rix Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 My brother in law lives with me, my husband, and our two kids. He had some problems before he came to live with us, and we'd always gotten along pretty well in the past, so when my husband said he needed a place to stay, I said yes. He's twenty years old and trying to finish up high school so he can join the Marines...The problem is that he's been here eight months now, and I feel like I've got another child to take care of...while I'm in nursing school, my own two kids (7 & 8) are having problems in school, and my husband is trying to start his own company. I don't understand the stuff he does....it took him three months to start closing the door to our house when he left or came in, he has caused water damage to our house from leaving the shower on, melted plastic plates in the microwave, I found out he was using my toiletries for months, he takes my wet clothes out of the washer and leaves them on top of the dryer so he can run his wash through, he eats all the leftovers in the fridge, he doesn't help around the house at all, and his dogs poops all over my house...and I found out that he was cleaning the mess up with my dishcloths, when he cleaned it up at all...On top of this, he's generally messy, he smokes in our sunroom when no one else is up (he works nights & we don't smoke), and he's generally kind of oblivious. I don't think he really means to be rude or mean, but it's like he just doesn't know any better. For example, my brother in law told me that he "works like a Mexican," right in front of my mom and sister, and we are Mexican. When I told him that he offended me, he told me he only said it because he works at a Mexican fast food place...he didn't seem to understand how that comment sounded, and my husband said he thought his brother just put his foot in his mouth or something. I don't mean this to be a laundry list of things, but at this point I don't know what to do about this. I've talked to him, I've talked to my husband, who just seems to make excuses for him...Like the door is broken or the faucets are weird, yet my children can use these things without a problem. I feel like there are two sets of rules in my home right now, one for the brother in law,and one for the rest of us. We expect more from our seven year old and our eight year old than we do from a twenty year old man. I'm irritated all the time. I don't know what to do about this situation, my brother in law basically avoids me, and my husband is upset that we don't get along anymore. I am really trying not to be mean or rude to him; I've been trying to tell myself that he just doesn't know any better. There's really no alternative to the situation, because neither one of his parents will take him in. I guess I just sort of assumed that after eight months, the wrinkles would have ironed themselves out, and it's not like we haven't addressed the issues. He went to go stay at his dad's for a few days around Christmas, and it's just been worse since then. It was so nice to have uninterrupted conversations with my husband and quality time with my kids...I don't know if I can make it through another eight months without going nuts... Sorry this is so long, I guess that I really needed to vent... ~Rix Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 As the old saying goes, nobody can take advantage of you without your permission. You need to have another serious discussion with your husband and find a solution to this. Tell your husband that he will have to pick up after his brother (because YOU will NOT do it anymore) and give him 30 days to find a new place to stay...no if's and's or but's. You have given him enough chances to change his behavior. Your husband needs to stick up for you, not his brother. Let hubby know that your marriage is at stake...because I think it is, it certainly isn't doing it any good. Threaten to leave if you have to. Link to post Share on other sites
Clair Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 I had a similar situation with my brother, when I let him live in my place. It was a sacrifice for me, because my place is small. He was not grateful at all, if anything, he was envious, because I had a place, and he didn't. So, because it was not his apartment, he would drop food on the floor, splash dirt on the walls, burn the stove, break the woodfloor, spill liquids on upholstered furniture etc. And he would refuse to fix it or clean it, or even to discuss it. It finished the moment he moved out. I feel your pain, is he able to move out, can he pay his own rent? He does need to move out soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rix Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 He does pay rent each month...The thing is that he got out of rehab for drug/alcohol problems just before he moved in with us, and neither one of his parents will take him in. If I told his to leave, he'd essentially be homeless. I'm afraid he'd slip back into his old habits. I know it's not my responsibility, but I don't want him to waste his life, or put him into a situation where he doesn't have anywhere else to turn. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Well then what exactly did he learn in rehab??? He needs to know the rules of your home and the consequences if he breaks them. If he screws up and ends up back in rehab that's probably the best thing that could happen...he obviously needs more help and his brother isn't helping. Link to post Share on other sites
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