Just Wondering Posted August 10, 2001 Share Posted August 10, 2001 Looking for comments on the subject of how important looks are in a relationship. In my relationship, my boyfriend is good to me and good for me. He's a big guy but he's also a great guy and I feel like there are so many other things that are admirable about him that his size isn't important to me. But there are those people out there that try to make a person feel ashamed for being with someone that isn't what they or what society considers attractive. Sometimes its hard to stick to what you know you believe in (not judging a book by its cover) when you have people in your ear telling you that you are attractive enough to land someone that is better looking. I'm mostly just curious as to how important your mate's looks are to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Sea Posted August 10, 2001 Share Posted August 10, 2001 From an evolutionary perspective, people seek out mates that have the qualities that seem most desireable in someone you would like to reproduce with, namely healthiness and vigor. Things like symmetircal facial features, clear skin, and a healthy physique indicate that the person is healthy and would produce desireable offspring. Just as a woman who is skeletally thin is unattractive, a plump woman looks healthy and strong. An obese woman would be equally unattractive as the extremely thin woman. The same holds true for men. Nowadays, we have a much more varied continuum of what is attractive because our mates don't have to hunt for food or bear children without medical aid. So I say if he makes you happy, is happy with himself, and you are happy, it's fine. But if his weight is so extreme that is causes health problems, that is a health issue, not a romantic or sociological one. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 11, 2001 Share Posted August 11, 2001 I've always needed to be attracted physically to someone before they really spark my interest. However, several of the women I've been smitten with over my (relatively short) lifetime were women who I found unattractive when we first met. It's amazing how much more attractive people become when you adore their personality, intelligence, sense of humour and so on. That's why I don't feel guilty avoiding relationships with women I'm not physically attracted to. If they were real winners as regards personality, that would compensate for their looks. If I still don't find them attractive after knowing them a while, they're probably not the type I'm interested in. There is NO sense in forcing yourself to date someone when deep down inside you don't want to be with them. That's just asking for trouble, but it sometimes happens if people are ashamed of their reasons. There are limits to how much an individual's personality can overcome a deficit in the looks department -- but those limits are different for every individual. Spectacularly gorgeous people often stick to similarly striking partners. I think the rest of us are much more flexible -- and that flexibility increases as people get older (or so I'm told -- I'm only in my mid-20s). As for those people out there who try and make you feel ashamed for dating someone less attractive, forget about them. They're not dating your boyfriend/girlfriend, so their opinion on such matters is quite irrelevant. So, in summary, a woman's looks are important to me, but my rating of her looks always improves dramatically if I like the rest of her. I've often become attracted to women who weren't "physically gifted" provided they took care of themselves and had appealing personalities. Looking for comments on the subject of how important looks are in a relationship. In my relationship, my boyfriend is good to me and good for me. He's a big guy but he's also a great guy and I feel like there are so many other things that are admirable about him that his size isn't important to me. But there are those people out there that try to make a person feel ashamed for being with someone that isn't what they or what society considers attractive. Sometimes its hard to stick to what you know you believe in (not judging a book by its cover) when you have people in your ear telling you that you are attractive enough to land someone that is better looking. I'm mostly just curious as to how important your mate's looks are to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted August 11, 2001 Share Posted August 11, 2001 Well, I believe the saying is true, that what's on the inside is as important as what's on the outside, definitely. Looks come and go (as we age, etc)...but a being a good person with a good personality, a kind heart, a good friend....those things are priceless and will last forever. BUT....I also respect someone who takes pride in their appearance. They don't have to look like they stepped out of GQ, but there's really no excuse for a beer belly, IMO. I think if you really love yourself, you'll want to look your best....and if a guy is really overweight and he's content that way, that says something about him...something that I'm just not going to respect or be attracted to. If someone is overweight because they stuff themselves with junk food, are lazy and the world's biggest couch potato..that to me is a real turn-off. I may not have the most perfect body in the world, but I take pride in my appearance....I work on my shortcomings, and I am attracted to the same mindset. So...let's say I met a guy who was 30lbs overweight....even if he had the best personality in the world, if I would be grossed out by imagining kissing him/having sex with him, then I just wouldn't be interested in anything other than friendship. L Link to post Share on other sites
Julia Posted August 11, 2001 Share Posted August 11, 2001 I know what you mean........ The guy I am dating is 30, and he is the most wonderful person. I have been out with some great looking guys, but I decided that they were all bastards and told myself to go only for looks..... Now I am attracted to him, but I still get a little feeling that people will say that to me, only because he is 30, and is loosing hair, and going a little bit grey But I honestly dont care about me, but I just wonder about other people, and i am clearly trying to focus them out of my vision...... Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted August 13, 2001 Share Posted August 13, 2001 As long as you love your boyfriend, that's all that matters. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone has different standards by which they judge beauty. As long as he looks ok to you and you're attracted to him, that's all that really matters. There should be more to your mate than good looks unless you just want a trophy. I wouldn't want one and I wouldn't want to be anyone's trophy. Looking for comments on the subject of how important looks are in a relationship. In my relationship, my boyfriend is good to me and good for me. He's a big guy but he's also a great guy and I feel like there are so many other things that are admirable about him that his size isn't important to me. But there are those people out there that try to make a person feel ashamed for being with someone that isn't what they or what society considers attractive. Sometimes its hard to stick to what you know you believe in (not judging a book by its cover) when you have people in your ear telling you that you are attractive enough to land someone that is better looking. I'm mostly just curious as to how important your mate's looks are to you? Link to post Share on other sites
I20He30 Posted August 13, 2001 Share Posted August 13, 2001 Thank you for your response, I agree with a lot that you said. If someone is overweight because they stuff themselves with junk food, are lazy and the world's biggest couch potato..that to me is a real turn-off. I agree with this too. The sad thing is people can still be mean sometimes and have something to say regardless. My b/f is very active, he loves to go out; he's on the go all the time. He's always been big, although he wears his weight well, dresses neatly, well groomed, and the like. He's built more like a football player then a beer-guzzling couch potato :-) I have sort of decided that society just has this thing that big is not good enough for someone who is not big. Fat people get made fun of just as much as really fat people, which kind of sucks. Overweight people should only be with overweight people; thats the concensus I get sometimes when I talk to people. Link to post Share on other sites
Just Wondering Posted August 13, 2001 Share Posted August 13, 2001 But I honestly dont care about me, but I just wonder about other people, and i am clearly trying to focus them out of my vision...... I know what you mean when you say you wonder about other people. It would be one thing if my guy was just a slob. But he's not. Yes he is big, middle line backer big not beer belly big, but he presents himself very neatly and fashionably. He takes care in his appearance despite his size. I really have no problem with him, but its rather hard sometimes to focus out what others say or think sometimes. Thats why I asked the question. Was wondering how many people out there would stop dating someone just because of what other people think. Link to post Share on other sites
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