Relationships Suck!

[dgiirl]

lol, now that i have your attention

 

Forgive me if this has already been posted before, I'm sure everyone goes through this phase at one time or another in their life. But right now, I truely think relationships are not all that it's cracked up to be. I went out to dinner yesterday with a couple. This is one of my couple friends that I had with my stbxh. The dinner was pleasant, but over the course of the dinner, I realized how screwed up relationships are, atleast in my limited experience and observations. In the beginning, everything's all peachy. Everyone's all gaga over each other and we jump all over ourselves just to please the other person. But as time progresses, we slowly get use to each other, maybe even take the other for granted sometimes, and say things that are exactly on our mind. You end up getting into a rut with each other. Go to work, pay bills, and you have to organize everything together, and if the other doesnt want to do things when you want to, you gotta wait or do it yourself. It's fricken boring as hell. Mind you, my life at the moment isnt exactly exciting either, but it's PEACEFUL. It's quiet. There's no nagging. There's no passive aggressive or aggressive attacks. I can be as clean or dirty as i choose and I dont have to worry about meeting someone else's expectations. In a sense, I'm free. Maybe I'm a little too sensitive to everyone's conflict, but almost everyone I know in a long term relationship are annoying as hell to each other. lol How can you treat each other that way? I know i use to do the exact same thing. No wonder I'm going through a divorce! Frak that, I'm glad to be single! Yes, I am lonely, but that's what friends are for! And when they piss you off, you can retreat to your own house. Relationships are way too much work for what you get in return. So for everyone mourning their relationship, embrace your singleness while you have the chance. Before you know it, you'll be in another relationship treating your so just as annoying as everyone else and you'll be wishing you could have done a few things when you were single.

[Outcast]

1. You have to marry someone you like and respect

2. You have to work at being someone your partner can continue to like and respect

3. Too many people are so selfish that they can't be bothered with 2

 

 

But I've known people who do 2 and they're real happy. I've run into quite a few very happy long-term couples in my time and they tend to be good-natured, kind, happy, friendly people. THEY ARE KIND TO EACH OTHER. If you find someone who's too lazy to be kind, you're in for trouble. And, sadly, a lot of people are like that these days.

[Brittanyjean06]

for some reason that put a smile on my face- and you are soo right to.....some relationships aren't like that- witch make them beautiful...but mine was defiently like that, we would push eachothers buttons so much that things would get broken lol

 

like my cell phone:-D

 

its like deep down inside i hated my bf, and always held grudges- but than i felt this sweet towards him than grrrr...same with him......everything starts out so good- but than you get to know eachother and get comforotable with eachother..........do you see friends doing that to eachother?? nooo,so you have to have friendship in a relationship( i never did) and with out friendship, well maybe thats why its called RELATIONSHIP lol........

[dgiirl]

1. You have to marry someone you like and respect

 

i did.

 

2. You have to work at being someone your partner can continue to like and respect

 

i tried... i fell into depression

 

3. Too many people are so selfish that they can't be bothered with 2

 

I donno. I feel like it's impossible to be everything someone wants in a relationship. I'm tired of feeling i'm not good enough and that I need to keep working on things. Trying to be the "perfect" wife. I think it's time to be selfish. I put a lot of work in certain aspects of my relationship, and I neglected a lot of others. But this happened over time, without realizing it. Now I feel like someone says jump, and I gotta jump. I'm tired of jumping. Forget jumping, i'm gonna sit on my ass and watch tv. lol

[Outcast]

But did he want the 'perfect wife'? There's realistic expectations and then there's unrealistic ones and it's especially bad if one person has highly unrealistic expectations and won't drop their standards to a reasonable level.

 

Any guy expecting a wife to be 'perfect' better damn well be the soul of perfection himself.

 

It's not about twisting yourself into knots but not allowing yourself to backslide and accept, for instance, looking like a total slob or never cleaning the fridge - just things that a regular person would do in a regular life.

 

But yes, relationships ARE work which is why it's perfectly valid to avoid them when you are worn out and need to take care of yourself for a while. You need to be in good shape to engage in a relationship fully.

 

you have to have friendship in a relationship

 

Absolutely!

[Brittanyjean06]

I'ts all about friendship! you can have a relationship with out friendship, but believe me it will end..i respected my guy( for what reason, i dont even know...) but he did not respect me..or care about my feelings-- thats one thing that will hold your relationship good- is friendship...GOTTA HAVE IT!

[dgiirl]

I dont think it's as simple as friendship, because I had a good friendship with my exh. We enjoyed a lot of the same things and shared the same sense of humour. What I failed to notice however is the slow deterioration of the relationship. I failed to notice that he stopped being my friend. We just became complacent in the relationship, and it died quietly years before I noticed. And if it wasnt for the other woman, he'd probably still be here, being complacent and never telling me his feelings. We both know this is true and have said so.

 

There's a lot of buzz words about being friends and learning to communicate and speaking with each other and being honest. But there's no step by step guide to show you how to do that and thus you never know for sure if you two are communicating. I've always been 100% honest with my feelings, atleast to the extent that I understood them at the time. I failed to notice he wasnt. Even when confronted, the few times I told him i felt like we were living like roommates, he got offended that I'd suggest such a thing. He threw a tantrum or reassured me everything was fine. How could I possibly know he was or wasnt being honest? With relationships, you gotta go on blind faith and hope for the best and prepare yourself for the worst. You can only do your part and hope the other is doing their part. Then you end up second guessing yourself and worrying if what the other said is really how they feel or not. And you have all these rules of dos and donts to make the relationship work. All this work, and even THEN, you have no gaurantees nothing bad will happen. You can talk so much to each other that you get sick of each other. It's boring and predictable, and that itself will make the relationship die. Too much of this, or too little of that. There's no formula for how to make the relationship work, just a bunch of buzz words that sound good but mean absolutely nothing. For all this work, is it really worth it?

 

Dont get me wrong. If you are happy in your relationship, all the power to you. Just dont do what I did and think nothing will ever touch you. Never become complacent in your relationship. Never think it'll never happen to you.

Never say never.

[Mz. Pixie]

Awwww, D.... this is not you- this is about HIM.

 

He didn't get what a gift he had!

 

You know, there is something to be said for being single. You don't have kids so you have free time to engage in hobbies, see movies, take trips etc. Not everyone was born to be married or involved, I truly believe that. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

 

That would be impossible for me, because I genuinely love men and their company.

[dgiirl]

Thanks Mz Pixie!

 

I'm sounding bitter, but I'm not. I'm not trying to be atleast. I'm just leery of relationships, confused and frustrated that no matter how much work you put into them, there's no formula for success. All these buzz words float around, but they mean nothing. And I see ppl in long term relationships, acting the exact same way as I did in my relationship, and yet they're still together. I'm being pessimistic and thinking they wont last long. And am thankful to not have to deal with that anymore. And I'm not hating men either. In fact, if Mr. Right came into my life tomorrow, I'd probably pounce on him and have my way with him lol. But I probably wont open up to him completely or trust that the relationship will ever last again. I'm tired of compromising and wondering if I need to work on something. The nice thing about being single is, you DONT need to compromise. You dont judge yourself and complain or nag for things to get done. It's peaceful.

 

I dont want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I'm tired of wondering how you meet ppl. I'm tired of looking. I'm tired of wondering if things will work out with that new guy i just met and then disappointed that it hasnt. I'm tired of trying to figure out how you get into the dating world. Seems there's a lot of ppl out in the world who go on tons of dates. I've NEVER had a real date. I meet some guy, hang out as friends, and then start seeing them. Why do some girls get asked out and others dont? Why do some girls get romanced and others dont?

 

heh, I'm having a pity party. But I'm really not sad. I'm really wondering how these things work, and this itself is frustrating me and thus I'm glad to be single. Atleast then, I dont have to think so hard.

[Milo]

I had a very interesting series of conversations with friends about being alone VS being in a relationship. Here's a case of what often becomes of people who are left to their own devices. A man my friend knew was married for 25 years and had several children. He was, however, a miser. This became intolerable to his wife, who eventually divorced him after their children grew up. Once alone, the man descended into himself. He began to collect junk. He would buy broken dot matrix printers at auctions and surplus record players from schools. He collected newspapers, magazines, and loose paper. All of this stuff he would pile to the ceilings of the rooms in his house. When he left the house, he would only open the door wide enough to slip his body out, thus conceiling the interior of the house. When he died, he had a heart attack moving a broken printer from his van into the house. A neighbor found him.

 

People who live alone all of their lives are at risk to express their bad behavioral tendencies. Couples I think tend to at least keep each other from becoming complete nutcases, though it doesn't always work out that way.

[dgiirl]

People who live alone all of their lives are at risk to express their bad behavioral tendencies. Couples I think tend to at least keep each other from becoming complete nutcases, though it doesn't always work out that way.

 

lol yes, that is true. When you live with someone, you cant get away with a lot of things. The other will not put up with it and will leave. However, having said that, my house is a lot cleaner NOW than it ever was when I was with my exh. And I thought i was the slob.

[Outcast]

When he died, he had a heart attack moving a broken printer from his van into the house. A neighbor found him.

 

People who live alone all of their lives are at risk to express their bad behavioral tendencies.

 

Well actually the behaviour you described is a form of OCD called 'hoarding' and having a wife would not have cured him.

 

However I agree that living solo forever could allow someone who was tending to eccentricity to let the eccentricity develop fully.