Need some advice-online boyfriend

[Mandi]

I came here a while ago asking for advice about my relationship with a friend of mine, when we were thinking about being more than friends- Tony's advice to just hang out and see what happened and make the most of our friendship while we were still near each other was really helpful, so i thought i would bring my latest relationship crisis here. I have been talking to this guy online for about a month now- he's a total sweetheart and i really like him. It's okay, too- he's not some pervert- one of my friends set us up online (she has met him in person and thought that we would be good together)- and she introduced us online. I really like him and all, but he lives in Maryland and I live in Missouri- and we won't get to see each other very often. But we really want to have a relationship because we both think that we are perfect for one another. I know this is pathetic, but i really want us to work out. So please dish out advice, i really need it

[Tony T]

Why, oh, why do you even start something online that's never going to go anywhere?

 

The impracticality of such a relationship is just too much. Why would you want a relationship where you can't kiss, hold hands, etc.?

 

You know as well as I that with school, work, etc. it's highly unlikely you will ever meet him. Even with the Thanksgiving hoidays and Christmas vacation, your families are going to want you to remain at home for the holidays.

 

Why do you even want to let your imagination take this to a place where weirdness is the word of the day?

 

There is some underlying psychological reason why you fall for people who live hundreds of miles away when there are guys in your own town you could have great relationships with.

 

See a counsellor and find out why this is. Get to the root of it. If you ever want to be happy in a relationship, get the help you need now.

 

This guy in Maryland could be talking to you online while his girlfriend is in the bathroom taking a shower before they have sex. What do you know?

 

Your friend who got this all started for you is not much of a friend. Why don't you ask him/her to help find you a real, live boyfriend right there in your town? Wouldn't that be nice.

 

Don't kid yourself...this is going to go nowhere and you will end up hurt for sure when he does find a girl he really likes where he's at and he just drops you flat online and quits talking and sending email.

 

Don't every do this to yourself again.

 

Online relationships are the cyberworld equivalent of masturbation. No matter how much you pray, you are always right there, alone, in front of a computer screen.

[Daisy]

Hi Mandi,

 

I'm new to this forum, and when I saw your post I just had to respond. I read Tony's post, and he has a lot of good points, but I thought I'd let you know that not all online relationships are horrible or never turn out to be anything. I was in your situation about 2 years ago.

 

At the time I was 18 and just out of high school. I met a 20 year old guy online, chatted, felt we had something, but never imagined in a million years that we would actually meet. He lived in another state about 700 miles away. Unlike you however, I didn't have the reassurance from a friend that he was a good guy....all I had to go by was the guys word. Well, things progressed nicely and I decided that maybe I'd like to meet him after all...this coming after we advanced to solely talking on the phone. Six months to the day after I met him, he moved to my town to be with me. It's been 2 years now and we're still happily together, and I have to say that I don't regret one minute of it. He's the most caring, loving, hardworking man I've ever met, and I love him dearly.

 

By no means do I recommend committing your life to this internet guy just because my situation turned out wonderfully. My point of responding is to give you some hope that not all online relationships are doomed. With some reflecting, I've begun to realize that the only reason me and my guy had a chance was because he was willing to take the chance of moving to be near me. He was old enough to make this decision for himself, and he chose to. I have no idea how old you are, or how old this guy is...so this might not be a possibility for you. I just wanted to give you some hope.

 

I will tell you that after the first 4 months of my relationship with my guy, I knew that I couldn't stand to forever be in a long distance relationship. After 4 months of only seeing him once a month but talking to him on the phone every night, it was just getting too hard. I told him my concerns and that's when he began to make plans to move. If moving closer to one another isn't possible, then I could see how an online relationship could fizzle out.

 

Oh, and another thing. I knew I loved this guy before he moved here. I would have never agreed to having him alter his life just because I had a crush on him or really liked him. Anyways, I hope I was of some help in providing you a little hope.

 

Good luck

[BeenThere]

Like Daisy, I also met my current boyfriend on-line. We have been living together now for a year and so far, the relationship is fantastic. I could't be happier. Although we are both from the same state..."Maryland"...we were far enough apart that the chances of us ever bumping into each other by chance were next to impossible. I thank God for the day I decided to respond to his post. And my sister met her current husband through the internet...she is now happily awaiting their first child together.

 

But...on a darker note...I also work with a friend whose husband's secretary was murdered by someone the police think she met online. So there are two sides to this complicated coin. Of course, a girl takes the same risk when meeting a stranger at a bar. At least this way, you give yourself some time to get to know someone on a deeper level, first.

 

However, I have to agree with Tony that there needs to be an aire of caution and reality here! Long distance relationships are difficult enough let alone with someone you've never actually met. I'm not even sure that qualifies as a relationship at all...yet.

 

Don't get too caught up in the fantasy and the mystery of it all. When we allow our imaginations to take over, reality has a hard way of biting back. Take your time, and if you're comfortable with this guy, get off the damn keyboard and pick up the phone. Take steps to start making this thing real. And if there is a possiblity that the two of you can actually meet...then do it safely...make him come to you and bring your friend. And if this isn't, then what you have here is a "pen-pal", not a boyfriend.

 

I hope you story turns out as well as Daisy's and things do work out for you. But be realistic...and careful!

 

Keep us posted...

I'm new to this forum, and when I saw your post I just had to respond. I read Tony's post, and he has a lot of good points, but I thought I'd let you know that not all online relationships are horrible or never turn out to be anything. I was in your situation about 2 years ago. At the time I was 18 and just out of high school. I met a 20 year old guy online, chatted, felt we had something, but never imagined in a million years that we would actually meet. He lived in another state about 700 miles away. Unlike you however, I didn't have the reassurance from a friend that he was a good guy....all I had to go by was the guys word. Well, things progressed nicely and I decided that maybe I'd like to meet him after all...this coming after we advanced to solely talking on the phone. Six months to the day after I met him, he moved to my town to be with me. It's been 2 years now and we're still happily together, and I have to say that I don't regret one minute of it. He's the most caring, loving, hardworking man I've ever met, and I love him dearly. By no means do I recommend committing your life to this internet guy just because my situation turned out wonderfully. My point of responding is to give you some hope that not all online relationships are doomed. With some reflecting, I've begun to realize that the only reason me and my guy had a chance was because he was willing to take the chance of moving to be near me. He was old enough to make this decision for himself, and he chose to. I have no idea how old you are, or how old this guy is...so this might not be a possibility for you. I just wanted to give you some hope.

 

I will tell you that after the first 4 months of my relationship with my guy, I knew that I couldn't stand to forever be in a long distance relationship. After 4 months of only seeing him once a month but talking to him on the phone every night, it was just getting too hard. I told him my concerns and that's when he began to make plans to move. If moving closer to one another isn't possible, then I could see how an online relationship could fizzle out. Oh, and another thing. I knew I loved this guy before he moved here. I would have never agreed to having him alter his life just because I had a crush on him or really liked him. Anyways, I hope I was of some help in providing you a little hope. Good luck

[Going the Distance]

Hi Mandi & Daisy..

 

I agree with Daisy and would like to add that each situation is different. My brother met his wife online. They visited and phoned for almost a year. He elected to move out to where she lived (1500 miles)in October of last year. They got married in January of this year and are very happy.

 

A friend of mine also met her husband through an internet personal. They are happily married and are expecting their second child early next year.

 

I am involved with a very wonderful man that I met online. We met for the first time in June and had a great time.. He is coming out here next month. We are still very new in our relationship and willing to take things slowly although it is difficult to be apart. He is over 2,000 miles away.

 

No one can predict the future for any relationship...but i would encourage you to be open to your heart. Best Wishes to you...

Hi Mandi, I'm new to this forum, and when I saw your post I just had to respond. I read Tony's post, and he has a lot of good points, but I thought I'd let you know that not all online relationships are horrible or never turn out to be anything. I was in your situation about 2 years ago. At the time I was 18 and just out of high school. I met a 20 year old guy online, chatted, felt we had something, but never imagined in a million years that we would actually meet. He lived in another state about 700 miles away. Unlike you however, I didn't have the reassurance from a friend that he was a good guy....all I had to go by was the guys word. Well, things progressed nicely and I decided that maybe I'd like to meet him after all...this coming after we advanced to solely talking on the phone. Six months to the day after I met him, he moved to my town to be with me. It's been 2 years now and we're still happily together, and I have to say that I don't regret one minute of it. He's the most caring, loving, hardworking man I've ever met, and I love him dearly. By no means do I recommend committing your life to this internet guy just because my situation turned out wonderfully. My point of responding is to give you some hope that not all online relationships are doomed. With some reflecting, I've begun to realize that the only reason me and my guy had a chance was because he was willing to take the chance of moving to be near me. He was old enough to make this decision for himself, and he chose to. I have no idea how old you are, or how old this guy is...so this might not be a possibility for you. I just wanted to give you some hope.

 

I will tell you that after the first 4 months of my relationship with my guy, I knew that I couldn't stand to forever be in a long distance relationship. After 4 months of only seeing him once a month but talking to him on the phone every night, it was just getting too hard. I told him my concerns and that's when he began to make plans to move. If moving closer to one another isn't possible, then I could see how an online relationship could fizzle out. Oh, and another thing. I knew I loved this guy before he moved here. I would have never agreed to having him alter his life just because I had a crush on him or really liked him. Anyways, I hope I was of some help in providing you a little hope. Good luck