Why does it seem like I'm always apologizing and crying?

[Ellen]

My b/f and I have been together 4 years, and I guess certain have always happened, but it seems like now more so than before, I;m crying more, upset more, and feel alone more than I ever have. Call it age or maturity or lack there of, but the words and things he says to me out of the blue are hurtful and mean. If I'm upset about something that he's done, he act stubborn and mean, never says I'm sorry and goes on like he;s a tough guy. We work together and 99% of the time he treats me like I'm his employee and not his equal. Last weekend, we were playing music for a wedding, and people kept coming up and requesting songs to dance to. They were good songs, and I suggested that he should play them.. He looked at me, shrugged, frowned, and ignored me. The next time I said it to him he angriliy answered me that he knew what he was doing and why did I always have to suggest songs to him. Hello! The songs he's playing no one is dancing to and here, there are people requesting songs, but because he doesn't like them, then he's not going to play them. I got upset and asked why he thought he always had to be so negative. Once again he ignored and started yelling at me that he was working and I should leave him alone. I did, I left for a little while, and came back. He ignored me for thirty minutes, at which point I said, Listen if you want I'll just take a cab home - You're hurtful and mean, and I'm upset with you. He, on the other hand, started yelling at me and said, Good, Leave, it's just what you would do, don't come back..

 

"What am I supposed to do? It's been one week, and I haven't been home? How do I get him to appreciate me, and stop saying the types of things he does - They're hurtful and make me think that what I;ve been fighting for is just not worth it.. He can't seem to love me for me. I'm a good person, emotional, but all I want is my bf to love me as much as I love him - it seems that he doesn't and I don't know if I should just leave. I can;t take the hurtful words - I hear I hate you, and Go - Leave, 1000 times more than I hear I love or at least You're special." Please help =

[nikki]

sounds to me that your boyfriend doesn't appreciate you...so what you need to do is show him who you are and stand up to him...don't let him walk all over you....yes i can see you love him but sometimes you have to let go the things you love...and if it is meant to be he will come back to you...but don't waste your life crying over him...someone out there will make you happy....make you cry tears of joy not saddness.....show him what he has lost and leave him.....don't look back.....that is the worste thing to do...i know he will still be in your heart and mind everyday..because i am facing the same thing over my ex....he treated me like that too......it hurts, i know....but i say to myself "i would rather be alone then unhappy".........and one day my ex will know what he lost, but it will be to late.........guys like power and they like to have control over people and when they see they have control over a woman they take advantage of this....guy don't fully mature till their old.....and that's what sucks about life......but stand up for yourself and in the long run you will be happy.....i promise......

My b/f and I have been together 4 years, and I guess certain have always happened, but it seems like now more so than before, I;m crying more, upset more, and feel alone more than I ever have. Call it age or maturity or lack there of, but the words and things he says to me out of the blue are hurtful and mean. If I'm upset about something that he's done, he act stubborn and mean, never says I'm sorry and goes on like he;s a tough guy. We work together and 99% of the time he treats me like I'm his employee and not his equal. Last weekend, we were playing music for a wedding, and people kept coming up and requesting songs to dance to. They were good songs, and I suggested that he should play them.. He looked at me, shrugged, frowned, and ignored me. The next time I said it to him he angriliy answered me that he knew what he was doing and why did I always have to suggest songs to him. Hello! The songs he's playing no one is dancing to and here, there are people requesting songs, but because he doesn't like them, then he's not going to play them. I got upset and asked why he thought he always had to be so negative. Once again he ignored and started yelling at me that he was working and I should leave him alone. I did, I left for a little while, and came back. He ignored me for thirty minutes, at which point I said, Listen if you want I'll just take a cab home - You're hurtful and mean, and I'm upset with you. He, on the other hand, started yelling at me and said, Good, Leave, it's just what you would do, don't come back.. "What am I supposed to do? It's been one week, and I haven't been home? How do I get him to appreciate me, and stop saying the types of things he does - They're hurtful and make me think that what I;ve been fighting for is just not worth it.. He can't seem to love me for me. I'm a good person, emotional, but all I want is my bf to love me as much as I love him - it seems that he doesn't and I don't know if I should just leave. I can;t take the hurtful words - I hear I hate you, and Go - Leave, 1000 times more than I hear I love or at least You're special." Please help =

[Laurel]

My b/f and I have been together 4 years, and I guess certain have always happened, but it seems like now more so than before, I;m crying more, upset more, and feel alone more than I ever have. Call it age or maturity or lack there of, but the words and things he says to me out of the blue are hurtful and mean. If I'm upset about something that he's done, he act stubborn and mean, never says I'm sorry and goes on like he;s a tough guy. We work together and 99% of the time he treats me like I'm his employee and not his equal. Last weekend, we were playing music for a wedding, and people kept coming up and requesting songs to dance to. They were good songs, and I suggested that he should play them.. He looked at me, shrugged, frowned, and ignored me. The next time I said it to him he angriliy answered me that he knew what he was doing and why did I always have to suggest songs to him. Hello! The songs he's playing no one is dancing to and here, there are people requesting songs, but because he doesn't like them, then he's not going to play them. I got upset and asked why he thought he always had to be so negative. Once again he ignored and started yelling at me that he was working and I should leave him alone. I did, I left for a little while, and came back. He ignored me for thirty minutes, at which point I said, Listen if you want I'll just take a cab home - You're hurtful and mean, and I'm upset with you. He, on the other hand, started yelling at me and said, Good, Leave, it's just what you would do, don't come back.. "What am I supposed to do? It's been one week, and I haven't been home? How do I get him to appreciate me, and stop saying the types of things he does - They're hurtful and make me think that what I;ve been fighting for is just not worth it.. He can't seem to love me for me. I'm a good person, emotional, but all I want is my bf to love me as much as I love him - it seems that he doesn't and I don't know if I should just leave. I can;t take the hurtful words - I hear I hate you, and Go - Leave, 1000 times more than I hear I love or at least You're special." Please help =

 

dear frustrated;

 

I understand you're feeling badly and not sure just what to do with your "abusive" and rather "controlling" boyfriend.

 

I too, have suffered at the hands of an emotionally unavailable man and it's no picnic.I've really started to look at myself, and why i allow someone else to hold such power over me? It appears that old "childhood patterns" have

 

affected, not only my sense of self worth, but the men i choose to get love from. It's time we learn about how to love ourselves, so that we are no longer at the mercy of our

 

past

 

Good luck I look forward to hearing from you again.