I don't wanna hurt anymore

[marzipan75]

Are you avoiding the pain if you just don't feel like talking about the break up anymore? Am I just avoiding the issue if I don't feel like mentioning his name anymore or thinking about him? I think I've been through enough here but I don't want to play the victim. I'm not saying I'm anywhere near over it but things are starting to come together for me and I think I've moved past a lot of co-dependency issues that I thought I had. I no longer wake up with that nauseating feeling of remembering how he cheated on me and broke up with me. I wake up feeling good usually.

 

Now after going out with friends and possibly becoming interested in someone new, this feeling has come back to haunt me. I know it's only been two months but I don't want to let this hurt me anymore. He's stopped trying to contact me and that helped tremendously. Now all of a sudden, I have these feelings of sadness last night. I know it will take time and that time heals all wounds but maybe I'm just trying too hard?

 

I don't even think I am actually, it's more like my social life has really picked up and I find it both exciting and scary at the same time. It was hard to imagine life without him and now it's getting easier. I can't escape the feeling that I will see him a few months from now and there's nothing I can do about that. Honestly, I think I've let go for the most part but I can't seem to escape that feeling and it drives me nuts. I've always trusted my instincts and when something bad was about to happen they have always turned out right. For the first time in my life I don't trust my instincts.

 

It's not like I want him to come back,it's just that I am afraid that I will run into him or he will somehow wind up in my path in time. That scares me and I don't know what to do about it. I try to shake it off and move along but sometimes that thought does creep back in.

 

Is that normal? Am I just in denial or something?

 

I dunno.