commitment

[Hope]

Have any of you noticed that most of the time when guys get scared that a relationship is getting "too serious" it's because they were the ones who made it that serious, not the girl pushing for it? Just something I've experienced, and I wondered if anyone else had?

[Marzipan]

I have to admit I have noticed that. They want you to be exclusive but they aren't necessarily ready for that. It seems like monagamy is harder for men than women. I dated a guy for 8 years and I thought we were committed to eachother but it all changed two months ago. Things were okay I thought but obviously he wasn't ready to go to that extra step and I think he got very scared when I asked him what his thoughts on the future were. After that everything changed, he stopped calling me and basically cheated on me and broke up w/me a day later. It just goes to show, even some of the most trust worthy guys are not up to the committment challenge. I don't know what all was to blame for what happened to me but I do know that I couldn't have gone any longer without some kind of commitment. I blamed myself a lot for what happened and then I stopped because I realized it wasn't me, it was him.

 

My biggest fear now is that in my next relationship, I will be the one who is afraid of the committment, not them. Maybe because of what I have recently been through and maybe because I just feel that I have a screwed up concept of committment? Who knows. I'm just taking it easy these days and happy to be that way. Don't worry, the committment challenged do come around I hear about middle age! Think of all those immature, middle aged bald guys who frequent the bars where the younger crowds go, those are them! ha ha. You can spot them in a heart beat!

 

Marz

Have any of you noticed that most of the time when guys get scared that a relationship is getting "too serious" it's because they were the ones who made it that serious, not the girl pushing for it? Just something I've experienced, and I wondered if anyone else had?

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "Have any of you noticed that most of the time when guys get scared that a relationship is getting "too serious" it's because they were the ones who made it that serious, not the girl pushing for it?"

 

Yes, guys are weird. It's instinctual for a man to chase a woman he likes but that doesn't mean he's going to do much when he catches her. It's like the dog who instively chases cars but never knows what to do when he catches up to them.

 

DUH!!!

[Hope]

Wow, 8 years. I would think that would mean an exclusive relationship, but everyone is different. I am usually so careful not to try to jump into things because I don't want the guy to get scared and leave. I'd rather let him set the pace. But with the last guy I dated, he was all ready to start a relationship with me, and was very open with me about his emotions. Which I thought was wonderful since guys usually aren't that way. So I got this "crazy" idea that he was ready for a commitment. But then almost overnight he decides that it's too fast for him. Well hello, whose fault is that?!!!!!

I have to admit I have noticed that. They want you to be exclusive but they aren't necessarily ready for that. It seems like monagamy is harder for men than women. I dated a guy for 8 years and I thought we were committed to eachother but it all changed two months ago. Things were okay I thought but obviously he wasn't ready to go to that extra step and I think he got very scared when I asked him what his thoughts on the future were. After that everything changed, he stopped calling me and basically cheated on me and broke up w/me a day later. It just goes to show, even some of the most trust worthy guys are not up to the committment challenge. I don't know what all was to blame for what happened to me but I do know that I couldn't have gone any longer without some kind of commitment. I blamed myself a lot for what happened and then I stopped because I realized it wasn't me, it was him. My biggest fear now is that in my next relationship, I will be the one who is afraid of the committment, not them. Maybe because of what I have recently been through and maybe because I just feel that I have a screwed up concept of committment? Who knows. I'm just taking it easy these days and happy to be that way. Don't worry, the committment challenged do come around I hear about middle age! Think of all those immature, middle aged bald guys who frequent the bars where the younger crowds go, those are them! ha ha. You can spot them in a heart beat! Marz

[Artlover]

Ditto. I think men "fall in love" much faster than women. But it's just infactuation/projection. They will pursue and push in the very beginning, as they love a challenge, but as soon as the woman starts opening up and reciprocating, they're (many of them, not all)outta there.

 

I actually think it's up to the woman to set the pace in the very beginning when the man is coming on all hot and heavy. I think the woman should keep the dates to once or twice a week, so they can actually form a bond. My girlfriend who's engaged did that. Her fiance wanted to see her EVERY day in the beginning and she wouldn't allow it. She kept her space and independance and he still had a moment of fear, but then he quickly came to his senses, because he never felt smothered.

I have to admit I have noticed that. They want you to be exclusive but they aren't necessarily ready for that. It seems like monagamy is harder for men than women. I dated a guy for 8 years and I thought we were committed to eachother but it all changed two months ago. Things were okay I thought but obviously he wasn't ready to go to that extra step and I think he got very scared when I asked him what his thoughts on the future were. After that everything changed, he stopped calling me and basically cheated on me and broke up w/me a day later. It just goes to show, even some of the most trust worthy guys are not up to the committment challenge. I don't know what all was to blame for what happened to me but I do know that I couldn't have gone any longer without some kind of commitment. I blamed myself a lot for what happened and then I stopped because I realized it wasn't me, it was him. My biggest fear now is that in my next relationship, I will be the one who is afraid of the committment, not them. Maybe because of what I have recently been through and maybe because I just feel that I have a screwed up concept of committment? Who knows. I'm just taking it easy these days and happy to be that way. Don't worry, the committment challenged do come around I hear about middle age! Think of all those immature, middle aged bald guys who frequent the bars where the younger crowds go, those are them! ha ha. You can spot them in a heart beat! Marz

[Artlover]

LOL!!!!!!

YOU WRITE: "Have any of you noticed that most of the time when guys get scared that a relationship is getting "too serious" it's because they were the ones who made it that serious, not the girl pushing for it?" Yes, guys are weird. It's instinctual for a man to chase a woman he likes but that doesn't mean he's going to do much when he catches her. It's like the dog who instively chases cars but never knows what to do when he catches up to them.

 

DUH!!!

[WGirl]

Yes, What aggravates me is that men want to get physical fairly quicky but they don't want the relationship to get too serious on the emotional end and they don't want to commit. It's not fair.

Have any of you noticed that most of the time when guys get scared that a relationship is getting "too serious" it's because they were the ones who made it that serious, not the girl pushing for it? Just something I've experienced, and I wondered if anyone else had?

[The Girl]

I agree. A guy once told me that the women have the men by the "balls" in the beggining and have most of the control...but somewhere along the lines there is a swtich, and the men have more of the control in the later periods of the relationship. Who knows....could be true. I hear more bitching from men about how "women suck" during the initial courtship period ..and most women bitching "men suck" during the later courtship periods. I would love to catch that "conrol switch" in a relationship while it's happening and see how and why it does that.

Ditto. I think men "fall in love" much faster than women. But it's just infactuation/projection. They will pursue and push in the very beginning, as they love a challenge, but as soon as the woman starts opening up and reciprocating, they're (many of them, not all)outta there.