15 years together, pregnant and he gives up.

[brokenherz]

I'll try to keep my dignity...tonight my husband and I are talking. I hope we're getting somewhere.

I also think to go for one month to Europe to see my family and to get away from him.

[Becoming]

European trip's not a bad idea, but he really may not like it. So think before you share that tidbit. He'll probably freak.

[brokenherz]

Finally my husband and I had a good and serious talk about our marriage and us. He still loves me and I always knew it. I know his actions didn’t look promising and who knows we still might not work out at the end. At least we now want to talk more about our situation. He says he doesn’t want a divorce but he doesn’t want to live with me right now either. Fine with me, I don’t want him to come back right now because that would be wrong.

 

I told him to break up with his girlfriend and start therapy. I also said we don’t have to rush into things because that would be wrong too. I want us to slowly find each other again and remember why we were married to begin with. I still love him so much and with therapy and with both wanting it to work we might be a happy family after all. I read for some people after going through a hard time the marriage got stronger. I told him if he fell out of love with me I’m sure he can fall in love with me again. I believe after so many years together people fall in and out of love, its natural.

 

Man now I’m praying; please make it work for us. He is so good with mg and he really loves her. Maybe some of his hormones kicked in and made him sensitive and therefore he is thinking about reconciliation. I don’t know it might have been just last night that he feels that way and today he feels different about us again. I’m scared but I won’t give up. He loves me, he said so and I can see it in his eyes. He hates it when I ignore him and I told him if he wants a divorce I’m not his friend and I’ll be hard to him. I gave him a taste of me being hard last night and he freaked out. He doesn’t want to fight with me. He is so confused and he told me he doesn’t love his girlfriend. I hope he is not addicted to her and breaks up with her.

 

So we’ll see what happens, I have to be patient now and give our relationship time. I’m getting tired though and if he messes up this time and backs out again it’s over for good. This is his last chance I’m giving him.

[Mz. Pixie]

Finally my husband and I had a good and serious talk about our marriage and us. He still loves me and I always knew it. I know his actions didn’t look promising and who knows we still might not work out at the end. At least we now want to talk more about our situation. He says he doesn’t want a divorce but he doesn’t want to live with me right now either. Fine with me, I don’t want him to come back right now because that would be wrong.

 

I told him to break up with his girlfriend and start therapy. I also said we don’t have to rush into things because that would be wrong too. I want us to slowly find each other again and remember why we were married to begin with. I still love him so much and with therapy and with both wanting it to work we might be a happy family after all. I read for some people after going through a hard time the marriage got stronger. I told him if he fell out of love with me I’m sure he can fall in love with me again. I believe after so many years together people fall in and out of love, its natural.

 

Man now I’m praying; please make it work for us. He is so good with mg and he really loves her. Maybe some of his hormones kicked in and made him sensitive and therefore he is thinking about reconciliation. I don’t know it might have been just last night that he feels that way and today he feels different about us again. I’m scared but I won’t give up. He loves me, he said so and I can see it in his eyes. He hates it when I ignore him and I told him if he wants a divorce I’m not his friend and I’ll be hard to him. I gave him a taste of me being hard last night and he freaked out. He doesn’t want to fight with me. He is so confused and he told me he doesn’t love his girlfriend. I hope he is not addicted to her and breaks up with her.

 

So we’ll see what happens, I have to be patient now and give our relationship time. I’m getting tired though and if he messes up this time and backs out again it’s over for good. This is his last chance I’m giving him.

 

Could this be in line with the fact that you've sought out a lawyer???

 

If he's not giving up his girlfriend what exactly is the difference for you right now?? He's still not committing to working on the marriage, and I for one would not stand for it. He'd either dump her or that would be it. There is no possible way you guys can start to recover with her still in the picture.

 

I know that you still love him, but he's throwing you crumbs here. He needs a "fix" of being with you and you're giving it to him.

[brokenherz]

I know that is what I told him. Dump her or loose me forever. This is his last chance and I made that clear.

 

I did get a lawyer and he didn't like what I was asking for.

[Becoming]

BH--You sure are no fool. That's why I like you.

 

You're in love, but you're not stupid. You trusted your inner strength and wisdom above your emotions and now you're where you had hoped things would go. Good for you!

 

Have you put a date on when things need to end it or have you just decided to go ahead with separation plans and wait and see what he does?

 

How will you know he's given her up and isn't just BSing you?

[brokenherz]

That is my question for tonight : )

 

Should I give him 1-2 weeks to break up with his girlfriend and to decide whither he wants to stay married with me? I don’t want to be too pushy. I know you all think I’m way to generous. Also I will tell him that I will still file for legal separation, since we live apart and who knows what he might do in a year. We won’t move together for now and therefore I should proceed right? If he loves me he will understand, I’m doing that to protect mg and myself.

[Becoming]

For what it' worth, I think 1-2 weeks is plenty of time to wrap things up with gf. And if you are going to live apart, then I think you do need some legal protection with a separation. You'll know when you float this to him whether he's for real or just trying to avoid paying big bucks in a divorce. Because you're right: if he really loves you, he will respect your needs.

[brokenherz]

Well that was fast. I'm filing for legal separation next week. Now it is final, he had this dream.We were in an airplane and the airplane was crashing. He was holding me and telling me that he loves me. That’s it end of story. I’m feeling sorry for my ass but I know I’ll manage and move on. I told him I need my space now and he can see mg without me. I gave him a visitation schedule.

I don’t see why I should get sole custody since he wants to be part of her life. I want the best for mg. Wow life is tuff.

I hope I manage.

[Mz. Pixie]

What happened? I thought he wanted to work it out with you?

[RecordProducer]

Brokenhertz, it breaks my heart to write this, but obviously he is not giving up on his girlfriend. Did he promise he would at any moment? Even if he did, he is not doing it, which means he loves her.

 

He is scared to death of the divorce and all the financial and emotional pain it brings so he is trying to "soften" your heart by telling you how much he loves you and giving you the nice looks. Being a great dad also might be a part of his plan. (Does he want shared custody?) He doesn't want to make you mad now that he wants to divorce you. If it's true that he doesn't want a divorce then why is he living with his girlfriend? He doesn't have to be with her - he chooses to be with her. Wake up and stop hurting yourself. You're injecting drugs (false hopes) in your veins that make you feel good from time to time, but will eventually destroy you.

 

My ex-husband also kept telling me how much he loved me and felt terrible without me, etc. He either lied to me or himself, but we got divorced. And he even kept coming back a few times just to leave me again after a few weeks or months. And we didn't have a third party involved!

 

I don't think it's smart to show him that you'll be hard on him during the divorce process. First of all, you don't want to prepare him for what will happen so that he can find the best lawyer and think of all favorable (for him) methods. Secondly, it's not in your interest to open your cards to him and let him fool you with his "love" and whatnot. And finally, you don't want him back because he doesn't want to lose a penny on a divorce; then he will cheat on you - if not with the present girlfriend then with others. If he comes back, you want it to be because he loves you and your daughter and not because of a combination of practical reasons, am I correct?

 

I don't want to give any prognosis about your future (although you know what I think), but the present doesn't look bright at all. You seem to have come to that realization now after his dream, but he'll make sure that he throws enough dust in your eyes to calm you down before the divorce.

 

I am so sorry you're going through this, but it won't kill you so it will make you stronger. Life will show you ways to make yourself happy and you'll forget about him. You'll be happy again with somebody else. Look at it from the bright side - this is a new change, a new chapter of your life. Sun always rises after rain.

[brokenherz]

Thank’s so much RP. You make me feel better. I’m seeing another Lawyer today and my husband told me he is seeing one too. He is already giving me a hard time about the money. I told him I will get what I want and even if we have to spend all our savings…

 

He wants joint custody and I don’t mind it since he is really sweet to her. I wont throw him any rocks in the way if he will give her love.

 

My Mother in Law was here over the weekend and she loves mg too. We decided that she doesn’t participate in our divorce. I want to be her friend and I want mg to have Grandparents.

 

My husband and I agreed that we wont see each other for a while and he can see mg while I go jogging. I only talk to him about mg and that’s it. I won’t look him in the eyes again until I’m over him. Hopefully it won’t last too long and I can smile again. I do have a lot of friends that help me.

 

Wish me luck that the legal separation will be quick and I can live my life again…

[RecordProducer]

He wants joint custody and I don’t mind it since he is really sweet to her. I wont throw him any rocks in the way if he will give her love.

This is a very wise and generous decision. I am glad you want the best for your daughter even if it's at your expense.

 

My husband and I agreed that we wont see each other for a while and he can see mg while I go jogging. I only talk to him about mg and that’s it. I won’t look him in the eyes again until I’m over him.

This is also wise and healthy. You need a break from him. Just be strong and you will make it.

Wish me luck that the legal separation will be quick and I can live my life again…

I wish you a lot of luck. You definitely will live your life again. Your future is blank right now - waiting for you to create it. Make it wonderful for you and your daughter. Hugs..