in a few years and regret not doing it! He said he thought I was a lovely girl but he felt that coming around at 2.30am was taking liberties with me (I told him he was asked around so he was not) and he said that if I had met him 5 yrs ago it would have been so different. He said he could not afford to fall in love right now and that he had made a pact with himself not to get too close to anyone. To me that was a copout but he was very nice about it and didnt make me feel silly. Anyway since then I did not call him and he has started to drive past my house alot. One day I saw him 4 times completely by accident. He even went completely out of his way to WALK past my house and look back up at my window. One day I cracked and text him and said Hiya hows it hanging, and he did not reply! He is confusing the hell out of me. Why make a big effort to see me and then ignore my message? He has no clue how much I am hurting over him and I have no intention of telling him - I KNOW I have to move on but it so much easier said than done. I have driven my friends mad about this and even though they say I am not I feel awkward keep mentioning him. All he was, was a fk buddy so my emotions do not feel validated and that makes me feel worse! Anyway I had to say all of this because it is really on my mind and I wanted to write it down and post it here! Sorry if its the same old same and boring as hell! The bottom line is this guys ...... With all good intentions think really hard before you enter a FWB or whatever you want to call it as you may get more involved then you want to and you may get as hurt as I feel right now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 ............... Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Lishy has a great point here. Most women aren't emotionally able to fully cope with FWB thing. If you like them enough to be sleeping with them (which is how we women form our emotional bonds), then you're likely to end up with your feelings involved and 90% of the time you are going to get hurt. I've been there, got hurt. Wouldn't do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Sorry to hear about your situation Lishy. Hmmm, I guess I am different. I have had a few fk buddies that have been completely fulfilling experiences for me without any emotional attachment. It's kind of sad but it is dangerous to have this type of relationship with someone who you really hit it off with. I've kept it to people who are pretty cool but who I would never want to date. This way there is no chance of emotions forming, but I still get great and much-needed sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 L, you started a relationship on one set of agreements. Things changed. He wants the old agreement back. You don't. He wants what he had until he goes to Australia. You don't want to waste a year of your life in a relationship going nowhere at the possible expense of another real relationship. Is that about it? What does Lishy really want deep down in? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 One day I saw him 4 times completely by accident. no one sees anyone else by "accident" four times in one day. you are seeing him because you WANT to see him. unless you live in a cardboard box on the sidewalk Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 You are smitten as hell with this guy. I had a few fwb and they all got attached. I don't know what it is but when men treat women as nothing a sex toy it seems to make them want us more. Unless he feels the same way just get over it and move on Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 You are smitten as hell with this guy. I had a few fwb and they all got attached. I don't know what it is but when men treat women as nothing a sex toy it seems to make them want us more. Unless he feels the same way just get over it and move on women have a harder time seperating sex and love. many men do not. that is why a FWB situation is harder for a woman to deal with. most women would not even get into a FWB situation unless they were attracted to or liked the man in the 1st place. men, on the other hand, will get into a FWB situation becuase its free sex and very advantageous to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 women have a harder time seperating sex and love. many men do not. that is why a FWB situation is harder for a woman to deal with. most women would not even get into a FWB situation unless they were attracted to or liked the man in the 1st place. men, on the other hand, will get into a FWB situation becuase its free sex and very advantageous to them. It is even worse when the man does not become attached. When a man becomes attached I find that a woman does not become attached. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 It is even worse when the man does not become attached. When a man becomes attached I find that a woman does not become attached. thats why i say that men should be aloof when dealing with women. I always tell women i date that if they stick around that is great and if they split that is great too. Either way I win becasue if she splits then I just go find another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 L, you started a relationship on one set of agreements. Things changed. He wants the old agreement back. You don't. He wants what he had until he goes to Australia. You don't want to waste a year of your life in a relationship going nowhere at the possible expense of another real relationship. Is that about it? What does Lishy really want deep down in? You have hit the nail on the head honey! I agree wth every word you wrote there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 Lishy has a great point here. Most women aren't emotionally able to fully cope with FWB thing. If you like them enough to be sleeping with them (which is how we women form our emotional bonds), then you're likely to end up with your feelings involved and 90% of the time you are going to get hurt. I've been there, got hurt. Wouldn't do it again. This is so very true as well!!!! I guess I am not a FWB person - The sad thing is that I thought I could handle it no problem - So girls, think about it before you enter into it! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 You're right, people are different. I think if you have clearly set rules (that you follow as well as the FWB) then it can work out ok. I mean, it's not like you're lookin to have a lifelong friend or anything like that. That would be dumb. What would you reminisce about? "Remember that time you bent me over the balcony railing? Good times...." hah. That said, every time I've had a FWB the guy got attached to me, or got pissy when I cut off his poontang. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 women have a harder time seperating sex and love. many men do not. that is why a FWB situation is harder for a woman to deal with. most women would not even get into a FWB situation unless they were attracted to or liked the man in the 1st place. men, on the other hand, will get into a FWB situation becuase its free sex and very advantageous to them. Oh Alpha why didnt I meet you BEFORE i got into this damn situation??????????? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Oh Alpha why didnt I meet you BEFORE i got into this damn situation??????????? you've never met me LISHY and you never will Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 you've never met me LISHY and you never will It was a figure of speech Alpha Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I couldn't keep sleeping with the same person over and over and not develop feelings. When I do find a FWB, it will be very short-lived. I do not plan on continuing a long term friendship. Maybe I should think of it more as a 3 night stand, but I'm still getting laid I think that you run the risk of getting emotionally attached and then hurt by anyone. Whether its someone your dating hoping for a relationship or a FWB. What does it really matter? Whoever you get involved with, you put yourself out there to get hurt. Would it hurt any less right now if you had the title of "dating" this guy instead of FWB? If he decided 3 months into it, that he didn't want to continue, either way your heart will hurt. I want sex, and I don't really care if it tweaks my heart or not in the end. I shouldn't give up a necessary human need, only because someone might get hurt. People get hurt every day. Look at the posts on LS. It's sad, but reality. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I couldn't keep sleeping with the same person over and over and not develop feelings. When I do find a FWB, it will be very short-lived. I do not plan on continuing a long term friendship. Maybe I should think of it more as a 3 night stand, but I'm still getting laid By definition then this would not be FWB, it would be AWB....aquaintance with benefits Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 By definition then this would not be FWB, it would be AWB....aquaintance with benefits There we go! New LoveShack terminology. Works perfect for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 14, 2006 Author Share Posted January 14, 2006 By definition then this would not be FWB, it would be AWB....aquaintance with benefits You can call it whatever you want - I wont be going down that road again! Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 You made a big mistake with the fk buddy, you go to know him. The whole point of it is to just go have sex and get out. Talking for hours is what friends and boyfriends are for. So you messed up. If you really need the emotional connection, i'd say leave this guy alone. Hes at a point in his life where he dosnt want a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Oh he is being left alone! I wont be contacting him again! And I didnt talk to him, it was him doing all of the talking! Link to post Share on other sites
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