Lishy Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 My ex H has just called me and told me he missses me and that he is so low and has no one to talk to! The last thing I ever want is to get back with him - My life has been stress free (other then the crap he gives me from time to time) I feel free being away from him - He was narcisstic and depressed and he took the whole lot out on me on a daily basis when all I did was support and look after him. When I left he had a nervous breakdown and I went through hell with him. We are now on an even keel and can talk and discuss our son in a friendly way. This has taken nearly a year. He is on anti-depressants and his moods swing from high to low in a heartbeat. He is always great with our son and makes extra effort to spend time with him. I could write a book on the horrible things he has said and done to me, including phoning my elderly parents to scream about what a biatch I am. When he loses his temper it is so scary but he calms down very quickly. He has every narcisstic trait but can also be a great guy. Anyway he rings me tonight and tells me he misses me and how it is all his fault, he does not work and he said that he knows I cant respect a man who doesnt work (he is right) he was basically feeling sorry for himself (he has good reason to) he will probably call me back in a few weeks to tell me what a coldhearted biatch I am and blame me for everything. Life with him was like walking on eggshells and now I can walk freely. I am writing this because he has made me feel so guilty. Guilty for leaving, guilty for how his life has turned out and I am sitting here with my heart in my mouth just waiting for his bubble to burst and for him to take it all out on me! Damn no wonder I am so screwed up right now! Link to post Share on other sites
Brianschick Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I do not think you should feel guilty. It sounds like you had to do what was best for you. Do you feel that you are a better mother to your child now that you are away from him?... Link to post Share on other sites
GuySimple Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Some times you simply have to stiffen the back bone and say “____ I know you hurt but there is nothing I can do now” and move on and let him find his own way. It is not easy and he may get abusive but really, there is nothing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 I do not think you should feel guilty. It sounds like you had to do what was best for you. Do you feel that you are a better mother to your child now that you are away from him?... I am a better mother and he is a better father and our son is much happier! Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 My ex H has just called me and told me he missses me and that he is so low and has no one to talk to! The last thing I ever want is to get back with him - My life has been stress free (other then the crap he gives me from time to time) I feel free being away from him - He was narcisstic and depressed and he took the whole lot out on me on a daily basis when all I did was support and look after him. When I left he had a nervous breakdown and I went through hell with him. We are now on an even keel and can talk and discuss our son in a friendly way. This has taken nearly a year. He is on anti-depressants and his moods swing from high to low in a heartbeat. He is always great with our son and makes extra effort to spend time with him. I could write a book on the horrible things he has said and done to me, including phoning my elderly parents to scream about what a biatch I am. When he loses his temper it is so scary but he calms down very quickly. He has every narcisstic trait but can also be a great guy. Anyway he rings me tonight and tells me he misses me and how it is all his fault, he does not work and he said that he knows I cant respect a man who doesnt work (he is right) he was basically feeling sorry for himself (he has good reason to) he will probably call me back in a few weeks to tell me what a coldhearted biatch I am and blame me for everything. Life with him was like walking on eggshells and now I can walk freely. I am writing this because he has made me feel so guilty. Guilty for leaving, guilty for how his life has turned out and I am sitting here with my heart in my mouth just waiting for his bubble to burst and for him to take it all out on me! Damn no wonder I am so screwed up right now! Don't you see where your relationship was with him? This wasn't an adult/adult relationship, it was a Parent/Child relationship. You supported him while he acted like a spoiled teenager. Now that you finally kicked him out of the house the teenager realizes he has no one to turn to. If you take him back you'll just be in the same old routine. He's going to need ALOT of counseling to get through his issues, one which is a maturity thing. You won't be able to fix him only he can fix himself. He still knows how to pull your heartstrings and will do everything in the book to try to get you back. The only way to win this game is to not play it. Keep the conversations strictly related to your son. More importantly you need to start focusing on yourself, make yourself happy. Find some new male friends and look towards the future. You need to take responsibility for yourself, don't let him sucker you back in. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Awww Lishy, I feel for you because my ex makes me feel the same way. I just keep telling myself, I have the right to be happy, I have the right to be happy. My exh has a gf now so he's much less trouble now that he's getting laid. Perhaps your exh will find someone too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 We split a year ago and he has not moved on one inch! All he misses is my ear to bend and me to lean on! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Life with him was like walking on eggshells you might want to re-evaluate your selection criteria for male companions. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Hi. I know how you feel. I'm currently separated from my schizophrenic/depressed husband. He won't hold a job. Like you, I can't respect a man who doesn't work. (BTW, for the bleeding hearts out there, my husband is fully capable of working, he was just always coming up with some new ailment that kept him home in bed or sent him rushing off to the hospital.) We're probably the same type of woman--caregivers. I only finally decided to stop feeling bad about asking him to leave after I read the book Women Who Love Too Much. You might check it out. Also, when he starts giving you his sob story, change the subject, or cut the conversation short. You could always try the, "I'll call you back" lie when he calls. Don't even let him trap you into a conversation. Or, get caller ID and don't answer when he calls. I know you have to have contact with him for your son's sake, but it can be minimal. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 Thank you for your reply M.I You are right I am a people pleaser and a cargiver and I love being like that. I love making someone feel loved and I love cooking dinner, cleaning the house so it sparkles and looking after my man - BIG MISTAKE! It leaves me open to be abused and taken for granted and it stopped from the time I left my ex H. I hate having to change my basic personality but I have to do that in order to not go through what I have ever again. He knows how to pull my heart strings but I didnt let on to him that he had succeeded the other night so I hope he doesnt do it again. I have caller display but I thought he was calling about our son. I have worked hard to get back on my feet since our split but at times I do still feel bad on him as his life is not as full as mine. He is a big boy and I told him that his life is what HE makes it. Link to post Share on other sites
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