user1 Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Would you dump your fiance if s/he avoids you because you have the flu? the biggest irony: we are both physicians, so it is not like he is a germ-phobe. I got ****ty sick from my patients. great. He just calls to check up on me and asks me if I "need something" and to "tell him what I want", and when I did ask to him to visit me just for a few minutes because I miss him and think it would cheer me up, he acted really pissed off, saying he was super busy with his work (he has some work deadline and has to entertain his parents who are visiting from out of town). He says I should just be alone to rest up. His parents are staying with him (we don't live together), and I have given them all space to be together this past week. important background: he divorced his wife because his wife was sick of being second to his mother. ever since we first dated years ago, whenever I was sick, his mother would tell him to avoid me if I were sick, so he would not get sick and jeopardize his med school studies. as marriage vows are for "in sickness and in health", and he is not proving himself, I am concerned that he will leave me to die in the event that I am sick when we are married. are my concerns valid? Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 as marriage vows are for "in sickness and in health", and he is not proving himself, I am concerned that he will leave me to die in the event that I am sick when we are married. are my concerns valid?Actually, you seem a bit melodramatic. Is he like this a lot, or just when you are sick? I can understand breaking up with him if he is like this a lot, but him not wanting to catch the flu is not the same as leaving you to die. Does he always blow you off when his mother is in town? ps. No flu shot? Link to post Share on other sites
Author user1 Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 No flu shot..got chicken pox from a patient and then bad nystagmus, so I'm not allowed by my ENT in case it reactivates a recurrence. Absolutely right, I hardly ever get to see fiance if his parents are in town or if I am sick. thinking on it, I guess I would rather be left alone than be blamed for getting him sick. funny thing is that if he is sick, his mother has pointed out that her son's (former wife/ or girlfriend) doesn't care about him if she doesn't come to take care of him and expose herself to his illness. I guess that is the fact of life living with a narcissist and his enabling parents. I'm having a really hard time accepting this, especially when I am sick. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 funny thing is that if he is sick, his mother has pointed out that her son's (former wife/ or girlfriend) doesn't care about him if she doesn't come to take care of him and expose herself to his illness. I don't think I could take it if my husband didn't see the double-standard in that! I can see why you're frustrated. But your husband should always choose you and stand up for you to his mother. If you don't think he will do that, that is something that could drive you nuts and potentially drive you both apart after marraige! I hope you're feeling better by now. Link to post Share on other sites
Kengne Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Would you dump your fiance if s/he avoids you because you have the flu? the biggest irony: we are both physicians, so it is not like he is a germ-phobe. I got ****ty sick from my patients. great. He just calls to check up on me and asks me if I "need something" and to "tell him what I want", and when I did ask to him to visit me just for a few minutes because I miss him and think it would cheer me up, he acted really pissed off, saying he was super busy with his work (he has some work deadline and has to entertain his parents who are visiting from out of town). He says I should just be alone to rest up. His parents are staying with him (we don't live together), and I have given them all space to be together this past week. important background: he divorced his wife because his wife was sick of being second to his mother. ever since we first dated years ago, whenever I was sick, his mother would tell him to avoid me if I were sick, so he would not get sick and jeopardize his med school studies. as marriage vows are for "in sickness and in health", and he is not proving himself, I am concerned that he will leave me to die in the event that I am sick when we are married. are my concerns valid? I think your concerns are valid, but the bigger picture is will you come in 2nd behind his mother/family? I'd be more concerned abt my fiancé being a momma's boy, than him not coming over to see me when I'm sick. If you feel he can not put you in his top priorities, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship and what you want vs need. K. Link to post Share on other sites
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