whatwentwrong Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I have had a great marriage for the majority and my husbands dad died one year ago and he started telling me he was unhappy, he then did the 38 pond weight loss, new teeth, hair clothes, golf clubs and poor treatment of me. He is a totally different man now and I miss my old husbandbest friend. He left the house two weeks ago and we have lawyers sep agreement etc for three months of trial. Should I hope he will return or should I move on. He also just told me that he was sexually molested when he was 15. Yikes Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Hate to say it usually when someone changes their appearance with hair clothes and weightloss all of a sudden could mean he has someone on the side and is cheating.. Are there any signs showing that he could be? Link to post Share on other sites
soobroken Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 there are no concrete signs and he says no but do they ever admit it.I hope what ever or whoever it is, will run its course and he will feel terrible and come home to the kids and I Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Whew! You must feel like you've been hit with a ton of bricks unless his treatment of you has been so bad you're almost relieved he's gone. Is this the first you've heard of the sexual abuse? It sounds like all of this is related to his father's death. Surround yourself with support and do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your kids. Focus on what feels good for YOU, not in trying to control him or get him to come back. Just be honest, but don't go drama queen, though you may justifiably feel like it. You can vent here and we'll listen. Link to post Share on other sites
GuySimple Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Not to pry but was it his father that did the molestation? If it was, do you know if he had the chance to confront his father about how he feels? If he didn’t get a chance to deal with unresolved issues before his father died that is very tough to deal with. My own father was a workaholic and I had lots of issues that went unresolved after he died. There is help out there though that will help him get past it though. Sometimes when someone experiences a traumatic loss or significant negative event it can trigger these types of responses. For me it was when my daughter left home to go to school 1500 miles away. My wife just seemed to shut down with respect to marriage. Very strange. She just now, after months of separation, decided to see a councilor. Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 You need a good personal trainer to whip you into shape:p Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatwentwrong Posted January 22, 2006 Author Share Posted January 22, 2006 Whew! You must feel like you've been hit with a ton of bricks unless his treatment of you has been so bad you're almost relieved he's gone. Is this the first you've heard of the sexual abuse? It sounds like all of this is related to his father's death. Surround yourself with support and do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your kids. Focus on what feels good for YOU, not in trying to control him or get him to come back. Just be honest, but don't go drama queen, though you may justifiably feel like it. You can vent here and we'll listen. Thanks for your insite, yes this is the first time in 30 years I have heard of the sexual assault and it was actually at the house that I asked hime to a school formal that he had been abused in and my father had then forbidden me to return to that house as he knew of that persons reputation. I never knew why he had asked me never to return and i was so in love with my new man that I never questioned why, i thought it was because there was alchohol there. I also appreciate your drama queen comment and that is not me. i am relieved that he is gone. He did treat me well for 29 years. this last year has been hell. I know that with this pathology, he may never return. I remain hopeful but at the same time I am getting onn with my life. Thanks for your reply, I could feel that you cared. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatwentwrong Posted January 22, 2006 Author Share Posted January 22, 2006 Not to pry but was it his father that did the molestation? If it was, do you know if he had the chance to confront his father about how he feels? If he didn’t get a chance to deal with unresolved issues before his father died that is very tough to deal with. My own father was a workaholic and I had lots of issues that went unresolved after he died. There is help out there though that will help him get past it though. Sometimes when someone experiences a traumatic loss or significant negative event it can trigger these types of responses. For me it was when my daughter left home to go to school 1500 miles away. My wife just seemed to shut down with respect to marriage. Very strange. She just now, after months of separation, decided to see a councilor. Dear Guy Simple, it does not sound like you are so simple. thank you for replying. No it was not his father who molested him. It was a guy who invited bording school guys into his home and fed them and gave them a haven in which to party. He was sent to boarding school when he was only in grade 6 and he never had a great relationship with his Dad. When his Dad was dying, I , because I loved his Dad and am a nurse, I went to the hospital a couple of nights and slept in a chair beside his bed. i remember one night when the Dad told me that he loved me and thanked me. When I told my husband he had this very deep sad look in his face and said that his Dad had never said that to him, only to his sisters. i think that was a significant moment. this is sooooooo hard because I want to love my husband until he dies no matter what. i believe that is the healing he needs after parents who repeatedly dropped him at school billions of miles away. To further highlite this, my husband left two weeks ago and I have not heard from his family altho I have looked after each one of them with major disaese and kids and I love them very much. I am very sad about that I also wanted to reply about your wife seeking counseling. that is fabulous. I hopw everything works out for both of you. I hope the same for myself buuuuut if it does not happen, but does lead to healthy healing for each of the four people involved that is a great thing. Do you agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatwentwrong Posted January 22, 2006 Author Share Posted January 22, 2006 You need a good personal trainer to whip you into shape:p Hey guess what I just signed up with one. I am doing a results program for the next 6 weeks. three times per week with a nutrition program to go along with it. I am going to look ripped like you but female in no time. I am also walking the Big Sur Highway on April 30. It is a marathon. No waiting around for me. Life rocks and I am in it. Hope he Thanks for your reponse.écomes back but not waiting. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts