Excessive anger on certain situations. How to cope ?

[Sweet Madison]

Hello all. I have a sort of anger management problem.

 

I am a fairly patient person. I dont expect anyone to be perfect cos I'm not perfect as well. I dont get angry that easily. When things dont go the way I want them to, I try to take as it was not meant to be or I try a second time, depending on the situation. I try not to have expectations on others or situation as nothing is perfect in this world, me including.

 

What I have a problem with is that I realised that I tend to get excessively angry at certain situations. Excessively angry means shouting at that person, throwing things, screaming, saying very very nasty things, trying to hurt myself.

 

The first situation that I tend to get excessively angry is when after umpteen times I tell someone to do something, they still dont do it or dont do it right, on top of that they give reasons for not doing them. For example, I tell someone to do something, but he/she doesnt do it or does it wrong. OK. I dont get angry, I try to understand why they are unable to it. OK. The next time he/she doesnt do the same thing or does the same thing wrong again, I still dont get upset. And that I usually do until maybe the 5th time. After that, I get a BIT upset or agitated or annoyed. Then on the 10th or more, I get very very very angry to the point of I threaten to hurt that person !!!! I start saying very very nasty things about that person.

 

Second situation is when people make wrong choices or does not take on their own responsiblity and then it affects me. For example, my sister-in-law decides to have a baby when my brother doesnt have the means to support a child yet. On her insistance of wanting to have a baby, they did. My sister-in-law quit her job and my brother wasnt able to support them. And in the end, they wanted the baby to stay with my mother and me. My mother decides to take the baby with asking me first even though I rent the apartment and pay all the bills. I work up to nealry 12 hours a day. The baby cries every night and on weekends, the parents doesnt come to visit the child or takes her back to their place for the weekends. And that has been for over a year now. I get angry at them and at my mother and I ended shouting and screaming at her.

 

That irks me because here I am, working hard to pay the bills and rent and I have to pay for this baby as well ???!!! They were the ones who wanted the baby even though they knew that cant well afford to support one and I have to take that burden. If they were responsible parents and give some money to my mother for taking care of the baby or take her back to their place during the weekends, I wouldnt mind. But this is clearly others bad choice and irresponsibilty that is causing me to take a burden which it isnt mine to take in the first place.

 

Am I being to easy to take advantage of ? Am I giving other too many chances ? I feel its my fault because I give others too many chances or being to easy or soft ? I dont want to get angry like that cos it scares me as well.

 

How do I manage my excessive anger when these things happens ? Any answers ? Thanks all.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Part of anger management is not bottling up your feelings. If you don't address how you're feeling when you feel it, those feelings have a tendency to compound upon themselves and you end up feeling more angry than if you had dealt with the feelings in the first place. Also, you have to remember that you can't control what others do. A friend or family member who acts irresponsibly isn't something that you can control. Concentrate on what you can control -- your anger and reactions to things being one of them.

[Milo]

Well, our reactions I have come to understand stem from where we learned them. In my case it was within the family. I tend to act out like my father and mother did. So that at least is a starting point for the behavior. Unlearning it is not possible, so you have to learn a new response; one you would prefer. I don't think anyone can overestimate how difficult this is.

 

As for your brother's kid living with you, I don't see the point in that. The mother is unemployed and can care for the child all day. You work and need the sleep. Being sleep-deprived can make you rather psychotic. If you are finding yourself rather edgy lately this might be why.