confused _one Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Recently my dad abandoned my family for a new love in his life and my world just kind of came upglued. I was the closest a girl could get with her dad we were the most alike in the family and him leaving hurt me so badly I had all of my trust in him. He never comes around anymore just got up and left and didnt come back. No phone calls either. Ive been in a year and a half relationship that I love more than anything but now I have major trust issues and dont know what to do about it. Im afraid that my boyfriend will do the same thing to me. My trust in men has gone down so drastically, leaving me craving more and more love and feeling very insecure. Im not sure if I need councelling or not im 18 years old and have been just bottling it up inside not telling my boyfriend about how I feel that im insecure and just trusting him to not hurt me like my dad so badly did. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do and how I could go about explaining all this to my boyfriend, and if councelling would help the situation. Im so scared that il be left and have the same thing done to me that my dad did to my mom. My older sister whos 19 has the same problem with the trust issues. Any advice who knows what its like to have your trust torn down in men and left feeling insecure about a divorse? Link to post Share on other sites
StarbrightSB Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Well, i havent had any trust issues after a divorce, but i was hit by a past boyfriend. I got out right away, but dating after that was very hard. As cliche as it sounds, you should tell him how you feel. I was never fully able to open up to my boyfriend, but once i told him about the abuse, he understood about my hesitancy sometimes and my trust issues with men. It was a long, ahrd conversation, but it has made things better in the long run. If you dont want to just dive into a deep serious conversationg, maybe ask him if he's noticed any changes in you lately, and maybe ask if he would like an explanation. I know a promise that he will neer leave wont help at all, but at least if you talk about it, maybe he'll know to open up if he has any apprehensions. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 trust issues and she also had abandonment issues (much like yours, for different reasons) when we started dating and were first married. What we discussed is that I'm not either of my wife's former husbands and she is not my ex wife. Each of us are the polar opposites of anyone we were married to before so we dealt with one another on that basis, they we are each unique individuals and what others do or may have done in the past doesn't define us. I think that approach would help you as well. Your BF is NOT your father and to emotionally hold him accountable for what your father did is completely unfair. No one else you ever meet will be your father. Approach and deal with everyone as an individual to whom trust is freely given unless they betray it themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
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