Chocolatellama Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I don't understand how the hell i'm supposed to stop loving him? Like just the idea is overwhelming. I don't want to stop loving him, i don't want to let go. I know he has and i feel stupid for still loving him. I don't want to be happy without him i want him so badly. Why couldn't i just hate him for breaking my heart? I don't understand. I'm too young for this.. i don't know how to deal with it! Help me! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Hey there, Choc. I'm sorry. I've been in this situation and it sucks. Wanna give us some backstory? The answer I'm afraid though, is that it takes time. And plenty of it. It's good and natural for our hearts to be able to form lasting attachments. In this situation though, it makes it harder to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
jacked17 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I feel the same way. My ex did so much to hurt me but I still love her and I'm pretty sure I'll always have a spot in my heart for her. As much as it hurts now you just kinda have to take it for what it is. So many lingering questions still exist unfortunately you'll probably never get answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Kengne Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I don't understand how the hell i'm supposed to stop loving him? Like just the idea is overwhelming. I don't want to stop loving him, i don't want to let go. I know he has and i feel stupid for still loving him. I don't want to be happy without him i want him so badly. Why couldn't i just hate him for breaking my heart? I don't understand. I'm too young for this.. i don't know how to deal with it! Help me! First of all - there's no quick & fast way to 'stop' loving someone. It just happens. By forcing yourself you are actually prolonging the pain, by thinking about it so much. Focus instead on being happy WITHOUT him - yes, you CAN and WILL be happy without him even if you don't want to. You should never depend on a person as your sole source of happiness. Happiness comes from within, not from outside. A relationship is the icing on the cake, not the whole damn meal feel me? Btw - heartbreak knows no age. I had my heart broken at the age of 8, and it's happened a few times since lol. You WILL survive this! Like I said in my other post - get out & get busy with your life. Write on here. Write feeling letters. Cry, scream, vent do whatever you need to do to let the emotions out. K. Link to post Share on other sites
skeptik224 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 If it's true love, you will always love him but the context of the love will change. You have to be patient. Sometimes, we can only get over them when we've had enough...enough of the back/forth (that's my experience currently)...only you will know when you are able to let go of him. Hate is a really strong word. You need to breath...take deep breaths. Your happiness should come from within you. Having a partner as a basis of your happiness is a scary thing that undoubtedly will end. Having a partner should only enhance that happiness or put a little spin on it. Last year, I was having a rough time with something and looked to a friend for happiness. She was a great friend to me that I've known for many years. You know what happened? I ended up hurting her so bad....In reality, I used her for my own benefits. It wasn't until now - going through my current situation - that I realized that. So, I did the grown up thing - I apologized to her...for everything. We talk very, very little but nonetheless, we talk - via e-mail. She lashed out at me but only because of what I did to her. Does she hate me? No, but I imagine at one point she was really, really pissed. Sorry for taking the long way around getting my point across, but bottom line is, hate is a really strong word...Hate will consume you. Hate will prevent you from the growth you need. What you need to do is try to just let go...Keep reminding yourself what a great person you are. I'm sure you made mistakes in the relationship - but it takes 2 for the relationship to fail. (sometimes 3) Concentrate on you...be patient with yourself...and love yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I've learned that apart of life is not always getting what you want, and that sometimes you have to go on with life( while still loving some one), It sucks because all your happiness was put in that one specific person, and when its gone your totally lost. When im older, and when my healing is done...i will see the reason behind all this..( even though i already do now)...but you will to, when you get older Its my first time going through it, so of course i feel like i will never love again...of course it might actually take Two years to stop loving someone...but in the end it will be worth it..we all hurt... People say it gets better, but it gets better after it gets worse...you will start to smile again and be happy..but maybe not the type of happiness you felt before- It just takes alot of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatellama Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 I never wanted to be someone who made their boyfriend their whole life. He wasn't really i had other friends and i was happy with other things in life. but it seems like after he is gone all my hapiness has just been sucked out. He was my best friend and he helped me through everything, like when i found out my ex boyfriend was cheating on me with my best friend.. he helped me through it.. Having to go through this alone is really hard. I have friends but they don't understand.. they're just telling me to get over it. I've loved him since i was like 13 and now i'm almost 17. I feel like it is impossible to stop loving him because i've been doing it for so long. I'm sick of hearing "you're only 16 blah blah blah" I know i'm only 16 and i know oneday i'll find the right person for me.. i just want to know how to get over this. If you want a backstory http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t79593/ its there in breif on my other post. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I loved some one since i was 14- now im almost 18---its crucial- everyone says your young, your pretty...but for the time being this is all you have known, this is your life right now and same with people who are maybe 25 and going through it, thats what they have known...its just has hard- maybe even harder for us because it was our first loves--- well thats what a heart break is - feeling exactly like you do! and it is so incredibly hard i really wish i could help you, but im going through it to...just go with the flow of life, except that your unhappy- you can't always be happy...and one day you will love again eventually~/// Link to post Share on other sites
Toronto Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Find something to throw yourself into -- a new hobby or project of some sort. Stay busy. Distract yourself. Make some sort of extreme change if you can to mark a new start , like change your hair, take a trip, get in shape. Don't allow yourself too much down time or you won't be able to help but wallow. Right now I'm going through something similar and I'm 27. I've been through it before and I'll probably go through it again, but it doesn't make it any easier this time round. I'm making myself as busy as possible and I'm actually also depriving myself of sleep so that when I do go to bed I'll be tired enough to (hopefully) sleep through the night instead of thinking about him. M Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 new things would be good, but what about those times when you just don't feel like getting up? and feel so out of it... heart ache takes over your body- i feel empty...you know Link to post Share on other sites
fooled Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I've been keeping myself busy, too. Tonight I am hanging out with a new female friend who has been having b/f problems. Someone asked me "what are you guys gonna do." And honestly, I didn't have an answer. I didn't think about it. I'm so used to being with my ex - I forgot how to hang out with new people. And to be truthful, I'm not even really looking forward to it. I too feel empty. It is difficult to act happy when I'm not happy. Link to post Share on other sites
bewilderment Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I don't understand how the hell i'm supposed to stop loving him? You don't - you stop needing him. Like just the idea is overwhelming. Yes, it is - because you're thinking of it right now as all-or-nothing. You can't just put him out of your mind, and no one expects you to. That's too tall of an order. But what you can do is develop the life you have, the life that he isn't part of - and you'll find, as you go on, that there are a lot of things he isn't part of. You lived without him before, and you will again. You don't need him, you just miss him. Missing is more manageable than needing. I don't want to stop loving him, i don't want to let go. I know he has and i feel stupid for still loving him. I don't want to be happy without him But you want to be happy, I'm sure. I think that the way you put it shows the key: it is, in a sense, a matter of choice for you. It's hard to see right now, but you can choose to be happy with or without him. You're not yet ready to let go, because he was once a part of happiness for you, but you will be happy again, and it will be when you choose to be. You have that power, and it will just take time to reconnect with it. But you will. And please, don't feel stupid for feeling what you feel - that's nothing to be ashamed of. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 great post Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 RE: Chocolatellama: "I'm sick of hearing "you're only 16 blah blah blah" I know i'm only 16..." Love has the reputation for being a double-edged sword, -one which I have an acute appreciation, and even a reverence for. There is saying, "Those who live by the sword, also die by the sword". But I keep picking up the sword, because I cannot find a better way for my immaturities to perish....and for me to be reborn. Love does not recognize your age. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatellama Posted January 22, 2006 Author Share Posted January 22, 2006 Well.. its been a week exactly since it happened.. i can now eat again, sort of and i'm feeling alright except for the deep sadness that lives in my stomach. I've done some retail therapy which worked wonders though its a bad habit to get into. I know i want to be happy without him.. but i don't want to let go. I know i have to and i guess as time passes it will become easier. I've resisted contact with him so many times during the week and i think the worst of it is over.. Well i'm hoping anyway.. Thank you for all your help guys.. you have no idea how much better you have made me feel. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Retail Therapy is a great short-term fix. Just don't let it get out of hand. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatellama Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 Lol, i don 't have enough money to let it go out of hand.. Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Chocolatellama - You seem like such a bright, intelligent young woman, and very emotionally mature for your age. I think you've got a good head on your shoulders -- much more so than when I was your age. Of course a broken heart is an ageless thing. But what I hope for you, which I was unable to do as a teen, is that you have the will and determination not to let the romantic relationships you're in during your youth get in the way of what you need to do for yourself to ensure your success for the future. So many of my highschool and college girlfriends, myself included, allowed the simple fate of a failed relationship with some boy who didn't deserve us to sabotage our focus on our studies and our goals. I hope that you be able to rise above the personal challenges of the moment and not allow this to destroy you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatellama Posted January 25, 2006 Author Share Posted January 25, 2006 Thank you jen, and everyone else.. I'm feeling really postive at the moment. I'm motivated to change my life and become a better person. Work on improving myself before i bring anyone else into my life. I think what i really need right now is to learn how to love myself, and how to enjoy being single. Maybe oneday i will find someone that is worth my time and will treat me the way i deserve to be treated. I think i'm doing well considering it only happened 2 weeks ago.. I still feel sad and miss him sometimes.. The pain is always there but being surrounded by my friends and family helps me so much! Thank you everyone Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 RE: Chocolatellama:" I'm motivated to change my life and become a better person. Work on improving myself before i bring anyone else into my life. I think what i really need right now is to learn how to love myself..." Choco: (Smile) Good to hear that. It is essential. " We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." - Anais Nin Take care. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
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