husband's dreams

[big_dawg1875]

i need some advice on something. okay here it is. my husband and i were talking one night about having dreams about other people. i asked him if he ever had a dream about sleeping with someone in my family. he said no but that he has had a dream where he seen my sister naked. so i asked him if he ever has looked at my sister in a sexual way. he said that he has checked her out because she has a big butt. of course i get upset because now i'm going to think that he wants her now because i'm super jealous, even though he has never given me a reason to think he would cheat on me. another thing is that my sister is skinny and i'm not. so i'm already insecure about myself, now this makes me even more so. should i just dismiss this or am i wrong for being mad at him. because after he told me, i just was so upset i didn't even want to talk to him. he also told me that he doesn't even look at her like that anymore. we have been together for 4 years and married almost two. can someone please give me some kind of advice?

[Artlover]

Let it go. This was information you could have done without. It's too bad he decided to share that with you. He's human and dreams and fantasies are NOT real. Lots of people have sexual dreams about people who they wouldn't get involved with in real life. An engaged friend of mine has been having sexual dreams about an ex-boyfriend who was abusive to her. Does she actually want to see this guy again, let alone sleep with him? NO. She's just anxious about getting married. She's just jittery and that's normal.

 

I bring this up to say, ignore his dream about your sister. And if he checked her out once or twice, big deal. He's human. If he was honest enough to tell you and he's never given you any reason to suspect him of cheating, why torture yourself worrying about this? Personally I think he should have just kept this to himself.

i need some advice on something. okay here it is. my husband and i were talking one night about having dreams about other people. i asked him if he ever had a dream about sleeping with someone in my family. he said no but that he has had a dream where he seen my sister naked. so i asked him if he ever has looked at my sister in a sexual way. he said that he has checked her out because she has a big butt. of course i get upset because now i'm going to think that he wants her now because i'm super jealous, even though he has never given me a reason to think he would cheat on me. another thing is that my sister is skinny and i'm not. so i'm already insecure about myself, now this makes me even more so. should i just dismiss this or am i wrong for being mad at him. because after he told me, i just was so upset i didn't even want to talk to him. he also told me that he doesn't even look at her like that anymore. we have been together for 4 years and married almost two. can someone please give me some kind of advice?

[Tony T]

First of all, don't ask for information you may not be able to handle.

 

Second, don't ask a question unless you can handle an honest answer.

 

Third, men like women's butts or breasts or legs or whatever. Every man who isn't gay likes one or more parts of a woman. Whether those parts are on your sister, mother, daughter, neighbor, store sales clerk or Mother Mary, a man will look...and if the parts are nice enough he will have an opinion. Get used to it.

 

Your guy has been very honest with you and I'm absolutely certain he's not after your sister. But if you think your guy is going to crawl up and give up his manhood, you are way off the mark.

 

Go out and lose some weight...for your own sake. Heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, low self esteem, insecurity and a host of other physical and mental problems can result from being overweight. Did you recognize some things in there?

 

If that doesn't help, you can just cut off the parts of every woman in the world that you think your guy might notice and have some thoughts about. Start now...the longest journey begins with a single step.

[big_dawg1875]

first of all, thanks for the advice. i know that i shouldn't be asking because i knew i was going to get upset. i guess you can say that i'm curious to know what he thinks about them. i just wanted to hear that he doesn't think or look at anyone but me. but you know what the thing is, that every guy i have ever been with my sister gets really friendly with. i mean to the point where they paid more attention to her than me and i was just nervous he was going to turn out like that too. i guess i had finally found i guy that was different from that others guys and wouldn't look. but i told him and have always told me i don't care who you are if something is thrown is your face your going to look. he always said that wasn't true. i know you are right about losing weight and all the health hazards that go along with it. i have always been a big girl. i'm like 5'9" so i'm big boned regardless. but since i had my son i just can't seem to lose the weight. my husband tells me he doesn't care what i look like. but i want to do it for me. thanks again. sorry this is so long.

First of all, don't ask for information you may not be able to handle. Second, don't ask a question unless you can handle an honest answer. Third, men like women's butts or breasts or legs or whatever. Every man who isn't gay likes one or more parts of a woman. Whether those parts are on your sister, mother, daughter, neighbor, store sales clerk or Mother Mary, a man will look...and if the parts are nice enough he will have an opinion. Get used to it. Your guy has been very honest with you and I'm absolutely certain he's not after your sister. But if you think your guy is going to crawl up and give up his manhood, you are way off the mark.

 

Go out and lose some weight...for your own sake. Heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, low self esteem, insecurity and a host of other physical and mental problems can result from being overweight. Did you recognize some things in there?

 

If that doesn't help, you can just cut off the parts of every woman in the world that you think your guy might notice and have some thoughts about. Start now...the longest journey begins with a single step.

[big_dawg1875]

thank you also for the advice. i know i should just let it go. and i'm going to. but i know that i'm going to have that thought in the back of my head anyway. i shouldn't have asked him because i knew i was going to get mad if told me he ever checked out anyone in my family. i was just curious to know and well i got my answer didn't i?

Let it go. This was information you could have done without. It's too bad he decided to share that with you. He's human and dreams and fantasies are NOT real. Lots of people have sexual dreams about people who they wouldn't get involved with in real life. An engaged friend of mine has been having sexual dreams about an ex-boyfriend who was abusive to her. Does she actually want to see this guy again, let alone sleep with him? NO. She's just anxious about getting married. She's just jittery and that's normal. I bring this up to say, ignore his dream about your sister. And if he checked her out once or twice, big deal. He's human. If he was honest enough to tell you and he's never given you any reason to suspect him of cheating, why torture yourself worrying about this? Personally I think he should have just kept this to himself.

[midori]

but you know what the thing is,

that every guy i have ever been with my sister gets really friendly with. i mean to the point where they paid more attention to her than me and i was just nervous he was going to turn out like that too. i guess i had finally found i guy that was different from that others guys and wouldn't look.

I think that Tony's right in that it is normal for men to be aware of women's bodies and that this tendency has nothing to do with their intentions. Noticing does not mean dwelling, looking does not mean pursuing -- or even thinking about pursuing.

 

It sounds to me like what you're really concerned with is your sister's behavior. Sounds like she treads the line between appropriate and inappropriate behavior, whether consciously or unconsciously. Perhaps she's insecure about her skinny self and needs to reassure herself of her own attractiveness by flirting with your guys. By the way, skinniness and attractiveness are not one and the same. I was watching a painfully thin actress on television last night (not Callista Flockheart) who would have been stunningly attractive if not for the fact that she had the body of a stick pin and somehow reminded me of a praying mantis in the harshly revealing clothing she wore. Granted, I'm a straight female and there might well be many men who find her type attractive.

 

Lose the weight and regain your old body. You can do it and you should do it for your physical and mental health. Be happy that your husband is a straight-forward guy who's not afraid to be honest about things that you have no reason to worry about.

 

And if your sister keeps waving her butt in your husband's face then maybe you'll have to have a word with her (although the fall out from that might not be very nice it's better than letting her insecurities prey on your peace of mind).

 

Good Luck!

[big_dawg1875]

thank you for the advice. i'll see what happens tonight. we are going to go out by ourselves for a "date". thanks again

I think that Tony's right in that it is normal for men to be aware of women's bodies and that this tendency has nothing to do with their intentions. Noticing does not mean dwelling, looking does not mean pursuing -- or even thinking about pursuing.

 

It sounds to me like what you're really concerned with is your sister's behavior. Sounds like she treads the line between appropriate and inappropriate behavior, whether consciously or unconsciously. Perhaps she's insecure about her skinny self and needs to reassure herself of her own attractiveness by flirting with your guys. By the way, skinniness and attractiveness are not one and the same. I was watching a painfully thin actress on television last night (not Callista Flockheart) who would have been stunningly attractive if not for the fact that she had the body of a stick pin and somehow reminded me of a praying mantis in the harshly revealing clothing she wore. Granted, I'm a straight female and there might well be many men who find her type attractive. Lose the weight and regain your old body. You can do it and you should do it for your physical and mental health. Be happy that your husband is a straight-forward guy who's not afraid to be honest about things that you have no reason to worry about. And if your sister keeps waving her butt in your husband's face then maybe you'll have to have a word with her (although the fall out from that might not be very nice it's better than letting her insecurities prey on your peace of mind). Good Luck!