Terrified of depression

[azkaban_escapee]

I have suffered from depression for 5 years, off and on. I've been on anti-depressants for nearly 2 years now and I'm worried they're not working anymore. I'm too scared to tell my parents (I'm 20 and live at home) because I know how worried they get about me and they really don't need the extra stress. I feel like my boyfriend and I are drifting apart -he is making plans for the future that don't seem to involve me at all and this is killing me because I thought we'd be together for ever. I love him more than anyone in the world and really don't think I'll love anyone else again. I know none of you will believe me about that, but I seriously feel that we're soulmates. The way this ties in with my depression is that the misery I'm feeling about this is making me want to self-harm again, which I used to do persistently throughout my teens and nearly cost me my family. I'm also having recurrent thoughts of suicide and I can't see any way out of this. Please help me, I feel like I'm dying inside.

[whichwayisup]

Do you see a therapist for your depression? I will say this, don't be afraid of talking to your parents. Depression IS serious, so please, don't keep this stuff quiet! Deal with it head-on, and you need alot of support, not only from your folks, but from peers, other family members and friends.

 

Sadly, you can't control what happens between you and your boyfriend. The emotions you feel for him are so deep and you depend on him, you need him in your life...But don't make him the center of your world, put all your eggs in one basket. Meaning, don't rely on ONLY him for your happiness, because if things don't work out, you will be crushed and go into a down spiral...

 

Talk to your parents, let them know what is going on. Between the meds possibly not working anymore and maybe they can help you get some therapy. Talking this out WILL help you.

 

You're not alone, keep posting Azkaban escapee. There are alot of people on this site who suffer from anxiety disorders (like me) and depression.

[EMJ]

There's a lot of depression in my family. Almost all the people who needed medication eventually developed a resistance and had to either increase the dosage or switch to another presciption formula.

 

You have manageable disease. Like diabetes or any other chronic condition. It does run in families. Tell your parents it's not working like it used to and you think you may need to up the dosage, etc. It's very common and your doctor probably expects it at some point. No one should be alarmed. Medicine is not magic, it's just away to get the chemicals your brain does not make enough of- You ARE old enough to set up an appt. and go to the doctor yourself. That would impress the hell out of your parents.

 

If you did it and told them after the fact they may be impressed by your ability to handle your condition in an adult way. They wouldn't worry if they knew you could handle yourself like a grown up.

 

Regarding your guy, you can't make decisions about being with someone "forever" at 20 years old. You have too much of life to live yet to know for sure. Just get a handle on the depression first. No one makes good decisions while in the midst of an "episode". I've lived in this situation with my family my entire life. You may want to discuss the boyfriend in the Romantic post section. There's a lot of people who have similar experiences there.

 

Regarding therapy, no one can talk you into better brain chemistry. If you made good decisions when your medicine was working that's probably your answer. Therapy actually made things worse for some of my family members because what they really needed was medicine, it's all individual. You can't be talked into more dopamine, it's either there in adequate amounts to make you feel ok, or not.

 

Good luck. Make that appointment! You can't be good for anyone else until you are good for yourself!

[Outcast]

Regarding therapy, no one can talk you into better brain chemistry

 

Actually, not the case. There are examples of neurological changes due to talk therapies due to 'plasticity' - the ability of the brain to change in response to interventions. It used to be thought that the adult brain doesn't change but recent studies have changed that. This doesn't mean that talk therapy is the most successful therapy or that it should replace meds but it appears that both can be useful.

 

Two fascinating articles on new developments in the study of depression:

http://health.yahoo.com/centers/depression/525 (from Psychology Today)

 

Less obvious may be that the new biology of depression also makes a strong case for non-drug therapies. "Nonpharmacological treatments may exert quite specific biological effects in being able to affect certain select brain regions," Davidson points out. "The deficit in activation of the prefrontal cortex that we and others have identified in depression may be something that can be changed with cognitive therapy." Or a stripped-down and tightly focused component of cognitive therapy called behavioral activation, pioneered by psychologist Neil Jacobson at the University of Washington.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19990301-000001.html

[EMJ]

"This doesn't mean that talk therapy is the most successful therapy or that it should replace meds but it appears that both can be useful."

 

But remember she is 20 years old and is having suicidal thoughts. Stabilzation is what she needs immediately. Again, I do have a lot of direct experience of living with depressed people. When in a severly depsressed state, not one of them was open to a more conscious and active healing process. That's a lot of hard work for an older person let alone a person her age. So while I agree that she can grow to work on the situation. I would hope she can discuss that with her doctor.

 

I'm not a medical professional, just grew up around the condition and know how scary it can be. I agree no matter what, she has to take control of her life for herself and everyone around her.

[Milo]

I think statistically people with severe depression do best with good therapy AND medication, as opposed to medication alone or just trying to handle it without medication. People do the worst not seeking either. Ms. azkaban_escape, please do try to get your medications either changed or the doses increased. A very nice girl I worked with lost her boyfriend to suicide just before Christmas. In his case, however, he was adamantly opposed to seeking any medications and refused to see a therapist. Oddly enough, his father is a psychologist, which may have had something to do with this decision. He had attempted suicide once before.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

A_E, please get help immediately. You DON'T have to suffer like this. I have depression, and I've been where you are many times, but the key is to see the light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dim it is, and KNOW that you WILL feel better, and everything WILL be okay. Please call your doctor right away to get evaluated for a medication adjustment, and reach out to a close friend or relative to help you. You're sick...nobody will think less of you for seeking help. You don't have to go through this alone. And please let us know how you are doing!

[PYT]

It sounds like in the short run you may need to have your meds adjusted or switched to help you through this rough patch but going forward I would hope you would try and find a good therapist to help you learn how to deal with things more effectively. It does sound like you may be using your boyfriend as a crutch and I think if you learn to be your own support system that will pay dividends for the rest of your life and make you a much happier person. I would try and find a therapist that uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy if you can because that's what has helped me the most personally. Don't be afraid to tell others including your parents what is going on with you because they want to help and whether you realize it or not they are probably already concerned and this will likely alleviate their stress rather than add to it because they will not feel shut out once you tell them. Please get some help asap.