trickynj99 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 some of you have read and responded in the past...thnx so i'm out..officially separated and in the apartment now for almost 3 weeks,, i left a year aftermy wife decided she was "not in love" anymore.... she felt emotionally and physically neglected and although we slept in same bed, talked, spent lots of quality time together and with kids...she decided she needed something more...i was having physical ed problems, was also taking paxil...that's what started it and since then i've lost 40 lbs...6'2 190 now!!!, quit the paxil and feeling frisky..she reacted with less than zero interest and over the holidays it got worse and worse so now i agreed to move out while she finds "space" and "herself"...btw we have 2 girls 9 and 11... many of you guessed she was having an affair, but i don't beleive that's the case and i can't find any evidence of one..we have many of the same friends and they are all rooting for us to get back together!!! i really think one of them would spill the beans...anyway...here's my question... since i left the house, my thinking has cleared up in an amazing way...in nov/dec i was unsure of what i wanted..i was kind of looking forward to it..nowi know for sure i want my wife and family.. i've told my wife that's what i want and i've been trying to "woo" her, but not be too crazy about it....i've read about NC separation..what we are doing now is anything but that i've been helpful with the kids and actually love taking them whenever as long as i have notice..i pretty much get them 3 nites a week. when i see my wife.. we hug and kiss and i tell her how great she looks and she smiles and laughs and generally seems to enjoy the attention..the whole dynamic has changed....before i left it was all droopy and sad.. i sent her a card and left her a note and both times she reacted positively... i asked her when can we get together and really talk and she said she is still not ready to have a serious conversation now it's been 3 weeks...here's my question..how long is a long time??? this whole thing seems to be aboutmy wife feeling suffocated by life, marriage and kids...and not getting her "needs" met...in my defense she has been terrible about expressing her needs, never seeming to be really satisfied although our terrible recent sex life was a problem...the first real discussion we had about it was the "i'm not in love with you" discussion!!! ..i never brought it up because i was afraid of the outcome...what a wimp!!!.. so on one hand i'm thinking that as long as i don't freak out we might actually be heading in the right direction....the other side of me thinks i'm just a big loser being played and that as soon as i start to push(see there i go!! wimpy!) so i am posting for just some support and thoughts... i am trying to stay positive DESPITE THE FACT THAT I"M IN A FRICKING APARTMENT!! so i'm thinking i should just keep going and pushing slowly until i get a more meaningful response or time alone with my wife..with 2 kids, not living in the same house i guess we need a date.. am i crazy if i am still hopeful!!!??? justasking!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
NightCrawler76 Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 I'm in kinda the same boat. Been in this damn apartment for 3 months. Still don't have a couch. Don't really need one though I guess. I was just starting to think I wanted to be with my wife again when she hits me with "I have a boyfriend." Talk about a kick in the balls! Sorry I have no advice for you, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
GuySimple Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Three weeks seems kind of soon. If she needs space give it to her. The clear head thing after 3 weeks is normal. I expect that you were under a lot of stress their so you're kind of on a holiday now. You may go through a low spot after a month or so. It is important to take this time for yourself and your kids and get established in your own space. I got an appartment as well and at first my kids didn't like it and now they prefer it to the house. Incidently your situtation sounds very simular to mine. We never had a blow up fight and continue to talk every couple of days generally about kid stuff. The next stage for us is when one or the other gets a significant other, other than periodic dating. I expect that is when relationships may change for the worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I don't know your story. But I think you can still have hope--if you give her space. If you don't, she may not want to get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
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