Exclusivity

[Rachel]

Hi. I've been dating a wonderful man for the past 2 1/2 months. We hit it off from the Get-go and seem to enjoy eachothers company a lot. We typically spend 3-4 days a week doing stuff and it's been great.

 

I have TWO questions.

 

1. Do you think it would be OK if I ask him if we are exclusive and what are the best ways of putting is tactfully, without scaring him.

 

2. Does exclusive mean we are commited to doing things together every weekend. I would very much like us to, and so far we have, but up to this point I have never ASSUMED we are and would, but would love to know that that is the case.

 

Thanks

[Tony T]

QUESTION #1. Do you think it would be OK if I ask him if we are exclusive and what are the best ways of putting is tactfully, without scaring him.

 

I think you ought to have this information and it's certainly OK to ask him. If that scares him, you need to know it now. It's not like you're asking him to marry you. You just want to know if he's seeing others.

 

The best way to do this is to tell him you aren't seeing any other people now. Then ask him what his dating situation is. As often as the two of you see each other now, it's a pretty safe bet you're it for him.

 

QUESTION #2. Does exclusive mean we are commited to doing things together every weekend. I would very much like us to, and so far we have, but up to this point I have never ASSUMED we are and would, but would love to know that that is the case.

 

Exclusive means nothing more than the two of you are dating no other people. It doesn't tie either of you down to a particular schedule of seeing each other and it shouldn't. This should remain free-flowing as much as possible. If you get in a predictable rut, you can burn out a relationship fast.

 

Phone calls, dates, visits, overnights, etc. should never become standard and customary. Keep enough respect between the two of you that you NEVER take anything for granted. If he doesn't ask you to do something on the weekend well enough in advance, you should consider yourself free to make whatever plans you wish.

 

Most men really don't like women who build their entire world around them.