follow up on guy1/2

[Ahhh!!]

i've told guy2 we could try going out

 

i've told guy1 i cannot go out with him anymore

 

right now i dont want to see guy2 at all (supposed to go dancing with him tomorrow, thinking of an excuse not to go; i used to always want our conversations to last longer & now i am the one cutting them off very soon)

 

i cant stop thinking about guy1

 

i woke up today & felt soo disappointed, b/c i was dreaming of being with guy1 and then woke up & remembered .........

 

i promised myself to wait, at least several weeks, before i seriously consider checking back with guy1 ...

 

any help? my parents don't like guy1 so i cannot go to them for advice... they think i should get away from him, that he is simply a habit, that i should go for guy2 ... i have been thinking about all this for so long that i dont know anymore.

 

all i know right now is that i constantly want to call guy1 ... and guy2 can go to hell with his sudden suggestions ...

 

Ahhh!!

 

Maybe i should simply be single for a while?

[Dragonflys]

AAhh!!

 

I think you should go with guy 2. From your behaviour it sounds like he is the one you like. But if he is dangerous, or disrespectful to your parents then you should look for a totally new guy....GUY 3!

 

Oliver

i've told guy2 we could try going out i've told guy1 i cannot go out with him anymore

 

right now i dont want to see guy2 at all (supposed to go dancing with him tomorrow, thinking of an excuse not to go; i used to always want our conversations to last longer & now i am the one cutting them off very soon) i cant stop thinking about guy1 i woke up today & felt soo disappointed, b/c i was dreaming of being with guy1 and then woke up & remembered ......... i promised myself to wait, at least several weeks, before i seriously consider checking back with guy1 ... any help? my parents don't like guy1 so i cannot go to them for advice... they think i should get away from him, that he is simply a habit, that i should go for guy2 ... i have been thinking about all this for so long that i dont know anymore.

 

all i know right now is that i constantly want to call guy1 ... and guy2 can go to hell with his sudden suggestions ... Ahhh!! Maybe i should simply be single for a while?

[Owl]

Hello again.

 

I think it would do you a lot of good to give yourself space for a little while. If you tell guy 2 you need a chance to regain some composure after recent events, he should understand. You've definitely fed your own heart through the blender over the last couple of weeks, so a chance to catch your breath and recover is absolutely essential.

 

What you're going through right now isn't too unusual under the circumstances. I gathered from reading your other posts that guy 1 was quite clingy and dependant, and that you didn't want to hurt him any more than absolutely necessary. I think that's what's really messing with you right now. You're an extremely sensitive person, you empathize with the pain [you assume] guy 1 is feeling, and the caring part of you would love to run back and "make everything better" for him. However, in my opinion this is more of a maternal instinct than a romantic one.

 

First, the urge to run back to guy 1 should fade after a while. You had perfectly decent reasons for breaking off the relationship. Once you see he hasn't dropped dead or been consigned to a mental institution because you left him, you'll feel much better about moving on. Remember that he'll need time to recover just like you will -- he might feel bad for a while yet, but you have to be strong in the interim and let him solve his own problems. I guarantee he'll make a full recovery.

 

Likewise, I think you'll feel more attracted to guy 2 as time passes and your emotions settle down. Right now you're associating him with the discomfort of the last few weeks. Because you want that discomfort to go away, you want him to go away too. That requirement can be satisfied just as effectively by not diving into the new relationship right away and creating some space for yourself. Again, just tell him you need some time before you give him the attention he deserves -- he's aware of the situation, so he should understand. Just as you had perfectly valid reasons for breaking up with guy 1, you had equally valid reasons for being interested in guy 2. When things settle down, those feelings will reassert themselves. Don't go burning any bridges in the meantime.

 

I hope that helps.

i've told guy2 we could try going out i've told guy1 i cannot go out with him anymore

 

right now i dont want to see guy2 at all (supposed to go dancing with him tomorrow, thinking of an excuse not to go; i used to always want our conversations to last longer & now i am the one cutting them off very soon) i cant stop thinking about guy1 i woke up today & felt soo disappointed, b/c i was dreaming of being with guy1 and then woke up & remembered ......... i promised myself to wait, at least several weeks, before i seriously consider checking back with guy1 ... any help? my parents don't like guy1 so i cannot go to them for advice... they think i should get away from him, that he is simply a habit, that i should go for guy2 ... i have been thinking about all this for so long that i dont know anymore.

 

all i know right now is that i constantly want to call guy1 ... and guy2 can go to hell with his sudden suggestions ... Ahhh!! Maybe i should simply be single for a while?