Should I confront my wife about affair?

[dsc1]

As I stated in previous posts my wife moved out to her mother's and said marriage was basically over. I have, in round about ways, indicated to her I know about the affair and thats what is stopping her from wanting to try and save marriage I believe. I have not seen any difference in her attitude the last couple of days and now I'm considering going head on with her about the affair. I have the proof I need and it's bothering me to a degree now I can't let it go. I feel I have a right to do this instead of just laying low and giving her space to continue doing what she's doing. We are very civil to each other now and our son is adjusting good and I don't want to mess that up, but I am feeling myself getting resentful torwards her and hurt by all the lies. I know she would confront me if it was the other way around but for some reason I'm worried that if I confront it will push her away forever. She keeps telling me to trust her and that she would never have an affair but my proof and signs of her behavior change say differently.

 

I would appreciate any and all sugestions because I'm trying to do the right thing for me and our son.

[lindya]

I would appreciate any and all sugestions because I'm trying to do the right thing for me and our son.

 

Mediation might be worth thinking about. If you and your wife are separating, then obviously there will be practical issues to sort out between you. Mediation can help with that, but a lengthy session could also enable you to explore some of the emotional issues. It wouldn't do so in the depth that counselling sessions would, but given that you're looking towards amicable separation, it might be a more appropriate forum for discussion than couple counselling would be.

 

I can see your need to address this issue with your wife. Even if the marriage is ending, you have a son together - so there's going to be continued contact between you. Your wife couldn't be forced, during a mediation session, to tell you anything she doesn't want to disclose, but the relatively safe environment such a session could provide would probably increase the likelihood of the two of you being able to have a more honest and open discussion than the ones you've been having of late.

 

Good luck, I hope you get this resolved.

[Larrry]

What a terrible place to be. I know I've been there. Your situation is very bad. Do not, I repeat, do not show your wife any evidence that you may have that she is having an affair. It will do nothing but throw gasoline on the fire. She will feel cornered and come out lashing all the way to the attorneys office and will file so quick it will make your head spin!

Begging, pleading, trying to talk about it will not do you any good right now. You need to do the unexpected. You need to get an attorney right away and file for a divorce. If there is anything lfet in her heart, or conscious, the shock of papers being served on her might bring her to her senses, and she may do a 180. If not, you can always offer that she stop seeing the other person immediately and go through counseling and if she agrees, postpone the divorce action.

She is screwing up and you are hurt. The weaker you seem, the more repulsed she will be with you, and the more inclined she will be to continue her affair. You need to show her that you are in charge. Otherwise, you are going to continue to be walked on and eventually trmpled on in divorce court.

My heart goes out for you.

[lilmoma1973]

 

I agree with Larry do not show her the evidence wait and use it in court and that will be a big surprize to her.. My sister did just that after her h left and had the women he was with on the stand and boy was he shocked ..He ended up paying everything for cheating !! Judges don't take cheating lightly at all..