Juliet Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 My bf and I broke up a few weeks ago. We fought over this friend he has that is always in our business. I found out from her many times she had asked him if he loved me that he did not know. He was afriad to tell her he loved me I guess because he knew she would not approve. She did not approve on him spending any money on me either and complained about the cost of my Christmas present from him. She even hung up the phone on me when I called there for him. That was the last straw so I ended it. I was so fed up! After we broke up I found out I was pregnant and I am not a very healthy person and find it hard to care for myself with a pain pill addiction. I am also on a strong dosage of antideppressants and felt overwelmed and sucidal when I saw the results. He indicated If i kept the baby I would be a single mom too but would support the baby 100%. I made the choice to abort as I was only 2weeks into the pregnancy and there was no fetal development. It was in the embryo stage. He would not support my decision at all and said if I did this we would never have another chance at a relationship ever again. If i had the baby there maybe a chance for us. He did not seem to care much about the health risks at all. I am not overly young 34and smoke too. I would like to get off all the pills I take as well but now I feel like i fell into a bottomless pit of despair. My ex wanted the baby more than anything in the world and his bossy friend who hates me tried to talk me into keeping it and being a single mom. I could not follow through and now she will not allow him to even speak to me. He wants to know if I am ok and calls from his cell but tells me never to call him at home because she will freak if I do. She lives with him and she is married to his best friend. She controls him like crazy so much so she will not even allow him to support my choice. She hates me and is trying to make him hate me. I wish I never fell in love with someone like this! Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Ok Juliet, first it was your decision, and you were right to make your own choice. You have total dominion over your own body. No man or woman can tell you what you do with it, in no fashion whatsoever, for no reason, ever. I do not know this man, or the circumstances of his life, so I will make no comment on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Good for you to recognize that you can barely care for yourself, much less another human being. Quality of life is a very important consideration in bringing life into the world. Good luck in turning your life around and taking it where you want to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juliet Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 I was feeling like a horrible person. I was starting to feel like Binladden. A cold hearted killer. My ex hates me for it. I may have overlooked many of the negatives if I was not a single mom and we lived together. I would have felt more secure at least and we would have been a family vs single parents. HE was not interested in that though and his female friend said I was using the baby as a bargaining tool?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Your comments do not jive. First of all you say he told you if you kept the baby you'd be a single mom but he would support the child. Then you say he wanted the baby more than anything?? I'm not condemning you for having the abortion as you are not in the place to be a mother. You need to go to rehab for your addiction to pain pills and quit worrying about this guy who obviously doesn't care for you. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Here's the truth about babies and relationships; Even if a relationship is strong and stable and the baby is wanted and planned for.....the first year of parenthood is EXTREMELY hard on many couples. I don't know why this guy thought having a baby would make things 'better' between the two of you when they were so shaky to begin with. Babies do not create romance -- they are a real, messy, difficult project and as much as parents love their babies, it can take a toll on their relationships. Since you are not in good health and not prepared to be a parent, and pretty much on your own anyway, from the sound of things, I think you made the right decision. My BF did child and adolescent therapy for years and has seen the results of people bringing children into the world for selfish, negative reasons. These broken little people become destructive, cruel and violent, not to mention mentally ill. Be strong, OP. I'd be thankful there is no longer a 'chance' for this relationship to continue. Move on to better things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juliet Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 Do I stop talking to him? He was asking me if I have been talking to other guys now. He hung up the phone on me when I would not answer. I truly feel that is not his business if there is zero chance between us. I do not feel the love...only the control. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juliet Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 MZ Pixie. He told me on the first date he wanted children. I told him I would only consider it if the conditions were right. I thought if he really, really wanted it he would "step up to the plate" as my father said but no he was not willing to do that. I think that is a good thing now or I may have made a huge mistake. He told me he could have lied to me and said we would have been together so I would have felt more secure and followed through. Glad he never lied to me. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I do not agree with abortion but with your condition and addiction it was the best thing for the baby .. Maybe this happen for a reason you making him hate you by abortion.. This other person has no right telling him what he can and can't do .. Good thing it is over and you have no ties with him ..Now you need to take care of you health and get some counseling for your addiction .. GOOD LUCK Link to post Share on other sites
csfong007 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Unless you are financially, emotionally, and mentally ready to tackle the job of being a parent, you should not be a parent. You can not and should not assume that your ex boyfriend would be there for you financially, emotionally, and mentally. A lot of guys when it comes to parenting are here today and gone tomorrow. I raised my now 21 year old daughter singlehandedly from when she was 2 but I was fortunate. Her father has been wonderful about finances and I also had the support of my parents. You MUST think of the child. They do not ask to be born in this world. Unless you can be a good parent hands down, don't. It isn't fair to the child. You must set aside your feelings, your ex boyfriend's feeings, and think of the child. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Do I stop talking to him? Ummmm . . . YEAH! He already has this other women doing his thinking FOR him, because he obviously can't do it himself. Good Gawd . . . Link to post Share on other sites
RainyDayWoman Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 the decision you made was the one unselfish thing you accomplished in this situation. now stop having unhealthy relationships and get yourself figured out (and healthy) before you take on someone else and end up the same spot. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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