ConfusedGal Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Hi, To most of you it will seem like I have a lot to be thankful for and happy about, but I am still very unsatisfied and unhappy with life... A little about me. So I am a 26 year old married female. I am a patent attorney. I have a wonderful husband whom I really love. I make over $100k a year. But yet, here I am, completely unsatisfied with my life... My reasons... Well, yes, I am fortunate to make a good amount of $$. I just started my job 5 months ago. Problem is, I dont like my job. I feel so out of place. I am from an Indian family and was kind of pushed into a "lucrative" career. I have always been a massively creative person, whether is be performing on stage, art, etc. And I am in a completely technical and non-creative environment with very stiff people. I feel stifled in my environment. Unfortunately, now I am stuck with over 100k in student loans as well, so I have to keep doing this until I pay them off. Secondly, I have been in the same state since I was born. I feel like I am suffocating in this environment... Everytime my husband and I try to make a move, jobwise it doesnt work. I live near my parents. My dominating and overdramatic mom made life hell for my husband and me a few years ago, to the point that I tried to kill myself and was hospitalized for a week. She still continues with her dominating guilt trips, especially now that she is not doing good healthwise... I feel so trapped in my environment. The time is coming where my husband reaaaalllly wants to buy a house. I am so scared to buy a house where we are now because I feel like once we buy a house, we are stuck here for a few years. So he feels bad that I am not enthusiastic about buying a home. Its not that I am not enthusiastic, its that I am not enthusiastic to buy a house HERE. I dont want to live near my parents forever. I need a creative career. I NEED TO GET OUT my stifling atmosphere!!!! I recently visited India with my husband and was so happy. His relatives are SUCH positive and wonderful people while mine are just depressed and get me down all the time, and make me feel guilty. Made me want to move there, but I cant do that either.... Dont know what to do with my life... Having a hard time accepting things. Want to change so much but dont even know how. And over that, I feel bad complaining about all of this to my husband all the time... Help. Please dont say I am "depressed" cause i know its not clinical depression. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Spend any spare time in pursuit of your creative interests. The grass is always greener on the other side until you take the time to fertilize your own yard........ You do need things in your life that you are passionate about. I found mine. But do not be surprised if you do follow your desires if that road is not just as rocky for you... have to take the bad with the good. a4a Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 You and your husband both want to move, right? And you want a different job but have loans. So make a five-year plan to buy a house in an area where values are going up and a budget to pay off your loans as fast as you possibly can. If you have two incomes, it is not impossible to put aside $20,000 per year to pay them off. Plan that when the loans are paid off or paid down quite a bit that you'll sell the house and move to where you really want to live. If you want to make a career change, plan to do that, as well. If you're in law, can you find a job in entertainment law? Can you find a job that involves dealing with creative types while you still practice law until you pay off the loans? In the meantime, engage in your hobbies to fulfil your creative side. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 First, you have to find a way to enjoy the present moment. No matter where you move or what you do, we all need to enjoy the present moment, and I think if you can feel peace with just the present it will help you a lot in your current situation. By this, I mean, to be able to look at your surroundings and find that inner peace where you feel connected to the universe. Look at the trees, take a walk, just enjoy the present moment for what it's worth. Second, is your hobby something you really want to do as a full time career? Sometimes our hobbies are our hobbies because it's something we like to do when we want to do them. Once we turn them into a full time career, they stop being fun and become a chore. So make sure your hobby is something you WANT to turn into a chore. Otherwise, keep it as your hobby just embrace it as much as you can when you are not working Third, what is it do you think you'll be able to do when you move that you cant do right now? What feelings do you hope to experience by the move? Do you just want a change in your life? Try and see if there are changes you can make in your present situation that will bring you the same feelings. Do you just want some excitement? Want to make new friends? You can do all of that in your present situation. Take up some new classes or hobbies and get out and meet new people. Try and make a plan of action for your move. Start investigating places you'd like to move to, and go visit them as a tourist. This will help you pass the time and make you feel productive towards your goal. Make sure your husband supports you on your move, otherwise either one of you will start to resent the other for making or not making this choice. Best to get this out of the way now, then 5 years down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
GuySimple Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Thanks for post this. Firstly, in the first 5 months I expect that you are still learning. I also expect that you are a bit of an over achiever so not knowing everything is not a comfortable place for you. Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 CG- I can really relate to you! I use to have an incredibly lucrative career as an engineer. I made the 6 figure salary and was really good at my job, but I hated my life. I studied engineering basically because my parents said I can either be an engineer or a doctor. I wanted to study philosophy, psychology or politics. My background is middle eastern. I worked as an engineer for several years before I decided to go to law school and pursue something I was passionate about- human rights. So here I am now, 6 months after graduation and I have been doing temp legal work because I cannot find a legal job in human rights. I have some options for intellectual proeprty/high tech law though and if something doesn't come my way soon- I'm going to have to pursue the patent route which would defeat my entire purpose I have a job opportunity to make ~100k again doing work that I really don't want to do, but I'm feeling so much family pressure and even pressure from myself that I will probably settle and take it. I just think I spent so many years doing something I didn't want to do- finally gave up a lot to go and do what I DO want to do and that I can't have that either and I will have to continue settling in life Sorry to go on and on, but I am very depressed about my life right now and I connected with your story. My advice to you is this: -don't let yourself get too comfortable with having the large income. Even if you're not into money- it's hard not to get use to it. -create a plan to leave your job once you have been there for 1 year. You are in patent- you can work in any state AND maybe you can transfer within your firm? -Figure out what you DO want to do SOON. I spent way too many years unhappy in engineering (9) - I should have left after 2 or 3. Start taking steps to make that happen. take care and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedGal Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 Hi Hooghie Good to hear from someone pretty much in the same boat. I am a patent attorney...Actually I am in the Boston area also. I also went through the cycle of doing legal temp work after graduation for about 9 months. Then I took the patent bar and the job aspect became easier. I think what I enjoyed the MOST in the legal area was doing domestic violence work. I do like Intellectual property but DONT love patent law. I like copyrights and REALLY like trademarks and internet law. I like you majored in engineering because it "only made sense." Middle eastern and Indian culture is pretty similar in that respect... My true love is being creative. I am an artist, a musician, and my goal is to make a film... Unfortunately, I am buried under loans from school, over 100K. Will take me a while. I have other issues as I indicated. I do think I could possibly be happier if I wasnt in the Boston area, I really need a change. I need to be FAR from my parents... My mom just makes me feel guilty all the time, and compares me other friends daughters...No matter what I do its never enough. And my brother who is far away gets away so easily. Whatever he does is "great" and I, who does everything for them living closeby is nothing. Why not live far away?? I am just sick of my environment...work, the parents, and just being in the same place since I was pretty much born.. I talked to my husband about it this weekend. He said he would try through work to get his transfer but I had to be prepared for it not working. ANd he said, if you want a creative career, you have to MAKE it happen. Like I have been working on this book for two years, but have not gotten anywhere with it. Just dont work on it enough, and he tells me, Well, FINISH it! And see what happens! He is right in that regard, I need to make it work... All my friends are having babies. I am so far from that point also. I feel so unsettled in my life that I cant even imagine having a child for a long time, at least a few years. My husband wants to buy a house, and has wanted to for a long time...I keep pushing it off in hopes that we will move to another state. But I told him we will buy a place within 6 months regardless...Argh. Life is too complex... Link to post Share on other sites
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