Should the boyfriend pay?

[Boyfriend]

My girlfriend expects me to pay for food, not gifts on our dates. Although I make a lot more than she does (7 or 8 times more), I believe we should split the bill since we rarely go to expensive restaurants and she should be able to afford dinning out with me. If we go to expensive place, I'll treat her. Reasonable,right?

 

1) Women always fight for gender equality , ok, fine. Why can't they share the bill then?

 

2) Some called I was a**h*** and cheap because if I love my gf, whom by the way never asks me for any gifts or travel benefits or actual cash, then why am i so hung up on paying for FOOD? or call me penniless without a shirt on my back?

 

3) She's upset that I don't pay for her when we hang out. what do you guys think?

[Laurynn]

It all depends here.

 

If you admit to making 7-8 times more money than she does, that means one of two things: either she makes little money, or you make a helluva lot.

 

Does she work full time? Is she a student? Does she live on her own? Does she have a child to support? Does she have to watch her income in order to 'survive'? (pay rent, bills, groceries, etc).

 

Maybe she truly can't afford to pay for things, but without knowing more of the details on her situation, it's really hard to comment.

 

Does she EXPECT you to pay for her? Does she feel badly that you have to pay for her?

 

If this is causing resentment towards her, your always having to pay, maybe you should cut back on "going out"...cut back on doing things that cost money. There are tons of things a couple can do that are free. Now if you're going to bitch because you always have to pay for a Happy Meal at McDonalds for her, then I'd say your cheap.

 

I do believe it's nice when a couple splits things, or takes turns....I've never been in a relationship where the guy always paid....if anything, I was the more generous one (but that's because I always ended up with cheapskates/guys who were bad with their money and ended up having none)....but again, I've always had a darn good income. If I'd had a job making minimum wage, that might be a totally different story.

 

L

[Julia]

When I go out on dates with the guy I am seeing, we both pay for our own tickets and dinner.......

 

He comes over for dinner, and always brings wine..........or he makes dinner, and I buy the wine.......

 

I think it is important to be equal, but it is nice to treat a woman every once in a while

 

By the way, you should tell ur girlfriend, not to go out if she cant afford it.....coz i never go out if i cant afford it, coz im not going to expect a guy to pay for me, even if he is my boyfriend.

[midori]

My girlfriend expects me to pay for food, not gifts on our dates. Although I make a lot more than she does (7 or 8 times more), I believe we should split the bill since we rarely go to expensive restaurants and she should be able to afford dinning out with me. If we go to expensive place, I'll treat her. Reasonable,right?

Which is more important to you: being reasonable on the basis of cold, detached social & economic principles (women are men's equals, if she were alone she could certainly afford to pay for the slice of pizza that she just happens to be eating in your presence), or being reasonable on the basis of caring about the person you're with, whether a friend, a relative or a girlfriend and wanting to be generous? Which principles are more important to you?

 

Now should your gf view you as a meal ticket? No. Should she expect you to pick up the tab every time? No. Should you want to do so because you can and it's reasonable from a perspective of love and generosity for you to do so? Perhaps.

 

My old boyfriend made far more money than I did. In fact I was barely scraping by -- but I never went out without money in my wallet to pay for myself. When we went out he usually picked up the tab -- but each time I usually offered to pay. Did I know that he'd likely take care of the bill? Yes. Did I appreciate it? Yes. Did I think it was my right, to be taken for granted that because he had more money than I, that he would pay for everything? No. And I was sincere in thanking him each and every time, for every cup of coffee he treated me to. I thanked him with gratitude, and at first considerable embarrassment and discomfort, until he pointedly told me that it was his pleasure to do so and he didn't want me to be embarrassed by generosity that didn't cost him, in relative terms, much at all.

 

You raise a tricky issue and from the sound of it both you and your girlfriend are approaching it from selfish places. I would think that if you really care about her you would want to be generous with her rather than sticking to a principle of "well women are supposed to be equal so they should pay equally" On the flip side I would think that she would be grateful but uncomfortable having you pay for her things. Would she be as nonchalantly expectant if you were a wealthy girlfriend of hers rather than her boyfriend? If you choose to pay most of the time it should be because you can afford to and wish to, not because you're a man or because it's your duty as the wealthier party.