trudgnon Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Hi there! I am hoping someone can give me some advice here. A friend of my wife and mine has a 16 yr. old daughter that is no longer going to school, has no job, and is ext6remely abusive to her mother and her younger 9 yr. old sister. For the time being, mt wife and I have taken the 9yr. old, and we have opened the door to this mother, but she needs help in getting this situation resolved once and for all. The teen trashes the house, and will literally beat on the mother and younger daughter physically and emotionally. The police have been involved in the past, but they seem to just let her back out right away and nothing is really done to solve this situation. I need some advice to pass on to this mother on what her legal rights are with this teenager and what kinds of steps she is going to have to take to more or less free herself and her younger daughter from this prison. Any advice out there? We live in IL, so not sure if there are particular laws that apply to this state specifically. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 my heart goes out to this family, and I pray they're able to find resolution quickly. first thing that comes to mind is calling the abuse hotline; check also with your local Parents Anonymous chapter, the local juvenile detention office and with Child Protective Services. I know this last one is probably someone you won't want to try until you've exhausted all other avenues. has the older girl always been like this, or is this a recent development? Are drugs involved? Link to post Share on other sites
mommy of 3 Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 To be honest what need to be done here is the mother needs to file assult charges on her daughter, and get a restraining order for herself and the younger sister. Saftey first, and then maybe with the help of the courts and a therapist they can start to heal. This is difficult for the mother because she will be faced with a decision that will basically make her choose between her children. Do i look out for the safty of the young one, and shut the older one out with a restraining order, or do i try to fix the older one with therepy? Well, that may be the most difficult choice of her life, but she will have to make it before she can move on. She doesnt have to let the child live with her. She has the option to have her put in foster care, and then they can all go to family counciling. If she doesnt get a restraining order tho, there isnt a whole lot the cops can do if she comes around. I really feel for her situation. She has a lot on her plate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trudgnon Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 Unfortunately, this has been a behavior pattern that started when she was just turning into her teen years and has just continued to get worse over the last few years. Also unfortunate is the fact that she is twice the size of her mother and her mother has no chance to even stand up to her in any physical confrontation. I would guess there is some drug/alcohol involvement in her behavior knowing that the folks that have come and gone from the house have been involved with them also. I think you have basically pushed me to where I was leaning to begin with though, and that was to begin working on getting agencies involved on behalf of the mother and the younger daughter who still has a chance to make something of life. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Has anybody taken this troubled girl to a shrink? Link to post Share on other sites
Author trudgnon Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Yes, the mother has tried counselors, she has tried therapy, and she has tried various treatments and drugs that doctors have given the girl. This girl just doesn't seem to get it, and looks to be on a path to being a drag on society. I hate talking about kids this way, but in her case, she is most definitely headed down that path of failure in life. One question I have is whether or not I can file the charges based on abuse of the younger sister. Her mother does not seem willing (she says she has no faith in the court system because they have been involved in the past and are currently) to file for any sort of restraining order or file real assault charges against her daughter, and while I understand that, I have been trying to explain to her that the 9 year old still has a fighting chance if she gets the influence of the teen out of the house. Thanks for the suggestions so far, it is really appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Mark-ES Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Yes, the mother has tried counselors, she has tried therapy, and she has tried various treatments and drugs that doctors have given the girl. This girl just doesn't seem to get it, and looks to be on a path to being a drag on society. I hate talking about kids this way, but in her case, she is most definitely headed down that path of failure in life. One question I have is whether or not I can file the charges based on abuse of the younger sister. Her mother does not seem willing (she says she has no faith in the court system because they have been involved in the past and are currently) to file for any sort of restraining order or file real assault charges against her daughter, and while I understand that, I have been trying to explain to her that the 9 year old still has a fighting chance if she gets the influence of the teen out of the house. Thanks for the suggestions so far, it is really appreciated. You can file on behalf of the 9 year old if that 9 year old has been hit even once by the older sister. Anyone can file and call protective services. For example one of my friends at school was worried that I was being abused because of the way I was acting (he had been abused in the past so he noticed those signs) and he called the police (not the emergency number but the local department number). We both were 14 at the time by the way. Well the cops came over to his house and interviewed him to make sure this was real as they must take action of they feel its real. So they interviewed him and the police showed up and took me away in an abulance and interviewed my parents. My parents did understand why they did what they did and they knew they had todo what they did but it got worked out in the end as my parents never laid a hand on me except for a gentle caring hand. So to sum it up if a 14 year old can force the police to checkout suspected abuse I see no reason why you an adult can't do the same. Just know that the 9yo will be interviewed and would have to say if she was hit or abused by her older sister because if she doesn't they cannot do anything to protect her if her mother doesn't tell the police anything. If you witness the abuse that is another story because they always protect the children now these days and sort everything out later. They take the word of an adult of child witness that seems honest and if they ever do lie they do charge to the maximum of the law that is for sure. Now all this above isn't going to get the older sister arrested it will only be for protection as this would be a protection order and it starts with seperating the 9 year old from all family including the parents. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 She needs to get that abusive teenager out of the house before she hurts someone..Your friend should be thinking of the welfare of the 9 yr old and how she is endangering her.!! If my daughter acted this way she would be gone especially threatening the family ..My h neice is this way and it is the mother's fault for not getting a control on her 18 yr old a long time ago..H's brother is terrified of the daughter she is violent and communicates threats toward his wife and kids all the time !! She tells her mom and step dad all the time you better not go to sleep ,you never know what i will do, could be hanging on your head with a knife ,and you would never know till you feel the pain!! Link to post Share on other sites
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