Re: mixed signals

[Andrea]

Well, I can't offer an answer but can tell you I sympathize because I'm going through something totally similar right now. My boyfriend said he loved me in the first month, we both just got out of relationships, he was nuts about me and swore he was over his ex and wanted a relationship with me, would email me the sweetest things everyday and call all the time, told me I was his priority, yet has guilt from the last relationship, his ex still calls wanting to be friends, and now he broke it off saying he doesn't know what he wants. Yet, we are still friends and see each other for lunch but, nothing outside of that. He says he needs to be single-not with anyone because he has always been in a relationship and then says he needs to find the "perfect girl for him". There is more to it but, just to tell you the general idea. He is also younger.

 

The bottom line is, if you can hang in there and try to ask him what his expectations are without sounding attacking, and be patient with him. If you can't, you have to move on.

 

Either way, you have to make him realize you aren't at his beckon call either. Guys will take advantage of that. He either cooperates or risks losing you. When they are younger, and or insecure, they tend to make an effort to make you aware of their conquests and or that others are interested to make their ego higher and test you. No matter how much the two of you get along with friends or family, it doesn't change what he is going to decide in the end. Persuasion is only temporary. You need to decide if the issues you argue about are workable or detrimental. Sometimes, the biggest mistake is getting involved too soon after a past relationship. Feelings are mixed. If their are other stress factors in his life, that could aid in his behavior also. Guys don't always handle stress well. They would rather eliminate the source for now than deal with it, sometimes-depending on their maturity level.

 

I hope this was of some help. Believe me I know it's painful. I'm still trying to deal with it and am in limbo myself.

I've been seeing this guy for about 5 months, who is quite a bit younger than I. He pursued me heavily in the beginning, and we had some great times. He would call me several times a day and we would spend every day/night together, for the first 2 months. I overlooked his obsession with the past, past relationships, an ex who's basically stalking him via the telephone from California. He is more formally educated than I, and tends to be critical and dismissive of my ideas and opinions. We both have very strong opinions and come from very different backgrounds. But having said all of this, there is some strange karmic pull between us. The problem is he is still hurting from the ex (almost married her) and will tell me things like "we are made for each other" or "you're the best friend i've ever had" and then the next minute we will be fighting and saying some pretty mean things to each other. This behavior intensified when I moved 50 miles away a couple of months ago. He also feels the need to tell me all of his past conquests, and all the women he thinks are "fine." I guess to prove he is some super-stud. A couple of days ago, he made me cry for the first time, and never apologized. I seem to be the one who always makes nice between us. We are at a real crossroads now, and I don't know what to do or say when I speak with him. It just ends up as a big fight. He has a lot of great qualities, and gets along with my friends and family, but he is emotionally unreachable. Should I just call it quits?