momi Posted August 12, 2001 Share Posted August 12, 2001 Hi, people. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and all these years we have been apart. I just see him on and off. He graduated several years ago and joined a company as a trainee. He recently graduated from this tough traineed program and I told him that I was getting tired of being apart. I was hinting that he should get a transfer to here but he said that he wanted to " open his eyes" and therefore would like to work somewhere else. We got into an argument because he said it would like take him at least 5 more years before he would come and settle down in NY He said he wanted to let me go because it would do me no good waiting for him. He said he would come back to me when he is ready and if I am not married. I was all in tears and told him not to do that. I saw him last month and he was such a darling to me. I really him a lot but this 5 years things really are bother me. And my friends said it was impossible he is not seeing other girls. He is not exactly a hunk but he's sure goodlooking I don't know if I should wait for him .I will be old after 5 years. any comments? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted August 12, 2001 Share Posted August 12, 2001 Although it might seem like you have a choice, to wait or not to wait, I really think you've only got one option: don't wait another day. Because your friend is right, your guy has as good as told you that he is or will be dating other women. The "I'll come back to you in 5 years if you're not married" line is just a buffer to soften the impact of ending the relationship. He has no idea where he'll be in five years! Nor do you. How silly would it be for you to put your life on hold for something that in all likelihood won't come to pass? I'm sorry that you're in this position and I know it's not easy to face the demise of a significant, loving relationship. But you've got to listen to what he's saying -- and not saying. He's saying that he doesn't want to be responsible if you choose to wait for him. He's not saying that your relationship is important to him and that he just needs a bit of time to get the foundation laid for his career before he's able to fully engage with you. Of course he'd be perfectly happy if you chose to wait for him without his having made any promises -- who wouldn't want the security of knowing that someone is waiting for them if they choose to return, without having to take responsibility for possibly disappointing that person? Your guy is wise enough to recognize that the likelihood of his returning to you is slim at best, which is why he's not making any requests of you nor any promises to you. Your only choice is to drop this one and move on. Find someone who can account for where he'll be next week, next month even, and who knows that he wants to be with you in the here and now, as well as in five years. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted August 12, 2001 Share Posted August 12, 2001 Are you a guy or a girl??? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted August 12, 2001 Share Posted August 12, 2001 Sparkle, how do you & others detect a poster using multiple pseudonyms? Just curious. -midori Link to post Share on other sites
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